Inclement Weather and Inclement People

I know.  It's like I'm only barely eking out one damned post a month.  Let's just say I've been keeping busy and worrying a lot about personal problems going on in my life and leave it at that.  But then, what else is new, eh?  Would I like to say things are semi-fine or halfway tolerable?  Yep.  I sure would.  You may think me a pessimist or call me an alarmist but, really, I honestly try to bring harmony in my little part of world only have it it crushed, pulverized and throw back in my face like a messy, sticky wad of pre-chewed Goobers.

This is going to have to be one of those times where I don't reveal what's happening in my personal life right now.  To recall it and write it in any kind of half-attempted detail here would only send me to the Community Mental Health Center.  Let's put it this way: I almost checked myself into such a place, yesterday and people who don't suffer from severe anxiety disorder or depression might have had the same thought cross their minds if they had gone through what I've gone through this week.  It's enough to make you (actually me) wish that The Grand Joke of Life that sometimes plagues the continuously unfortunate would just take a big ol' hammer, whack one in the head and get it over with.  Ha. Ha.  Gosh, I'm quite the kidder.  Let's just say that and move on, shall we?

Speaking of Goobers... Look!  There's Goober!  He's with Andy!  I wonder what tune Andy was playing?  It was probably something lighthearted and something that made sense.  Kind of like the opposite behavior of the people we have running around the world today.  Btw, Andy Griffith died not too long ago.  Don't ask me about Goober, though.  I don't know if he's down in the dirt and food for maggots or what. The last I heard, he joined a circus that was demon- owned that had crazed clown midgets and hell hounds running the show.   Hey, that reminds me of a story I wrote about a month ago!  How about that?  

But anyway...

I will say that the only reason I'm able to write this post is because the temperature has gone down to a nearly tolerable level in this part of the apartment and I rigged a gate, an old window screen, to be exact, to keep the new kitten from jumping around and eating my electrical wiring.  Plus, some of the problems that were taking hold of my sanity have quelled enough to a point where I can put a sentence together with my keyboard without foaming at the mouth and pissing my pants.

Damn.  People are getting are crazier by the day.  Every once in awhile, I'll create some crazy assed story  or comment on some crazy assed piece of news that's going on in the world but I tell you what, folks.  The true life stories that are going on these days put my own fictional or incredibly real tales to shame, or at the very least, seem lame by comparison.

The whack job that went into the Colorado Theater and shot 71 people, wearing a costume or something, while everyone was attempting to watch the new Batman flick is just one of many signs this country is plain nutty.  I would say he's inclement.  You never hear that word, describing insane or unfeeling people much, but I'd say it's time for a new word to describe cruel or apathetic people.  People use this word to describe the weather these days but I would cheerfully give up this word to be associated with this fucker.

Insanity and cruelty must be bliss- for this guy.  His creepy-as-fuck smile says a lot.    

Speaking of inclement weather... what's going on here?  Non-stop floods and rain in the United Kingdom and over here, in the U.S., we have severe droughts and non-stop 100 degree temperatures nearly every day.  In other parts of the world, they're having "opposite weather" of what they're supposed to be having this time of year, as well.  And it's all being dealt out in heavy doses, causing anguish upon almost everyone that I've interacted with or read about. It's like the weather is mimicking the world's fucked up economy, violent state and it's loony people.  Or it's the other way around.

And let's not forget the cannibal dude who ate the homeless man's face, either, awhile back.  This guy didn't even stop eating this poor man's face as he was being shot and told not to eat the victim's face.

You would think that maybe the guy on the right was...uh....  kinda nutty.  Nope, it's the guy on the left that eats human flesh.  Whatever you do, don't hunt for the picture on the net, provided you haven't seen it, already, of the homeless guy's "face" after the cannibal dude gobbled most of it up like a kid at the fair with a stick full of cotton candy.   Or a handful of Goobers.  That picture of the homeless guy, after the cannibals handiwork, had me close to puking.  And that, my friends, is pretty bad if you can make me sick.

Personally, I don't understand it all.  The fucked up economy, the crazy people, the inclement weather, thinly veiled wars that are actually about greed and power, the messed up priorities of politicians and inclement DICKtators around the world and everything else I'm leaving out- but I'm sure you've seen on the Internet, newspapers or TV- it's really oddly coincidental that it's happening in such a short span of time.

George Carlin was a very wise, witty and humorous comedian and author.  R.I.P.  He's one of my heroes, actually, along with Kurt Vonnegut.  They really understood human nature.  They weren't shy about speaking their minds and being honest and direct.  Those are characteristics I mentally applaud about people who unabashedly exhibit them.  I hold both of the mentioned authors, who were realists and humorists, in very high regard.  I'm rather proud to say I own all of George's albums and books and I can say that I own most of the masterpieces that Kurt Vonnegut penned during his life.

My point is, is that George said, more than once, "When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show.  When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."  Wow.  The more time passes during my own era, the more truer and relevant that becomes, George.  And it seems the rest of the world is trying to shake off the fleas (the humans) more so than usual with rampant floods, death-bearing heat, earthquakes and so on.



I truly feel for the victims of those who have been shot and killed in senseless shootings, wars and so on.  I also feel for those living in poverty, never knowing a life where food is plentiful and healthcare is there to benefit them.

I guess when there are people that still feel and aren't apathetic to those around them, there is still hope.  There are days when I try to hold tight to that idea.  Some days, it's harder to do that than others.  But let's all try!  And let's all try to be better human beings and feel something humane for our own species.  At this rate, I have to admit, it feels as though we're quickly spiraling down the drain of history. 

