Ice Cream Made With Human Booby Milk

PETA is asking Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream if it would start using human titty milk to make it's yummy frozen confections. No kidding. PETA says it would reduce the suffering of cows and produce a healthier treat for consumers. They wrote a letter to Ben & Jerry's that stated "cow's milk is hazardous and milking them is cruel."


I say that milking a human female till she produces enough milk to make a couple pints of ice cream may be cruel, too. From what I understand, those titty pumps kinda hurt. Where are they going to go to get that much booby milk? It's hard to picture an assembly line of women with pumps attached to them, getting enough of that stuff out of their breasts to produce that much ice cream. And who would volunteer for that job?

It takes about 12 pounds — or 1 1/2 gallons of milk — to make a gallon of ice cream. Ben & Jerry's, which gets its milk exclusively from Vermont cows, won't say how much milk it uses or how much ice cream it sells.




Besides all of this, I would be more concerned about the particular people they would be getting this milk from. I mean, are they healthy? More importantly, are they good looking?



The folks at Ben & Jerry's aren't going for the idea, of course. To them, the idea is udderly insane.



Ben & Jerry Spokesman Sean Greenwood, in an email, wrote:



We applaud PETA's novel approach to bringing attention to an issue, but we believe a mother's milk is best used for her child.



If Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream change their minds in the future, I would be ecstatic if they would consider a few possible flavors (including titles) I have come up with.



Consider....



"Mocha Mammary Delight" (for some reason I'm picturing Halle Barry on the front of the carton)



"Nice N' Nutty Nipples"



Or



"Boobilicious Berries and Cream"