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This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Doesn't It Piss You Off When...

.... people don't give you a straight answer?

.... people want you to drop whatever the hell you're doing to do something with them?

.... people drop in, without calling first?

.... people cut in line in front of you?

.... people talk incessantly about the Royal Wedding, President Obama, a celebrity or something else that people get tired of hearing about?

I just thought I'd bring this awfully important stuff up because I really don't have anything else to post about today. You can complain if you want but I'll probably just sit here, laugh, scratch my ass or check out those important status updates that people delight in putting on Fartbook that are so riveting and uplifting and stuff. Hell, I might even make myself a cup of coffee, look at the non-stop pouring rain outside my window or yell something to my wife who is sitting about two rooms away and then she'll yell back, "What?! I can't hear you?! Come in here if you want to talk to me?!"

Then I'll yell back, "Wait a minute! I couldn't hear exactly what you said! I've got the music on too loud in here! Maybe if I come in the room where you're at, I'll be able to hear you better!"

She'll scream back, "Whaaaaaat!?"

Then I'll get up from the chair, here, grab my coffee off the desk and walk into the room, sit down and try to talk to the wife while she's watching a previously recorded daytime talk show and become so bored with what I'm seeing that I begin to drool, nod off and go to sleep. This is when the cat will suddenly jump into my lap, causing the cup of piping hot coffee to spill onto my crotch. Of course, I'll scream like a maniac, which in turn, will piss off my wife.

She'll shout, "Why don't you go back in the other room if you're going to make all this racket! I'm trying to catch up on "Ellen" (or it could be "The View") and you won't stop screaming over a little hot coffee splashed over your nuts!"

So... after I wipe the coffee off of my burnt nutsack, the chair and the floor, I'll come back in here and start typing out something profound for a post- you know... something like this.

Thanks. You've been a great audience. In case I don't say it tomorrow... HAPPY EASTER, EVERYONE.

25 comments:

Annabelle said...

Doesn't it piss you off when well intentioned family members get Easter baskets for your kids, WITHOUT ASKING or even INFORMING after the fact, thereby doubling the amount of candy and useless fucking crap your kids are getting in one day?

The Minute Man's Wife said...

Ha!Ha! You said "burnt nutsack" !!

Did I ever mention I have the maturity level of a twelve year old?

Rockinrule said...

man. yeah, it does.

Deborah said...

well, actually I love when people drop by without calling first :) but it probably would bother me if people wanted me to drop what I was doing if I ever had anything to do! :)

Annabelle said...

And yes, dropper inners do, in fact, piss me off.

Pickleope said...

You are so...WRONG! How dare you get in the way of Ellen! She dances! Do you dance? Oh, sorry, is that it? If it is, you should dance some more for your wife. She'll dig it. But maybe you can't dance, then it's like telling Christian Slater not to be creepy.

bazza said...

What irritates me is a friend who always answers a question with another question.
When I said to him "Why do you always answer a question with another question" he said "What makes you say that?"
Have a peaceful Easter.
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

Erika said...

I completely agree with all of that. But tbh, everything in life pisses me off. I really need to let go a little lol

billy pilgrim said...

ain't it funny how marriage can change a woman!

my wife's twice the woman she was before we got married.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Doesn't it piss you off when starbucks won't let you spill coffee on your crotch without giving you a stern warning? I prefer scones with my crotch coffee... you?

Kelly said...

Annabelle- I can see where that would piss you off if you had kids. Pretty fuckin' rude and uncaring of them, in genral. Luckily for us, we don't have kids. Just a father who has dementia and is verbally abusive most of the time and likes to make a scene out in public one out of two times to take care of. But I can see your point on the Easter basket problem. Nothin' like family, is there???

Kelly said...

The Minute Man's Wife- Yeaaahhh... There's nothing like a little burnt nutsack to warm your heart and enliven your spirits. :) And no... you've never mention having that level of maturity but if it makes you feel any better, I do, too, at times. But... so what, eh? lol.

Kelly said...

Rockinrule- Yes.

Kelly said...

Deborah- Wellllll, in that case, I'm gonna pop in at your place, unexpectedly, sometime this week. You better have some fresh coffee ready for me! :) lol.

Kelly said...

Annabelle- A bonus comment. Thank you. Yeah, those dropper inners need to be dropped in an active volcano.

Kelly said...

Pickleope- Sometimes, for an exciting treat for the wifey, I'll put a blueberry bagel on my penis and dance around, seductively, until she finally gets the urge to bite it off. The bagel, that is. Unfortunately for me, she gets a little carried away. Talk about your 'creepy' fun. I never know what to expect. :)

Kelly said...

bazza- I can see where that would piss you the fuck off. My advice, whenever possible, is to swing a sledgehammer against the insipid head, cracking open their skulls and thus allowing their brain matter plop out onto the ground or on the floor. But hey, that's just how I roll. You don't have to do that if you don't want to. lol. Happy Easter!

Kelly said...

Erika- Yeah, I'm kinda like that, too. In some ways, after so many years on this 3rd rock from the sun, I've mellowed out. In some ways, I've gotten even angrier at these dumb hairless monkeys. Good luck on letting go. lol

Kelly said...

billy pilgrim- Your wife's twice the woman she was before you got married. Damn. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, there, billy. My wife has gotten to be more like me (emotionally) as the years go by. Definitely not a good thing. lol.

Kelly said...

Lost.in.Idaho- You're right as rain on that one, dude. I long for the good ol' days when you could go to a coffee place and spill all the hot coffee you wanted on your crotch. Boy Howdy! That would really perk ya up! Nowadays, unfortunately, it's against the law and socially frowned upon. Sometimes, though, I sneakily spill some piping hot java on my ballsack, anyway, and squeal with utter delight.

Static said...

That is possibly the best warning label I have ever seen. Couldn't agree more. Pouring hot liquids on your crotch is a very bad idea. Although, burnt one's nuts is known to cure writer's block.

Static said...

*burning

Sheesh..I need sleep. I suppose I shouldn't be drinking coffee right now, I shou....YEOW! I just spilled coffee all over my nutsack goddammit!

Kelly said...

Static- Golly, burning one's nutsack not only is a sureFIRE cure for writer's block but it does wonders for blue balls.

Btw, I've got a wet nap for your jingleberries- if you want it. Happy Easter!

LilPixi said...

That was really, really classic, my friend. Lmao.

P.S. Don't feel obligated to rspond to every one of my comments. lol. I'm just catching up on ya & that might be overwhelming. ;-)

Kelly said...

LilPixi- Lol... Thanks, LilPixi. No, I don't mind responding to all of your comments. I just made a fresh pot of coffee so I'll be fully awake and jittery for the next 3 hours, at least. I'm actually impressed and honored that you're commenting on all of these past posts. Very cool of you.

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