Peace of Mind and Lords of Acid- Out Comes the Evil

Wow. If you haven't heard their music before, you may want to try Lords of Acid, guys, out on your ears. Fucked up, yes. Sexed up, sure. But the beat is something easy to get into.  It's rave music and or techno music, if you feel the need to categorize it, but it's more than that.  I think if you get them, you like them.  Hell, if you're not persuaded by the steady rhythms, overall style and the catchy beat in the first place, I don't think you'll give them a shot.  If you wanna, read the rest of this post while listening to the song.  There is no real video to be watched.

Yeah, it's one of those kind.  Don't be put off.  No tears, please

I hope you all had a great weekend. I'll be seriously catching up on blog visiting and commenting the next few days. I've kinda been taking it easy and going to parks for tranquility and peace of mind- or maybe I've just taken a break to pick up the pieces of my mind.  Too much going on all at once again.  That was the anchor wearing me down.

And thanks to my cat, Victor, who can somehow type, has a certain command of the English language, while  carefully observing the Human Condition or "brain reformatting by certain systems and/or corporations, for filling in for me while I was away.  For that matter, hell, everyone else in the blogosphere is allowing or being forced by their animals out of their blog author chair and taking over.  Why not let the cat do it if he wants?  He can rant as well or write as well as the rest as the bloggers out there.

Did I mention the next post will be one where you can actually take walks with me, by movies I've recorded during these walks, that take you on  peaceful little journeys?  I will even be including a recipe I've created for Venison Stew.  You don't want to miss that!

Bambi is dandy in a hearty broth, I always say.

I farted twelve times in the park, this afternoon, while taking a walk.  Sometimes they came in three sputters.  True.  I felt it important enough to report for a status update on Facebook.  The people need to know.

Beats watching the clown car full of Republicans spill out and pull their crazy one liners on people these days.  What is it with these obvious numb nuts?  Santorum, Gingrich, Romney and so on.  Earlier you had really radical presidential hopefuls like gun-toting Perry and crazy-eyed Bachmann mouthing off inanities or you got these guys in the present.

Here's a few crazy Republican quotes, in case you haven't heard them, but I'm sure if have by now:

The problem isn't too little money in political campaigns, but not enough- Newt Gingerich

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending." –Rep. Michele Bachmann, suggesting at a presidential campaign event in Florida that the 2011 East Coast earthquake and hurricane was a message from God (Aug. 2011)

“Give the park police more ammo.” ~Newt Gingrich, responding to a  reporter who asked what to do about the homeless a few days after the police shot a homeless man in front of the White House.

"Corporations are people, my friend... of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets. Human beings, my friend." —GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney


"I would be saying to the Iranians, you either open up those [nuclear weapons] facilities, you begin to dismantle them and make them available to inspectors, or we will degrade those facilities through air strikes.
If we reach a point where I believe the only thing that will stop them from this program being realized and having a nuclear weapon – I will make a clear declaration to the Iranian government that you either open your facilities, you begin to dismantle this nuclear program, or we will dismantle it for you." - Rick Santorum

Vote for Rick Santorum if you're still living in the eighteenth century

Getting back to this song.  I mean that's more important than ego-maniacal clowns that are funded by all the money they can handle form corporations for favor returning purposes...  Having a song you just discovered and have taken a liking to it and trying to convince people to at least give it a try is a hard sell.  Since I'm not much of a salesman, I'm not going to bother.  And quite frankly, I'm tired of convincing people of even the simplest of opinions or absolute truths. Ya either like this tune or not.  Doesn't persuade me either way.  I will shake your virtual hand if you do give it a listen, though.  At least then, you've shown yourself to be open minded.

Good Christ on a crispy cracker, at least it's a start.

When I first listened to the song and found out it was, on the surface, about drug addiction, if you think about it for a minute, you could switch some of these words with material possessions and obsessions about all types of things out there and you could have a song about any addiction.  Addiction to being judgmental about most things and people.  Addiction to certain food or drink.  Addiction to nervous or destructive habits.  Addiction, in any form for any reason, to me, isn't that great. A few harmless compulsions, now and then, I can understand. A full blown addiction to anything is bad news and is almost always negatively life altering and can lead to loss of life, friends, family and more- including your sanity.

Speaking of further PEACE OF MIND...Good news!  My wife and I are working on plans to go to Hawaii later this year.  We'll be visiting all the main islands on a cruise ship.  During one part of the trip, we'll be passing by an active volcano.  That will be exciting.  So will the sight of the whales racing along side the ship. I hope the volcanic lava hits me full force in the face.  BLAMMO!  No sexually gratuitous jokes here, please.  You know what a delicate, moral flower I am.

Now if that big meteor we're supposed to get, comes this December of this year and hits Earth, I wanna be right there.  Smack dab in the middle.  I'm not into lingering pain.  If I go hungry, because of closed roads or whatever, and can't find any animals or regular food to eat, I will cheerfully gnaw on your arm as you shake, shake, shake.  Instead of a Zombie Apocalypse for me, it will be a Low Blood Sugar Diabetic Apocalypse.  Sorry, in advance.  :(

Anyway, my thoughts on Doomsday 12/21/12 goes something like this:  I think a bunch of idiots (homo sapiens, ya know) are going to convince themselves- so well- that the end is on that exact date, no matter who has predicted whatever in the past for this particular day and will put things into motion (riots, bombs, all matter of mayhem) that might create needless hell for the rest of us trying to do something productive that day without interference.  

This music I just discovered, yet heard of but never listened to until now, from Lords of Acid, spews forth sweet, melodic beautiful acid that creates magical rainbows of love in the sky.  No lava, yet.

