New Awards and Predictions

Awhile back, blog author, Gary Phillip Pennick, of his blog, Klahanie, gave me and much more other worthy recipients two awards.  One is called the Fabulous Blog Ribbon Award and the other is the One Lovely Blog Award.  I'm finally getting around to giving him a proper thank you and doing a blog post about it.

Gary, himself, rightfully earned and received these two awards and gracefully bestowed them upon six other blog authors besides sweet lil' ol' me.  I would like to acknowledge his generosity by mentioning these awards and pass them along to other blogs I admire and have enjoyed:

1. Pickleope
2. Happyendings- Confessions of An Erotic Masseuse
3. DCRelief
4. The Angry Lurker
5. Angry Clown
6. Homeless in Seattle
7. In Search of a Russian Oligarch

Be sure to check out the great blogs above and tell them Kelly, of Psycho Carnival, sent ya!  Sure, they may be confused by this, but fuck it, do it, anyway... just because I said so.  

The rules that accompany these awards state that the recipients of the awards are "encouraged" to pass along or forward one or both awards to 7 other recipients.  You're also supposed to mention five fantastic moments in your life.  Well, as you know, probably by now, I'm not much of a follower of rules or polite etiquette of any type.  But I did want to pass along the awards to those I deem worthy of receiving them.  Those blogs and their authors don't need to feel obligated to relate five great moments in their life, unless they so desire to.  Nor are they obligated, at least in my opinion, to put the award(s) on their site or say who gave them the awards.  Gosh, it's not like I'm a glutton for ego-maniacal gratitude or something.  No way... no how.

Also:  Since my next post, I had already decided, was going to relate to things pertaining to me, more personally, and some of my unique opinions on different topics, I've decided to skip the "great moments" list at the time.

But I would like to share my predictions for the coming years of our existence as a species, in the absence of this list.  I know that the big ol' Mayan prediction and other predictions, foretelling the the chaos and/or substantial change in the human race for the date of December 21st, 2012 is kinda on the minds of people these days.  Personally, I think, on that date, we may see some people getting "all nutty" about that particular day since it has been so hyped up in the media, that they might just cause riots here and there, causing, in turn, some needless trouble and pain for people just trying to get on with their lives as if it were another day.  Which, it might turn out to be the case.  Just another day, I mean.

But here, before you, are my TRUE PREDICTIONS for what will absolutely happen in the years to come.  I'm providing you with these life altering predictions because I CARE A LOT.  Yep.  For sure.  Here ya go:

* Sometime in the near future, corporations and people around the world will endeavor to stop polluting this planet we inhabit.  The Arctic ice will cease melting.  Temperatures and climate will become stable.  Wars over fossil fuels, power and land will no longer continue.  Rainbows will appear out of nowhere and unicorns will dance among the children.  Strangers, holding hands, will suddenly burst into heartwarming songs and share an overwhelming feeling of peace and goodwill towards one another.  And the homeless will be welcomed everywhere and given shelter, loving care and food.  Not long, after these events occur, I will shit gold to share with each and every one of you.  It's true!  Just like everything else I said.  Yep.

* Movies will have involving and interesting plot lines.  Gone are the flicks that satiate a mindless public.  People will actually crave more original and fascinating entertainment than ever before.  Oh yeah, baby.

* Mitt Romney will become president of the United States.  The economy will drastically improve.  The middle class will be sustained and prosper.  People across the country will, simultaneously, eat healthier food. The elderly will be given better healthcare and respect. Education will become an all important issue, will be improved upon and every child will learn and grow to be a fine, upstanding citizen.  Animals, that were once on the endangered species list, will come back and flourish and multiply around the world.  The mentally challenged will suddenly take flight, using their arms as wings and delight us all with their colorful, enchanting antics by colliding into bridges and mountains.  Because of this spectacle, a few individuals will giggle until they fart.  But then...  A large hairy ape will descend from the heavens above and let loose with a powerful stream of piss that will shower the world with luminous, wondrous magic.  All true.  Every word.  Count on it!

