Musings, Memories and The Final Curtain For Psycho Carnival

Weeeeeeeeeee!

Well gang,

As the title implies, this will be the last post for my blog of 6 years, Psycho Carnival.  I want to thank everyone who has continuously followed the blog in the past and present.  Even those who have checked in, time to time, I appreciate the support. Speaking of support, I want to thank good friends like Gary, Static, Lilpixi, Bazza, Dixie and so many others, that it would take me forever to mention here, who have supported me through the good, bad, wild and crazy times while I've created posts on the blog. I really appreciate all of you and those I haven't mentioned.  Hopefully, you'll know who I'm referring to because I've visited your great blogs in the past and present.  You can look at my blogroll for all others who have interacted with me on the Internet, on their blogs or elsewhere, too.

I've always been strangely attracted to odd stories and images.  This goes for my preference in people, as well.  For me, there is almost no more of a heinous crime than to be boring- whether it's in a blog, in a social network like Facebook or in real life.

I've seen a lot of blogs come and go on the Internet throughout my six years doing this.  I've seen some really good ones stop posting and it has made me sad to see them drop off the radar in blogland. I get attached to people I really like.  I'm that way with my offline friends, too. I think and I've read, too, where something dramatic will happen and they'll stop doing their blog(s) .  The reasons they stop posting vary, of course.  Could be a job that takes most of their time. Could be a death in the family.  Could be, like in my case, total burnout from blogging.  That's not to say I haven't enjoyed everyone's blogs that I've visited and commented on (or should I say rambled, endlessly, on?)  And that's not to say I haven't enjoyed posting on my own blog, either, in the past.  I'm just totally burned out on the whole blogging business.

Mine has always been a variety type blog.  A lot of fictional stories.  True stories.  Some humorous subjects here.  Some serious topics there.  And some, maybe most, really, are a mix of emotions and topics of anything you can imagine or stuff that is unimaginable for you.  One thing I've always been, however, is honest.  I don't put on a superficial facade when I write.  It has always been from the heart and I usually let you know when I'm just joking if I'm making something up. And I've always leaned more toward, in favor and comments, those who are similar, in some ways, to my own blog when it comes to variety, humor and honesty.

Some folks who fake it could use a shitload of  the ol' "facing reality" kind of therapy.  Yep.   But I won't rant about that for a change.  LOL.  

This is my 500th post, by the way.  A milestone.  I enjoyed the journey, which this blog has been for me.  I've also regarded this blog as being very therapeutic in letting me get things off my chest.

While being in the blog biz, I hope I've helped others with my past humorous, depressing, wise or somewhat inspiring true stories. That goes for when I've commented on your blogs, too.

I also hope you appreciate the following images. Some are political.  Some I found to be funny, for whatever reason.  Some you might not understand.  I"m kind of complicated that way.  LOL.  I'm certainly no Simple Jack.  Or am I?  :)

The last two I find particularly humorous because you see a lot of that sort of thing (dramatic bullshit and endless arguing) on the Internet, in general, and on some blogs I've visited.  I never could understand that type of unrewarding, trivial thinking on the parts of the players who participate in that stuff.  But, heck no, I won't rant about that.  I never rant. And I'm never sarcastic, either.  Hahaha.... and so on.

I trust you've all gotten most of what I've tried to express in the past and enjoyed whatever it was I presented in words and images.  It's been a privilege in getting to know you.  I've certainly enjoyed commenting back and forth and exchanging ideas, jokes and viewpoints.

Who knows?  Someday, I might blog again.  It just won't be here and it will be, if it happens in the future, in a different style, for certain.  I'll let you know if I return to the scene.

Also, I plan on writing a book (I've had this plot-line for one rattling around in my head for decades now) as soon as I catch up on books that I've had lying around, never read and fixing things around the place.  The book I plan on writing will be fictional and incorporate some serious, humorous and surprising elements (especially for those who have read my stuff here).

