Shock Has Stuck Around (Part 2)

Now where was I?

Oh yeah.... The different shocking experiences I've had throughout my life.

Not long after I turned ten, we moved into a decent neighborhood and a fully furnished house. I had friends there, as well as enemies and bullies and so on. But, at least there weren't any neighborhood kids pissing into each other's mouths and making a game out of it.

Also: The house we lived in was haunted, too. My sister and I experienced many shocks while living there. That story has been told in a previous post.

Moving onward...

I had a big shocker while I was in my Freshman year of high school. I was up one night, watching the 11:00 news on TV with my parents, when I saw a picture of my old Catholic school buddy, Russell, flash across the screen. I told Mom and Dad to turn up the volume because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The news reporter was saying that Russell had hung himself in a mental institution. I hadn't spoken to him or seen him (because his family moved out of state) for a couple years before this happened. For the most part, we lost touch with the exception of one phone conversation.

Most of that conversation was about him "being so bored with everything". I remember trying to cheer him up and saying things would get better. But, obviously, things didn't. Later I would feel guilty for not staying in touch with him. That shock to the emotional and mental system in myself stuck around for awhile. But, all of it faded away, eventually.

I continued through high school, coming out of my quiet era with a gradual roar of thunder, so to speak. I continually shocked myself as my high school years whizzed by. I wrote articles for the school paper, enjoyed playing different roles in school plays and began to be one of the biggest party animals in high school. Drinking, smoking' "cabbage", a little vandalism here and there and general mischief making was all part of the fun back then. But even though I did all of that shit, I still was shy around the girls.

Being tongue-tied around the girls was one obstacle I didn't overcome until I was 21. Yep, I was a virgin until I was 21. Before that... a professional masturbator. The virgin thing was a big deal for me then. Presently, I look back at that time and laugh at myself for being so focused on something so trivial. I think that's understandable.

After graduating high school, I did something shockingly stupid. I joined the military. I was 18. I didn't know what to do with the rest of my life -so I joined the Air Force. While there, in 1982, the United States wasn't directly participating in any wars. The military didn't need half the people they had during this era.

There was nothing for us to do except some lame-ass, middle of the night guard duty and picking lint off of our beds. No, it's the truth. And what were we guarding? Nothing. Just standing by a door all night long. During the day, we picked garbage up from the grounds of the base. That was pretty much it.

I was too young to be there, really. Too homesick. Never slept but once the five weeks I stayed in Basic training. Had never been completely on my own before that, either. I was bored. I was pissed that I had allowed myself to believe the recruiter that came to school the year before. He made it sound like it was going to be like Disney World. LOL. And I was gullible enough back then to fall for it.

I rebelled a bit while there, as well.

I'll explain....

Our flight commander or whatever you call him, ordered me into his office to lecture me about my attitude problem. He was sitting in leather chair, smoking a cigar, waiting for me. When he saw me, he immediately began his lecture on "bad attitudes". I said, "Sorry, sir" after every sentence he spoke to irritate him. He didn't seem to care about that, however. After 15 or so minutes of berating, he ordered me to leave.

After the speech, I did an "about face" move. You know. Where you turn yourself around on one foot, sort of. Unfortunately for him, I was less than a foot away from his own foot. And then my foot stepped down directly onto his foot, causing him to scream. When I twisted completely around, with my full weight on his foot, his pain intensified. And then he really screamed.

It was an honest mistake but I laughed about it, afterwards.

It wasn't long after that, when I went to see the highest ranking officer on the base and told him I wanted to leave. After I gave him about five minutes worth of reasons of why I wanted to get the fuck out of the Air Force, he quickly said no (but not very enthusiastically) to that idea so I gave him an ultimatum: I said, "Either you allow me to leave the service or I'm going to make trouble". He waved his hand and said, "Well, okay, if that's how you feel about it". And that was that. As I mentioned before, this was during a time when we weren't at war, for once.