* Old diseases like Cancer and Diabetes will be cured by researchers for big pharmaceutical companies because, after all, they care only about eliminating the diseases, altogether.  Never are they even slightly interested in making profits off of people like you and I by selling pills and such to treat the symptoms.  Heck no.  I'd say, in about a year, all those horrendous diseases that have been around for decades and centuries will be a thing of the past.  Nothing to worry about.  Just put your mind at ease and think of butterflies fluttering about the flowers of life.

* Racism and gender equality will be eagerly talked about.  Soon, everyone will be accepted for who they are and who they wish to copulate with and love.  Trees will learn sign language, too.

* Cars, trucks, planes, ships and tricycles, even, will be powered by a completely unique form of endless, profitless energy.  Corporate and government scientists, after working diligently on creating this free energy that corporations won't care to profit from, will be shown gratitude by all the world's population because people will suddenly be grateful for the good things offered to them and will gleefully projectile vomit on these learned geniuses by way of reward for their years of long, hard work.  There will be such an atmosphere of absolute positivism, that leprechauns, minotaurs and Ewoks will erupt from the ground to spray forth load after creamy load of jism upon the people.  People will happily gobble it all up like hungry maggots and instantly become more strongererer and smarterererr and erererer.  Henceforth, this day of celebration will be officially known as Merry Spooge Day.

That's all I have for now.  So, once again, just put your mind at ease.  The human race will be just fine.  We're evolving into something great and wonderful.  Yes, indeed.  We're certainly not devolving into societies of war-mongering, hateful, polluting assholes who don't give a real shit about what we do to each other, the animals and the planet's atmosphere.  So... yeah.  Feel free to throw caution to the wind and smile, smile and smile some more.  Our future as a species is looking just fine and as promising as ever.

Have a dandy day, one and all!   

Hanging On a Star

Been bogged down in the mumps, the ol' depressionary state, currently. The red line under "depressionary" is telling me that it's not a word and that I'm a retard. Damn, I can't do anything right. Lately, yeah, I think that title might just fit me. Retard. Maybe "Retard Extraordinaire". Ha. That could be more fitting.

I feel like I'm saying the wrongs things to quite a few people in my inner circle of friends and family. The ol' guilt thing is kickin' my ass all the way to the the moon, as of late. Time to time, I make my attempt to get off that moon of guilt, trying to hook my arm around a star and maybe, if I'm lucky, I will be able to walk down some of those stars. Maybe I'll make it back to Planet Earth soon and shake my own hand and call a truce on the guilt thing going on inside my head.

It's a battle of wills. And getting back to being comfortable with myself...

...would be dandy.

Anyway, the more I listen to this, the more I like it. The song is called The Fun Machine Took a Shit and Died

Don't listen to it if you don't want to listen to it. I don't wanna twist your arm. It's just, I think, some brand spankin' new music from Queens of The Stone Age. Supposedly, they're coming out with a new album, early in 2012. God, I hope it's early. The planet is supposedly blowing up on the 21st of December. If I find out the new album is going to be late- like after the 21st of December, 2012, well, it won't be a pretty picture.

I mean-

I'll be really steamed. I'll buy a strange bobble-head collection and take it with me to the nearest fine dining type of joint, put one of the bigger ones down my pants with just the bobble hanging out of my fly, register the looks on the faces of fellow patrons and ultimately poke my bobble into someone's martini.

A plan, conceived.

But I doubt it will happen. After all, bobble-heads freak me out. No, I won't buy a bobble-head. The name, itself, sounds perverted.

Of course, this scenario just popped into my mind:

I go up to Mrs. Claus. She's kinda old but kinda hot and wearing something red and fluffy. I guess it's a coat. And I say something suave.

"Hey! Wanna see my bobble-head, Mrs. Claus? It's got a red, Christmassy glow. Don't have any idea why. Must be the STD I got in ol' Meh-hee-go."

