This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

William Blum Interview

This clip below features an audio interview with William Blum, author of five books. He talks about how America has become an empire, using war and other forms of intervention to control the rest of the world. Whether you agree or disagree, he makes a compelling point that the CIA and U.S. military has changed other nations, throughout it's short history, in dramatic ways that the American public doesn't know about (or likely not care about).

It's all about manipulation, money and power, folks.

And hey, if you really want to support our troops, let's get them the fuck out of these needless wars so they can go home to their families in one piece -both physically and mentally. I'm tired of reading about U.S. soldiers killing themselves because they've been deployed over and over again in countless tours of duty.

Yes, the video is over ten minutes long. And yes, it is worth watching if you care about the truth.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Toadie in "Happy Anniversary"

Maggie was the first of the two to wake up that morning when she heard the knock on her bedroom door. She knew it would have taken more than that to stir Rufus from his slumber. Maggie brushed her red hair from her eyes and then struggled to say, "Yes, Toadie... I'm up." She gave Rufus a slap on his bare ass to awaken him. Rufus' eyes opened wide.

"What the hell?" he asked, perturbed.

Toadie opened the door, immediately and waddled his short stocky self over to Maggie. Maggie saw the tray he was carrying. It had two covered plates of food on it, along with two glasses of juice and plastic eating utensils. Rufus and Maggie had found out the hard way that due to Toadie's condition, having sharp objects in the house was not a wise option.

It was one year to the day, that Rufus and Maggie had taken Toadie into their home. When they had found him, he was in an alley, between a burnt down house and a pet shop. He had been pacing back and forth, mumbling to himself. What was left of the house had been Toadie's home. His second cousin, Ralphy, lived with him and took care of him. Unfortunately, for Toadie, Ralphy had set himself and the small house they lived in on fire with a lit cigarette, while falling asleep. Toadie had been four blocks away at the park that early evening, throwing rocks in a man made pond, unaware of the fire at the time. When he smelled smoke, faintly, he thought he had cut a fart, without realizing it.

While Maggie and Rufus walked towards the pet shop to look at puppies for sale, they spotted Toadie in the alley. Feeling sorry for him, they took him to their home. And there, he stayed. Instead of getting a dog that day, they gained a Toadie.

Toadie went over to Maggie's side of the bed with the surprise breakfast.

"Toadie made you something special," explained Toadie, "It's our one year anniversary together, you know."

"Yes," said Rufus, still rubbing his eyes, "We know. Great, isn't it?"

His sarcasm was completely lost on Toadie. It wasn't that Rufus didn't care for Toadie. It was the fact that Toadie could be difficult to take care of, at times. And waking up from a sound sleep by a slap on the ass wasn't helping his mood.

Maggie showed her routine act of excitement. "Wow! What did you make for us this time, Sir Toadie?"

Toadie raised the plastic cover from one plate and said, triumphantly, "Toadie made you eggs and brownies and juice! Almost everything here was made from Toadie!"

Rufus roused himself from bed and stuck his feet in slippers before correcting Toadie. "You mean almost everything here was made by you, not from you. Two different things."

"Okay," said Toadie, as he set the tray of food on the wooden chest at the foot of the bed. He smiled, gleefully, while digging his hand into his pajama bottoms. Maggie saw him scratching his nutsack and quickly turned her head back to the tray of food, wondering if he had done that before making breakfast. She thought, If I smell a sweaty man's scrotum just before I take a bite out his brownie, I'm going to be ill and then I'll have to make some lame excuse up in order not to eat it.

Rufus grabbed Maggie's plate and his own off the chest. Famished from last light's lovemaking, Rufus didn't hesitate digging into his eggs. Short, hefty Toadie jumped up and down, excitedly, clapping his hands. He was so overjoyed that his "bestist buddy" Rufus really liked the eggs. Toadie was about to walk out of the room before Rufus caught Toadie's attention.

"Hey, Toadie!"

Toadie turned around, full of glee, expecting a compliment.

"Yes, Rufus, my bestist buddy in the whole world."

Maggie had already eaten her brownie, finding it to be more delicious than she had expected, when she turned towards Rufus. She was hoping Rufus was going to be a little nicer to him than when he first woke up this morning.

Rufus inquired, "Is this some kind of Hollandaise sauce over the eggs?"

Toadie shook his head, rapidly, indicating it was not. Maggie looked at the sauce covering her eggs and thought it looked familiar.

"No, Silly Nilly," answered Toadie, "Toadie made that special sauce out of his own man seed."

Rufus said, "I... I don't get... what you mean by that." He was clearly nervous.

Toadie exclaimed, "That's Toadie's semen, you dumbass!"

Rufus projectile vomited, sending his eggs with special sauce across the room. He continued to puke for several minutes until he had the dry heaves. Rufus thought he was going to die with the pain so great as it was.

Maggie became distressed, her eyes watering when asked, "And how did you make the brownies, Toadie?"

Cheerfully, Toadie shouted, "Toadie makes Toadie's brownies with only the finest ingredients!"

Maggie hesitated for a moment and then asked, "So what did you use, Toadie?"

Toadie laughed at Maggie's "dumbness" and said, "Why Maggie, Toadie used his very own asshole and a scoop to get Toadie's shit out for the brownies. Toadie even left in the kernals of popcorn from his shit. Oh, and I added flour, eggs and chocolate, too. " Toadie was so pleased with himself and his wonderful gesture of fixing his friends such a fine breakfast, that he immediately pissed himself, creating a small pool around his bare feet.

Maggie retched, violently, puke splattering all over the bedsheets. She suddenly remembered thinking that, while eating Toadie's brownie, she had detected some little nuts of some kind. But, she thought, Those weren't nuts. With this last thought, she vomited with such force, poop spurted out of her anus. Toadie sniffed the air, smelling Maggie's excrement. Excited once more, Toadie exclaimed, "Oh boy, Maggie is going to make some more brownies for us!"