If you want to "friend me" on Facebook, Google+ or if you want email me, let me know.  I'll give you the information so we can remain in contact and continue to interact.  I'd very much like that.  My Facebook page is a lot like my blog.  You won't see many goofy, cutesy pics of kittens or some similar shit like that... that often.  Most of the time, it will be humorous pics I put on my timeline or some serious stuff.  It's a mix.

In closing, I'd just like to thank all the people who have visited, commented on my posts and interacted with me on the net for all these years.  I consider you my friends.  Remember that! If you need my support, a laugh or anything that is possible for me to give, I'm there for you.  Goodbye... for now.  Any comments you make in the comment section, I'll respond to ASAP. I'll be making one last visit to all of your blogs, as well.  Take care!

Aloha and mahalo! 

Crazy Joe's Internet Advice, Corny Jokes and More

Crazy Joe came up to me the other day, while I was throwing bricks against a brick wall in an alley. He nearly made me shit a brick when he tapped me on the shoulder, suddenly, from behind.  More importantly, though... Why do I throw bricks against bricks walls?  Well, because, you know, that's one of my favorite hobbies and it's really just as fulfilling as engaging in silly behavior on the InterNutz.  That latter of which seems to be the latest fad or sign of mental deficiency the days.  Confused?  So am I.

Speaking of which...

After pecking me on the shoulder, Crazy Joe said, "Man, some people are getting super loopy on the InterNutz these days?"

I said, after turning around and about to cave his forehead inward with a brick, "You scared me! I damn near smashed your fugly face in with this large brick in my hand."

I paused for a moment, realizing what he had just said before I was going to smash a brick into his skull.

Then I quickly asked, "What the hell are you talking about, Crazy Joe?"

Well, first he handed me a joke card and waited for a second while I read it.  It looked like this:

I laughed.  Crazy Joe laughed.  Then he said, "Shit like this freaks people out on the InterNutz.  Some people either do or don't get the humor of it, or they're extremely sensitive about certain language, get shitty about it or they're irate about the unimportant subject matter.  Doesn't make sense regarding the priorities in a normal person's life, really"

I stood back and replied, "Yeah, it's a loopy InterNutz world out there.  Some of them could use a brick to the head.  But you see all kinds.  Some are open minded, though.  I usually hang out with folks like that.  Kindred spirits, so to speak."

Then Crazy Joe gave me a typed document and said, "For kicks, I thought these up last night, after observing bad behavior on the InterNutz for a few hours."

At the top of the form was the title, CRAZY JOE'S INTERNET ADVICE

This is what it said:

* It's fucking impolite to verbally attack or call a specific person a negative name when you don't agree with him or her. If you don't agree with what they saying, just give your opinion on the subject or not- or ignore it, altogether and move on.  And life is too fucking short to act like children playing an " I Win/You lose" fucking type of game.  For fuck's sake! Fuckity fuck fuck!

* Do the world a favor. If you're on a social network site, stop telling your friends and family every petty detail of your life.  Throw in a funny image every fucking once in awhile, fuckers!  Break up the monotony of detailing your everyday routines to one and all.  Talk about anything you might find humorous!  Share the gift of laughter, fuckers! Or talk about something interesting, for a change!  You find that people just as open-minded as you are, are worth getting to know and enjoy interacting with, no matter what type of website you're spending time.   

* If you're too fucking overly sensitive to look at what you believe to be an offensive image, get thine ass off of whatever website or social networking page you're on and move thee fuck onward with your sensitive self.  Remember: It's A-Fucking-Okay if you don't care for the humor you happen to see but if you don't like what you see, your eyes can always look elsewhere.  

* Hey, don't start fights between friends or family while you're on one of those social networking sites, either!  If you've been given a couple dozen clues that you are prone to do that shit, then I highly advise you to take your nasty ass, trouble-making self to this one alley I know of, to get a free complimentary brick thrown at your fucking loopy head.  

* And please stop with the positive images with the light weight words that are supposedly uplifting and are supposedly "magical" in their ability that when you first lay your eyes on them and read them, you are, all of a sudden, a completely changed fucker for life.  Reality doesn't work that way.

