This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

An Interview With Myself (Part Two)

Yes, this is the long awaited, highly anticipated sequel masterpiece widely known as PART TWO of INTERVIEW WITH MYSELF.  Note, I did not just say I was playing with myself.  I know how you could be confused by that.  Especially if you were retarded. Besides, if I were doing that, I would not be able to type because it takes a big man like yours truly in order to fully pleasure himself with TWO BIG HANDS.  My own, of course.  Not the three hundred pound guy in the apartment below me.  His forearms looks like he has muscled up by doing a lot of "wanking the weenie" all day and all night.  No wonder I hear so much grunting and coughing below me.  I think the guy smokes a couple cigs after he's done sapping his milk duds, and plays Lynryd Skynrd's "Freebird" when he finishes.

After one particular session, I thought I heard him say "Ta-Da!"

Personally, I've never been able to tolerate Lynryd Slynrd that much, no matter how much I stroke the skin flute.

Ah, well.

Here's the second part of the interview with myself.  Enjoy!

Inquisitor Kelly: Why did you pick the name "Psycho Carnival" for the name of your blog?

Honest Kelly: It seemed like the most appropriate name.  Really, Psycho Carnival started out as an underground newspaper.  Underground newspapers were little newspapers or pamphlets that were regarded as subversive, anti-establishment type reading, in some circles.  Some of these were artsy fartsy and/or loaded with hand drawn cartoons. Some had radical views to a majority of people.  Some just wanted to voice an honest opinion on today's society.  That's were I come in.

Here are some copies of the old Psycho Carnival.  Sold 'em for 2 bucks a pop at a few bookstores. I didn't create them from scratch for profit- but to get my own ideas out there- across the country.  Which I did.  It was fun and I felt fulfilled.

Enlarge the image to see all the nooks, crannies and various goodness.  Appreciate the awesome handmade artwork-  completely computer-free design, as your own personal deity intended it to be.. or something.

Btw, I started my paper, Psycho Carnival, long before there was a band by the same name.  But I didn't have the zine, as they were often called, copyrighted and frankly, I didn't care that they came up with the same name- whether it came from me or their own minds.  Whatever. 

Underground newspapers got their start in the 60's and 70's but were still semi-popular in the 80's and 90's. 

I started writing, drawing and creating (stapling and pasting) my own underground newspaper (Psycho Carnival) in May 1996, using paper, pen, pencil and a word processor, several years before personal computers became widely popular.  Computers were just starting to become a household item when I started my paper- but since I wasn't trendy, rich and didn't want my underground newspaper all fancy shmancy like those other candy-ass papers were, like some were in the 90's, I did my own thing, like I always have done.

This blog is an extension of that underground newspaper.  I started the blog, late in the year of 2007. 

On the back of each issue of old Psycho Carnival newspaper or zines, as they were called, which I continued to author for three years, would be a poem I wrote.  It was one of many I have written in my lifetime.  Check it out below my joyful artwork!
I drew this and included it in a special edition of my underground newspaper.  It is a scene of my often appearing character, Jeepo the Clown, entertaining a guest.  Please enlarge to completely enjoy the gentle nuances of my delicate, merry artwork.  

Enlarge, in case your peepers have trouble reading the delightful poem.  The smoking monkey, by the way, is symbolic of humankind's follies and bad habits.

Inquisitor Kelly: Do you write other stories, besides what some would call "naughty" tales?

Honest Kelly: Yeah, I do write in other genres but for some odd reason, people get hung up on or notice the stories of sexual situations more.  I have written mega-loads (don't get too excited when I say that) of stories that are science fiction, drama, humor and so much more.  I guess it's more of that sexual repression type stuff that only goes on in the minds, for the most part, of the American public.  In Europe,  they don't have much of a problem with this.

I gotta add that I think we're a country full of hypocrites that have their concerns and priorities misplaced.  Violence is considered okay and often celebrated by our culture.  Going to war on a country whose people we don't know or care enough to understand is as accepted as easily as Mom's apple pie and baseball here.  But sex elicits raised eyebrows, angry rants, silence and shame, instead.  How backwards is that?  Violence is a flag we proudly fly.  I consider the act of violence a hell of a lot more disgusting than the act of making love to someone.  Blowing someone you don't know or understand to bits, either up close and personal or by a military drone- now that is SICK. 

To me and quite a few people, the sex act is an act that is funny, itself, really... so I often add humor along with it.  The thought of two or three or a mob of people grunting and groaning and putting themselves in all sorts of positions to get their rocks off paints a silly scenario in my mind.  Don't get me wrong!  Sex can be romantic- but often times, it includes these animal type scenarios that emulate monkey hi-jinx, at times.