I often have sex fantasies about Mrs. Claus. Who doesn't?

Mexico. Hmmm....

Beats ol' GuiltLand, where I'm currently residing, nowadays. Or maybe not. Should I feel guilty about boning a mythical, beloved holiday character, by the way? No, I'm not talking about a certain high profile, female Republican candidate that's running for president.

Beloved. Heh.

I think I just watched a documentary type show on TV, detailing a true story that had a guy interviewing a group of middle aged golfer guys, involved in said story and reenactment of their individual experiences on their trip to Mexico. They end up getting robbed, almost killed and then almost getting robbed or worse again by some corrupt cops. I think it was some kind of "I survived my vacation" type show that's airs once a week on The Travel Channel. They said incidents like the ones those golfer guys had didn't happen that often.

Eh. Okay. Maybe not. I don't want to assume. Heck no.

The story before that or afterwards showed actual video of some dumbass getting his flesh torn apart by a lion. This guy, who had never dealt with lions before, happily volunteered to go into the cage with the lion. Then he begins to reach out to pet the lion, the first time, basically wearing only a hoody/sweatjacket type thing and some thin jogger's pants. Then Bippy Dippyshit gets a warning swipe, the first time, with a paw. The dude cried out, "OOOOOW". A little blood was spilled. But the dude continued. And continued. Seeing this idiot play with this lion, as if it were a kitten and then getting his leg meat tore into, like human filet mignon, before he was rescued, cheered me right up.

I know I haven't been around the blogging scene much. I've been doing too much false starting here. I've been getting sidetracked. But I think I'm going to attempt pull a blog-rabbit out of my ass again. Like I did in the Spring of this year, I think I'm going to challenge myself to another blogging duel. Yes. I shall bloggeth every day until the end of December. And I shall also endeavor to visit everyone's blogs like a man with a quest to reach the highest star. Isn't that inspiring? Doesn't it just fill your panties with a load of pungent glee?

Now when the end of December comes up, I will self destruct- or perhap I'll save my explosion until next year about this time. I wanna time it just right. Don't wanna stray from the pack too much. I really want to fit in with the crowd (just like always) and with all of the others that fateful day who will pop open like a smokey pinata. Because, as you might and maybe could tell... I'm an obedient conformist.

Mmm. I'm thinking of bacon flavored candy falling out of a big gash. Insert joke here.

If anyone wants my collection of Pepsi/Star Wars Episode One cans, before Doomsday, I may be willing to swing ya a lucrative deal that will flip you utterly out.

See you tomorrow or bust.

Contact me at pantloadfullofglee@hatemail.com about the cans. I'm feeling better already.

Winning The "I Love This Blog Award"

After having an up and own, roller coaster kind of week, I was happy to find out I won the I LOVE This Blog Award from The Minute Man's Wife late last night. It's just what the doctor ordered.

Speaking of doctors, my wife had to have an ultrasound and other tests done to see if she had blood clots in her legs and other health risks. I had been worried about test results this past week and when I found out she didn't have blood clots, I felt better. A big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. There are still other health problems that she has- but they would take too long to describe here. I hope these other things, regarding her health, will be resolved in the near future. I don't see any reason why they won't. With the new medication she is on, for the other problems, she says she is feeling better already.

In gratitude of this award from Minute Man's Wife, I'm going to put aside the topic I was going to discuss today. Although she's a relative newcomer to this blog, I've grown to appreciate her funny and heartfelt comments. Do yourself a favor and go to this woman's blog. It's excellent. Her writing is sharp and really draws you in. She's funny, serious, wise and completely honest with how she feels and she tells it like it is. My kind of blogger. Check out The Minute Man's Wife.

The rules with this award say I gotta share 10 things. Just like TMMW, I wasn't sure what this meant either. lol. Could be ten scabs of dead skin. Or ten wascally wabbits- but I don't have any. Could be ten words of wisdom but I think I've blown my sloppy wisdom all over the place in Friday's post. Still cleaning up from that nasty episode.