I read the rest of what he had typed and while nodding my head, in agreement, I handed the advice list back to him and I said, "I agree with a lot of what you have to say here, Joe, but, as I've experienced in the past before, you can't change people, no matter how badly they need to change for the sake of harmony and tolerating others ."

Joe looked up at me and calmly replied, "But you can, sometimes, provoke them to open their minds and think.  And that's a start."

I said, "You may have a point there."

Crazy Joe said, "I believe I fucking do."

Then he smiled, noticing the grin on my face when he knew I got the joke of him repeatedly saying the word, "fuck" or "fucking" in every other sentence in his document or the present conversation to make a point that only the sharp minded would get.

I handed Crazy Joe a piece of paper that I had printed off my computer from a friend's email he sent me the other day.  I explained to Crazy Joe that my friend is really into corny jokes.  I said my friend knew there would be some on there that he knew would make me groan because they were moronic or silly.  But, I added, he was also nice enough to add a few jokes that he knew would give me a decent laugh, depending on how they were worded.

I asked Crazy Joe, "Do you think these corny jokes would freak certain people out?"

Crazy Joe looked at my piece of paper I had handed him and saw these jokes, along with an image down at the bottom.  Here they are:

What did the lamp say to the man?

Nothing.  A lamp is an inanimate object.

Two men walked into a bar.  The third one ducked.

What kind of shoes are made from banana skins?  

Slippers.

What kind of rooms have no walls?  

Mushrooms.

What happened to the boy who drank 8 cokes?

He burped 7-up.

Dave drowned.  So at the funeral, we got him a wreath in the shape of a life jacket.  Well, it's what he would have wanted.

A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar.  The bartender looks up and asks, "What is this?"  Some kind of joke?"

What does it smell like to go down on an eighty year old woman?

Depends.    

A daughter asked her mother how to spell "penis."

The mother said, "You should have asked me last night.  It was at the tip of my tongue"

Q: How do you make a baby float on water?

A: Try taking your foot off his head.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with the word, "Guess," on it.  So I looked at her and asked, "Implants?"

Crazy Joe laughed and laughed, even after he finished reading the jokes.  I thought he was going to just die from sheer laughter.  To save him from the possibility of laughing himself, literally, to death, I suddenly threw a brick at his head.  I think I saved the man's life.  :)     

Absentee Blogger, Super Blogger, Dumbass Commenter and Unsolicited Advice

Absentee Blogger


That's how I'd best describe myself these days.  I think the last time I posted anything on the blog was about the middle of last month.  I'm reminded of that line from Al Pacino from one of his movies.  I know I won't get it right and I'm too lazy to look it up but it went something like... "No matter how hard I try to get away, they keep pulling me back in."

Feel free to correct me on that or tell me the movie reference as I know somebody reading this probably will.  That is, if somebody took the six to ten seconds to read the first paragraph.  More on that topic later.

Absentee Bloggers will usually go on temporary or permanent absences away from their blogs because of all types of situations.  Deaths in the family.  A project at work.  Having a real job, in general.  Responsibilities.  Vacations.  Unhealthy children.  Or, yes... even having a real life that sometimes keeps you away from your fucking hobby-  Which what blogging is... it's only a hobby folks.  Sometimes, it's a bit of self therapy.  Sometimes, it's you wanting to educate or entertain the strangers out there online.  But, in the end, it's just a hobby.  If you think it's anything more than that, here's your straitjacket!  Do not pass GO.  Instead, check yourself into the mental institution, you hopelessly addicted fucker.  Or seek psychological help of some kind.  I did and it certainly helped me.  Seeeeeeeeee????  :)  And the lopsided smiley face makes it all okay, huh?  

