This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Fool's Errand On April Fool's Day

Around a week ago, I thought of challenging myself to a task that I've never endeavored before. The challenge to myself may not seem like a big deal to you and in the grand scheme of life, it really means diddly-squat. I mean to take on this Fool's errand, starting today, All Fool's Day, that will have me creating and putting up a fresh new post, each and every day in the month of April.

"Wowee Gazowy!" you shout with as much exuberance as a kid who gets socks on Christmas Day. You're thinking, There's bloggers that do this every day. Who gives a shit? And you would be a correctly thinking cynical bastard for having this thought rattling in that big ol' noggin of yours. But, given the often arduous responsibilities I have had with certain family members and the time restraints involved, it is a challenge for yours truly. Only recently, have the burden of these responsibilities lessened with the help of several factors.

This challenge can be halted, unexpectedly, at any time due to what certain family members (and others involved) do or not do, of course. Anyway, I want to post something every day for a month just to see if I can do it.

This idea came to me during a weird day I was having, walking at the park. Just as it popped into my head, a huge motherfuckin' dog, that resembled a woolly mammoth without the tusks more than a loyal canine, struggled against the pull of a leash to eat me alive. The girl, no older than 16, was losing the battle of keeping this behemoth, this St. Bernard, from devouring my leg with this flimsy strap on a trail at the park I walk at every day. Several of her friends observed the shocked look on my face and laughed.

One of them said the usual thing that all pet owners say in these circumstances.

"Oh, don't worry. It won't bite."

Hey, that might be true most of the time, regarding your pet but that doesn't mean it won't happen at one point during their lives and it certainly doesn't give any comfort telling me or anyone that worthless shit. Hell, I've been bitten three times by dogs and each time I did absolutely nothing to cause them to take a fleshy hunk out of me. Two of those three times, I had been told earlier that their animals didn't bite people. So yes, I have a fear of dogs. For good reason.

Next time somebody tells me that their fuckin' animal doesn't bite gets to be whacked in the head with a baseball bat. The same goes for dumb fuckers who don't keep their dogs on a leash in public areas. Nobody knows for certain what their animal is going to do around anyone because animals, just like human beings, are unpredictable.

As I tried to quickly explain my past history with dogs to the teenagers while trying to walk around them, which was difficult because of the spot we had all converged, they blew off what I said like teenagers and some adults will do when you're attempting to give rational explanations to them.

The teenagers and the monster dog continued walking past me, ignoring what I was saying. Luckily, I escaped, with legs and arms still attached as we continued going in opposite directions.

Moving on, I later encountered a little boy, pretty far from where his parents were at, sitting and riding on a plastic tricycle. He said, "Hi. Who are you?"

Impressed with his willingness to be friendly to somebody he didn't know at his early age, I said, "Kelly. What's your name?"

He said his name was Tyler. At least I think he did. I really didn't want to stand there and talk to the kid for any length of time because I figured the parents would eventually look over, see that I was talking to their kid and think I was a guy with evil intentions or something. In this day and age, parents are leery of their kids talking to strangers (especially men), with good reason. I didn't want to be confronted with a potential weird situation. I just wanted to get through my day's walk without any more incidents.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on the way you perceive it, the kid followed beside me on his little plastic bike. He was determined to have a conversation with me. It was cute, you know, and I was very impressed with all of his questions and his details on what he had done so far that day and so on. Kids sometimes surprise me with their lack of self conscious behavior and fear that adults tend to have by the bucket loads.

So here I am, hobbling along, due to my feet problems, trying to be polite and at the same time, escape from this kid before the parents can come along and ask me why I'm talking to their kid. I'm doing my damnedest to avoid a potentially awkward situation and he pulls his bike directly in front of me and asks, "So where are you going?"

I felt like saying, but didn't say, "I'm trying to make it to my goddamn truck!" But, as evil as I pretend to be, I'm not going to do that. This was all kinda funny, in a way and I was beginning to feel a little sorry for the kid. I wasn't sure if he was just naturally this talkative all the time to complete strangers or if he was doing it out of loneliness or a little of both.

Exasperated, I took a deep breath and said, "I'm heading toward my truck. I have to get home. I'll talk to you later, sometime, okay?"

I wondered, after saying that, if the kid was going to ask me for my phone number so he could call me at home. Instead he asked, "Where's your truck?" I shook my head and laughed. I was afraid to tell him where my truck was at, figuring he would try riding over to it. About that time, one of his parents finally came over and began talking to him, saying it was time for him to go eat over at one of the picnic tables across the road. The parent didn't look at me once as he grabbed the boy with one hand and the bike with the other. And off they went.