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Dressed As The Statue of Liberty

It's amusing to see someone dressed as the Statue of Liberty, on the side of the road, waving at the passing cars. The ones responsible for this silliness is a company called Liberty Tax Service. I'm not sure if you have seen any of these people, dressed in the turquoise gowns with a crown of matching color before, but it's a little freaky to witness. I know. It's a job. Somebody has to do it.

I've seen these guys and girls in three different states so far and in every instance I see somebody in the SOL costume, I can't help but to laugh. I've seen a few of them rollerskating, doing their moves and seeming to have a good time with the job. Others, I've witnessed, will be dancing around or doing cartwheels on the side of the road. One of these times, I'm afraid I'll see one of them tumble out in the street and get crushed by a semi-truck. That would be shocking. How would you like to die with that get-up on? That would be embarrassing, to go out like that.

Lately, I've been seeing either this one chick or dude on the corner curb, in costume, waving frantically, smiling like a loon and jumping up and down while it has been either raining or snowing outside. That would suck -to have to be out in the snow, freezing your ass off in a Statue of Liberty outfit. The costumes don't look very warm. I guess they're attempting to keep warm with all the movement they're doing.

No matter what the weather is like, they're always so happy looking, nearly bursting with joy. That's great. Keep a positive attitude, no matter what you have to do to earn a living.

My first instinct,when we slowly pass one of these folks, is to give them "the finger". But, since I've had my fair share of doing some embarrassing things for my employers in the past, I kinda feel sorry for them. When I worked at a grocery store, I had to dress up in a Twinkie The Kid costume. It was hot, bulky and a real bitch handing out free Twinkies to a bunch of snot nosed brats all day long.

Still, the image of me rolling down the passenger side window, sticking my bare ass out towards these Statues of Liberty people and squirting projectile watery shit at one of them does make me smile. Give 'em some of that wacky sprinkler activity. I guess that's a natural impulse, though. At least it is for me. Would doing that be considered impolite?

But I would never do something like that.

I'm too much of a gentleman. :-) Actually, the real reasons I wouldn't do something so cruel to any of them is because I'm just too old and mature for those types of shenanigans, anymore.

Plus, I wouldn't want some asshole treating me with disrespect while I'm working, doing a job most of us wouldn't want to do. I will go as far as making a funny face at them at times while waving back at them. Sometimes, both my wife and I will put on our "stroke faces" where one side of our mouths are turned downwards, as our faces are pressed against the car window. We do that, at times, for laughs. They seem to really enjoy that, waving back at us with even more enthusiasm than before.

That makes me feel good.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Recently Added Blogroll Bloggers Reviews

Lordy, Lordy... I'm about to do something nice for a change. The End Times must be nigh! It's a sure sign of that there Apokylips or somethin'.

On with the show...

I'm a mess of contradictions, sealed in a bag of flesh, blood and a bit of brain matter. Just a bit. One minute, I'm deadly serious. Next minute, I take a bloody stab at humor. And so on. Ya never quite know what you're going to get when you stop by this site. Whatever I feel like posting that day... that's what goes up on the blog.

My point is this: My interests are just as varied as my traits, actions, likes and interests And that's how the blogs I visit are -Varied. My choices of blogs I visit often, enjoy reading and, eventually, put on my blogroll are off to the right. Just in case your friggin' eyesight is going, freako!! I say that with love.

I highlight recent blogroll add-ons, every so often. This would be one of those occasions. These blogs I'm about to describe and recommend, each come with a link so you can visit their blogs, yourself.

In no particular order, I present to you the following websites:

Klahanie is a site that offers huge doses of slightly wacky humor, compassion, interesting posts, his personal stuff and terrific writing. You want laughs? Gary, who runs the blog, is the dude to turn to. And with all of the commenting we've done, back and forth, I can tell he's, genuinely, a good man. I hope that doesn't sound too gay. ;-)

The Guy's Perspective: His team of guys writes mainly from a guy's perspective. Which shouldn't be too surprising to you, since his blog title pretty much says that. Duh! The main Guy is very accurate, in my opinion, in his observations on what men are really like and why they do the things they do. And he does it all with humor, right-on-target insight and great writing. His blog is also a personal one.

One Crazy Brunette Chick features (what else?) a crazy brunette chick who is a self described "trophy wife who has a trucker's mouth..." Oh yeah, and she's blunt, direct and hysterical as hell. Her twisted, nasty sense of humor hooked me right off the bat. She's my most recent blogroll add-on and you should check her out (her blog, I mean) as soon as you can. Not right now, damn it! You have more reading to do.

Stupidation is a blog that is charming. Honest. And funny as hell. Not that hell is funny or anything... eh, where was I? Who am I? I've got a cramp in my leg. More importantly, go visit Mr. Stupid's blog for fun, interesting posts and a lot of other good stuff.

Slanderous Entries is ran by Dark Slander. Not Darth Vader. That's someone else. Slanderous Entries studies the Human species and makes fascinating, thought-provoking observations on us, the beings that are on top of the food chain but, not necessarily, on the top of the intelligence
chain. Whether you agree with him or not, you will always be aroused to think about what he has written about -because his writing is just that superb and, often times, profound.

Lone Wolf Repose is a whacked out blog with hilarious posts, pics and observations on just about anything . If you can't find it here, good luck finding it elsewhere. The writing at this website is damn good, too. Check it out!

Beyond The Wire gives great advice in the event of a Nuclear attack and the dramatic aftermath that will follow. This is not a whacked out, conspiracy, paranoia site if you're thinking that. It's an invaluable source of instruction on how to survive in many situations, which I have found fascinating. This man's military experience and thorough research is the key to a blog that offers lessons/posts that should peek your interest, at the very least, and maybe save your life in the future.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Poor Tiger

This is my sister's cat. His name is Tiger -but I don't think the poor bastard feels very tiger-ish these days. Hurts just looking at him. When I first saw the photo, I winced while feeling vomit and coffee burbling up my throat.