Yes, I know.  My goddamn keyboard is dusty as fuck.  Desk tray is, as well, I know.  Don't care, though.   You may "advise" me to get one of those cans of compressed air or one of those crazy American Republican  presidential wannabes to use their hot air to blow the dust away.  On second thought... no thanks on that idea.  They're all so flagrantly stupid, they would probably just slobber on my keyboard, making a bigger mess than a dude that's heavily addicted to Internet porn- if you catch my drift.  Hope I'm not being my usual subtle self.  :)  You'll note that I have a portable phone that's always nearby or stuck up my ass whenever the next personal or family emergency arises.  Which it will.

Remember:  If you feel absolutely compelled to post something each and every fucking day, you may be a Super Duper Dumbass Blogger (see topic below, later) that needs professional help, not to mention any type of responsibility and/or a goddamn job.

In reference to the previous "pulling me back" quote, the last four weeks have claimed my last strand of sanity and my time.  During my absentee blogger time, I was hit with all manner of health scares stemming from my Dad's Vascular Dementia, his hospital stays where he fell down due to low blood pressure or something else, my wife's own health problems where I was meticulously wrapping her swollen legs up every day, my own insulin prescription crisis (I'm severely diabetic) and last, but certainly not least, my Dad wrecking his car into someone else.  That last incident was expected.  We warned the authorities for years.  We did what we could to prevent it.  Legal, persuasive and everything else kind of ways- beyond imagination.  Luckily, no one got hurt.  And, of course, that's what it took for the right people to finally take action.  A damn accident.

My sister and I could write entire thousand page novels on what we've had to go through the last six years since Dad accidentally left the car running in the basement, which in turn, poisoned my mom to death through the air vents upstairs.  It took me a long time before I could even talk about that.

By the way, Dad is living in an assisted living facility.  His second one.  It's nice.  Amazingly nice.  It's a I-want-to-live-there-when-I-can't-take-care-of-myself kind of nice.  The first one he was living at, well, that, in itself, is a 9 part miniseries, featuring dramatic manhunts, threats to staff from him, breaking rules and full on breakdowns on my part and my sister's end of it.  It wasn't a bad place either, but, things wouldn't stop happening.

NO SOLICITED ADVICE HERE, PLEASE!!!!!


Just in case I wasn't clear, I thought I'd helpfully add a few exclamation points above.  Wonderful of me, wasn't it? 

If you've never read my blog or haven't read about that saddest part of my life, click these links for only a small piece of the never ending saga:

Sorry If I've Caused Concern
Sorry If I've Caused Concern- Part 2 
Sorry If I've Caused Concern- Part 3

I made the mistake of saying a couple sentences about the difficulty of caring for Dad on Facebook and somebody gave me unsolicited advice, assuming that in the 6 years of dealing with his problems- which became our problems, that we had never attempted what he suggested before.  When I read his suggestion, I was only looking to spout off a little to get mild, brief relief on Fuckbook or whatever they call it, I laughed and freaked out just a little when I read the suggestion/assumption and I didn't communicate to the assuming person because I'm not into debating and this person, I knew, would debate and argue something until pigs learned to talk.  It certainly didn't help during "my little freak out" that I was extremely stressed from everything hitting me at once from my wife's problems to my own- which are the same if you get down to it.  When you're married, it's like that.  FYI.

Clue 1: One of the biggest mistakes you can make with me is assuming.  Don't do it!  I've had it done to me far too many times.  Also:  Don't fill in the blanks and tell lies just because you don't know the person or the situation.  Questions are welcomed as long as assumption aren't sneakily thrown in.  My motto has always been:  Always ask, Never assume. 

Clue 1.5:  Unsolicited advice is also a big no no with me, just in case I haven't mentioned that two or three hundred times during the 6 years this blog has been around.  If I ask for advice, only then you can give it to me.

Sometimes, believe it or not, people say shit to just get whatever is troubling them off of their chest or out of their minds for a bit of relief.  Imagine that!