Now, if I were a bettin' man, I'd hazard to guess they were talking about sharing some personal facts about yourself when they thought of the "ten things" rule. Luckily enough for all of you, I just happen to have ten exciting, knowledge-you-couldn't-live-without type of facts about myself that I've kept hidden underneath the bed- just in case of a rainy day.

Prepare to be WOWED.

#1- I sleep, totally naked, on my belly, because that's the only position I can sleep in. Please be considerate and do not fuck me in the ass. And please, whatever you do, kindly refrain from putting refried bean paste in my bare, hairy ass crack and using this as a reservoir for nacho chip dipping.

#2- The way I like my eggs: scrambled.

#3- This occurred in my very wild twenties: Instead of a mistletoe hanging from the living room doorway at my Christmas party, I hung up a big dildo I had bought earlier that week. To my amusement, people still kissed under it, drunk and not giving a shit what was hanging over their heads. By the time I woke up, half dead from partying, in the morning, it wasn't hanging up over the doorway any longer. It was on the floor, in the corner of one of my bedrooms- sticky, dirty and covered with pubic hair. No one I asked could or would tell me anything about it. To this day, it's still a mystery. I guess it wasn't used on the cat. It was still alive at the time.

#4- I'm a Libra in the wheel of astrological signs. A Rabbit in the Chinese zodiac, for what it's worth.

#5- I love these books and many more: Earth (The book) by Jon Stewart and The Daily Show writers, K-Pax by Gene Brewer, Lost Horizon by James Hilton, The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex by Kristen Schaal and Rich Blomquist, Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions and Clive Barker's Books of Blood series. I'd be here all night if I listed all of the books I've read and loved. :)

#6- I'm currently listening to The Trouble With Angels (double CD set) by Filter.

#7- I would like to go back to Arizona for a third time and walk on The Grand Canyon Skywalk. It hadn't been built yet when I went to the Grand Canyon the first two times. I wonder if they would let me pee over the side.

#8- My shoe size is nine or nine and a half, depending on the make or brand of the footwear. Fascinated? Come on... admit it... you are. :)

#9- Halloween costumes worn in the past: A Jinn, a Rastafarian, a woman, a priest with his pecker hangin' out (a big plastic dick was used instead of my real penis. I thought it might be less scary), a ghost, The Batman, a zombie/cowboy and a gynecologist.

#10- I need a new computer. Buy me one!

The Minute Man's Wife passed this award on to three blogger recipients. I'm being a stingy bastard this time, when it comes to handing out awards and I'm going to give it to only one of my new favorites, Bar Science, an excellent booze blog by the blog author, G. It has a lot of interesting facts about all things boozy, travel stories and videos that offer handy tips on this, that and the other. Mostly, booze, though. Great writing can be found here, my friends. Very much worth checking out.

Again, the blog is Bar Science. Get over there, pronto and drink one or two or ten for me.

Well folks, that's all I got for now. I'm barely slipping this post in under my self-imposed deadline. Take care, everyone and don't do anything I wouldn't do! tee hee

Movies I'm Looking Forward To

I'm all psyched up to catch the following movies, in no particular order:



Sherlock Holmes stars Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law (in theaters now)



The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus Heath Ledger's last movie made. Terry Gilliam directs. (in theaters now-limited)



The Book of Eli Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman, Mila Kunis (comes out January 15th, 2010)



The Wolfman Benicio Del Toro, Anthony Hopkins, Emily Blunt (February 12, 2010)



Alice In Wonderland stars Johnny Depp, directed by Tim Burton. Should be freaking cool. (It comes out March 5th 2010)



Iron Man 2 stars Robert Downey Jr. and Gwyneth Paltrow (May 7 2010)



And then there's this under-hyped (so far) movie called Wonderful World that stars Matthew Broderick is scheduled to come out January 8th, 2010. I've read the basic summary of this movie and watched the clips on Yahoo and it looks appealing to me on many different levels. You can read about it, yourself, of course, by clicking the link. I especially loved the "Depraved Indifference" clip featured on the page. There's so much truth packed in that two minute, fifty second clip that's worth checking out.