Methinks my younger sibling has a somewhat evil, twisted sense of humor. Do you think it might run in the family? :)

Here's the email message she sent, a couple days ago, along with this photo. I double-dog dare you to click and enlarge the pic.

This is our male cat, Tiger. He was just neutered today, so his bikini area is shaved and you can get a good look at his junk. Oh, yes, that is his telescopic penis.
You're welcome.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

EZ Cracker Egg Cracker

EZ Cracker Egg Cracker is a kitchen gadget that's being hawked on TV as something that will make your egg cracking experience easier. No mess is guaranteed by the company that manufactures this item. It's cost is about twenty US dollars -not counting shipping and handling if you order it instead of buying this miracle worker, outright, at a store.

Hey folks, if you don't have the intelligence or dexterity to crack open a freaking egg, well then, I'm afraid it's time for you to pack it in. Your services are no longer required on this planet.

Goodbye and go away, please!

The gene pool has to be cleaned of morons every once in awhile to weed out the weaker links.

If someone is too lazy to crack open a goddamn egg, then I advise that person to walk (Sorry... This means they may have to exert themselves) into a den of hungry lions or tigers. At least then, they will provide sustenance for a group of wild animals that are heading for extinction. At least they will be contributing toward the good of something. I'm sure the big cats will have the determination to get up off their asses to tear huge chunks of fat from an insufferable imbecile's nearly stagnate body and completely devour them -no problem.

If you are disabled to the point of not being able to crack open an egg by hand, then I understand. This might come in handy for you. I don't know. That would depend on how long this kitchen gadget lasts.

The EZ Cracker Egg Cracker, like so many other cheaply made inventions is ridiculous. And it is indicative of how lazy and/or weak-minded people have become, in general. If you or someone you know has bought one of these plastic contraptions, it's almost a certainty it will, in the near future, be collecting dust while sitting in a corner on your kitchen counter (if it hasn't already).

Supposed Scandals and China Nonsense

What's this sick, hardly disguised fascination with celebrity men being caught cheating on their girlfriends or wives? Every other channel on TV I bounced back and forth to, yesterday, had Tiger Woods' public apology video on it. This is yet another example of blatant, cold blooded ignorance, coupled with greed.

Woods shouldn't have to apologize profusely to anyone but his wife. Yeah, he's a sex addict or whatever. I don't know for certain or care. I certainly don't give a rat's ass how many women he's fucked. By the way, Tiger, I thought I'd let ya know.... They could be boinkin' ya because you're rich and famous and not because of your less-than-sparkling personality. Not that you would care about that or anything. Heh heh.

Pressing onward... The thinly veiled spectacle was on TV all day and night, yesterday. The media was feasting on the supposed "big story" like a retarded, cross-eyed lion chewing on a zebra. No offense to the mentally impaired. Just my hearty offense to the media.

Like the David Letterman "big story" about him and his interns before Tiger and whoever before that -Whatever is going on in anyone's personal lives has nothing to do with the rest of us -unless real help is wanted -and should not be exploited as an excuse that it is somehow "news". It is a greed-oriented media/government and/or corporate kind of mind trick that should be exploited as the real news.

These supposed scandals certainly should not involve the media. The media believes it is their job of publicizing "news" that really isn't news. I'm hopeful you aren't blind to the fact that it is all done for profit. The bigger the supposed "scandal" (which isn't really a scandal), the more money they make with higher ratings. We, the lesser- We, the consumers- Are tools for their greed. As long as people keep tuning in to these non-scandals, non-stories and buying newspapers, books and whatever media they are selling about their worthless shit, the more Corporate America will keep putting it out there.

To the corporate ran media the motto is: To hell with how the people of those "scandals", the victims directly involved, feel about being publicly disgraced. That is the main message they send out and it is obvious to any individual who can think or feel.

I say, "Fuck that!" And I also say,"Fuck the kind of society who feels that intruding on a celebrity or non-celebrity's personal life is anything resembling news." I can't speak for the rest of the world but the United States is completely fucked up. This country's society seems to be the most puritanical, backward and hung up on sex than any other country in the world.

Do you want to know what news you don't see more of that reflects the reality of life? And is the real news.

Try: Poverty, the hunger of millions of people, global warming, deforestation, pollution, future deadly climate change -for the real story. The real news.

Too much news and reality for ya, America? Better divert your eyes, mind and ability to fight for what's right, as you usually do! Movies, video games, sports idolizing and other diversions of reality.... HERE WE COME! Come? Fuck it, we're here already here and have been for so long that generations of people have been brainwashed into thinking it is normal.

And what's the big deal about Obama meeting up with the Dalai Lama. The government is worried about what Beijing, China thinks? It's none of their fucking business. I don't care what kind of threat or concern they feel with the Dalai Lama meeting the U.S. president. The Dalai Lama, someone who teaches and understands what real peace is all about is absolutely to be thought of, highly -and their problem with him is absolute nonsense.

Even more importantly, so what if we owe Beijing, China a trillion dollars? China's corporations owe us the lives they've taken with their shitty products. In my opinion, they should get down on their knees and apologize for sending/selling the U.S. countless poisoned bags of pet food, lead-laden children's toy trinkets, recent poorly produced lethal cars and and more. Fuck you, government and corporations of China! Go take a hot lead and melamine bath! Before you do, be sure to ask the American media to join you!

Thank you and have a rip-dandy day! :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Family Guy -Bird Is The Word

This is a short clip from a "Family Guy" episode. I love it. It's funny as hell. Enjoy!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Importance of Laughter

Uptight people who rarely or never laugh can be a huge drain and buzz kill at any social function.

Have you ever have to deal with a person or group of people who seem to have the proverbial "stick up their ass"? Whether it's a friend, family member, co-worker or whoever, their absence of an ability or willingness to laugh can reveal how closed-minded, stoic, anal retentive or overly sensitive they really are.

