Cool Air Has Inspired and Enthralled

The taint is dry.  My brow is sweat-free.  I can actually walk around in something besides my Cousin Eddie outfits.

Happy to report:  The main AC unit has been officially repaired and installed in the wall.  Before that, the temperatures ran around 80 degrees F. in the apartment.  When the area around us wasn't getting pounded by thunderstorms and 40-60 mph wind gusts and hailstones, the temperatures rose to record numbers this time of year.  Not even summer yet and it easily would get up to 85 degrees outside.  Most of the time, I walked around in my underwear or boxers and a pair of sandals or black slippers.  Nothing else.  My wife warned me not to go outside, saying that I might get raped in my seductive get up.  Somehow, I didn't believe her.

Watch Cousin Eddie, in action, below, in National Lampoon's Vegas Vacation.  This is likely my least favorite "Vacation" movie of the series but it had it's moments. Methinks Cousin Eddie may suffer some anxiety disorder, at times.  I can't fault him for being a moron, though.  He's the entertaining kind of moron.  God puts 'em on Earth for our entertainment, I think.

Beats being around a boring moron- one like most of us encounter each day, on several occasions. This clip below is not the "shitter was full" scene of National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation- but I like this scene.  Everyone and their butt mole has got that one memorized and it has been shown to death.  Hell, it's tradition for us to watch the Christmas one each year.  I still get a boner when the girl in the red bathing suit is on the diving board of the fantasy pool.  My wife ruins my mood by saying that when she flips her suit up in the air with her foot, she is cutting a pussy fart at the same time.

I also slap myself on my head to recall things.

Now I can come into this room, play games, make witty as heck comments on blogs and entertain myself by spouting off words of wisdom.  By the way, I saw the mentally challenged man again at the park.  He was still mumbling, frequently waving his arms up and down and made quacking noises.  He paced back and forth, every so often shouting, "Gimbiddy Goobey Blaaarghh!"

The mother or caretaker of this person was looking at the picnic table she was sitting at, perhaps thinking of a creamy fudge bar or slitting her own throat.  I know it's hard for people to take care of people when they're mentally challenged.  I feel for them as much or more than the mentally retarded folks they take care of- they're like the unspoken heroes and people don't say enough good about them.

At least, he, the dude I was just yakkin' about, wasn't like this other asshole in the park.  This old guy, The Curmudgeon, I call him. He was all stretched out underneath a shelter, sweating profusely, red in the face, swiggin' out of his bottle of whatever like he was thirsty or something.  :)  Anyway, he, of course, makes one of his negative remarks about how the weather is.  He doesn't miss a chance, whenever we pass each other in the park, while walking, to say how crappy the weather is or if it is a nice day, he'll say, for example "Gee, it almost feels decent today."

After he says something that I don't really feel like fully absorbing in my brain because I know how his mind works, partially, I ask him, nicely, if he is okay.  No sarcasm to my tone, whatsoever.  He breathes in, sort of okay, but his breathing is a bit ragged.  Based on this and his appearance, I had asked if he was okay.  If he needed any assistance.  Ever since I've had earlier dramatic incidents, this year, of people collapsing in front of me or onto me, in my arms, I'm a little anxious.  I'm ready to call 911 on his crazy, obnoxious, old ass.

But he says that he's okay and I walk on my usual path.  Apparently, he was "okay" because I saw him walking again.  I tried to say hello to him and get him to stop, briefly, to ask how he was but he ignored me and made sure I knew he was doing it on purpose.

I thought he was being silly, vain and stupid.  So I laughed each time as distance separated us when we walked in opposite directions.  The next day, he must have known he looked like an ass because of his attitude because he immediately engaged me in a conversation about trips he and his wife have taken to Hawaii and other locations.  At least, he isn't a total turd.

When people start conveying personal info, it's usually easier for me and quite a few people, I notice, to warm up to them.  They seem more human.  That's the lesson I take from it during my experiences of these kind.  People play odd games.  I like the straightforward, honest approach.  Why be something you're not?  Don't fear!  Show yourself-- flaws, talents, interests and all.