For the record, the "Toadie" series of stories, I've written for this blog in the past, aren't something I came up with because I enjoy making fun of mentally challenged people.  If people were to actually closely read those stories, they would note that the character, Toadie, who seems mentally challenged, isn't really that way and that he may be putting on an act, considering what he will say later on in an episode that reveals his true self.  Meanwhile, the people around him are easily duped.  That can come in quite handy for him.

Inquisitor Kelly: What would it take to get people in this world on the right track and not continuing it's seemingly downward spiral?

Honest Kelly: Understanding between people who might seem different than us until we get to know them.  Putting back bank regulations.  Stop communicating so much with electronic hand held devices (cell phones, IPads, IFux or whatever throwaway gadget they're called).  It's so sad that we are a "throwaway" society on pretty much anything that's bought.  Whenever a new "upgraded device" comes out, people will cheerfully buy it instead of, oh, I don't know, wasting it on someone who is hungry or homeless or some other positive purpose.

 Forget about distractions like reality shows and silly tabloids.  Cease being a conformist.  Stand up and take responsibility for your actions and for cryin' out loud, stop denying what's happening in the world.  Fairy tales are for children.  In fact, I think we should start preparing kids, when they are young with how things are so they don't get blasted in the face with reality when they get older.  Speak out against what is obviously wrong instead of waiting for someone else to do it.  Stop polluting this world as if we have some other planet to land on, inhabit and slowly or quickly destroy.  Opening one's mind.  Those are just a few things off the top of my head.  Thanks for asking.  That was, like, totally unexpected of you. 

Inquisitor Kelly: Describe yourself!

Honest Kelly: I think I'm a man that has many contradictory traits to his personality.  I don't think I'm bi-polar, by any means.  But I have strong opinions and strong passions for certain things that seem to contradict myself.  I'm not boasting when I say I'm complex, but it's the truth.  I'm still surprised by people who have known me since childhood.  One of the worst things you can do to me, personally, is make assumptions.  People have done that to me all of my life for idiotic reasons and, unfortunately, I do have to address some assumptions (lies)  and set the truth straight out there.  If I don't, it has led to more trouble than I care to talk about. 

Personally, I don't give a rat's ass, though. 

In all honesty, I think I lost a part of myself when my mother passed away.  I was a shadow of my former self for a very long time.  Still am, but not as much.  I attended therapy and was prescribed anti-anxiety and anti-depression pills that work for me now.  It took awhile to find the right ones that were a "good fit" for me.  It takes awhile for some people to find the suitable pills because they'll sometime have drastic side effects with these pills.  Anyway, I could confide in Mom with everything.  She would listen, non judgmentally and answer a question- only if I asked.  She loved me, unconditionally.  She passed away 7 years ago.  I miss her love, twisted humor and our talks about ANYTHING under the moon and the stars.  My Aunt Kay, sister and wife can sometimes fill in the deep void in my life but they, honestly, can't come as close as that.

With this comes the responsibility I share with my sister of taking care of Dad, who has vascular dementia and other maladies too long to list.  Even though he's in an assisted living place, he still has to be taken to doctor appointments and he still wants to be taken out to eat.  And he's still angry, verbally abusive, threatening and you can never just visit him without him wanting you to take him somewhere.  I recently put 200 miles on my odometer as we got lost three different times during the day.  He refused to be taken anywhere else but this one particular Cracker Barrel restaurant.  This is just a small sampling of what we have to go through. He also constantly loses his extra body parts, including, but not all mentioned: hearing aids, dentures, glasses, canes and so on.

Meanwhile, I'm trying to take care of my wife who has severe high blood pressure, arthritis and much much more.   My own malady list goes on forever and ever so I won't bother to start.  Besides, I've written all about it before.  Excuse me for a moment.  I have to shoot insulin into my belly.  Be right back.  :)

Though I still suffer from depression and disease time to time, I'm still able to find the humor and positive aspects of life, despite what I'll sometimes put on this blog or my Facebook wall.  I think people don't look closely enough at a person, in order to try to get to know them, at least, to some degree.  What a shame!  For me.  For others.  Everyone.   

Inquisitor Kelly: What's the weirdest thing that's happened to you, lately?

Honest Kelly: Well, for this scorchingly hot summer, there was a woman in her early forties, in a tank top and pair of shorts, sitting on her ten speed bicycle.  She would be sitting on her bicycle for hours and hours at the end of our road.  I would go to the store, for awhile or go to the park or wherever.  When I'd come back.  Sure enough, she would still be there.  I wanted to roll down my window and ask her if she was okay because she looked like she was going to cross out onto the side of road to ride her bike, even though when there wasn't any traffic, but she would just sit there, instead and quietly wait.  Every so often, she did a little circle ride at the end of our road but she wouldn't travel further.