Now take this picture, for example and the caption below it:

This is where all the cybersex takes place...

Bet you love it long time

Now if that picture and caption didn't, at the very least, put a grin on your face, chances are that YOU may have the undesirable "Stick Up The Ass Syndrome". This syndrome may be cured by several different means.

Cure #1- Watch humorous movies that feature either bodily functions (such as farting), sarcasm, clever rarely used puns or all of the above that tickles your fancy. By the way, if your fancy hasn't been tickled enough, lately, that could be why you are unable to find the humor in anything.

Cure #2- Read a humorous story or a series of humorous stories. I suggest reading anything by Kurt Vonnegut, George Carlin or Dave Barry. Open your mind to different comedic viewpoints. You may be surprised at the results. You may even shit your pants from laughing so hard. That's a good thing, unless you're on an elevator that gets stuck with a whole lot of people inside there with you for hours and hours for whatever reason. In that situation, there will likely be some profuse vomiting involved by the group. The stench will be nauseating. Guaranteed, no one will be laughing then.

But I might, if I should see a video clip of that scenario.

If neither of these cures work for you, then feel free to try Cure#3- This involves asking a friend (if you have one) to hit you upside the head with an aluminum baseball bat.


You may wind up being knocked out cold and/or receive a concussion from this one but think of the laughter it will bring forth from your friend because you asked them to do that to you.

Finally, here are some facts that we know about laughter:

Laughter is good for your health.

Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good, hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes after.

Laughter boosts the immune system. Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease.

Laughter can also be used to ease or completely erase tensions between two hostile parties to avoid possible hostile actions.

Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.

Laughter protects the heart. Laughter improves the function of blood vessels and increases blood flow, which can help protect you against a heart attack and other cardiovascular problems.


If you have any questions pertaining to this or any other subject, I would be elated, filled with utmost joy and become consumed by overwhelming glee to the point of dancing if you were to ask me the question. Heck, I might even get a boner. A big one -if you allow me to crack your skull open with a baseball bat.

Now that was an example of sarcasm and perverted comedy, in case you didn't catch that.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

"Tooter" by Ashton Kutcher

This clip shows the stupidity of our infatuation with our present excessive social media technology. Not to mention, it's a funny spoof on Twitter. For laughs, watch this!

s taking social media technology to the next level.

Winter Park Scenery

While taking my usual walk, today, I took my camera and got some cool shots of the winter scenery of the park. It's neat how the seasons and weather will change a place you go to, often, while making the area seem refreshing and new again.

It was 34 degrees above zero, today, when I took my walk. That's a heatwave around here, nowadays. LOL. I've walked in colder temperatures before and today I didn't mind it at all. It helped that the sun was out in all of it's glory. It was so serene and pure there.

Click the pics for the full effect!


Enjoy the scenery!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Shock Has Stuck Around (Part 2)

Now where was I?

Oh yeah.... The different shocking experiences I've had throughout my life.

Not long after I turned ten, we moved into a decent neighborhood and a fully furnished house. I had friends there, as well as enemies and bullies and so on. But, at least there weren't any neighborhood kids pissing into each other's mouths and making a game out of it.

Also: The house we lived in was haunted, too. My sister and I experienced many shocks while living there. That story has been told in a previous post.

Moving onward...

I had a big shocker while I was in my Freshman year of high school. I was up one night, watching the 11:00 news on TV with my parents, when I saw a picture of my old Catholic school buddy, Russell, flash across the screen. I told Mom and Dad to turn up the volume because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The news reporter was saying that Russell had hung himself in a mental institution. I hadn't spoken to him or seen him (because his family moved out of state) for a couple years before this happened. For the most part, we lost touch with the exception of one phone conversation.

Most of that conversation was about him "being so bored with everything". I remember trying to cheer him up and saying things would get better. But, obviously, things didn't. Later I would feel guilty for not staying in touch with him. That shock to the emotional and mental system in myself stuck around for awhile. But, all of it faded away, eventually.

I continued through high school, coming out of my quiet era with a gradual roar of thunder, so to speak. I continually shocked myself as my high school years whizzed by. I wrote articles for the school paper, enjoyed playing different roles in school plays and began to be one of the biggest party animals in high school. Drinking, smoking' "cabbage", a little vandalism here and there and general mischief making was all part of the fun back then. But even though I did all of that shit, I still was shy around the girls.

Being tongue-tied around the girls was one obstacle I didn't overcome until I was 21. Yep, I was a virgin until I was 21. Before that... a professional masturbator. The virgin thing was a big deal for me then. Presently, I look back at that time and laugh at myself for being so focused on something so trivial. I think that's understandable.

After graduating high school, I did something shockingly stupid. I joined the military. I was 18. I didn't know what to do with the rest of my life -so I joined the Air Force. While there, in 1982, the United States wasn't directly participating in any wars. The military didn't need half the people they had during this era.

There was nothing for us to do except some lame-ass, middle of the night guard duty and picking lint off of our beds. No, it's the truth. And what were we guarding? Nothing. Just standing by a door all night long. During the day, we picked garbage up from the grounds of the base. That was pretty much it.

I was too young to be there, really. Too homesick. Never slept but once the five weeks I stayed in Basic training. Had never been completely on my own before that, either. I was bored. I was pissed that I had allowed myself to believe the recruiter that came to school the year before. He made it sound like it was going to be like Disney World. LOL. And I was gullible enough back then to fall for it.

I rebelled a bit while there, as well.

I'll explain....

Our flight commander or whatever you call him, ordered me into his office to lecture me about my attitude problem. He was sitting in leather chair, smoking a cigar, waiting for me. When he saw me, he immediately began his lecture on "bad attitudes". I said, "Sorry, sir" after every sentence he spoke to irritate him. He didn't seem to care about that, however. After 15 or so minutes of berating, he ordered me to leave.