By the way, my neighbor, across the street, has a dozen flags in his yard.  Big flagpoles with American flags in his small yard. I don't know why he has them there.  Memorial Day is quite a long time from now.  I took a picture of his front yard-in case he kills me later on.  He reminds me of the Bruce Dern character of the movie "The Burbs."  The neighbor across the road from us is always sitting in his lawn chair in his open garage, watching the movements of all in the neighborhood.

  

Hanging On a Star

Been bogged down in the mumps, the ol' depressionary state, currently. The red line under "depressionary" is telling me that it's not a word and that I'm a retard. Damn, I can't do anything right. Lately, yeah, I think that title might just fit me. Retard. Maybe "Retard Extraordinaire". Ha. That could be more fitting.

I feel like I'm saying the wrongs things to quite a few people in my inner circle of friends and family. The ol' guilt thing is kickin' my ass all the way to the the moon, as of late. Time to time, I make my attempt to get off that moon of guilt, trying to hook my arm around a star and maybe, if I'm lucky, I will be able to walk down some of those stars. Maybe I'll make it back to Planet Earth soon and shake my own hand and call a truce on the guilt thing going on inside my head.

It's a battle of wills. And getting back to being comfortable with myself...

...would be dandy.

Anyway, the more I listen to this, the more I like it. The song is called The Fun Machine Took a Shit and Died

Don't listen to it if you don't want to listen to it. I don't wanna twist your arm. It's just, I think, some brand spankin' new music from Queens of The Stone Age. Supposedly, they're coming out with a new album, early in 2012. God, I hope it's early. The planet is supposedly blowing up on the 21st of December. If I find out the new album is going to be late- like after the 21st of December, 2012, well, it won't be a pretty picture.

I mean-

I'll be really steamed. I'll buy a strange bobble-head collection and take it with me to the nearest fine dining type of joint, put one of the bigger ones down my pants with just the bobble hanging out of my fly, register the looks on the faces of fellow patrons and ultimately poke my bobble into someone's martini.

A plan, conceived.

But I doubt it will happen. After all, bobble-heads freak me out. No, I won't buy a bobble-head. The name, itself, sounds perverted.

Of course, this scenario just popped into my mind:

I go up to Mrs. Claus. She's kinda old but kinda hot and wearing something red and fluffy. I guess it's a coat. And I say something suave.

"Hey! Wanna see my bobble-head, Mrs. Claus? It's got a red, Christmassy glow. Don't have any idea why. Must be the STD I got in ol' Meh-hee-go."

I often have sex fantasies about Mrs. Claus. Who doesn't?

Mexico. Hmmm....

Beats ol' GuiltLand, where I'm currently residing, nowadays. Or maybe not. Should I feel guilty about boning a mythical, beloved holiday character, by the way? No, I'm not talking about a certain high profile, female Republican candidate that's running for president.

Beloved. Heh.

I think I just watched a documentary type show on TV, detailing a true story that had a guy interviewing a group of middle aged golfer guys, involved in said story and reenactment of their individual experiences on their trip to Mexico. They end up getting robbed, almost killed and then almost getting robbed or worse again by some corrupt cops. I think it was some kind of "I survived my vacation" type show that's airs once a week on The Travel Channel. They said incidents like the ones those golfer guys had didn't happen that often.

Eh. Okay. Maybe not. I don't want to assume. Heck no.

The story before that or afterwards showed actual video of some dumbass getting his flesh torn apart by a lion. This guy, who had never dealt with lions before, happily volunteered to go into the cage with the lion. Then he begins to reach out to pet the lion, the first time, basically wearing only a hoody/sweatjacket type thing and some thin jogger's pants. Then Bippy Dippyshit gets a warning swipe, the first time, with a paw. The dude cried out, "OOOOOW". A little blood was spilled. But the dude continued. And continued. Seeing this idiot play with this lion, as if it were a kitten and then getting his leg meat tore into, like human filet mignon, before he was rescued, cheered me right up.