Relief, at last, I thought. lol. But, I was happy to have the experience of such a courageous kid talking to me. I thought what a wonderful world it would be if everyone were as uninhibited as that. Ten minutes later, I was back in my truck, heading home and I wondered what the parents and kid talked about and did for the rest of the day.


LilPixi said...

I have a mother who grew up petrified of dogs. It has amazed me to no end how she now loves our family dog that my sister & father forced upon her more than anyone in the whole family.

Those lil bastards thrive on fear & an air of confident authority gives them the direct signal to back off. Try it next time one of the lil buggers is freaking you out.

If my dog ever snapped a bite at me I'd give him a harmless lil bite on his nose or hold his lil snout shut, lol, to let him know, "Hey, I'm the boss of YOU, cute lil maneater." Or I'd confidently growl back. He wouldn't know wtf to do. lol

They're still from the family of wolves, goddamit, and people don't realize how aware they really have to be owning a dog.

Maybe the lil boy went home & asked his parents 1,000,000 questions about the meaning of life & they drugged him with NyQuil.
J/K. That was cute.

Looking very forward to this month of blogging mania, Kelly. ;~}

THE SNEE said...

Hi Kelly, Blogger is messing with me and just 'errored' my very long winded comment. Was that supposed to be a hint?

So,...I loved taking this walk with you and completely related to your reflections on perceptions. So here are my thoughts in response to this thought provoking post on this extremely SNOWY Friday, No foolin'!

Challenges....I'm a risk adverse person and fairly introverted so I need to do mini races to build to marathons.

Dogs: Bring a walking stick just in case. I'm a BIG DOG Person, but one should always be wary that dogs are animals and therefore sometimes unpredictable.

Teenage Girls in Groups: SCAREEE!

Little unsupervised talkative children on Trikes: While it is true that disinhibited chatter can be a beautiful thing, it is also true that loneliness can drive a dude to peddle to the nearest chat station. The little guy is lucky to have connected with you because your kind heart and warmth would be just what the doctor ordered. You made me laugh describing your worries that someone might scream "stranger danger" while pointing to you. It is too bad that our world is like that.

Did I just grand stand, or soap stand? I'm not sure, but I could sure use some Chili to take away the Chill today!

Happy April Fools Day and Happy Posting! I'll be here enthusiastically all April to share in your journey.

Cpt Pownzor said...

Lol people always think their dog is the cuttest and cuddlyest but when it comes down to it dogs are fairly unpredictable. Sometimes it takes very little to irk a dog and a big one like that can do some serious damage.

TheHarvester said...

happy april fools my friend!

billy pilgrim said...

my dog bites! we've had our mail service discontinued and been reported to animal control a few times.

on the plus side i can't remember the last time a jehovah's witness knocked on our door.

bazza said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bazza said...

It's true that many men are nervous of talking with young kids in the street or park because of what there parents might think. Isn't it sad that that's how the world is now? I am naturally friendly and always like talking to kids but feel inhibited these days.
Also, I feel it's true that dogs detect fear in humans and play on it. It's hard but you have to take a positive view of dogs and then they will not attack.
Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

G said...

Good luck...i've tried this before and always failed...but you're made of sterner stuff, I have faith!

Kelly said...

LilPixi- It's funny and great how that worked out between the dog and your mom. I've had 2 dogs in my life when I was a kid and they were both loving. But other people's dogs- I'm leery of. Yeah, I'll try that- what you're suggesting with a stranger's dog. I have done that before with a relative's dog and everything went well. It sounds like you know how to handle your dogs, LilPixi. lol. And like you say, people should know how to take the necessary steps to control their animal as much as possible. At least have a leash on it in public places. The scenario you described about the boy going home was funny. I'd like to think it turned out just that way.J/K. I just hope one of his thousands of questions wasn't like, "Hey mom, dad... Can we go back to the park tomorrow and look for that guy I was talking to today?" Get ready for blogging mania, LilPixi. Sounds like a pay per view wrestling match or something. lol.

Kelly said...