After the speech, I did an "about face" move. You know. Where you turn yourself around on one foot, sort of. Unfortunately for him, I was less than a foot away from his own foot. And then my foot stepped down directly onto his foot, causing him to scream. When I twisted completely around, with my full weight on his foot, his pain intensified. And then he really screamed.

It was an honest mistake but I laughed about it, afterwards.

It wasn't long after that, when I went to see the highest ranking officer on the base and told him I wanted to leave. After I gave him about five minutes worth of reasons of why I wanted to get the fuck out of the Air Force, he quickly said no (but not very enthusiastically) to that idea so I gave him an ultimatum: I said, "Either you allow me to leave the service or I'm going to make trouble". He waved his hand and said, "Well, okay, if that's how you feel about it". And that was that. As I mentioned before, this was during a time when we weren't at war, for once.

So I left the Air Force, got a job back home at a grocery store and eventually became a night manager while working there.

After saving enough money up, I took a trip out west to Arizona, by myself. It was a truly great experience! Since then, I've been to Arizona twice and I'd like to go back again -the next time with my wife. I love the scenery, the weather and the people that much.

During my first visit, I had the chance to walk in and around old Indian caves and saw some ancient artwork on the walls. I picked up various pieces of the pottery these Indians had used and examined them, as if I were on some archaeological quest. I was in complete awe that I was actually standing inside an ancient Indian dwelling. I was equally surprised that they allowed tourists to go in and out of these caves. On the floor of these ancient homes were the foot tracks of many tourists who had come. They were free to roam wherever they wanted to go, while there.

Presently, no one is allowed in these same caves, in order to preserve what's left of the natural condition it was in before.

Next, I visited the Grand Canyon -which is breathtaking, indeed. When I saw how huge and beautiful it was, I was not only shocked, but I was humbled by just how vast and deep it really the Grand Canyon was. I think everyone in the world should see this natural wonder at least once in their lifetime. Pictures and description don't do the experience of actually being there any justice.

Next on my list of shocks, would be the fact that a decent woman accepted my marriage proposal at the age of 23. My own friends tried to warn her about even dating me way back then. My fiancee then moved in with me into my apartment before we were married, to save money for our wedding and honeymoon. Some members of both her family's side and my own were appalled by us "living in sin". It's funny, now, when I think about the various reactions from them about our living arrangement.

Today, living together before or without marriage is more like a "who cares?" kind of thing.

For our honeymoon, we went to Disney World. I finally got to see fucking Disney World. The real thing -not the military version. LOL. Actually, that was my third visit there. Heh heh.

There have been many shocks since then, of course, throughout my life. Car wrecks. New additions (as in children, not leprechauns) to the family. Different jobs I've worked. Promotions. My foot deformity and other health conditions worsening to the point where I had to get SS Disability. I've also enjoyed wonderfully awe-inspiring out of state trips.

Sometimes, the trips were taken inside my head. Heh heh.

The worst shock, of course, came suddenly when my Mom passed away five years ago. It took around six months before the shock of that faded. Then grief took over for the next four years after the shock but that's another story I've told already numerous times on this blog in one form or another.

I could go on and on with this theme but I've been writing this post for so long tonight, my eyes are getting blurry and my brain has gone to "full mush" mode. I also have to get up early to dig my wife's car out of a snow drift before she goes to work in three and a half hours. It's 2:00 in the morning right now. Wish me luck!

I guess the moral of all of this, if there is one, would be: No matter how many shocks you are thrown in life, the most important thing to do is... PUSH FORWARD. And right now, I'm definitely headed in the right direction. And I'm not just talking about the way to my bed, either.

Goodnight, everyone!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Shock Has Stuck Around

From birth to present time, I've always been easily shocked by the actions or words of other people. Until I was in my teens, I didn't say much. Instead I chose to listen and observe people. The conclusion of 40 plus years of observation has led me to the simple fact that one thing unifies and defines everyone in this society. And that one thing is insanity.

Growing up in a small town, I originally, until the time I was ten, lived in a small four room house that had neither a bathtub, shower or toilet. We were poor but we made do. Our drinking water came from an old cistern. A kind of well. When it was later cleaned out, it had these little albino frogs jumping around down at the bottom of it. Yummo!

My only friends and neighbors for miles, until I was six, were a family called The Hogstons. Yeah, that was their actual last name. Their only kids were two young boys. They had a couple dogs as pets... and then some. For fun, the boys, David and Lowell (about my age at the time) would play "The Lemonade Game." If you're thinking that this game involved running around in circles, pissing into each other's mouths all the while, then you would be correct. sir. I even have memories of them humping a family wiener dog, but I didn't know back then what the hell they were doing because I WAS A GODDAMN KID.

Sure they would invite me to play their games. But usually, even while I would say "No thanks," unsteadily, I was in a state of shock. I would offer my own ideas like, "Let's go ride bikes." They would have none of those (normal) types of childhood hobbies.

The one thing they did that really scarred me for life was when they locked me in a cold, spider- infested, cobweb filled basement, with the lights out. I screamed for hours. When the door was finally opened, I was in shock and feared the dark from that day forward.

Eventually, I distanced myself altogether from them and collected shiny rocks off of the gravel road that led to our house and rode my bike for my main hobbies. I also collected matchbox cars and began making these little staple and paper books about the pets we had. I even included my own illustrations. Later on, I began writing short stories about anything. My imagination was great. When I wasn't doing that, mom and I would take walks down the road. I wish I had stronger memories of that than anything else. By the way, my new best friends, eventually, became an apple tree and a cat named Pepsi.

Anyway.... Back to the neighbor kids:

These boys could easily play that moronic cousin's family (Randy Quaid played the father) in the National Lampoon's "Vacation" movies. Inbred cousin-screwing morons are one thing, but it's quite another thing to drink your brother's pee and fuck the family dog. Even as a wee lad, I knew that was wrong.