I know I haven't been around the blogging scene much. I've been doing too much false starting here. I've been getting sidetracked. But I think I'm going to attempt pull a blog-rabbit out of my ass again. Like I did in the Spring of this year, I think I'm going to challenge myself to another blogging duel. Yes. I shall bloggeth every day until the end of December. And I shall also endeavor to visit everyone's blogs like a man with a quest to reach the highest star. Isn't that inspiring? Doesn't it just fill your panties with a load of pungent glee?

Now when the end of December comes up, I will self destruct- or perhap I'll save my explosion until next year about this time. I wanna time it just right. Don't wanna stray from the pack too much. I really want to fit in with the crowd (just like always) and with all of the others that fateful day who will pop open like a smokey pinata. Because, as you might and maybe could tell... I'm an obedient conformist.

Mmm. I'm thinking of bacon flavored candy falling out of a big gash. Insert joke here.

If anyone wants my collection of Pepsi/Star Wars Episode One cans, before Doomsday, I may be willing to swing ya a lucrative deal that will flip you utterly out.

See you tomorrow or bust.

Contact me at pantloadfullofglee@hatemail.com about the cans. I'm feeling better already.

Nonconformists

"Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist."- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate others."- Anonymous

In the dictionary, I found two main definitions for the word, "nonconformist."

1. One who does not conform to, or refuses to be bound by, accepted beliefs, customs, or practices.

2. A person who does not conform to generally accepted patterns of behaviour or thought.

I can go along with those interpretations of that word. There is also an older meaning to nonconformist. That is: A Protestant in England who is not a member of the Church of England.

Nowadays, when you hear the title of nonconformist, you usually think of the first two definitions. At least in the U.S. you do.

I found this interpretation of what it means to be a nonconformist on Urban Dictionary and I thought it fit me well enough. I've never really put it into words how I usually roll but this was pretty accurate:

It's not that you purposely go against the norms. It's that you fail to recognize the importance rules, structures and social norms and this naturally makes an above average level of uniqueness to you. Given the lack of this pressure to conform to sociality you're given much more freedom to think and act and do. Your acts, thoughts, and ideas may appear absurd to others. Nonconformist tend to either be leaders or loners and mavericks. They are often too new and innovative for their own times. What they hate most is bureaucracy, and way too often when given a position of power they will throwaway the normal routines and traditions of the office.

I consider myself to be a nonconformist because I've never allowed fads, trends, beliefs of others to influence me enough to where I'm set in this mind locking concrete that I will follow a certain line of thinking or anything else society dwells upon. Take celebrity worship or something equally as mindless or insipid, for example. Nonconformity, to me, is more of an attitude than a purposeful unwillingness to follow, without question, a trend, a person or organization of authority or a belief.

Some claim that it is rebelliousness for the sake of rebelliousness. Nope. Sorry, my closed minded, unenlightened monkey. The majority of society thinks that the nonconformist thinks it's something that the nonconformist can throw on, like an obnoxious shirt, just so they can piss the majority off. It's not like that. It's really not a conscious decision. In truth, it's really a matter of strength of mind, independence, free will and honesty. It's just being yourself, for better or worse.

Side effects of being someone that expresses nonconformity can, but not necessarily, include some nice traits such as:

Being creative, intensely independent and individualistic... or being innovative, and trailblazing. I'm not saying I'm any of these, of course. I'm probably as innovative as a speck of dirt on a rock that lays on the side of the road. Still, others that get their jollies by taking the opposite viewpoint on this subject will say that a nonconformist is destined to be a definite loner in society, maybe an immoral individual that is thinking up ways to destroy the world, molest a chickenhawk or some other nonsense. You can't see me but I'm pressing a big red imaginary buzzer at the moment- which represents that this assumption is not only stupid but it can be dangerous- especially dangerous to the innocent person who's victim-less personal choices in life are being thought of as a sinister threat to society. Mass hysteria, anyone? Holy shit!

In truth, nonconformists come in all shapes and sizes and colors and upbringings and class room teachings and so and so on. They conform only to themselves. They are the free thinkers of our human civilization, untouched by the persuasions of a monkey see-monkey do society. All of us could benefit from some of the traits of nonconformity. The bottom line is: Without change and fresh outlooks, it's a stagnate, fearful society we will continue to have, crushing the spirits of all of us.