Lyrics to "Out Comes the Evil" by Lords of Acid

Half a pound of tuppany rice 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the melody goes 
Pop goes the weasel 

Half a pound of tuppany rice 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the melody goes 
Pop goes the weasel

Half a pound of heroin 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the story goes 
Out comes the evil

Feels so good, feels so bad [x2]

Half a pound of heroin 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the story goes 
Out comes the evil

Feels so good, feels so bad [x2]

Half a pound of heroin 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the story goes 
Out comes the evil

Feels so good, feels so bad [x4]

Half a pound of tuppany rice 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the melody goes 
Pop goes the weasel

Believe it not, I'm calming down. All the problems I talked about in previous posts haven't gone completely away, of course but I'm not asking or expecting that. Just a little relief now and then. I promise that if I hula dance during the trip, I will put the picture of me doing that on the blog. I know. I can feel both your excitement and revulsion.

A Damn Breaky-Doodle-Dandy

Man. Does anyone still remember me? Is anyone out there? Anyone give a flying fucka-roonie? Don't blame ya if ya don't. Hell, I've stayed away so long from BlogLand (like that itchy anal wart you just can't reach with the ointment) that it wouldn't surprise me if you consider me some sort of pariah. Besides, I well know there's more important shit to give a fuck about these days.

Like...

*The economy

*Lack of jobs

*Wars, protests and manipulation by the super wealthy

*and this guy

Trouble is, is that there are so many of these Republican cartoon characters to choose from, laugh at or cringe towards, it's hard to decide who to ignore the most and cast off as pure, obvious dipshits. They say ol' Ricky Boy is no longer a serious contender for the presidential race of 2012 , but really, it wouldn't surprise me that much of America would embrace him. We are, for the most part, a nation of retards who can't figure out what is actually good for us and we seem to only give our attention to those who speak in broad, uncomplicated, monosyllabic verbal strokes and dramatic gestures. We simply can't be bothered to handle any more than that.

Speaking of strokes and Republican cartoon characters...

... like the insatiable, barely coherent Michele Bachmann...

I don't quite know where I was going with this but somehow it all turned into a wacky political thing-a-ma-jig.

I think what I wanted to say, but not apologize for, was that the break I took from Blogland has benefited my roller coaster state of mind. I was finding myself torn the whole time during the break because, I, for the most part, neglected my old blog buddies by not communicating or visiting their blogs. I hated that. But at the same time, I was really enjoying the summer. I have a lot of adventures and meaningful stories to share and hopefully, I will, in the near future.

Anyway, I'm not going to go into one of those tired old speeches that I and other bloggers make/have made when they've taken a long blog break. My part in the whole scheme of things is trivial and I feel that my absence isn't a big deal- except that part where I've truly missed you guys. I hope you're all doing well.

Goodbye, Congressman Pervert!

People love their trivial distractions. When Congressman Anthony Weiner resigned today, the news media broke through the regular TV programming to announce his resignation over the lewd Twitter photos he sent. I happen to catch it before going out the door and running some errands in town.

When THE BREAKING NEWS thing flashed across the screen and the reporter said he was about to give everyone some important news, I was disappointed to find out it was only this bit of unworthy poop diddley. The way the reporter was frantically jabbering away, I thought the Chinese, the terrorists and North Korea were sending bombs our way or something.

But, no, just more hype over something trivial again. Boooooor-ring.

The reporter finally let loose with the potentially life-changing news by saying a politician was resigning over the erection Twitter pics he sent a young woman and they were going to show him doing his resignation speech on live TV.

To me, it might as well had been something as irrelevant as Charlie Sheen's maniacal rantings about winning or about Hugh Hefner's 25 year old fiancee calling off their wedding. That's what passes for news these days. I guess they figure people want to hear some shit that's more messed up than their own lives so they'll tune in, maybe even buy some crap because of the advertisements during the commercial breaks. Who knows? Big MEH!

I paused at the door just long enough to hear a heckler say, "Goodbye, pervert!"

At least the heckler, in the press conference area, was sending him off with a fond farewell, I thought. I stuck around for a few more seconds.

Then I had to laugh when the heckler asked the politician, Anthony Weiner, if he was more than 7 inches. That was funny. At least that part was a little surprising and offered some laughs.

I also read on the internet that CBS later bleeped that part out (the 7 inches) of the original video clip. That's too bad. At least it was actually funny. Hell, if you're going to distract people with nonsense, you should at least give them the full load. Wait. Maybe that didn't sound right.

The heckler said a few more things but then Weiner, the man that will always be known because of his infamous Internet boner pictures until the next big news comes along, stepped down from the podium.

Shrugging my shoulders, I went out the door and went into town, continuing my life as always.

Here's the uncut version of the BIG BREAKING NEWS.

Right On Cue

You're watching a movie at home, something supposedly bad happens to the supposedly likable female character. She starts to tear up. The sad music begins to play because the director wants to illicit a reaction from the movie's audience. The actress begins to cry. Right on cue, the sad music becomes louder, practically begging you to go for a Kleenex. After all, it is the intention of the director manipulate you into crying, feel sorry for the character, perhaps think of the situation happening to you for that personal response.

Or it could be a movie that's meant to be hilarious. Right on cue, there is music to set that mood, too.

You may or may not react but it's important to the producers of said movie that you do react. It is their intention that you purchase the movie later or do whatever they want you to do that usually involves you buying something in connection to the (product) movie.