BIG FANTASTIC THINGS BEING DONE HERE! WHOLE NEW LOOK!

IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS...NEARLY FINISHED.... I OWE KIM AT RETROKIMMER A BIG OL' THANK YOU AND THEN SOME FOR THE WONDERFUL JOB SHE HAS DONE SO FAR. DON'T WORRY. I WILL BE ADDING BACK ALL MY LINKS AND THE OTHER BUTTLOADS OF GOODIES SOON AGAIN. BE PATIENT OR I SHALL PEE ON YOU. SCRATCH THAT. SOME OF YOU PERVS MAY ENJOY THAT SORT OF MALARKEY.

Afraid? You Should Be.

Tired of fearing George Bush's overly familiar, same old-same old Mid-East terrorists? Well, have I got great news for you or what? They're something new for you fucked up, irrational, easily persuaded Americans to be afraid of. And I will divulge this in a minute, you typically impatient American wanker. According to the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security and the WWF, new information has been discovered that will soon change our charmed American lives for the worst. It's bigger than 4 dollar a gallon gas! Bigger than a first black president! Bigger than Brad and Angelina's collection of brown kids! Bigger than an infected genital wort on an old crack whore's labia!

"But how can this be?," you ask, with as much anticipation as a young lad's first time doing it with an old crack whore with oozing vaginal sores.

Well, brace yourselves....

THE FREAKS ARE COMING. Yes, that's right. I said it. Freaks! Vital info has just been found out that details a partial plan about these Freaks and what they want.

From a secret source that shall remain a secret, I have been able to attain photos of some of these enemies and a small amount of info pertaining to them. Here they are.

This is Gary and Barry Skinflute. They are twins. Gary enjoys long Sunday drives on sunny, spring days. Barry, however, does not drive.

This is Wendy. Her nipples are not pierced.

We paid top dollar to get this one of Frank Polesky. After quitting his job as a carnie, Frank was accepted into the Freak organization upon showing off his many skills and talents in ballet.

This is Sarah Silverman. Sometimes, she can be funny. Here, she is showing everyone what her vagina looks like.

The brute on the left Karro Sirrup. The man getting his face grabbed by Sirrup is Budder Scots. Budder watches Masterpiece Theatre. Karro enjoys the soft fur of a kitten. Both engage in the art of fudge packing.

These are but a few of the Freaks that are known. They are gathering, as we speak, preparing to take over America. It's been rumored that they eat vegetables and small children. Be on the lookout!

Needles and Shock

Know what's fun?

Yes? No? Maybe?

I can tell you what is not fun. And it happened to me earlier this week in a doctor's office. But first, I need to give you a bit of background story.

You see, since October, I've had this pain in both of my arms. I wouldn't describe it as a sharp pain. More like a dull ache that runs from my elbows to my forearms. The pain increases when I lift something or when I straighten my arms. You're most likely thinking the same thing I thought for awhile. Tennis elbow. And that's what my orthopedist said at first. He gave me some anti-inflammatory/pain medication and a set of instructions which explained how to do these arm exercises that would help heal my arms.

Neither worked. For several months, I used the medication, tried the exercises and put heating pads and cold packs on my arms. All of which offered small comfort.

So I go back to the orthopedist. He tells me I may have damaged nerves in my arms that may be the problem. He tells me that I need to see a certain neurologist. I tell him that's fine. I just want to get this resolved. I have enough health problems as it is with my diabetes, high blood pressure, heel spurs, chronic sinusitis and- well, let's put it this way- I need a new body. If anybody out there knows where I can pick one up, drop me a line.