I thought something was wrong with her, maybe mentally, but wasn't sure.  Maybe, I thought, she was just afraid to take her bike out and ride it along the side of the road.  I never asked. 

I come to find out from my wife, from the neighbors and what my wife witnessed herself, that this woman was a prostitute.  My wife caught her bobbing her head up a down on some guy in a car at what used to be a dentist's office nearby.  The dude had his head leaned back, in apparent ecstasy.  I guess he was giving the ol' girl some free toothpaste.  :)  I bet she could have used some real toothpaste, a pint of mouthwash and medical attention for any diseases she might carry.

The neighbors told us that guys would pull up along the side of her bike, talk to her a bit and then get out to put her bike in their trunk.  And then, away they went off to somewhere, for awhile, before returning her to the end of the road.  Then she did the "wait on a bike" routine again.

On several occasions, she was found to be wearing a sign around her neck during those skin blistering days.  The sign read, in big bold lettering: Pick me up!  I'll make you happy!

There was a smiley face next to the word "happy."  A couple neighbors in our apartment complex said she was mentally challenged.  No kidding, I thought.  The sitting out in nearly 100 degree weather with an obvious sign around her neck didn't give that detail away at all.

These days, I don't see her... anywhere.  Maybe the police finally picked her up.  Maybe she's in a mental institution.  Who knows?  In any case, she's off the end of our road and we still have a bunch of neighborhood kids who still, gleefully, carelessly, play out in the middle of the entire length of our road with their balls and bikes and toys, not giving a shit if they get ran over or not.  Btw, all of these kids have medium sized front and back lawns and big driveways.  The parents, of course, still put signs out near the road, declaring that we should all slow down for the sake of their children.

Yeah, and people still like to tell me that people are okay.  lol.  Take care, everyone!  I'll be taking a blog break for awhile.  Hopefully, I will blog yet again next month, sometime.  Btw, would you care to try my free toothpaste?  Just thought I'd ask because... as I've often said... I CARE A LOT.


The Angry Lurker said...

I'll have to go back and read the other part now, good read especially the prostitute story.

Pickleope said...

Your description of the 300 lb. neighbor made me chuckle. Also, I'm glad you're "still able to find the humor and positive aspects of life," despite your having to shoot insulin into your gut.
A prostitute on a bicycle sounds...practical. She's gotta get around and all. Meals on wheels? Okay, I'm done.

Kelly said...

Glad you enjoyed the prostitute story. Did it give ya woody?

Kelly said...

Yep, shooting insulin in the ol' gut is a laugh a second... especially with a hyperactive kitten skittering and hopping around you. You never know when you're gonna spill your guts with the needle when the lil' dickens jumps on your back. Hi-Yo!

Yeah, maybe the next time I see her, if I do see the prostitute again, she will have another sign around her neck saying: Meals On Wheels... How's about the Bearded Clam special, dribbling with some contagious sauce, today?

klahanie said...

Okay, I'm here and just a moment. That's better. A bit of one-hand clapping while groovin' to the music of the Archies, "Sugar, Sugar", gets me going everytime. And screw LinNerd SkyNerd or whatever the hell the name of that band is. The bastards hated Neil Young!
Of course, even though your talent is varied, a lot of your fans, including me, get all hot and sticky with your cruder, ruder postings. And being in Europe, yes evidently Britain is a part of Europe, we are well into anything crude and smutty and hopefully politically incorrect.
On a serious note, I know that you and your beloved wife are having some tough times. I know how the constant challenge on your right to a positive environment, can take its toll on you. That's why it was good to see you verbalise your feelings via interviewing yourself and getting to know yourself a little bit better.
You've stated a lot in this self-interview. It would take an eternity to cover all you mention. So I leave you with this. Well done for your transparency and I know that beyond the "Psycho Carnival" and the zaniness, is a darn decent human being.
Kind wishes and thanks for interviewing yourself.
Gary :)

billy pilgrim said...

so i finally met the mastermind behind the dark clown darph bobo!

and of course chode mcblob is your alter ego.

Dixie said...

I can handle Uriah Heap a lot better than LennySkenny.

Psycho Carnival is one of my faves; I appreciate your immense talent. Your honesty is encouraging and inspiring. Yes, we do need to verbalize our opinions. And thank for bringing that point to surface.

