This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Kelly's Crock Pot Beans Supremo

Eegads! I'm under the gun, tonight, so to speak. I have less than two hours to create a new outrageously fascinating post because of my self-imposed blog challenge. Click the dang darn link back there if you don't know what in tarnation I mean. And why in the heck am I talking like that cartoon character, Yosemite Sam?

Due to time limitations, I'm gonna have to scrap the award post idea for tonight. Award posts tend to take me forever to create. Gary, from the blog, klahanie, was kind enough to pass along an award to lil' ol' humble-as-hell me last night but I was unable to post about it, earlier, because my wife threatened to cut my penis off if I didn't spend quality time with her most of today and tonight. So, in respect to her and to the beloved one eyed trouser snake in my pants, I opted for the "quality time". :) Beats going without a penis, I always say.

Now then, I wish to share with all of you my original, secret crock pot recipe, affectionately called Kelly's Crock Pot Beans Supremo. Pretty fancy title, eh? Impressive, you say? I've been making it for the wife and I for a couple years now. It's MMM MMM good and packed with that extra fart power that you and everyone else is craving these days. Your significant other will especially appreciate this hearty, delicious meal when you both get beneath the sheets tonight. Swear to God!

This is a very real, very tasty recipe- SO PAY ATTENTION, GODDAMN IT! And don't pass this along to anyone. It's a seeeeecret.

First off, you'll need a crock pot. If you don't have one, steal one. Or, I guess you could buy one but where's the fun in that?

Ingredients and Directions

3 cups Great Northern Beans (beans are to be soaked in water overnight)
1 lb. Ham chunks
Diced green peppers, red peppers and yellow peppers (however much you desire)
8 oz. chopped onions
3/4 cup of light brown sugar
4 tablespoons of sweet n' sour sauce

Make sure there is at least 1 1/2 inches to 2 inches of water covering the top of all the ingredients in the pot. Set crock pot for 10 hours.

That's it. It's a simple recipe. And trust me. It's for real. And it's extremely yummy for the tummy and a blast for the ass. Enjoy!


Erika said...

I definitely think that you made the right choice.... Sod having your penis cut off xP

The Wolf said...

Yeah that penis can come in handy sometimes. As for the crock pot recipe that sounds mighty tasty. Much more so then my severed hooker head stew (made with real dead hooker heads and all) It was the talk of the town in Serbia last year

Annabelle said...

Uh, oops. That Kahlanie person started following my blog, but I thought he may be a non real blogger person.

But if you know him and you are an acceptable kind of crazy, I guess he's legit.

Have a monday...and thanks for the kind words.S

bazza said...

Yeah Kelly, have a Monday.
I fell at the first fence with that recipe. Unless we know them by a different name, Great Northern beans are unknown in the UK; so is Emerils Original Essence.
I think a crock pot is what we call a 'slow-cooker'.
Never mind, you can cook it when I call on you!
Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

Kelly said...

Erika- I think so, too. Without a penis, I'll have to pee like a girl and who the hell wants that?

Kelly said...

The Wolf- Yeah, I agree, penises can cum in handy. My penis cums in my hand-y all the time. Sometimes my penis cums in the wife but that's too much like work. So- it's better that it cums in hand-y. Seriously, though, the crock pot recipe is very tasty. I'm sure the 'severed hooker head stew' could give it a run for it's money, though.

Kelly said...

Annabelle- Gary, The Non Real Blogger Person. He'll like that. lol. Yeah, I know him. He raped my cat and ate all the food in my fridge. I'm more bothered that he ate my leftover meatloaf than about the damned cat, though. Cats are a dime a dozen but good meatloaf is hard to find. :) I'm not sure if I'm an acceptable form of crazy. I guess I am. I haven't killed anyone with a toaster oven just yet so I guess I'm alright. Thank you for wishing me a Monday.

And on a serious note... You're welcome for the kind words on your blog.

Kelly said...

bazza- Thanks for wishing me a Monday, ol' friend o' mine. I wish you one, as well. You fell at the first fence, you say? Gosh, I guess that sign warning you about the fence blew down from all that wind we got last night. lol. I'm a smart ass, aren't I? Seriously, though, I'm guessing that's an English expression and more importantly, or less, we call crock pots 'slow cookers' over here, too. They're known by both names. That's interesting what you say about the Great Northern Beans and Emeril's Original Essence (spice mix). I thought both of them would be known more throughout the world than just the U.S. There's a reason I say that. But that's the way it is, though, at times. Take care, man. Could you be a gentleman and mend that fence for me now?

klahanie said...

Annabelle said...
"Uh, oops. That 'Kahlanie' person started following my blog, but I thought he may be a non real blogger person."
Okay, Annabelle, I the shy and humble 'Klahanie', have indeed linked into your remarkable blog and shall be leaving a comment, fairly soon :)
Yes, I'm real. Heck I even do a blog n' stuff. Not a very good blog, in fact a poorly written blog that I wouldn't even bother checking out.
Oh heck, hello Kelly. How's it goin' eh? Ah yes, your 'self-imposed blog chalenge'. Gosh, you know you could of joined in with all those others and participated in that nifty neato 'A to Z Blogging Challenge' and like met loads of new bloggers. Now, wouldn't that have been good, clean fun?
Anyway, that award I gave you, it's for your future consideration and thus, do with it as you so wish :)
I'm liking your recipe and I do believe it has some aphrodisiac qualities. This will be good for you, provided you stick with the quality time plan. Then again, if you start typing in a 'high-pitched voice'...I would guess you forgot about the quality time....:)
Must go now, I believe Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star, wants to put up a posting. That would be that non real blogger dog :)

DocStout said...