Earlier this week, my wife and I went to Dr. Biddiqui's (not his real name) office for the appointment, regarding my arms. Biddiqui is a neurologist, around fifty years old and Indian, in descent. The only reason I mention he is Indian is because of his heavy accent. He's hard to understand. Granted, I'm deaf in one ear (another body part I need replacing) but his accent was so damn thick, even my wife could hardly understand him. And my wife can hear an ant fart.

After signing in, the nurse soon calls out my name and we're taken back to the patient waiting room. While we sit in the room, waiting for the doctor, the nurse comes in. She asks why I'm there. I tell her it's for an examination for my arms. The nurse glances down at her clipboard, then gives me a puzzled look. She asks, "You mean you don't know that you are here for an EMG and a NVC?" I inquired, "A what and a what?" Obviously annoyed, she hurriedly explains what the abbreviations stand for. When she tells me, it still doesn't help. But since I've been suffering with this situation for far too long, I agree to do go on with the show. The nurse tells me to take off my shirt and lay down on the table.

The fun begins when Dr. Biddiqui enters the room, mumbles something incomprehensible and slowly strokes my arms and my hands. If I were someplace else, I'd think he was trying to put some moves on me. Then I'd punch him in the mouth. Anyway, noticing I haven't understood a word he's said, he repeats his question a couple more times. With my wife's assistance, I finally understand that he is asking if I can feel it when he touches me in this area or another. So I go on to tell him, in regards to the parts of my arms and hands he is touching, what I feel.

Then he tells me to relax as he brings over the testing machinery. I can discern that electricity will be involved in this examination. When he places the electrodes on my arms and hands, my sphincter tightens. He says, "You will relax now." I close my eyes. A lightning bolt suddenly hits at one point in my arm. I give a little yelp. With a racing heart, I shout, "Wow!" He nods his head, studying his analysis monitor on the side. "It will be okay", he mutters, "Just relax." More shocks to my arm continue. Zap. Zap. Zap. Zap. At least nine or ten electrocutions are generously zapped along my arm and hand, one at a time. I arch my back and shudder with each zap, letting out an "Uhhhhnnn" noise. Of course, each time, the good doctor advises me to relax while I, at different moments, wonder if I've shit my pants a tiny bit.

After pulling the electrodes off my arm and hand, Dr. Biddiqui says, "Now we're done with the shocking." A sense of relief washes over me. The neurologist instructs me to lay on my side towards the wall. "Lie still," he orders. I waited for what was to come in gleeful anticipation. Yeah, right. A few anguish-free moments pass. Then, one at a time, he pushes needles directly into the muscles of my arm. With each poke and push, he turns to study the graph and spikes on his monitor. I let out a squeal each time he pushes down on the needles. By this time, my wife looks around the corner to get a better angle of the show. At least, that what she told me later. Personally, I think she might have been covering her eyes with her hands the whole time.

Dr. Biddiqui asked how I was doing at one point. I answered, "Good times." Then I thought I had better rephrase that. I stated, "I'm doing alright." I didn't want him to believe I was enjoying myself. He might have tried ramming a letter opener into my eye.

When both procedures were over, I almost fell off the table while getting down. Most likely due to the exhaustion and pain experienced from the hour long examination. Thankfully, my wife was there to drive my sorry ass home. Before leaving, I asked the doctor what he found out. He told me he couldn't tell me. Biddiqui said he had to send the report of his findings to my orthopedic doctor because he was the one who ordered the procedures. He continued to explain that the orthopedic doctor would go over the results with me. I would have argued with this logic but I was too tired and sore. I just wanted to go home, go to bed and not dream of being a human pin cushion.

Click http://millercenter.uchicago.edu/learnaboutpn/evaluation/neuroexam/index.shtmlf for a brief summary of the diagnostic tests (torture) I endured.

Who Is Batman?

When I was a little rug rat, I'd often put my Batman costume on (big towel for a cape and mask) and run around the house, screaming, "Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da BATMAN!"

Hell, I still do.

Oh shit. You believe it, don't you?