My Mom passed in 1997. My life never will be the same. There's no one like her, but there are times I'll read something in your blog that reminds me of her. She had more dirty jokes than anyone, and of course she could be deeply serious.

I loathe anti-depressants... but I'm a much nicer bitch when I'm on them. If only I could repress the 'need' for banana split ice cream(!).

Take a rest and come back with new ideas and inspiration... or the monkey gets it. No don't call the ASPCA. I'm kidding... playing with ya!

Be careful around that biker out there, peddling psusy.
And thanks again for my blog awards. I'll pass them as soon as I figure out how to link stuff.

P.S. Olga the Swamp Girl looks like James Brown!! Hea!

Dixie said...

unikorna said...

Your magazine seems very interesting indeed, you're quite the publisher Kelly. I too believe that technology is stealing a lot of the real enjoying nature and people...real interaction not virtual one. But I do disagree with you regarding the reading of fairy tales..Lewis Carol said "Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again" and I think it's a huge truth about ourselves. My life would be empty without the opportunity to fantasize ...I would be miserable...but that's just me :). Kisses Kelly.

Kelly said...

Hey there, Gary

I can somehow seeing you doing the one hand clapping bit to The Archie's "Sugar Sugar." Now pardon me while i openly retch. I remember Archie comics and fantasizing about Jughead getting his "jughead" spit and polished by Veronica but that's all I remember from those days. I can't believe that a dumbass like Jughead would get that kind of action these days but he probably would, if nothing but for the 'fancy' hat he always wore. Chicks dig that weird stuff. :)

Yeah, I never could stand Lenard Skenard (or however you spell their fucked up name) because of the same reason- not to mention I thought their music was pretty lame.

Yeah, I bet you and my fans get all hot n' sticky over my magical masturbatory postings. lol. Europe, without a doubt, is ahead of OUR time over here when it comes to their views on anything sexual, for the most part. What a shame!

Agree with you on the 'tough times' part of your comment. I do what I can here and elsewhere to do some self-therapy on myself in order to better keep myself and things in some kind of control or, at least, manageable. And I thank you for all your compliments, my friend.

Take care of yourself and Penny. I know that you, Tristan and Penny, especially, are going through tough times, as well.

You're a great guy with a big heart, Gary!

Kelly said...

Ha ha ha! Yes... whatever you say. How's the blotter acid trip going for ya, my friend.

Kelly said...

Ueah.i, I agree with you on ol' Lenny Skenny and honesty, whether it's my own or someone else's is always encouraging and inspiring. I wish more folks could see it that way and open their eyes. I'm all about verbalizing our opinions, my friend. That, too, isn't expressed enough by those who never question but blindly follow.

Your mom and my own would get along fine. My mom had a twisted, dirty sense of humor, too. She could be deeply serious, as well. I think a lot of who I am was passed down from my mother. good news! My sister's birthday gift to me- those ghost dowsing rods- came in the mail, today. I may experiment with them later on, maybe asking mom if she is looking out for us and so on. I know she is but I want to see what I can come up with, anyway. :) I know what you mean about anti-depressants. I have a love/hate relationship with them, too. but, like you, I need them. When I don't have them in my system, ol' Kelly gets extra wacky and mean. Bad Kelly... very bad.

Oh, after this sort of break, I'll have motherloads of ideas. I won't call the ASPCA. Don't worry, Dixie! The "pussy peddler" hasn't been around, lately, as far as I've noticed. I think the authorities took her away- loony bin or jail- I don't know which. Olga the Swamp girl looks like James Brown? Lol. I never noticed that.

Thanks for the offer to guest blog and for your email address. I might take you up on that when I get back. right now... I'm pretty busy getting ready for "the break."

Kelly said...

Thanks, Petronela- for the compliment at the start of your comment. I think you and I, judging from your blog and writing and my own, would agree with a lot of things. Like the "technology vs. real human interaction" problem. I think this problem will eventually cripple all of us, psychologically, until we become emotionless the way things are going.

I think you misunderstood the "fairy tale" part of my post. I didn't mean actual fairy tales of old. Like from the Brothers Grimm or Mother Goose. I like them. They all have a moral or message to their stories, most of the time. I agree. Fairy tales like that are essential to your imagination.

What I meant by 'fairy tales', in this case, in this post, was the "softening" parents will try to do, when telling their kids the reality of what to expect when they grow up. They should learn, from the beginning, that life will not always be peaches and cream and "happy-happy-happy" all the time. there will be good times and bad times and mediocre times, too. We should prepare children by telling them that there will be difficult times in their lives and that they should learn from the mistakes they will make or from the negative scenarios they or someone else will cause, eventually.