So I left the Air Force, got a job back home at a grocery store and eventually became a night manager while working there.

After saving enough money up, I took a trip out west to Arizona, by myself. It was a truly great experience! Since then, I've been to Arizona twice and I'd like to go back again -the next time with my wife. I love the scenery, the weather and the people that much.

During my first visit, I had the chance to walk in and around old Indian caves and saw some ancient artwork on the walls. I picked up various pieces of the pottery these Indians had used and examined them, as if I were on some archaeological quest. I was in complete awe that I was actually standing inside an ancient Indian dwelling. I was equally surprised that they allowed tourists to go in and out of these caves. On the floor of these ancient homes were the foot tracks of many tourists who had come. They were free to roam wherever they wanted to go, while there.

Presently, no one is allowed in these same caves, in order to preserve what's left of the natural condition it was in before.

Next, I visited the Grand Canyon -which is breathtaking, indeed. When I saw how huge and beautiful it was, I was not only shocked, but I was humbled by just how vast and deep it really the Grand Canyon was. I think everyone in the world should see this natural wonder at least once in their lifetime. Pictures and description don't do the experience of actually being there any justice.

Next on my list of shocks, would be the fact that a decent woman accepted my marriage proposal at the age of 23. My own friends tried to warn her about even dating me way back then. My fiancee then moved in with me into my apartment before we were married, to save money for our wedding and honeymoon. Some members of both her family's side and my own were appalled by us "living in sin". It's funny, now, when I think about the various reactions from them about our living arrangement.

Today, living together before or without marriage is more like a "who cares?" kind of thing.

For our honeymoon, we went to Disney World. I finally got to see fucking Disney World. The real thing -not the military version. LOL. Actually, that was my third visit there. Heh heh.

There have been many shocks since then, of course, throughout my life. Car wrecks. New additions (as in children, not leprechauns) to the family. Different jobs I've worked. Promotions. My foot deformity and other health conditions worsening to the point where I had to get SS Disability. I've also enjoyed wonderfully awe-inspiring out of state trips.

Sometimes, the trips were taken inside my head. Heh heh.

The worst shock, of course, came suddenly when my Mom passed away five years ago. It took around six months before the shock of that faded. Then grief took over for the next four years after the shock but that's another story I've told already numerous times on this blog in one form or another.

I could go on and on with this theme but I've been writing this post for so long tonight, my eyes are getting blurry and my brain has gone to "full mush" mode. I also have to get up early to dig my wife's car out of a snow drift before she goes to work in three and a half hours. It's 2:00 in the morning right now. Wish me luck!

I guess the moral of all of this, if there is one, would be: No matter how many shocks you are thrown in life, the most important thing to do is... PUSH FORWARD. And right now, I'm definitely headed in the right direction. And I'm not just talking about the way to my bed, either.

Goodnight, everyone!

Electronics Are Evil

Remember when stores just came out with those U-scans? They cheerfully declared them a machine that would ensure an easier, quicker way for the consumer to check out his or her stuff- so you can get the hell out of the store before some asshole you can't stand sees you and starts up an unwanted conversation when you just want to get home and relax. Just slide your package of crap across the scanner, listen for the little "beep" telling you your thing's bar code was picked up and ready to be set inside your bag. And don't forget, you better put it the bag right away or something bad will transpire.

The things you should regard, as you go through the process are:

As much as you think you're one smart monkey by avoiding the long lines with real human cashiers, the U-scan, approximately eighty percent of the time, will have an error/question/glitch happen with at least one of your items. When this frustrating development comes about and pushes you increasingly into full fruition as anger at the machine, perhaps causing you to rescan your thing dozens of times, at variable angles in the hopes it will go through, a wondrous miracle may occur. And I'm not talking about dropping dead to be done with this wretched society and all of it's "gotta-have-it" gadgetry .

No.