There now. Glad I got that out of my system. Thanks and have a happy, dandy-as-heck kind of day. Smiles, everyone, smiles!

I See That You Have a Horn Growing Out Of Your Head

I've often wondered how it would be to visit any bloggers who I've had the pleasure of interacting with for awhile now. Though it sounds like a quaint idea, this could be a dangerous action to take with serious consequences in the end. I mean- What if you surprise me by throwing me a party? Or a parade, in my honor, even? Or drug me and take advantage of me in my slumber? Gosh, my humble and modest self wouldn't know what to do except blush and act all embarrassed and stuff.

And let me tell you, when I start feeling a little disconcerted, I tend to break a mighty wind and juggle my brightly colored balls. Yes, I carry them with me in my Suitcase O' Fun. I just so happened to buy these balls off of a circus accessories type website one day. What? You didn't think I was talking about my own cojones, did ya? Nah! The only time my jolly, friendly trouser bells are brightly colored is when I paint rainbows on them. Makes me feel all peppy, festive and stuff.

So... when should I come over?

And then there's always the chance I'd come over and I would get the surprise of my life by finding out that you have a horn growing out of your head. Talk about your awkward moments. I wouldn't be able to look away, either. I mean- you might have a unicorn horn growing out of your forehead or have a kooky looking horn like this woman down below.

You could be eating a baby's leg, too, while I'm standing there, attempting to make conversation. Then what am I supposed to do? Tear the other one off and gnaw on it so you don't feel awkward eating alone, in front of me?

You could be a religious psychopath, too, pushing your beliefs in the powers of the Almighty Bullwinkle on me.

Or you could pretend to be normal for awhile and we're sitting there, all cozy and shit, in your living room and you suddenly jump out of your refried bean bag chair and shout, "Holy Toledo! I forgot to introduce my cross eyed, drooling retarded cousin, Alfonso, to ya." At that moment, Alfonso peeks around the corner at me, widens his retarded eye at me and stumbles into the living room with a bloody meat cleaver in one hand and his festering pecker in the other.

Running out the door without so much as a goodbye may be an act of rudeness to you, the generous host, but I would likely be inclined to do it. After all, I don't wish to take the chance that Alfonso gets too close for comfort and allows his pus-oozing pecker to drip into the cup of freshly brewed coffee you made just for me.

I'm all about good manners, you know, but you have to draw the line somewhere in the landscape of picturesque penile disorders.

Seriously, who's to assume exactly what to expect when visiting a fellow blogger. Still, since I'm curious about such things and I wonder if they're just as funny, interesting (in a good way) or intelligent as they portray themselves in their blogs, I would take my chances and do it. If there should be some awkward silence between us, at any point during my stay, I could handle it. There's no need to have our mouths yapping about, in a constant state of vocalization. In fact, that kind of thing can be just as bothersome to me as the quiet times.

And if you're somewhat crazy, in a non lethal way, I would likely get along better with you. I find people who are slightly touched in the head to be interesting and humorous. People who are too humdrum or try too hard to act "normal" cause me to become frustrated around them. Unlike the slightly unusual folks, they don't interest me and, in fact, kinda annoy the shit of me because they're boring me. I'm never sure if it's on purpose or just because they severely lack in the personality department.

I've actually left people standing at parties or other public places while they're still jabbering away about the most mundane of topics. You can look at this gesture as being rude but I look at it as being rude that they're taking up my time by talking about something that any ol' flesh and blood, conformist droid could and will talk about. Those that engage in that type of conversation should consider themselves just peachy-keen lucky if I come up with an oh-so-incredible excuse for leaving you with your jaw dropped in mid-sentence, too. I might offer an "I have to leave now to take a shit" or something smooth like "Your face gives me a stomach ulcer from hell."

Signs that I may be bored with those things you call words that won't stop popping, incessantly, out of your mouth would be:

Fidgeting from foot to foot

Falling asleep

Watching the clouds in the sky

Choking the living shit out of you

But, chances are, that since we are either interacting with each other between our blogs, exchanging fascinating messages on Facebook, twittering our twitters or trading emails, I will most likely enjoy your company in person and you'll be able to keep my utmost attention. Gosh, good news for you, huh? I can feel the radiant, heart-warming glow of your excitement from all the way over here. Oh, that's just a belch you just burped from all that rancid unicorn meat you've been eating. Ah, well. Sometimes we get mixed signals from one another.