You turn on the TV. There's Paris Hilton. "Dumb" rich blonde, always needing attention. She'll do the baby talk routine, show some skin for a sexual response from straight men and gay women, will act stupid, will promote her company's product, will do whatever it takes to get what she wants but never what she needs. Right on cue, she flashes a smile, craving attention from the media because, deep down, she has low self esteem. Cameras flash as she gets out of the limo. Heck, Paris might even pretend to forget to wear panties for some scandalous pictures that only add to the attention that is craved or for marketing purposes.

Is that Paris's pussy? Better zoom in for the possible genital warts. Either that or ignore that and her obvious act and read an interesting book, instead. Might I suggest Jon Stewart's Earth?

And it's nearly the same routine for a lot of the superficial folks in Hollywood. And it goes on and on. You got your Lohans, your Sheens, your desperate Reality TV " wannabe stars", your politicians and a puffed up, egotistical Donald Trump thrown in- just for good measure. Wants and insecurities. Putting on acts for a response or money. Blah fucking blah, blah, blah.

Or for another scenario: A friend or family member you know tells you "a deeply moving" story to get you to help them that involves you breaking your back or giving them money or causing you stress. Or something else you can probably think of. Put on your thinking cap!

How about the restaurant scene? The waitress at the restaurant is joking around with you, hoping you'll leave a big tip for her. She asks how you are, how your day is. The waitress smiles, laughs, maybe even flirts. Whatever it takes to make money. She plays as if she's been your friend for who knows how long in her act.

Personally, I'm just interested in getting some decent service while I'm eating the food, transparent food industry employee. I will give you a tip if the service is good. The tip amount will not be based on how exceptional your friendliness routine was. The end.

Commercials are painfully obvious with their agendas, as well. See this, they say and this will happen. Let us make you laugh or smile or nod in agreement. We want you to feel good about buying our product, because we care. If that doesn't work, maybe we'll scare you, subtly or not so subtly, into buying it.

And then there's the news programs. A reporter or anchorperson reads their script to get the intended response. Right on cue, his or her voice will waver, maybe slow their words for the effect on you. Or maybe they will infuse their words with faked excitement about an event or group or individual. And because you're the target, you are supposed to have pity, happiness or anger for this person or situation. What fun they're having! I'm wanking furiously in tribute to their supposed ingenuity. Either that or I'm shrugging my shoulders and moving on to something that's actually substantial and worthy of thinking about.

Those wacky fucks on TV will talk about a politician named Weiner sending a Twitter pic of his wiener. They will talk about the latest celebrity break up. They will say things that you've heard before too many other times. Different names. Same old shit. All because they want the response, ratings and/or money.

The images on the TV go by quickly. Our attention spans have dwindled to mere seconds.

Ugh! It's a blessing and a curse to see through people. This will sound cynical. This will sound paranoid. But it's the truth. Everyone has an agenda. I've said it before. I'm saying it again- because the superficiality of it all has bothered me almost from the very beginning of existence. I just want honesty, my fellow human wads of fuck. Tell me what you want. If it feels right for me, I'll give it to you, because I, as well, might have an agenda.

Ha! Ha! Ha! What silly shitting, eating, self-absorbed, needlessly manipulative, sometimes easily manipulated beings we are!

And here lies the truth, in the next paragraph. Watch your step! Please, don't trip over it or you may or may not acknowledge it.

When you hear or say the word "agenda" it conjures up something conspiratorial in one's mind but the agenda, itself, doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Everyone has their own motives (agendas) or goals in life. This can be a positive objective like the good feeling you get from helping someone out. But people will deny that that wasn't their intention or it wasn't in the back of their minds before coming to somebody's aid. It doesn't matter, though. As long as they truly helped someone out.

I'm sure you can think of other agendas that can be positive. And some that are not, like some of those mentioned above.

I shall now step off of my soapbox, thus ending the lecture. Was I hoping to illicit a response to this topic? Nope. I just like stating the obvious (to me) and making observations. That's my thing. Manipulation isn't usually my game. I leave it to the experts. Besides, I find it boring and repulsive.

So right on cue, I say, "Have yourselves the dandiest of days!"

Second Round of Auditions For The Circus

If you missed the previous "round of auditions", click here, friends and neighbors! It might help you when reading this second part of the story. Either that or it will transport you to a far away loony bin, where purple cross-eyed elves and Happy Ewes in crotchless panties frolic about you as you drool, uncontrollably.

As the family of mentally impaired clown midgets left Asmodeus' Astounding Circus, happy to be newly employed, the ringmaster, Gregorio, grabbed a flask of whiskey from his pocket and took a swig. Byron Asmodeus, the owner of the circus, was a large man with dark brown eyes with just a hint of red surrounding the pupils. The look on his face seemed to convey much wisdom. Byron had owned the circus for 20 odd years. His ringmaster, Gregorio, was his hardworking manager.

Asmodeus stood up from the desk to stretch his long legs after hours of judging, took out a joint, lit it and inhaled deeply. After exhaling, he looked to his ringmaster and asked, "Who's next?"

Gregorio put the flask back in his pocket and announced, "Next, we have a very different group of characters up for audition, my old friend." Asmodeus nodded, rubbed his goatee and said, "Fresh meat for my entertainment."

After this was said, the potential performers for the circus were escorted into the tent by a very large, muscle bound behemoth by the name of Gonza. Gonza was a cruel, burly man who enjoyed his job as Head of Security for Asmodeus. Many claimed Gonza had crushed the skulls of dozens of victims, with his massive hands, in the past. Asmodeus knew of Gonza's past and had hired him, almost immediately.

Asmodeus and Gregorio sat down at the large wooden desk after they had taken a short recess between rounds of auditions.

The first performer stepped onto the stage. Gregorio promptly introduced him, saying, "This is Mr. Wait and See."