This miracle will come in the form of a human being. Especially miraculous will be the good fortune of having that human being be a person that can actually help you. He or she will push some buttons, and perhaps, she will even make it work. Or not. It may take up to four different miracle workers to make it work. The cashier manager may have to be called. Maybe the store manager. Or God, himself. Though I doubt God would want to have anything to do with the useless piece of crap called a U-scan.

Cellphones are the work of the devil. There, I said it. Embrace it as truth!

I don't care what company or plan or brand you're using, you will eventually be in an area where the cellphone can't get a signal. This will occur when you need it to work desperately. Let's say your car has broke down during sub zero temperatures out in the middle of a land that time forgot- this will be the time your cellphone won't work. Maybe you can blame it on your surroundings, lack of signal towers (don't know what they're called for sure and don't care) or maybe the heat or ice has caused "the little gadget that couldn't" to pop and explode. Who knows? It doesn't matter. At the time when you need it most, it will fail. Piece of shit. The end.

Of course, let's not forget how annoying cell phones are when you're eating at a restaurant or in line for the u-scan and some asshole (it could even be you) gets one of those "clever little ring tone jingles" and the guy or girl is talking on it like it's greatest thing- that they got called so they can talk really loud and for a long time about something trivial like "maybe I should get that new Blackberry Piece of Shit Electronic Gadget that they advertise so I can waste more time and money."

Computers will also screw up. We all know that. Teeth gritting. Panic at meeting a deadline. The computer doesn't care. You can say it's human error or a hacker or the lack of an update or latest driver or whatever all you want. But you would think, even with all of the fancy-smancey repair programs and anti-spyware/anti-virus applications that's out there now, that computers have been around so long- so very fucking long- that they should be able to repair themselves of anything now- whether it be from human error or otherwise.

Cars are no different. I believe just about every car being manufactured nowadays (I'm never one hundred percent sure of anything) has an electronic "brain" or something like that. Eventually, because most cars are comprised of so many electronic components and this "brain", it will eventually fail. I fill the fluids and fix the small stuff on my own crapolas on wheels and that's it. I've never been interested in cars. Go ahead and rev that engine. Wank yourself silly, while doing so. After paying what you pay for this sad mode of transportation, it too will eventually fail. It can be a new vehicle. It can be old. It can be a hybrid. It can be a hovercraft type car from the future.

Sure, a real mechanic can correct me on this and that, concerning cars. I, in turn, will offer my utmost concern by shrugging and walk away. I hate cars. Any electronic that fails and cannot repair itself should self detonate next to some asshole talking on the cell phone about nothing.

In short, all electronics are worthless pieces of evil shit.

No One's Virginity Is Worth That

Maybe you 've heard this story. The media and the uptights were whipping themselves into a frenzy with this a couple days ago. For myself, I considered it a bit of comedy. It's mighty fucked up, to be sure.

Natalie Dylan, a 22-year-old, is selling her virginity online. The top bid is $3.7 million, at the moment. So if ya got wads of cash to throw or shoot on Natalie's magical, virginal whoopity doo and your IQ is beneath that of a turd, go for it. Ebay had her auction removed from their site. She has advertised on the website of The Moonlite BunnyRanch, a licensed brothel, saying:

"Natalie Dylan is a college girl from Sacramento CA.. Not only does she have a degree in Women's Studies, she is looking to raise money to continue her education and get her master's degree in Psychology so she can practice Family Psychology. She comes to us here at the bunny ranch with a very special gift, Natalie is a virgin and would like to sell this priceless and rare commodity in a very exclusive and private setting."

First of all, she ain't that great looking to me.

And even if I had that kind of money, I wouldn't blow it by doing the ol' "pump-n-dump" with her or anybody else , that includes celebrities and 22 year old college girls. Not that I personally have anything against prostitution, of which I think her auction is a form. Anyone who would pay her should be considered a moronic john or "customer", if you will. Of course, it's being done in the part of Nevada where it's legal.