Looks like a solid recipe. If I ever launch a second blog, I want to do one about how a regular guy cooks manly food. Stuff like that. I am a huge fan of cooking cajun, soul food and mexican. Sometimes my bowels disagree.

bazza said...

Hi Kelly (again). 'Falling at the first fence' is a horse racing term. It means, of course, at the first hurdle or obstacle.

G said...

great sounding recipe - will have to look into getting them ingredients and giving it a whirl... and my GF gives me grief about blogging as well lol She watches soap opera's I blog

Greg said...

Kelly...sounds like a great recipe! I admire you for your efforts in keeping up with your challenge, and your consistency in writing great posts!

I also admire you for deciding that your pecker was worth keeping!

I'll have to try your recipe and I'll bag up one of my farts and send it to you!

Take care kelly!

Kelly said...

klahanie- I'm doing tremendously hunky dory, Gary! Glad you asked. Nah... None of that good clean alphabet soup blogging challenge fun for me, my friend. I like the dirty kind of fun that involves making mud pies and letting fungus grow between your toes. Yeah, I'm gonna shoot for doing the award post tonight. We'll see if I can get 'er done before I pass out. The Mrs. won't let me have much quality time with the PC nowadays. She even accused me of sleeping with the computer, this afternoon and I said, "Well, where in the heck would I put my penis in the computer?" She said, "You won't have to worry about that because I'm going to cut it off in your sleep tonight." So, in regards to this, if you hear me typing in a high pitched voice, in the near future, you'll know what happened. Take care, dude. :)

Kelly said...

DocStout- I like that idea about the manly food type blog. If you create it, I will come! And by that I mean, I will visit... not spurt a load all over the monitor. Of the three types of food you mentioned, I like Mexican the best. Like you, my bowels sometimes disagree. :)

Kelly said...

bazza- Another comment? Why, I must be in Heaven! lol. Thank you for sharing that bit of info about the horse racing term. Have a wonderful day.

Kelly said...

G- Yeah, it is a delicious meal. I was hoping people didn't think I was joking about it. It's real. Your girlfriend watches soaps. My wife watches DVR'd "Ellen" shows when she gets off work and "Dancing With The Stars" type of stuff. This is when I plead with her to let me on the computer. :)

Kelly said...

Greg- Yeah, it is great and affordable and easy, too. Thanks for saying that about my challenge and my posts, as well. I just hope I can get through this month, at least, with my pecker still attached. I'd hate to have to pee like a girl for the rest of my life. Gosh, that would suck. :) Sorry, girls! I'll hold you to that 'bagged fart' promise. I can't wait! Take care, my friend.

THE SNEE said...

Hi Kelly,

What's cookin'? Oh yeah! You're rustling up some beans. I've seen Emeril's cooking show, but I never saw his essence before. I'll keep my eye out for it the next time I swing by the store. Till then....I bow again to your perseverance. You gave yourself quite a challenge and have come up with some great posts. That being said, you were wise to adhere to your wife's wishes. " happy wife, happy life". Now to go soak those beans!

Kelly said...

THE SNEE- Hi there, Rebecca. Glad you came by for a look see and to comment in one of my recent posts among millions (at least it seems like millions) this month. Funnily enough, even while you were writing your comment, I was writing up another post and just published it. I can do this without getting my peener sliced off because the wifey finally went to bed. Oh, happy day... or happy night, rather. :) Thank you for bowing to my perseverance. I'm giving maybe just a wee bit of thought to taking a small blogging break after this self-imposed challenge is over at the end of April. Thank you also for saying my posts have been great. You're so right on target when you say, 'happy wife, happy life.' lol. Gotta put the wife first before anything else. After nearly 22 years of marriage, I've learned that lesson well. Take care, Rebecca and don't forget to pick up that "essence". :)

Drama Queen said...

So glad I don't have to sleep next to you the nights you make it! Sexy Techy has been bad enough, especially because he's been requesting walking tacos a lot. Must post recipe soon. ;)

Kelly said...

Drama Queen- Imagine the explosive power of my Crock Pot beans and your walking tacos together! No one in bed would get out alive. lol. Post that recipe, DQ! I wanna see it.

LilPixi said...

I cracked up about stealing the crockpot, lol, but thankfully I have one.

Okay, this post made me REALLY really hungry. Must have Kelly's Crock pot Beans Supremo!

Kelly said...

LilPixi- What's funny is, is that someone here didn't know what a crockpot was. lol.... but I'm not mentioning any names. Glad it made you hungry. It's real recipe, too. Really tasty and it is guaranteed to make you fart, as well. :)

Related Posts with Thumbnails

  © Blogger template ProBlogger Template by 2008

Back to TOP