I demand that you give me all of your most stupidest questions, at once, my cherished friends, for I, THE GREAT AND MAGNIFICENT KELLY, will respond with the most amazing answers. Once I reveal these wise and wonderful intriguing solutions to your fascinating inquiries, you shall surely rejoice with gladdened hearts and fondle thyself with much laughter and tears of joy.
Not sure quite what to ask??? Hmmm???
Here are some super fine examples of absurd questions that may be asked:
Why is it that when the door is open they call it ajar but when the jar is open it isn't adoor?
What is the speed of dark?
Is there a pill-popping, peanut packing postmaster in Peckersville, Pennsylvania? And if so, how?
When the shit hits the fan, does the fan scream, in protest?
Is it raining?
Can you make a tea off the sweat of your taint?
If the bumbling baker boils his bowls of Bugaboo Broccoli Broth, how many squirrels will smile?
ALL OF THESE SPECTACULAR INQUIRIES, PLUS YOUR OWN THAT YOU OFFER UP TO MY SPECTACULAR SELF, SHALL BE ANSWERED THIS FRIDAY. ASK THE GREAT AND MIGHTY KELLY ANY THOUGHTFUL (moronic) QUESTION THAT POPS WILLY NILLY INTO THY MIND AND I SHALL BLESS AND ANOINT THEE WITH SUCH WISDOM, YOU SHALL SURELY FALL TO YOUR KNEES, SOB AND ATTEST TO MY UNSURPASSED MARVELOUSNESS which will be followed, not long afterwards, by a dizzying array of song, dance and merrymaking.
And prepare thy insipid inquiries for the Genuinely Goodly and Godlike Kelly!
OOoooooh, can you feel the excitement burning in your loins???? That's a STD, my friends!
Remember: All answers will be revealed in all of their seductive and comely completeness this Friday- so don't delay with those fabulously fantastic questions of yours.