My next big shock happened when I started going to parochial school. Catholic school. We had nuns for teachers. This was when nuns always had to wear the penguin outfits. (Watch "The Blues Brothers" movie) You know, black and white, curtain-cloth type garments that hung down to the ankles.

One sister was a principal. She might have claimed herself as a holy god servant but she was more like a husky quarterback-sized woman cursed with a bulldog face and heart of pitch black tar . She was also a cold hearted bitch... In case you didn't catch the implication before.

This sister -we'll call her Sister Harker, delighted in punishing whoever she thought was getting out of line. Sometimes, a ruler against the knuckles would be used. Other times, it would be a hard hand smacking you across the face with enough force to knock your teeth out. Ahh... precious memories.

My friend, Russell and I, quiet outcasts from the usual rabble of school kids, were walking to the daily morning mass before school one day. You would be forced to walk to church in two straight lines, never allowed to make a noise. It was almost like marching. Hell, it was more like they were the military.

At one point, during those 8 years of parochial school, Russell and I dared to whisper something to each other while walking down the hallway towards church. Remember: We were normally very quiet, even during recess, on the playground. This was a more rarer event than when Bush Jr. made a correct decision during eight years as president. Suddenly, as Russell and I whispered, our heads crashed together as if the gods themselves had struck us with lightening. Sister Harker screamed, "You are not allowed to talk!"

I was in so much shock, I didn't understand the words coming out of her mouth. My friend told me what she had said later on.

Harker grabbed my friend's arm and my own. What next? I wondered. Public execution? Instead she chose to present the both of us to the rest of the class and lecture everyone on not talking on the way to church. For the crime, the punishment, in comparison, was being made into a big Broadway play, of sorts. Luckily, or unluckily, I was watching the twittering little birds above my head. Tweet. Tweet.

I've never looked into the possibility of a concussion. Ha.

Sister Harker was as big and strong and mean as a rabid sumo wrestler. I found out she turned 95, just recently. More proof of that old saying "Only the good die young". Maybe living that long on this rock called Earth is her punishment.

Part Two of this post is coming up next.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Baltimore Weatherman Flips Out

This weatherman in Baltimore loses it before the upcoming Snowmaggedon.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

President Cristina Fernandez Loves Pork. So what!

The recent reports of what Argentine President Cristina Fernandez said about pork is true. But this guy making the video about the news item is, say, a lot over the top. Basically, she made little strange jokes about how eating pork can spice up your sex life and comparing it to Viagra.

Yeah, but this video is funny for a different reason, too. This guy sensationalized something not worth getting excited about, just as some news reporters sensationalized the story (but not really a story) when they first reported it.

I read about it here and there. Finally, I saw her on the TV news, myself and my first thought was -she's kind of hot and sexy! And just as good, or maybe better, she has a great sense of humor. But what's with the lip gloss? Did you smear that shit on with a spatula? Somehow, even because of that thick coating of lip gloss, I think she's even hotter. Mmmmm.

Before I get even more worked up about her than I already am (heh heh) here's the you tube description of the video, followed by the video:

Argentine President Cristina Fernandez was captured on the news saying that pork is better than Viagra when it comes to love making. The attractive leader of Argentina was speaking to a consortium of pork farmers when she said that she and her husband had a weekend full of exciting sex and she credited the pork sandwiches they ate for the exciting weekend of love making. She said who needs Viagra when you have pork.
more at

Monday, February 8, 2010

Mind Tricks

Here are a couple ways to have some fun by messing with the mind of a friend or relative:

Chair Control

Ask your friend or relative to sit in a straight backed chair with his or her knees pressed together, feet flat on the floor with his or her hands firmly gripping the side edges of the seat. Now stand in front of that person and place your middle finger in the middle of their forehead.

Next, breathe deeply and put on an act that you're focusing your mental energy upon on your chosen potential dupe. When you're ready, invite your mark to attempt to stand up. Just before the person stands up, explain to him/her that they will find it impossible to do so since you are using your psychic energy to keep them pinned to the chair.

The mark will not be able to stand up -no matter how hard they try.

The secret: In order for the person to stand up, he or she must move his center of gravity in front of his or her knees, but they won't be able to do that with their backside stuck at the back of the chair.

Head Case

Sit on the floor with your legs crossed. Put your dominant hand on top of your head with the palm face down. Spread your fingers wide. Now ask a friend to grip your arm at the elbow and attempt to remove your hand from your head. They will find it almost impossible.

The secret: Your arm is a lever and the powerful parts of any lever are the ends. Your elbow is the fulcrum, so any attempt to exert force at this point will be easily matched by the leverage in your arm. Think of it like this: Trying to open a door by pressing on the hinges.

It's fun to fuck with people, isn't it? As long as they don't shoot you.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Rocket Bomb

I came across this story today about an event that happened last Sunday, in Michigan. I just wish that I could have seen this act of human stupidity in person. I would have laughed.

Looking for a power boost to his sled riding experience, a 62 year old sledder got it when the homemade rocket strapped to his back exploded, burning him over nearly 20 percent of his body. Oakland County Undersheriff Mike McCabe said the man, whose identity hasn't been released, was hospitalized in stable condition Monday.

Quick! Somebody break out the marshmallows and I'll go grab a couple sticks! The fire is still burning pretty good!

The crazy ol' man was hosting a Sunday night sledding party when he filled an automobile muffler with gasoline and gunpowder, strapped it to his back and had it lit, seeking what McCabe called "a rocket-launch effect."

Instead, I believe, he got the "Holy-shit-my-goddamn-back-is-half-gone-and-I'm-on-fire-effect."

The device blew up as the man headed downhill, causing second-degree burns to his face and right side of his body and possible eye damage.

This story kinda reminds me of when Chevy Chase oiled up the bottom of his metal sled in the movie, "Christmas Vacation." One of my faves. Zooom! Pow! Only this guy was more of an imbecile because he basically strapped a freaking bomb to his back. HA HA HA.