Asmodeus asked the man, who seemed weak in appearance, what he did.

Mr. Wait and See said, with little enthusiasm, "I wait and see what will happen as we continue to experience global warming and volatile climate change and ignore all the obvious signs of the evidence around us until civilization crumbles, as it has before, and we, as a supposedly intelligent species, die off."

Asmodeus nodded, considered what Mr. Wait and See had said and then commanded Gonza to come over. Asmodeus explained, "Gonza will assist you in your performance."

Gonza cheerfully and ruthlessly grabbed the puny man's head with both enormous hands and with sheer force, popped Mr. Wait and See's head like a candy-filled piñata. Instead of candy, however, blood, brain matter and bone fragments were sent flying in all directions, hitting everyone in a twenty yard radius. Mr. Wait and See's body fell, lifeless, to the floor.

Asmodeus licked the blood off his lips and then shouted, "Clean up on stage 3!"

Not long after this, a little curly haired dwarf waddled up to the stage with a mop, bucket and other cleaning supplies. Quicker than their eyes could register what they were seeing, the dwarf moved with mercurial speed and had the mess gone in seconds. Gonza took the headless corpse and fed it to the ravenous wolves outside. He laughed heartily and then said, "You don't have to 'wait' for your dinner today, my friends."

The wolves quickly gobbled up the body, with teeth gnashing, tearing the corpse into shreds. With their appetites satiated, the wolves slept comfortably, occasionally cutting the odd fart or two.

"Next, we have The Amazing Trixie to possibly entertain us," explained the ringmaster.

Asmodeus eyed the college girl's voluptuous figure and speculated on how he would enjoy having the young woman as a guest, later, inside his mansion.

"And what can you do for me, today?" asked the ancient circus owner, spittle forming at the corner of his mouth.

The girl, completely overjoyed and oblivious to the fact that someone had just been heinously murdered in front of her, was ignoring Asmodeus and Gregorio. She was texting away on her little electronic contraption about her plans for the upcoming weekend.

"Ahem!" shouted Gregorio, in an attempt to get her attention.

Trixie, startled, looked up and coyly asked, "Oh, it's my turn?" Her sizable breasts jiggled as she bounced up and down, bubbly and full of surprising energy.

Asmodeus stared evilly at Trixie and whispered, "Tell us what you're going to do and do it... Now."

The Amazing Trixie giggled and then replied, "Well, um, heh heh, I'm kinda doing it right now."

Ringmaster Gregorio demanded, "Explain yourself, girl!"

Trixie brushed her blonde hair back, laughed and said, "Well, um, I'm able to text and text and text and never stop, no matter what happens around me."

Asmodeus glared at her. Trixie's once overly perky smile turned upside down into a frown as she added, "Well, um, until now."

Asmodeus rubbed his chin and let out a howl of laughter. Trixie was relieved, taking this as a sign that "all was good in the neighborhood", so to speak.

Crimson horns sprouted, suddenly, from the top of Asmodeus' head. Showing the true nature of who and what he really was, Asmodeus stood up and calmly walked over to Trixie. The demon took Trixie by the chin with his clawed hand and with fiery eyes looking down into her almost completely innocent face, he calmly said, "Gonza, will you please escort the young woman outside so that I may confer with her, in private, later?"

Gonza bounded onto the stage, grabbed Trixie around the waist and hurriedly whisked the college girl off the stage. When this happened, she dropped her texting device. Before she was exited out of the tent, everyone heard her exclaim, "Wait! I dropped my phone! I need to text my gal pals about the new color I painted my toenails!"

By this time the other potential auditioning performers were shifting, uneasily, from foot to foot. They looked up at the demon, Asmodeus, who had somehow grown taller in size and more fierce looking. Trembling, a few of them pissed their pants in fright.

Ignoring their fear, Ringmaster Gregorio waved the next one up onto the stage and introduced a man that was clothed in an expensive suit and tie. He seemed very out of place.

"Next, we have Speaker of The House, John Boner."

The politician nervously corrected the ringmaster and said, "Uh...My name is... um... pronounced 'Bay-ner'... actually."

"Boner, it is, then," said Gregorio, unflinchingly.

Asmodeus bent down, inches from the Speaker of The House's orange-ish colored face and menacingly inquired, "What is it that you believe you can do for me in order to possibly entertain our audiences in the future, Mr. Boner?"

Normally outspoken Republican, John Boehner, hesitated at first, then explained, "Well... I can... cry at will in order to seem... genuinely passionate... for the media and the American public."

"Yes, go on," demanded the demon, with smoke rising up from his hellish form.

Boehner continued, "And I am able, um, eh, to help convince members of congress and the American public that... we really have no need for nationwide healthcare that would allow even the poorest of them access to health insurance."

Boehner paused for a few seconds before saying, "And I have done much more than that... to cause, umm, needless misery for my personal gain. For instance, I..."

The demon held up his clawed hand to stop Boehner from droning on about his achievements.

Asmodeus grinned at the evil of which the politician spoke of. Nevertheless, the demon circus owner was considering the weaknesses of the man before him.

The demon sighed and then replied, "Though you show remarkable qualities in the political arena in which you dwell, I'm afraid there is no position you can fill here."

Boehner seemed sad and caused himself to shed a perfect single tear after hearing this decision.

"Awww," said Asmodeus, "Please don't be despondent, Mr. Boner."

The Speaker of The House looked up and smiled, believing that the demon was taking pity upon him. No sooner than this thought pass in his mind that the great, terrifying figure from the depths of hell rammed his arm down Boehner's throat and slowly pulled out the pathetic man's heart, intestines and other vital organs from his body. The politician's screams were muffled by the demon's arm and his body shook as blood and gore gushed out of every orifice.