Take care, Petronela. I think we've reached an understanding about all of it now. have a great evening!

Angry_Clown said...

WOW just WOW I'm shocked and amazed that you can write so much, can I have the notes?

bazza said...

Hi Kezza. I feel I know you a lot better now since reading these last two posts. There was some good humour mixed in as well.
I am very impressed by your publishing efforts and admire your continuing output on similar lines!
You are a unique blogger and while you are taking a break I will miss you. Don't forget to look in on your old pals now and then.....
One point I would like to make. I don't agree that fairy tales are only for children. Kids learn a lot about the adult world and what life is like from them and Carl Jung, the Swiss psychoanalyst, did deep research into their origin and meanings and they are (mostly) very adult in meaning!
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

Kelly said...

Yep. Just call me Chatty Kelly. When I'm on a roll, I can really write quite a bit. Sure, you can have the notes. Where would you like them put at? I can send them in a pile of poo in a special gift wrapped box.

Tee hee!

Kelly said...

Thanks for the compliments, Bazza. I do like mixing humor in with my postings most of the time... even when I'm jabbering on about serious subjects. Blogging does give you insight into a blogger's persona. I'm glad you're impressed by my publishing efforts and feel you've gotten to know me a little better.

Unfortunately, you made the same misconception Unikorna did, in an above comment, when I was talking about 'Fairy Tales'. I'm a big fan of Fairy Tales, myself and believe, like you do, what they can teach children and adults. For your benefit and my own, really, because I don't like being misinterpreted, I will copy and paste by response that I gave Unikorna (Petronela) here:

What I meant by 'fairy tales', in this case, in this post, was the "softening" parents will try to do, when telling their kids the reality of what to expect when they grow up. They should learn, from the beginning, that life will not always be peaches and cream and "happy-happy-happy" all the time. there will be good times and bad times and mediocre times, too. We should prepare children by telling them that there will be difficult times in their lives and that they should learn from the mistakes they will make or from the negative scenarios they or someone else will cause, eventually.

Actual Fairy Tales, like from the Brothers Grim and Mother Goose are ones that i admire. Hope I could clear that up for ya. :) Gosh, that was fun. lol.

No, I won't forget by old blog pals. I'll be back lookin' in on all my old blog pals, like you, in a couple weeks. All will be explained, why I took a blog break- after my blog break.

Till then, I hope you have a peaceful and decent couple of weeks. Take care, Bazza!

bazza said...

I am reminded of a poem Kezza. It begins:
"Children must learn that fairy tales are lies
And that dreams are out of reach.
I look in to the clown's deep eyes
And find the child they couldn't teach."

Static said...

I heard Lynyrd Skynyrd liked to dry-hump monkeys. Don't know if it's true, but judging by how they spell Lynyrd Skynyrd I wouldn't doubt it.

Static said...

BTW, do you think that prostitute might have been abducted and/or murdered? Someone should really find out WHY she's "missing".

Static said...

...I must say her thighs were quite tender after I marinated her body in my special brine.

Kelly said...

That's a very insightful poem, Bazza. I like it. Fairy tales are integral- not just because they are entertaining but because of the morals and insights that can be found within them.

Kelly said...

Static- I always thought they sounded like they were dry humping animals when I'd hear them play. Who cares how their name is spelled. And I agree with ya on that last point, too.

Kelly said...

Static- I don't know if that prostitute was murdered. I think it would have been talked about, though, around this small town and I would have heard or read about it in the local paper or from someone else.

My thinking is, is that she finally got picked up by the cops and sent somewhere- probably in a straight jacket or a place with metal bars going across the windows.

You say her thighs were nicely tender after you marinated her body? Why, that just wonderfully sounds delicious. ;)

Static said...

Yeah, I invited Lynyrd Skynyrd over and we worked her over a few times. Then we ate. And farted. Good times.

Kelly said...

It sounds like good times, Static. It's precious moments like those that you'll keep in your heart the rest of your life, you lucky guy, you.

Anonymous said...

my name a jeff

Anonymous said...

mah favorete baand es lenard skenard u/?

Anonymous said...

heyh bajbe u wasn do sum fuak///???1!11!

Kelly said...

Wow, I'm surprised somebody actually found this page again. Enjoy!

Kelly said...

You want a taste of my prostitute's thighs?

Kelly said...

I hear you and your friend talking over discord, making jokes. I think you should really check out my books.

Kelly said...

I know where you guys live.

Kelly said...

lol its just jack saying this

klahanie said...

Good gosh and jolly gee whiz, n'stuff! Wow, how the fuck did I end up here? LOL

Hope all is going better in your world, Kelly.

Gary 😎

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