No charges have been filed against the man, whom McCabe said is known for doing "outrageous things" at his sledding parties.No shit. I bet he'd be fun for entertaining at kid's parties... or adult parties, for that matter -as long as he's far, far away from the house, car and the rest of the property. If he damages or sets himself on fire, that's cool, though. Maybe next time he could wrestle a polar bear, while naked.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Ice, Snow And Cats

Since yesterday, our area has been hit with ice, rain, freezing rain, sounds of thunder and five to seven inches of snow. I know there are areas in this country, especially Washington DC and most of the North Eastern US have got it a lot worse. According to the news, Washington DC is going to get bombarded with two and a half feet of snow. The most snow they've seen in years. I pity them and everyone else on the East coast.

It will be rough.

I've survived four major blizzards, that I can remember. A couple of them were the cause of the power going out and the water lines freezing for days. Fun ahoy!

Here, in our county, we have a level 3 snow emergency -which means if you are seen driving out on the roads, you can be ticketed by the cops. Our county is the only one in the tri-state area to have this level of emergency. I'm glad we went to the grocery store Wednesday to get food, drinks and most importantly, toilet paper. Wiping your ass on paper towels can be rough -literally.

Many people in our area live on back country roads. They're pretty much fucked because they are the last ones to have their roads cleared off by the city.

Needless to say, WalMart, Krogers and every other store was packed with panicked customers buying salt, snow shovels, cans of de-icer and so on, the day before. My wife not only had to work at WalMart nearly ten hours that day but she also had to struggle up the incredibly steep ice and snow covered hill to make it home after work.

Here are some photos, I just took, of our scenery outside. I've also included a picture of my oldest cat, Mufasa (the one that looks completely relaxed, on the floor) and my younger cat, Victor (the orange tabby on the chair). We keep them indoors, of course.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Think About This!

Most of these questions or statements are from me and will have an asterisk at the beginning. Some lines have been seen on bumper stickers. Some quotes are from real people (past and present). Their common link? I think they're all worth giving some thought to.

"When you're hit with a seemingly inescapable threat, it is best to go with the most positive option" -This was the gist of what a main character on the TV show, Fringe (one of my favorites), was saying... but not exactly. Still, this makes sense to me.

*Why do small time criminals become hardened and, at times, more dangerous, while they stay in prison and then when they leave the prison? This is a condition that should be further investigated. My feeling is... is that pain suffered in prison can be a breeding ground for anger. Then anger is channeled in many different ways after that, unfortunately. I think it may used against either the convict, himself, or the rest of society. Is there something to that? I wish more people would think about this one.

It is harder to gain wisdom than it is to gain knowledge.

"Every man is encompassed by a cloud of comforting convictions, which move with him like flies on a summer day" -Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

"If we understand the mechanisms and motives of the group mind, it is now possible to control and regiment the masses according to our will without their knowing it." Edward L. Bernays

*Maybe you don't want to know all of the answers. Maybe you shouldn't know all of the answers. And then.... Maybe you are the answer. Dwell on that before your head explodes.

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.

(Regarding Lie Detector Tests) "[Polygraph screening] is completely without any theoretical foundation and has no validity... the diagnostic value of this type of testing is no more than that of astrology or tea-leaf reading" -former Supervisory Special Agent Dr Drew C. Richardson, FBI Laboratory Division

*Personally, I think a lot of what people say they think about something or someone is normally quite a bit different from what they're really thinking about that same subject or person. I would like to be wrong about that. Do you say what you feel or what others would like to hear?

*Subtlety is a form of deception.

*Everyone has an agenda -for the good or bad for others -and especially themselves.

"Irreverence is is the champion of liberty and it's one sure defense" -Mark Twain

The Gene Pool could use a little chlorine

"The Optimist: "I have no friends, no family, no money, no food, no credit, no luck, no hope and no future. However, I do have matches, toothpicks, chewing gum, paper clips, rubber bands, shoelaces and some Scotch Tape. Maybe things aren't so bad." -George Carlin

*Damn, I miss George Carlin. I think a lot of what he said pretty much revealed himself to be a realist instead of a pessimist. Things are easier to swallow when you are thrown the bone of humor first. God, he was funny as hell.

*Advertisers, in every form of media, use humor and repetition as a way to take your money while you're still looking. Gullibility is counted on. Talk about the kings of manipulation!

*A great song will change your mood. And great is a matter of perception.

*Discovery of anything is good, perhaps. What you do with it is more important.

*Do you have anything to add?


Another batch of pics and fine examples of the ways people try to get our attention. It might look like art now (in my opinion, it depends on the tat) but decades from now, it will have lost most of it's original color and/or look shitty due to wrinkles, blotchy skin and so forth.

Here are some weird ones I've found, lately.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Freakiest Clip I've Ever Seen

From one of my favorite shows -"A 1000 Ways to Die". This guy is beyond fucked up.

And remember, folks, don't try this at home! Good Lord!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Ginger The Pig And Punxsutawney Phil

This is the true account of a famous world traveling, adventurous pig named Ginger and his equally famous weather reporting friend, Punxsutawney Phil.

On your upper left is a recent picture of Ginger, a world weary, potbellied pig with a heart of gold. A long time companion of my sister's family, Ginger is seen here, being consoled, after a dog strayed into the yard and scared him. Notice the pellet gun in the back. The dog had a particularly high-pitched yelp.

Below that is a photo taken earlier today of the groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil. While Phil was doing his job and following tradition by predicting the weather for the people of Gobbler's Knob (where one, I suppose, can receive a complimentary knob gobbling), Pennsylvania, some old kook in a black top hat not-so-secretly fondles Phil's genitals. Can you see it? Enlarge the picture by clicking on it, if you must. Yes, sadly, while the groundhog was suffering the shame of being publicly molested, he mournfully announced, "There will be six more weeks of winter and I believe I just spooooged."

Yes, Gobbler's Knob is the real name of the town. I'm not kidding. WTF.