Finally, the body fell to the stage floor. The head of the human was an unfamiliar mangled mess as every bone, eye and other parts of his face had been reduced to mush.

Gonza walked over with a garbage bag and scooped up the remains. Before exiting the tent, Gonza said, "Thank you, Master. The wolves will have full bellies, tonight."

Asmodeus laughed, heartily and then replied, "Just be sure to give them something for the indigestion they're likely to have with this last heap of human garbage."

Everyone burst out with gales of nervous laughter. Asmodeus sat back down and asked, "Who wishes to perform for me next?"

This story will likely be continued at a later time... at my convenience. :-)

More Of Your Favorite Nursery Rhymes

Little Tommy Tucker

Little Tommy Tucker isn't singing for his supper

What shall we give him? We asked him but he stutters

How do we know what he wants?

How can we tell if he's nuts?

Do we send him to a speech therapist

Or do we lock him, hungry, in his closet?

I'm a Little Teapot

I'm a little despot

Short and stout

I brainwash my people

That I'm a god, without a doubt

When I get all steamed up

My people hear me shout

"I'm going to threaten to nuke

so our enemies will shake about

and if that doesn't work out

I'll have no choice but to sit here

and pout, pout, pout!"

One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

One, two, buckle my shoe

Three, four, knock at the door

Five, six, deflate the blow up doll

Seven, eight, put it beneath the bed

Nine, ten, open the door with fly unzipped

Eleven, twelve, at the door, a woman doth scream

Thirteen, fourteen, my penis still drips

Fifteen, sixteen, I try to think up a scheme

Seventeen, eighteen, the woman drops to her knees

Nineteen, twenty, oh those blessed lips

Ding Dong Bell

Ding, dong, bell,

What's that goddamn smell?

And why the sly grin?

Did you cut the cheese?

What did you eat?

Some kind of maggoty meat?

What a disgusting fiend you are

To fart without warning

In my brand new car

Now I'm going to stop and get out

To beat you severely

With my heavy new iron bar

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Row, row, row your boat

Too close to a Somali pirate ship

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Your day's about to turn to shit

Old King Cole

Old King Cole was a scary old politician

And a scary old politician was he;

As he stonewalled on job creation

As he called for misinformation

As the poor were in desperation

And every rich man became richer

And had clever machinations indeed

Oh, there's none so rare as can compare

With King Cole and his corporate strings

There Was a Crooked Man

There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile,

He dated a crooked woman, who had plenty of style.

He bought a crooked house, which was built on a slant

Then he saw his new wife in bed, fucking an eggplant

For more of your favorite nursery rhymes-- CLICK HERE

Happy 420 Day, Everyone

Nice video. Funny song. I know I'm late in posting this, but I got sidetracked.

Illogical Impatience And Other Societal Mental Illnesses

Where's my goddamn five layered, cheesy, beany, greasy, ass imploding 1o pound burrito?! Where's my anti-fart and acid reflux pills to go along with it?

On the Internet, I found there was research done on one of society's main flaws, impatience. The basic conclusion to this widespread American condition/tradition was that we are addicted to instant gratification. Which, just by casual observation, anyone can see.

The researchers cited fast food joints to be an excellent example of this and how they are one of the main culprits in perpetuating this "gotta have it now" attitude. The study suggests the fast food industry has greatly influenced our culture in this negative way. This makes sense to me. And I won't lie to ya. I'm impatient as hell, too.

If I'm kept waiting at a light at an intersection for too long, say, uh, one freakin' minute, I either pound on the steering wheel (which is kinda pretzel shaped now) or go the other direction, so to speak, and pop off to SleepyBye Land for a quick siesta in the driver's seat. About that time, some asshole, inevitably, will blow his horn behind me, causing me to wake, piss myself and have a stroke, simultaneously.

Of course, this reminds me of Road Rage. For those of you not living in industrialized countries, Road Rage is a little game that commuters, those driving to work and from, will play during the busiest times on the interstates and highways. The rules to Road Rage are fairly easy. Being angry is a prerequisite in order to play properly.

Road Rage Rules:

Rule #1 -Find a completely congested highway or interstate that is cluster-fucked with an endless sea of cars. Be sure you're in the thick of this man-made fucking mess. If it's a hot day, roll down the windows, if you wish, for the added benefit of sucking in the exhaust fumes of the cars around you. This may help to further enrage you. Caution: The sucking in of too many of these fumes may prevent you from moving on to Rule #2.

Rule #2 -Honking your horn, gritting your teeth, making obscene gestures and remarks, spitting, frothing at the mouth, bumping the car in front of you, using all manner of weaponry (guns, bazookas and/or hand grenades) are all fair strategies to be used, and really, are symptoms of an insane society, in regards to Road Rage. Go ahead! Make every one's day!

Rule #3 -Whoever lives is the winner and gets to go home, drink a beer and watch "Family Guy". If any body parts are missing (eye, finger, leg, anus, etc...) from the game played, previously, you may return to the road and go to the hospital. You have my permission.

Yesterday, I saw on the news that senators and other politicians in both Republican and Democratic parties are receiving death threats, in verbal and written forms, for voting for or against the Health Care Reform Bill -which, by the way, I'm happy to say, has finally passed after more than a year of bickering and lies. People are panicky and impatient for positive results of this progress or any upcoming progress, I believe, because of our national unemployment problems, recession and wondering how they're going to pay next month's bills and put food on the table. It doesn't help when one side of the political coin fuels the incendiary nature of society by making inflammatory remarks or remarks that incite fear and confusion.