THE SNEE- I've been getting that same error, too, I think for that same reason. It just happened when I responded to LilPIxi's comment above. Yeah, I heard about how much snow everyone got up and over there. I feel sorry for you. I truly do. This winter was horrible with all the snow and ice and it's time for it to stop already. Glad you enjoyed 'the walk' with me. I agree with ya on 'challenges' and the 'teenage girls' They act very differently from when I was in high school. lol. I will take the walking stick into real consideration. Good advice, Rebecca. Yeah, I can be a big ol' softee around kids, at times. Just ask my nieces. for some reason, they love Uncle Kelly. Can't figure out why. :) Yes, please try to keep up with the posts. I'll need the support and I look forward to your comments. Take care!

Kelly said...

Cpt Pownzer- I agree with you there. dogs are very unpredictable. I've seen them snap at people-not just me-when those same people have done nothing to provoke them. I've had better luck with cats. Cats have always been cool with me for whatever reason. I've owned about a dozen or so in my 47 year lifetime.

Kelly said...

The Harvester- Thanks. Happy April Fool's Day to you, as well.

Kelly said...

billy pilgrim- I believe you when you say your dog bites. You said you have a Pit Bull dog on your blog... so the biting, I believe. lol. I don't know if you're kidding or not about your mail service being discontinued and being reported to animal control... but that's believable, too. Is there anyone else, besides Jehovah's Witnesses and mailmen not coming within a half mile from your house? lol. Just kidding. I think. :) Take care, Billy. Have a great weekend!

Kelly said...

bazza- You hit the proverbial nail on the head, Bazza. It is sad that that is how the world is and how some men are viewed these days. I enjoyed my friendly talk with the kid, in a way. And I was impressed with his courage to talk with me. But I'm like you around them, friendly and inhibited. There's been a few times when I've showed no fear of dogs to prevent attack but I think that since I've been bitten in the past, 3 times, it has been difficult. I think you're right about dogs sensing fear, too. Even though I've own a couple dogs in my youth, I'll probably remain a 'cat person' for the rest of my days. So far, I've only had a few scratches from cats- usually due to them being surprised by a loud noise. You have a great weekend, my friend! Thank you for stopping by. I look forward to your future blog posts and comments on this blog.

Kelly said...

G- Yeah, I think I'm up for this blogging challenge. So far, I've come up with about 20 ideas or topics to talk about in the month of April so I know I won't have to worry about Writer's Block, at least. Have a dandy weekend!

The Wolf said...

The last time a dog bit me I bit it one the face so hard I drew blood right in front of it's owner. The fucker then started yelling at me so I threatend to bite him too. That;s why I keep my dog on a leash even though he's only 20 lbs he's still an animal and they can snap for all types of reasons.

Good luck on posting every day this month. I try to post articles for my website every day, and it can be really challanging. One thing you'll notice though is that you start to type really fast, especially for the longer posts. Anyways can't wait to see what your going to write about.

Kelly said...

The Wolf- That's fuckin' great, man! What did the dog-owning fucker do when you threatened to bite him, too? Run and cry? Stand there and crap his pants? Pay no attention and calmly take his dog to the vet? Am I asking enough questions? lol.

It's good to hear you got the common sense to keep your dog on a leash. We need more folks like you at the park I walk in. Animals, no matter how tame they are for their owners, are unpredictable. Thanks for wishing me luck on posting every day this month. I've got about 20 post ideas so I know Writer's Block won't be a problem. Good thing I can already type pretty fast. lol.

klahanie said...

Dearest Kelly,
Yes, tis I, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star. Gary has been struggling just trying to multi-task and thus he has sent me and quite fittingly to respond to this posting. Oh rest assured, my human type friend, I do not bite.
However, I do know what you mean in regards to a having a dog bite you without any provocation. I can understand you fear of dogs based on what you say. For that, I'm very sorry. And that situation with the teenagers must have been most alarming. At least nothing came of that situation.
In so far as 'Tyler' I think it's nice that he was inquisitive. Yet, I know that in today's society and sadly, sometimes with the good reason, parents might perceive the goings on with worry.
Yet, like you mention, wouldn't it be nice if we, including us animals, lived in a world where trust was the norm.
Pawsitive wishes, your way, Penny :)

Kelly said...

klahanie- It IS very appropriate that you are responding to this particular post. Tell Gary I know how he feels about the multi-tasking and I can relate. I'll take your word that you don't bite, Penny. :)

Yeah, I'm happy nothing bad came from the situation, too. Even though the dog wasn't able to get at me and we all crossed paths, safely, the teenagers could have had a shitty reaction to my "explaining" and gang up on me. No way I could have taken on 3 guys and 2 girls. Wait. That didn't sound quite right. :) I totally agree with ya on the 'Tyler' incident and today's society. Take care, Penny and tell Gary to do the same.

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