Clue 2: Once I've made my point, I don't argue or debate about the topic any longer.  I might give you a couple paragraphs worth of words back and forth between you and I but that's about it.  And that's if I don't have anything better or more productive to do. In person, if you are errationally determined and choose to "win" the argument or "make your case" or "see the gray areas" (also known as 'splitting hairs', I believe) in everything I say, I will leave you standing, talking to yourself or getting zip for response from me.  Feel free to believe you've "won" the argument or debate when I don't return your brilliant comeback with another brilliant comeback.  It matters not to me.  And when you do it on the internet, I think you're an absolute fool for doing so.  I don't care if both "great debaters" become the best of pals at the end of their battle of words, charts, facts supporting their views that will change after the next day or whatever, it's idiotic.  Period.  Go.  Fuck.  Thyself.  The same goes double for Grammar Nazis.  Please... GET A FUCKING LIFE OR AT LEAST TRY TO ENGAGE IN ACTIVITIES OR RESPONSIBILITIES OUTSIDE OF THE INTERNET.  UNGLUE THY ASS FROM THY OFFICE OR COMPUTER CHAIR, FUCKWAD.  Oh, there goes my delightful subtle side of me exposing itself again.  I gotta watch that.

I'm sure you've seen this before... but have you actually read the words and let their meaning sink inside that big ol' human brain of yours.  Mentally handicapped people have my full respect.  They make people who argue and endlessly debate on the net look like deranged imbeciles that are deserving of being slowly trampled by a hyped up herd of people leaving a Disturbed concert.  I respect the hyped up concert folks more than the "great debaters", as well.  Crush on, dudes and dudettes!  

Anyway, during this last hiatus, I would have much preferred to being in this chair, happily blogging about shit people could laugh and/or think about instead of being imprisoned in endless health scare and moving issues.

Super Blogger

Speaking of irritating people, isn't it about time we got rid of these "Super Bloggers".  You know... these ego-maniacal assholes who need a gazillion fucking followers.  Don't get me wrong!  Or fucking assume!  I don't care how many followers you, I or the next person has but when they promote themselves to death by joining every site, blog and advertise... not to mention sell products bearing their website names, without a drop of true substantial content- it speaks volumes to me about what they're all about.  Superficiality and ego-boosting.  It's a cry for help.  No need to assume.  They flagrantly show IT, celebrate IT and glorify IT, themselves and their site.  Link dropping after every comment on someone's blog post is strategy in their strange game of potential profits or ego-boosting.  They want you to click their ads, buy their shit and follow them like the next messiah.  And if you're "lucky" you may get a comment from them on your own blog once a year.   Again, to those who engage in this self-serving practice... GO.  FUCK.  THYSELF.

If you go to my blog pal, Gary and his funny, observant blog, klahanie, you will see he has posted a bit on this subject, as well.  I advise you to check out his excellent, well written site, too.  Here's the link to the post I'm referring to here.

Did you see where I capitalized the words above where I called no one, in particular, a fuckwad?  I did that in the hopes that you would read those words- which brings me to...

Dumbass Commenter

The Dumbass Commenter excels in leaving comments that shows he, she or it did not read much or any of the post.  Maybe they looked for keywords, big words, bold type words or a tiny chunk of the post to comment on.  Maybe they briefly looked at the pretty or bizarre pictures.  Who knows?  Some will say, "Your site is good.  I follow.  My website is Blahblahblah."  You may call them spammers.  I call them imbeciles.  I say, if you're not interested in my post or someone else's, don't read it and attempt a lay a lame comment in the comment area.  Keep your "following me icon" and your shitty three word or lame comment to yourself.  Gary, of klahanie, also wrote his perspective on this subject.  Look here.  I have to admit.  It's more amusing than my somewhat cutthroat, yet still honest, perspective.  I also have to admit that I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy today, joyfully spreading good cheer to one and all.

Did I happen to mention I'm the King of Subtlety?  Or would that be a mere admirer, user or student of sarcasm or sardonic humor?  It's so hard to tell.

On the bright side, things are finally looking up a little.  No, I'm not talking about my penis becoming erect.  Not that far up.  I'm just saying that through all the bleakness, I see a tiny particle of light at the end of this long, dark, melancholy, jagged tunnel of misery.  Maybe, in a few more weeks, things will get even better.  It depends.