Our pals, Ginger and Phil met each other, by chance, at a bar one year ago. An intriguing conversation took place between the two and then after, a few more shots of whiskey and then a bar fight broke out and it was them against a trio of crack heads. Luckily, Ginger was there and he saved Phil from certain death. Just as Marvin the Crack Head was about to slit Phil's throat, Ginger bit the drug addict's nutsack, resulting in Marvin shitting himself, promptly, then squealing like a pig.

Right at the start, both Phil and Ginger hit it off and left Gobbler's Knob Tavern, took a plane and landed in Washington, DC. Once there, they passed through White House Security with their credentials, only, and were able to meet the president to discuss matters of utmost importance.

President Obama, Ginger and Phil sat on the large sofa in the Oval Room and discussed how best to handle the war in Afghanistan, among other things. As the president, pig and groundhog spoke with each other, Vice President, Biden walked into the room and asked them all if they would enjoy some entertainment. Enthusiastically, Phil shouted, "Why yes, that would be grand! This day has become somewhat depressing with these talks of America's problems. Entertainment of any kind would be most welcome!"

Vice President Biden pulled down his trousers and Sponge Bog Square Pants underwear, posthaste. Ginger, Phil and Obama exchanged curious glances. Joe Biden then withdrew a bottle rocket from a nearby drawer, for just such an occasion and quickly shoved the bottle rocket into his anus. Ginger raised a hoof and was about to protest the actions displayed thus far but was then quieted by the vice president.

"Shush!," shouted Biden.

The old bumbling politician lit the fuse and the bottle rocket emitted loud pops, sparks, small explosions. This was followed by Biden, screaming the Pledge of Allegiance. White House security suddenly crashed through the doors, guns pointing at Joe Biden.

"Oh, he's doing that old routine again," said one of the armed men. He took pulled at his collar and spoke into his communication device. "Never mind. Biden is just entertaining guests again."

At this moment, Vice President Biden's pants suddenly caught fire around his ankles and once again, Ginger The Pot Bellied Pig took action by leaping from the sofa to aid the old fool.

Bravely, Ginger wobbled his fat, robust 250lb form over to Biden and promptly raised one of his back legs to take a leisurely piss upon Biden's burning pants. Biden thanked him, afterwards and rewarded the pig by not fondling his genitals.

Soon afterwards, Ginger and Phil left Washington, DC, leaving the president to contend with the nation's problems.

During the year they traveled together, Phil and Ginger had many adventures. Perhaps another episode will be told in the future.

We can only pray.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Fun At Arby's and New Priorities

Hey, at least you don't suddenly bleed on teenage cashier boys at Arby's. I did that the other night. My nose started bleeding, kind of profusely, drops splattering the counter, while I was trying to tell my order to the Arby's employee. I had to use both handkerchiefs I had in my pants (which I eventually filled with blood) before the bleeding subsided long enough for me to get the order out of my mouth while blood dripped on my tongue, gums and beard.

How embarrassing! But for only a second, however, and then I didn't care because I knew I was most likely grossing every other customer standing beside me and behind me. So... It was worth it, I suppose. I tend to disgust or irritate at least one person every day. I would put something like that on my tombstone "Here Lies Kelly. He could piss anybody off without even trying." But I'm too cheap for all of that lettering, not to mention the plot expenses and so on, so I'm going to have myself cremated. Instructions will then include having my ashes sprinkled over some asshole's ice cream sundae. Or something like that.

My mother-in-law wants a really expensive casket and extravagant funeral. She already has it all planned out. Why? She's gonna be dead. Why do people do that? Simple answer: Vanity.

Er, where was I? Ah, yeah, my nose bleed.

My nose gets a kick out of bleeding like that -especially when it's really dry and cold outside or if I pick a particularly hard booger that's done a super job of gluing itself to my nose booger wall.

Say, "Thank you for sharing!"

These days, since my month long 95% recovery from Major Depression -which I've been diagnosed with for the last five years, my priorities in life have greatly changed.

For one, I don't care as much how I look when I go out in public. That's not to say I go out around town with my tube steak and blueberries hanging out of my pants. You can get ticketed and arrested for that shit. Or... in my case, possibly laughed at.*

*Due to my left testicle being the size of a small Granny Apple and the other one being just peachy -And by that, I mean normal. What's with all this food talk in this post?

No, I try to, at the very least, brush my teeth, comb my hair (even the pubes) and wear normal clothing when I go out. No more Sex Instructor: First Lessons Free type shirts are worn or even owned. I was the first, in my high school, to wear that shirt, by the way. Such pride! Now, if I were to go out with that shirt on, I would be thought of as some old pervert (which, of course, I am) but anyway....

I just believe it's all trivial and vain to go out in normal everyday places, wearing a popular name suit and a twenty to thirty dollar haircut.... or for the ladies (and some men, I suppose) -five pounds of makeup slathered on or plastic surgery work done on their faces. Even if it's for the workplace, don't demean yourself. As much as you have been likely brainwashed by this society, you really are not a product to be sold.

Number two: I don't give a rat's ass about how cute you think your kids are. I don't want to see their pictures. And if they're screaming at a table near me at a restaurant, expect a dirty look or much, much more from me if you don't remove them promptly or discipline them. They're irritating me and everyone else. It's rude. I'm trying to eat, digest my food properly and perhaps cut a small, yet quaint fart. People just don't have the cojones (or something like that) to give the parent(s) what I affectionately call "The Mean Bastard Glare".

Get those screamin' monkeys out of here!

Number three: Keeping up with the latest electronic gadgetry. That's an endless, futile and very expensive goal. You can keep your high powered computers, iPhone and other devices of diversion and stick 'em way up your toot hole. I'm just as happy reading a paperback book.

And lastly: Arguing continuously with certain people. If I've made my point and you've made yours and we still don't agree, then let's cool off for awhile and step away. More than likely, it won't be the end of the world. And later, after some thought, somebody might just see the other's point of view and go with it.
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