It's her life.... but, I think any future employer may consider her auction to be a blemish on her record. Wonder if her and her lucky customer are going to trade sexual history records to check out if either has any STD's? Not that I care. Maybe he or she will surprise the other by turning into a maniacal, evil freak in the middle of the Big DeVirginization.

That might be scary. Again, if it happens, I promise not to care. Just remember, Natalie and/or Whoever, ye have sowed what ye have reaped. Is that the way it goes? Hell, I can't remember. If it turns out to be a dissapointment, well...

Afraid? You Should Be.

Tired of fearing George Bush's overly familiar, same old-same old Mid-East terrorists? Well, have I got great news for you or what? They're something new for you fucked up, irrational, easily persuaded Americans to be afraid of. And I will divulge this in a minute, you typically impatient American wanker. According to the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security and the WWF, new information has been discovered that will soon change our charmed American lives for the worst. It's bigger than 4 dollar a gallon gas! Bigger than a first black president! Bigger than Brad and Angelina's collection of brown kids! Bigger than an infected genital wort on an old crack whore's labia!

"But how can this be?," you ask, with as much anticipation as a young lad's first time doing it with an old crack whore with oozing vaginal sores.

Well, brace yourselves....

THE FREAKS ARE COMING. Yes, that's right. I said it. Freaks! Vital info has just been found out that details a partial plan about these Freaks and what they want.

From a secret source that shall remain a secret, I have been able to attain photos of some of these enemies and a small amount of info pertaining to them. Here they are.

This is Gary and Barry Skinflute. They are twins. Gary enjoys long Sunday drives on sunny, spring days. Barry, however, does not drive.

This is Wendy. Her nipples are not pierced.

We paid top dollar to get this one of Frank Polesky. After quitting his job as a carnie, Frank was accepted into the Freak organization upon showing off his many skills and talents in ballet.

This is Sarah Silverman. Sometimes, she can be funny. Here, she is showing everyone what her vagina looks like.

The brute on the left Karro Sirrup. The man getting his face grabbed by Sirrup is Budder Scots. Budder watches Masterpiece Theatre. Karro enjoys the soft fur of a kitten. Both engage in the art of fudge packing.

These are but a few of the Freaks that are known. They are gathering, as we speak, preparing to take over America. It's been rumored that they eat vegetables and small children. Be on the lookout!

Sad Reality Of The Auto Bailout

Filling The Void

Three great forces rule the world: stupidity, fear and greed. -Albert Einstein

Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment. -Mark Twain

Much of our activity these days is nothing more than a cheap anesthetic to deaden the pain of an empty life. -Unknown

This war has been motivated by pride or arrogance, by a desire to control oil wealth, by a desire to implant our programs. (talking about the Iraq war) - Jimmy Carter

The motivation for war is simple. The U.S. government started the war with Iraq in order to make it easy for U.S. corporations to do business in other countries. They intend to use cheap labor in those countries, which will make Americans rich. -Michael Moore

No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. - P.J. O'Rourke


There can be no doubt this is a world populated with people who are infatuated with money and power. From the very start, most of us are taught by society, advertisers and even some parents that our lives should be geared toward the accumulation of wealth and materials.

You must follow these steps (nonconformity to these rules will label you as freak or outcast)

1) Go to college
2) Get a high paying job
3) Make lots of money
4) Have yard monkeys
5) Covet what others have
6) But, most importantly, be a good consumer and BUY-BUY-BUY all of those symbolic things (new cars, houses, electronic gadgets, jewelry, clothes and so on) that you know you must have to fill that void you wistfully call a soul.

Afterwards, you may die knowing you conformed to the hallowed rules of society and realize it was all meaningless.

Too late.

Then you're thrown into a box and put in the ground to become food for maggots.

But hey, this little diatribe won't prevent anyone from doing what is expected of them in this society. Greed is the main motivator. It is the BE ALL-END ALL of your daily lives. And look around you now. The economy. The hunger of the poor. Global warming. Wars.