Have you read this far down?  Do you have ADHD?  Or is Lil' Puddin' bored that he or she didn't have a laugh-a-second post to read this time around?  If so... Gosh.  I care a lot.

I'm just kidding, folks.  It's all in good, well meaning fun.  Move along now.  See you or not see you next time I post a delightful story or raging diatribe.  Take care.  I love you.  Would you follow me?  I desperately need  that type of ego boost. Hahahahahahahahaha.  I'm okay. 

Bad Service, Truths and Perceptions

There's been a lot of false starts, bad service, unwanted absence and too much of that unwanted shit and not enough of that preferable shit going on around here.

I hate to complain (actually, I quite enjoy it since complaining acts a release valve on my usually bottled up seething rage) but as I found myself on the righteous track of coming back to the wonderful world of blogging, a series of incidents preventing me from making a triumphant stay in my own neck of the bloggy woods occurred once again.

Hell, for a couple days there, I was even able to put out a couple posts without anything falling out of the sky to cave in my head. I thought I was in a utopia or paradise or an island filled with beautiful women, cheerfully sucking my meat pole for all it's worth. And it's worth a great deal, let me tell ya. At least to me. Okay, so that part about me feeling like I was on an island filled with tasty gals slobbering on my knob was an exaggeration. But I was starting to feel not tormented for a change in life and it was pretty decent, to tell ya the truth.

My friend asked me to go to his place to wait on a cable repairman (that didn't come) while the friend went to work. I owed my friend a couple favors so I did it. Besides, I'm a helluva great buddy. It's true! Believe it or not!

But the cable guy neither called or came. So my friend calls up the company support number when he gets home, listens to instructions on pushing this numbered button for this department or reason or service which connects him to more instructions for more buttons to push until he finally reaches a real human being and then proceeds to talk about how unsatisfied he is with the service.

He has a helluva lot more patience than I do. He had been without cable service for three days and the company he was dealing with had been promising to send somebody and no one called or showed up.

So instead of being at home, I was at his place, listening to the radio, reading a book and not doing anything on my blog or visiting other blogs. It sucked. And I did this on Monday and Wednesday, for my friend, waiting for the repair dude. I know. I'm a great friend. I mentioned that, right? Of course, when my friend got home from work both of those days, he fed me. Monday, it was grilled steaks for my wife and I. Wednesday, it was a dinner at a good Mexican restaurant.

By the way, the cable repair dude finally showed up Wednesday. He ended up temporarily fixing the friend's TV reception but said that the problem was actually the tuner on his TV. In other words, it wasn't the cable company's fault for his shitty reception but they are at fault for giving him the runaround and not giving him service until he finally reached an upper management type person during that last phone call he made.

Now, Tuesday, I was without Internet service. This would be the day between the days I sat at my friend's house, waiting for an idiot repair guy. I called the tech support, as I was going through some severe withdrawal symptoms from not being able to go on the Internet and after pushing several buttons to direct me to this number or that number, I was finally told a message by an automated machine. It said: There is no Internet service (with the company I have it with) for the entire state (I was living in) for an indeterminate amount of time but our experts were working on the problem.

There was no apology for this situation but at this point I was thinking:

At least the voice was clear and not heavily accented by somebody in India or Russia or BumFuck, Egypt. Usually, when you contact tech support for whatever electronic fuck-a-ma-jig you own, you usually get some asshole you can't understand.

Bad service is getting to be like a contagious disease in this country from what I've read, heard about and seen, first hand.

Don't ya just love the push button routine you have to go through with these companies? If you're lucky, they might give you a number to push to speak to a representative. But it's usually not the case. Especially when you want service within the next 24 hours.

I could go on and on about bad restaurant service but I'm sure you've had your own unfair share of that, too. Like when they don't give you a refill on your drinks. Or don't get your order right. Or bring your salad, main entree and dessert, all at once.

Since I'm back for the moment and terribly paranoid now about attempting to actually research a subject and write up a real post without something else happening, this post will have to do for now. Please enjoy the rest of these images, featuring truths and perceptions. Good day, good weekend and I'll try to catch up on all your blogs later after I get some shit done around here.