So, like I said before... when should I come over? Heh heh.

Hey You, Monkey!

Watch that monkey go in his cage

In his cage

In his cage

Watch that monkey play the game

Play the game

Play the game

Watch that monkey do what's expected of him

Expected of him

Expected of him

Laugh as monkey jumps from trend to trend

Trend to trend

Trend to trend

If that damn monkey don't do

What he's supposed to do

That damn monkey

Will get the boot

(crazy guitar solo)

Now watch that monkey as he cheats and lies

Cheats and lies

Cheats and lies

And hear that monkey, he'll say it's okay

"I'm just keepin' up with everyone

And playin' that everyday game"

Now monkey thinks this rose is not a regular flower

Because monkey thinks this rose has got ultimate power

And monkey thinks it smells so fresh and great

And monkey will fight anything to get at this bait

If that damn monkey don't do

What he's supposed to do

That damn monkey

Will get the boot

(crazy guitar solo)

---------------------------------------------------------------

I wrote this festive little ditty up while casually looking around at the freak show (human race) we're in and our suffering world (unfortunate victim), my fellow monkeys. You're apart of it. No matter how hard you may deny it at times. Might as well laugh while you cry. Might as well let these times go by as you shrug nonchalantly and keep your head up in the sky. Woo hooo.

It's easier that way, isn't it?

Hahahahaha.... Okay, I'm done. Back in the cage, we go.

Life Lessons From Father To Son

Minutes after placing the plastic Santa, sleigh, reindeer, snowman in the yard and decorating the house with many festive lights in order to give Sean's residence the appearance of a typical American home during the much commercialized season, Sean placed his arm around Timmy's shoulder. The 40 year old corporate executive was proud of his accomplishment. It was important, in Sean's mind, that he keep up with the other neighbors' decorated yards in his suburb. He looked down to see if his son was taking in the grandeur of the perfectly well placed decorations and lights, as well. As usual, Timmy was preoccupied with the latest version of his iPod, texting away another irrelevant message to a friend in a long line of trivial messages.

That reminded Sean. He needed to buy himself an upgraded version of an electronic gadget he had bought only a month ago. Texting, instant messaging and twittering was such a vital part of Sean's life and he just had to have the very latest electronic gadget in order to keep up with appearances and to make himself feel just that much more special than anyone who didn't have the latest electronic gadget at the moment. Sean's cars, mansion, big screen TVs, yacht and the rest of his possessions meant everything to him. After all, Sean thought, your portfolio, your money and the material things you own is a reflection upon your true value in society. And this thought, in turn, reminded Sean that he needed to have a serious talk with his 12 year old son about the facts of life.

"Son," said Sean, demanding Timmy's attention, "I think it's time we had THE TALK."

Sean had to snap the texting device out of Timmy's hands in order to stop the boy's addictive behavior and get his attention. It seemed that everyone during this time had such an addiction to electronic gadgets. At times, it seemed as though they were mindless texting, cell phone- talking zombies, incapable of standing in front of someone and communicating directly to them. With blank stares upon their little screens, they tappity-tap-tapped upon their hand held device's buttons, pausing only if it was absolutely necessary.

Timmy whined, "Hey, I was texting something to Ricky."

Sean said, "When we're finished talking, I'll let you have it back. Don't worry."

Timmy got a pout-y look on his face, thinking it would gain him back his gadget. It didn't. It was one of the few times Timmy didn't get his way with Sean.

Sean started, "It's time for you to know just how important is to run with the pack. To conform. Be a complete team player in life. And perhaps, most importantly, never differentiate from the norm so everyone, from your classmates in school to your fellow players in an organized league to your future co-workers in the office, will accept you during life. Never rock the boat."

Timmy looked up, asked, "Office? Why do I have to work in an office? Why can't I work at the supermarket with Uncle Frank?"