Unfortunately for us, both parties excel in this destructive venture.

That, my friends, makes me hot under the collar. For real.

Of course, there are those times when impatience is understandable. Such as:

-While waiting too long at the doctor's office (two or more hours) for a routine appointment or for a missing limb. You may want to alert someone about any missing limbs. Preferably, by loud shouting and waving your bloody stump around in a circular fashion.

-While waiting for a service tech to get on the phone and then, when you finally do get a human on the line, they speak in a fucked up, heavily foreign-accented form of your language, causing you to seethe with anger and frustration until, ultimately, you throw your phone towards the cat, who proceeds to flee and crash into your significant other's favorite lamp or urn full of dead relative's ashes or gold plated hookah with accompanying wise caterpillar, thus causing greater turmoil in the end and possible bloodshed for every living thing in the house. Woo hoo. Impatience is understandable. Telling the service tech that you need to speak to someone you can understand is understandable. Maiming the cat and destroying the house is unacceptable.

You can think of more examples, I'm sure.

The point is, and it has taken me awhile to get to it because I'm kinda scatter-brained (it isn't noticeable, is it?), that being patient is more than just an important virtue to have and practice. Being patient can keep you and everyone else healthy. Anyone of us can promote harmony instead of chaos, which an individual or group's impatience is usually good at causing. The times are few when it's a good idea to to put your anger and impatience into action.

Media Provides New Mass Hysteria

You can always count on the tv news, Internet and newspapers to work their usual redundancy on one or two topics, for however long, until they catch on that the viewers/readers are getting bored with it and then they move on to the next thing to hype. Hell, if they're not trying to scare us with the possibility of a hacker attacking our power grids, it's a flu epidemic or the latest tiny tidbit about the recession.

The World Health Organization (WHO) has come out with the news that they're going to change the name of swine flu to something else. It seems folks around the world are panicking from all the media hype and killing off all the pigs for fear of getting the flu. Dumbasses. The brand new name for it is influenza A(H1N1). Thanks, I feel much better now.

Who knows? Maybe this swine flu really will turn out to be fatal for the masses. But until then, when I see some real numbers, I refuse to give a shit. Don't give me this 6 dead here or 1 with the sniffles there. More people than that are dying with AIDS every day.

Hey, wait a minute, we haven't had a terrorist scare in awhile. Isn't it about time for one of those? Do they still have the "color wheel" notifications? Was there ever a teal alert? I really like that color. There was a time, in the past, when I would get caught up in the media frenzy over the "big deal of the day". I'll admit it. But after the media monster has "cried wolf" far too many times over the years, you get tired of it and wise up. At least, I have.

The reasons they hype it up could be any of the following:

A) To get big ratings/make money
B) To offer a distraction from the real news that certain political and powerful organizations would have reason for the public not to see
C) Just because there is no other news so they have to hype something in order for consumers to watch and buy what the advertisers are hyping in their commercials/printed ads/propaganda.

In summary, my recommendation is to not freak out. Calm down. More importantly, when you see any news that you believe may be hyped for any of the reasons listed above, give it the finger and pride yourself on being smart enough to know better.

And Now, Finally, Something Tasteful

My Fond Pictorial Tribute To George Bush: Heartless Imbecile Extraordinaire

Because I don't mind showing how much I truly care.

I added a few pics of Cheney, too. Thought he should be honored, as well.

Click the pics for bigger images.

Bush Is Doing As Much Wrong As He Can Before Leaving Office

The Bush Administration is putting forth regulations that will allow animals and plants, in real danger of becoming completely extinct, to lose the protection of government experts. They want to do this before president-elect Obama is in the White House. They believe Obama will try to change what they have done.

Check out the rest of this story.

Hooray! Obama Won!

Damn, I'm glad Obama won the US Election last night. It's not so much I hated McCain, mind you. I think he may be a decent human being. I felt sorry for him that he was kept as a POW and tortured during the Vietnam War. Aside from this, I really felt that he would dug us deeper into the wars over in Iraq and Afghanistan to the point where our military would never leave. Plus, I didn't agree with his economic policies, his perspective on how to deal with health care issues and more.

Fortunately, I live in one of the states that voted Democrat (blue). It's good to know I exist amongst those with at least a modicum of intelligence.

Unfortunately, we still have until January to put up with George W. Bush. Hopefully, he can keep out of trouble until then, but I doubt it. Perhaps we can stick him in an adult playpen until January. The "adult playpen" idea sounds kind of like jail. Actually, that's where Bush belongs.

However, let's focus on the positive. We have reason to celebrate and hope. Barack Obama will be our president. He may not be able to solve all the problems in this country but I believe he will actually try. With Obama as president, we'll be heading in the right direction.

I'll step off my soapbox now.

Election Day Is Tomorrow--Please Vote Sensibly

In other words, please vote for anyone other than McCain and Palin. I don't ask for much. Just do me this favor and I will no longer bother you nor charm you with my poetic prose.

A Time of Merriment

STICK YOUR BRAIN IN A BOWL OF GOO
WATCH THE ELEPHANTS PLAY HORSESHOES
TASTE THE CRAZY IN THE WALL STREET FRAY
CROSS YOUR FINGERS
AND DANCE IN THE BLAZE

UNCLE SAM
HE WANTS TA SEE
EVERYTHING INSIDE OF YOU AND ME
IF THE MONKEY OBEYS
AND NEGLECTS TO SEE
MONKEY GETS TREAT WHILE GETTING REAMED

IT'S RAINING MISERY IN THE LANDS OF SAND
LIVES ARE SNUFFED FOR A SCHEME SO GRAND
POLITICS PLAYS A TUNE FOR YOU
WHILE WARS RAGE ON
AND CONSUME THE SOUL OF MAN

Name Changes And Censorship

A judge in New Mexico ruled against a Los Alamos man who wanted to change his name to a phrase. Judge Nash said the name change was "obscene, offensive and would not comport with common decency."