I thought I'd offer a wonderful clue at this point in the post: If you can't make out what you're ssseeeinng, use your fucking mouse to click and enlarge the image.

I'm always the Good fucking Samaritan. I tell ya.

I really liked the not-so-subtle truth that can be found in this Saturday Night Live skit. I know it's an exaggeration but there is a bit of truth and a big heaping helping of humor to be found while watching this. Heh heh.

Interesting Links, A Movie Clip and More

Check out the links below, friends and neighbors! There are things here that will likely interest and/or entertain you for hours on end. Enjoy!

Cooking The History Books: The Thanksgiving Massacre

Global Warming Skepticism

Does Death Exist? New Theory Says 'No'

Velvet Worm News

Man Says Police Forcibly Collected Urine Sample

Top Documentary Films

Why GMO Foods Have Failed At Producing Healthy Food For More People

Paranormal News

The Creature From Jekyll Island

Propaganda, PR and PsyOps

Near Death Experience Research Foundation

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Penises and Vaginae (My guest post on It's A Lollipop World)

Buffalo Bill Dance

Characters We Encounter On The Internet and Beyond

When I say the word "characters" in the post title here, I'm thinking of it in two different perspectives. The first being that the character is a living, breathing person you will meet on the internet or in real life. The second perspective is much deeper in that the character is something, a persona, if you will, someone portrays and maybe even pretends to be on the internet and in real life.

Of course, there are those whose character, or mask that the character wears that comes pretty close to who they really are inside. I personally don't believe everyone is able to mirror exactly who they are inside with what they show on the outside. No one can be completely transparent and, in truth, I believe each person will act at least a tiny bit differently from who they are or how they feel according to where or who they are with at the time- whether it's on the internet or in real life. Even sweet and adorable me is like this. It's just human nature. No harsh judgments are to be presumed or assumed here, necessarily.

Still with me so far? Hahaha. Yes, this will be one of my more serious posts- sort of. Don't run away! Be brave, soldier! You've got the guts and the stamina... or something. :)

I'm going to describe some of the following characters that we encounter, time to time, on the internet and in real life. Some rub us the wrong way. Some inspire us and make us happy. And then others, well, you get the picture... perhaps. :) While describing these characters, you could also interpret these "characters" as not really characters, really, but qualities that people have or don't have. It's all in how you interpret it... all a matter of perception.

Ready for the ride? Buckle up. In no particular order, I present to you...

Grammar and Punctuation Nazi

This irritating piece of shit will delight in showing you the errors of your grammatical ways to instill in themselves a sense of self-importance. You normally encounter these assholes on the internet in the forums, social networking sites, blogs and more. As long as everyone can understand each other, I encourage the Grammar and Punctuation Nazis to go fuck themselves with their over-inflated, dildo-shaped egos so far up their colons, that they cause ruptures, internal bleeding and painfully hemorrhage to death while gloating about where the semi-colon should be placed.

Supporters

These characters of which I'm talking about are the type of folks that will encourage you to do something positive in your life, whether it's in your attitude toward a problem or a course in life you may wish to give some thought toward. They're also beneficial in consoling you with words and/or actions in order to make you feel better during difficult times. These kind folks are truly the precious gems and great finds amongst the piles of living, breathing shits that surround us in real life and on the internet. Kudos to the Supporters!

Missing The Point Prick

This person or character will purposefully or not purposefully miss the point you are trying to make in a blog post or in a real life discussion. He or she will usually pick one teeny bit or particle of something you've said that really didn't have that much to do with the point you were trying to make, overall, and then proceed to create an entire debate, diatribe or whatever over that one insignificant word or phrase. The "Missing The Point Prick" is closely related, in many aspects, to Devil's Advocate, who I will get to in a few seconds.