But really, early on, I thought Batman was cool. I had the Batman mask. The Batman periscope toy. The Batman dolls. But, uh, I wouldn't consider it a doll. Ahem. I watched the campy 1960's show and would sing the "DA DA DA Batman" theme song over and over until mom and dad would tell me to shut my yap. Today, he is still my favorite superhero. Spidey comes in a far second.

For those of you who do not know who the greatest superhero of all time is, I give you this no-frills description:

Batman is a fictional comic book superhero, co-created by artist Bob Kane and writer Bill Finger(although only Kane receives official credit) and published by DC Comics. The character first appeared in Detective Comics #27 (May 1939). Batman's secret identity is Bruce Wayne, a wealthy playboy and industrialist.

But here's a better one:

Batman, for me, is a very human hero. He has faults like the rest of us. He's damaged, like some of us. When he saw his parents being murdered, it scarred him for life. I've always felt sorry for the character. This hero uses his mind and his inventions to battle foes. There are no superpowers he can fall back on. Batman prefers to work alone because he is afraid of the harm that may happen to those who assist him in his fight against the evil and corrupt. He has had his share of sidekicks, however, like Robin and Batgirl. He is a prime detective, as well. Using his wits, he will employ every source of information to find clues that will lead him to a villain or a cure for some illness a villain has spread. Lastly, Batman wages a war of good and evil within himself, almost continuously. In this degree, I believe we can all say the same about ourselves.

I'm really looking forward to the new movie. I enjoyed the last one. It really gave Batman more depth. It opens in US theatres, nationwide, July 18th. I'll be there, dude, singing, "Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Batman!'

And then, the audience will pounce upon me like a gang of crazed hyenas.

Overkill?

Yesterday, I was sitting here watching the news around noon when a cop car pulled up down below our apartment. I didn't think too much of it because our landlord happens to be a cop. Seems like he's paying a visit to our apartment complex about once a week just to see if there are any complaints, collect rent or talk to our handyman who lives up here. It's nothing to be alarmed about.


What is alarming, however, is when three more cop cars pull in, minutes afterward. That's what happened next. I was thinking there had been a murder. Here I was, bored, and finally something exciting like a killing has taken place right where I live.

Oh joy!


At least five or six cops hurriedly get out of their cars, looking serious, knocking on the apartmart door below. My heartbeat quickens a bit. Perhaps there's been a throat-slashing or a satanic ritual gone awry. Then someone, not in a policeman's uniform, comes out of a cop car, which looks like a minivan, really, and is toting a big black box on wheels. He takes that inside the apartment below us.


After hearing various doors opening and shutting and the muffled voices of cops and tenants downstairs for awhile, I finally hear the highly anticipated knock on my door.


A smile magically developed upon my face as I floated towards the door, with hope sparkling in my demented heart. I open the door and a cop, also with a smile on his face, though not as broad as mine, says, "Sorry to disturb you."

I reply, with subdued glee, "Oh, that's alright."

The cop asks, "Have you seen anyone unfamiliar coming into the apartment complex today?"

I said, "Uh.... No. Why? Has there been a murder around here? I've never seen so many cop cars here before."

The cop chuckled, momentarily, giving me reason to believe that something really freaky had transpired. Then he answered, "No, no. Your neighbor below just thought maybe someone had come into the apartment that wasn't supposed to." Then he inquired if I had heard anything strange. I repeated my answer, NO, once again.


That was a kind-of-odd answer he had given me, pertaining to the reason they were there. It was also a letdown, too. No bloodletting had occurred. No outrageous domestic argument that spiraled out of control, leaving individuals without teeth or eyes. Just somebody may have, perhaps, broke in a tenant's place below. How boring. But, like my wife said, it may be something to be concerned about. It could be us next. If that's what really happened. The cop was sort of obscure with his answer, as if he wasn't telling me the full story. Maybe he wasn't allowed. I don't know.


If it was just a matter of somebody "maybe" breaking into an apartment, then I think, with all the cops pouring into our lot, it was a case of overkill.