Presently, this guy's name is Variable.

What?


That's right. Variable. Yeah, he's done the name changing thing before. This time around, though, I don't think it's going to happen with any judge he goes in front of. This time he wants to change his name to Fuck Censorship! With the exclamation point, I guess, to add emphasis. Amusing.


Before that, the guy's name was Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokiligon. No kidding. Try saying that 3 times fast. You get the feeling this freak is making a cry for help, or at least, for attention.


Personally, I wouldn't deny him the name change. Not because I feel that vulgarity for the sake of vulgarity is something that should be celebrated. Not at all. Besides, he is the one who has to live with it. Anyway, I like the proposed name because it sends a message that censorship is wrong. Unfortunately, you sometimes have to hit the public over the head with a verbal blunt instrument to get the attention a serious topic badly needs. Are there other ways to do this in a more "sensitive" manner. Sure, there is. I don't debate that.


Censorship is serious because it tears away at our supposed freedom of speech. It dictates what you are allowed to see and allowed to learn. For example, the government restricts what you know about the interrogations inflicted on military prisoners. Presently, there are books still being banned around the world. Corporations, that own the networks, tell the networks what can be shown and said everyday. Many of today's scientists are being censored when they speak out against pollution, global warming and other dangerous threats to our world. These are a just a few examples.

Censorship suppresses ideas and encourages ignorance.

Under the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, each of us has the right to read, view, listen to, and disseminate constitutionally protected ideas, even if a censor finds those ideas offensive.

But sadly, this isn't the reality of today's world. Sadder still, is the unwillingness of so many of us to fight for the First Amendment.

McClellan's Book and Speaking The Truth

There has been much commotion about Scott McClellan's book, "What Happened." In case you have been living in a cave the past few days and haven't heard about it, I'll give ya the same description Amazon.com gives it:

Scott McClellan was one of a few Bush loyalists from Texas who became part of his inner circle of trusted advisers, and remained so during one of the most challenging and contentious periods of recent history. Drawn to Bush by his commitment to compassionate conservatism and strong bipartisan leadership, McClellan served the president for more than seven years, and witnessed day-to-day exactly how the presidency veered off course.

In this refreshingly clear-eyed book, written with no agenda other than to record his experiences and insights for the benefit of history, McClellan provides unique perspective on what happened and why it happened the way it did, including the Iraq war, Hurricane Katrina, Washington's bitter partisanship, and two hotly contested presidential campaigns. He gives readers a candid look into who George W. Bush is and what he believes, and into the personalities, strengths, and liabilities of his top aides. Finally, McClellan looks to the future, exploring the lessons this presidency offers the American people as we prepare to elect a new leader.

George W. and the rest of his Republican cronies think of McClellan as a turncoat and/or coward. They come out, of course, to say he is the one who is lying.

I've read excerpts of his book and it seems like it would be a good read, although the deal about the search for weapons of mass destruction was something I knew was a outright lie long before most of the other hairless monkeys in this country figured it out.

These are a few quotes or observations from Scott McClellan's book:

-Bush favored propaganda over honesty in selling the war, leading us down the primrose path.

-Cheney steered war policy behind the scenes, leaving no fingerprints.

-Bush and his team repeatedly shaded the truth, manipulated public opinion, and sold the Iraq situation in such a way that the use of force appeared to be the only feasible option.

-Contradictory evidence was ignored or discarded, caveats or qualifications to arguments were downplayed or dropped, and a dubious al-Qaida connection to Iraq was played up.

-The Bush administration didn't check their political maneuverings in at the door after the win - instead, they maintained a permanent campaign mode, run largely by Rove.

I was watching the Today Show yesterday and Meridith Viera was interviewing McClellan about the book. You could tell he was nervous. Maybe he thought his life was in danger. Maybe it is. I don't know. Anyway, she was pressing him hard about the book and he was giving answers that seemed kinda vague to me. I'm not sure if he was doing this because he was nervous and couldn't think straight or that he was intentionally doing it so people would buy his book instead of him telling the nation, word-for-word, everything the book contained.

Viera told him, directly, that he was a coward for not blowing the whistle on the Bush Administration while he was working for Bush. I feel that he refrained from announcing the administration's lies and deceptions because he didn't want to lose his job. That was harsh, I thought. True, however. But, at least, he did come out with the truth.

I, on the other hand, would have told what I knew to the media, the media that is not controlled by the government (if there is any) and resigned afterwards. I couldn't work for an organization that tells lies that involve the theft or killing of people. But then I've always been a whistle blower. I've angered quite a few upper management types in my day by pointing out what was wrong in many situations. Some co-workers would say, "Aren't you afraid of being fired?" And I would always say, "I'm more concerned with telling it like it is than being burdened with living with something that is wrong."

For me, wrong is wrong. It doesn't become right just because you have kids to feed or you're afraid your supervisor is going to give you a verbal warning or worse. By the way, the "kids to feed" and "bills to pay" excuses are a cop out. Employers have controlled their employees with those sentiments for generations.

And before you freak out on me for not knowing how it is because I do not have children, consider this:

You are not setting a good and moral example for your children, mate or whoever by knowingly upholding what you know to be wrong. And you are upholding just that- when you do nothing about it. When you allow " the wrong" to go on and on with even a word. When you do this, especially for the almighty dollar, I have absolutely no respect for you.