Our greed makes these things.

Senate Intelligence Committee Reports What I Already Knew

I read this story on yahoo today about what the committee reported. It's about the George W. Bush administration and how they "led the nation to war on false premises". The story points out that the major speeches by Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and other officials in advance of the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in March 2003, and compared key assertions with intelligence available at the time.

Statements that Iraq had a partnership with al Qaeda were wrong and unsupported by intelligence, the report said.

Read the story here:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/iraq_usa_intelligence_dc

7 Lesser Known Loons From Past and Present (2nd Edition)

JUST IN TIME FOR VALENTINE'S DAY, I BRING YOU A TALE OF LOVE, SEDUCTION, MURDER AND MADNESS.

Her name was Belle Gunness. In life, 48 year-old Belle Gunness had stood just under five and a half feet tall but had weighed a massive 280 pounds. Belle had three children, aged one, five and nine. They lived in a small brick farmhouse just outside the quiet town of La Porte, Indiana.

In 1908, the 28th of April, a mysterious fire ravaged the farmhouse. The fire, at first, seemed to be no more than a horrible tragedy that claimed the lives of Belle and her three children. Then questions began to pop up, from further investigation of the brick house ruins and other details.

The body that was found in the remains of Belle Gunnan's home was no more than 150 pounds. Had the blaze somehow burned away most of the flesh from Belle's portly body? No one could really say for sure since the head of the corpse was missing. Maybe a part of the house came down and cut off her noggin. Maybe somebody took her head to use in a truly disgusting game of rugby.

Gunness was no stranger to mystery or to controversy. Several years before, her husband, Peter Gunness, had been killed (according to Belle) when a meat grinder had toppled off the shelf in the kitchen and had struck him in the head. Yeah, that sounds like an accident that happens every day. When a coroner looked at the body, he allegedly muttered "this is a case of murder." To make matter worse, one of Belle's children even told a classmate that her mother had hit him over the head with a cleaver. The authorities investigated but Belle was so convincing, and so formidable, at the inquest that no charges were ever filed. And after her husband's death, Belle was never considered a proper widow. I would have thought she would have been quite a catch.

It was common knowledge in town that she had taken her handyman, Ray Lamphere, to her bed on lonely winter nights. Who was on top? I wonder if Ray, during his "busy" time with Belle, had the good sense to make sure the meat grinder was far away from the bed.

It's not that surprising to find that Sheriff Smutzer, at the time, began having doubts about the "accidental" fire at the Gunness house. He thought about Lamphere's involvement with Gunness and began to wonder if the case was clearly arson and murder.

Smutzer sent two of his deputies digging in the debris of the house for Belle's head. When drinking, the slow-witted handyman, Lamphere, often boasted of sleeping with his employer, which came as a surprise to those who only saw Belle as the burly woman who liked to dress in men's overalls and do her own hog butchering. Mmmm. Ya know, I can see where she would attract all kind of guys.

There was another side to the woman though, which Ray Lamphere saw. There were rare occassions in which Belle was seen wearing a corset and fine clothing, with her hair done up like a beauty queen. She was unrecognizable from the ogre-ish farm woman she usually allowed herself to be seen as.

Lamphere also witnessed numerous strangers going for carriage rides with Belle on those occassions. Ray Lamphere had endured these attentive strangers but had never lost him temper over any of them. I'm guessing he had either low self esteem, was a moron or was a player, himself and didn't care. Personally, I lean towards him being a moron.

But the handman's attitude changed when Lamphere was introduced to a new gentleman from South Dakota. His name was Andrew Hegelian, Belle's new husband-to-be. Lamphere became enraged and protested. Belle promptly fired him. Lamphere soon began drinking heavily and began showing up at Belle's house. She had him arrested for trespassing and then mentioned to the sheriff that "I'm afraid that he'll set fire to the place."