Passionate, Direct and Honest People

As I grow older in life, I've noticed there are less and less of these types existing these days. Passion has been replaced by true or false statistics or what is fed to us by corporations, governments, some college courses, books or people we sometimes blindly follow without question. Being direct and honest is covered with outright lies, heavy blankets of sometimes deceptive subtlety and the continuous fear that we shouldn't make waves because it will make certain supervisors, family members, friends, characters you interact with on the internet and more either uncomfortable or angry. I applaud those who are brave enough and passionate enough to be direct and say the truth about things how they really are. Life is too short for bullshit and we already have a surplus in that. Kudos to the PD and H people out there!

Trolls, Spammers and Link Droppers

Kill them all.

Positive Informers

These good folks will actually supply people with information and/or points of view that either benefits others or entertains them in some way. Humor bloggers, history bloggers and a whole variety of bloggers fit into this category- not that I'm trying to fit anyone into a particular category. There are some folks, like me, who are able to write about anything. Blessed are the versatile writers- for they know no limits to their capabilities and will not be pushed around by those who say you must, for the sake of gaining followers or hits, stick with one genre or another! Hip Fucking Hip Hip Hooray! Excuse me while I shrug off my over-inflated ego and high-in-the-sky soapbox. Heh heh. God, I'm such a delightful sarcastic bastard! Or so I believe.

Perceptions... perceptions.

Of course, you can find Positive Informers in real life, too. Moving onward...

Devil's Advocate

One who continuously argues against a cause, position or point of view of another human being on every subject, not as a committed opponent but simply for the sake of argument and/or to feed their own ego. In other words, that's how they get their twisted jollies. Even if they believe they may be wrong, deep down inside, they will try to make you feel that you are wrong or worse yet, somehow inferior. Sick.

Studying this person for a time, you will eventually come to the conclusion that this motherfucker has some form of unchecked mental illness churning about in their diseased minds. Insecurity, depression and other factors within these people may instigate or spur on this type of behavior that causes most normal, rational people to want to stay the hell away from them. Often, the Devil's Advocate will be unable to keep friends, spouses and others they interact with around for very long until the asshole (the Devil's Advocate) is bludgeoned to the point of making them a disgusting paste on the wall or ground. Do I advocate the use of violence against these annoying cretins of society? You betcha! No therapy for you, fuckwad!

Which brings us to...

Truly Open Minded People

Good golly, but I love truly open minded people. They're able to see many different points of views and angles on as many controversial subjects. They normally don't take themselves so seriously to the point where they believe themselves to be 100 percent correct all the time. All hail the open minded- for they are the truth seekers of this world! They don't give a shit about being contrary or right but, instead, search for meaning and knowledge from other individuals and in all things.

Uptights

Uptights display tense, repressed nervousness, pettiness, anal retentative behavior, irritability, anger and/or the inability to withstand even the slightest of what they consider to be foul language or naughty words or the images of sex organs of the natural human anatomy. For example: They may announce, while visiting an art museum, " Oh my! I do declare! I believe I'm going to faint at the sight of this statue's stone penis or this painting's suggestive phallic symbol." Or some such nonsense.

I consider them weak and attempt to avoid them whenever possible. If you barricade me in a locked windowless room with an Uptight for any longer than a day, I will go crazy and twist their head right off their freakin' neck even as they complain that I said the word, damn, only an hour ago.

Often, Uptights are unable to give expression to one's feelings or personality. This is most noticeable in their unwillingness or incapability to laugh at a crude joke. Or what they think is a crude joke. They also tend to stubbornly adhere to rules that have been laid down to them or rules that they, themselves, have given themselves to instill an odd sense of complete control. Many times, they will inflict these rules of behavior upon those around them- Coworkers, friends, family, individuals on the internet and so on. Uptights may see themselves as the Masters of Organized Living while others may see them as Ultimate Pains in The Asses.

So there you have it. These are just a handful of the characters that we meet on the internet and in our real daily lives. Who knows? You may act like any one or a combination of these characters in a given situation or you may live like this all the time. Personally, I believe a little introspection is good for the spirit and the mind for continuous growth and discovery. It is something of value and worth considering.