This immediately came back to mind for Sheriff Smutzer and he had Lamphere locked up and charged with the murder of Belle and her children. The handyman claimed to be innocent but his cries fell on deaf ears until Asle Hegelian showed up in town from South Dakota, searching for his missing brother, Andrew. He told Sheriff Smutzer that Andrew had answered a matrimonial ad that had been placed by Belle Gunness in a Norwegian language newspaper. In her reply, Belle offered true love and a life of wedded bliss, but also mentioned a quick $1,000 that she needed to pay off a mortgage. She ended her letter with "my heart beats in wild rapture for you --- come prepared to stay forever." And apparently, he did. He withdrew his life savings from the bank and was never heard from again.

By the time that Asle arrived in La Porte, he was sure that his brother had met with foul play. He became even more convinced when he went out to the ruins of Belle's home and watched as the men digging for her head turned up eight men's watches, assorted bones and human teeth instead. He searched through the property on his own and shouted to the men to start digging in the rubbish hole that was located in Belle's hog pen. As they began turning the earth, they found four bodies -- all of them skillfully sliced apart and wrapped in oilcloth. One of the bodies belonged to Andrew Hegelian. Uh oh. Guess he wasn't good enough for the meat grinder.

The town was shocked and more men came out to the farm to join in the search. On the following day, three more bodies were discovered and in all, 14 of Belle's victims were pieced together, with a quantity of teeth, bones and watches left over. The gruesome finds made headlines in newspapers all over the Midwest and relatives began to appear from all over the region to claim bodies. All of them told of lonesome brothers, uncles and cousins answering Belle's matrimonial ads and traveling hopefully to La Porte with their life savings stuffed in their pockets. Sheriff Smutzer estimated that Belle had made about $30,000 from her victims. She had drugged them and then had cut up the bodies as she did her hogs. Pork Chops, anyone?

Even with this mystery cleared up, the unanswered question of the body in the burned house remained. Was it Belle's or had someone else been placed there to die? Belle's head never appeared but the sheriff thought that her teeth might. A neighbor who had once been a prospector offered to sluice the debris for any of Belle's teeth.

The ex-prospector found many additional male teeth in the ruins but only one of which could be linked to Belle. This convinced some of the locals that the 150 pound body had been Belle's but others scoffed, saying that any woman who would leave her children to die in a fire so that she could escape would certainly not balk at knocking out one of her own teeth in the interests of eluding arrest.

The lingering controversy spilled over into the courtroom for despite the grisly discoveries on Belle's property, the sheriff doggedly persisted in bringing Ray Lamphere to trial for her murder. Both sides fought hard and the jury eventually brought in a rather curious verdict. Lamphere was acquitted of the murder but was convicted of setting fire to the house. He received a sentence of 2 to 21 years in the state penitentiary. He eventually died in prison , having contracted tuberculosis in jail while awaiting trial, but he confessed his role in Belle's crimes to his cellmate before he succumbed to the disease. He told him that he was aware of Belle's murderous activities and had even buried bodies for her when she was finished cutting them up. He said that the headless woman that was found in the fire was that a female derelict that Belle had found in Chicago. She had poisoned the woman with strychnine and then had placed her in bed with the children. She had removed one of her own teeth and then had set the house on fire. After that, she had vanished with the money that the men had unwittingly brought to her. Lamphere was supposed to hear from Belle after she got away to safety -- but he never had. Unbelievably, the moronic handyman died in his prison cell, still in love with a human monster.

So what really happened to Belle Gunness? Nobody knows for sure. In April of 1908 she disappeared and was never heard from again. If you have any suggestions or ideas, let me know. What I can't comprehend are all those men being that desperate for love. Also, why is it that they would come to the "Gunness House of Man & Hog Butchering" and were unable to smell something funny in the air? Like dead humans. I guess it's true what some Asian people say about us Caucasians.... we all smell like pork.

And on this charming note, I'd just like to declare to all the man-butcherers, gullible losers and everyone else out there in this wacky world....

Happy Valentine's Day!