Sean laughed and then continued explaining, "Your Uncle Frank is what we call a loser. A no account. A grunt who performs routine tasks. A nothing, in truth."

"Why do you say that?," inquired Timmy.

As Sean walked Timmy back to the warmth of the interior of the mansion, the father said, "Uncle Frank didn't go to college. Instead of choosing a career where he would earn an annual six figure salary, Frank decided to waste his life and opportunities to work behind a deli counter, never to achieve what you kids today call the "awesomeness" of having considerable wealth and exceptional stature." With this said, Sean winked and nodded, affirmatively. He was hoping to get through to his son the importance of appearances and the never ending goal of attaining vast wealth throughout his lifetime.

As they stepped inside, Sean instructed Timmy to sit at the table for more enlightenment. At the table, Timmy said, "I don't understand. I always thought Uncle Frank was pretty happy. He's always smiling, the couple of times I've seen him."

Sean replied, "It doesn't matter if Uncle Frank is happy. What's important is wealth and conformity. Frank, from the day he was born, hasn't followed the rules of American society and as a result, doesn't measure up to our standards, my son. It's just that simple."

Timmy seemed confused at first, but then his expression brightened.

"So that's why you never invite Uncle Frank to Christmas or Thanksgiving every year," said Timmy, pleased that his father was smiling at his sudden comprehension.

Sean patted the boy on the head and said, happily, "You betcha!"

Timmy exclaimed, "Uncle Frank isn't as good as we are!"

"Why Frank has hardly any value as a human being at all," confided Sean, proud that his boy was eagerly learning a valuable lesson.

Timmy and Sean laughed heartily. This is going to be a wonderful day, thought Sean. The boy was soaking in all the wisdom Sean had to offer like a thirsty sponge.

At that moment, Vicky, Sean's wife walked in from the living room. She asked, "Will you boys be ready to go shopping in about an hour?" Sean and Timmy nodded. "There's a new upscale department store in the city that I've wanted to go into and we have reservations at The Capital Grille later tonight. I hear the Seared Tenderloin with Butter Poached Lobster is out of this world. I"m just so looking forward to eating there."

Sean and Timmy decided to go into the living room to watch TV. A news program was playing, showing the plight of people that had lost their jobs, recently, and were having trouble keeping their homes.

Timmy giggled, pointed and then exclaimed, "Look, dad! Poor people! They're stupid!"

Sean confirmed Timmy's outburst, saying, "That's right, son!"

Sean continued, "And if you should see any people at any time like this or any other losers that ask you for a handout, just pretend that they don't exist. It's easy. And it's the American Way"

The next images were of people fighting a war in the Middle East. Sean thought he could contribute more to his son's education by explaining the reason we were at war.

Sean asked, "Do you know the reason why our young soldiers are risking their lives over in the far away country called...? Eh, I forget the name at the moment... but that's not important anyway."

Timmy said, "Nope. I never really cared. Whenever they talk about war stuff on TV, I usually turn on my PS3 and play games."

Sean thought, Well, I really can't blame him there. Whenever the subject of whatever war we were currently in came on the screen, he'd quickly change channels to some televised sporting event.

"Well," said Sean, "The reason we go to war with people that are different than us is due to a number of things. One, they might have something that we want. Like oil, for instance. Two, our corporations and our government may have found ways to make a profit from setting up our "democracy bases" in these countries, therefore, we should be there. And three, it's the patriotic thing to do."

Timmy said, "I thought I heard it was about terrorism or somethin'."

Sean put his hand on his son's arm while saying, "Well, son, our government and politicians have used fear mongering and terms suggesting that you're not a true patriot unless you want go to another country and kill their people who have nothing to do with terrorism, per se. In fact, a lot of innocent civilians are killed over there for really unfair reasons, I suppose, if you really want to dwell on that sort of thing. Our own soldiers die over there, as well, but hey, ya gotta crack a few eggs to make an omelet."

Sean pointed up toward the air and said, triumphantly, "Heck, our country was practically taken and founded upon the massacre of people different than us. You've heard of Indians, right? Well, we had to wipe them out early on in order to spread across this land like a virus. They had our land and we took it from them. We even let a few of them live. 'Might is right', as they say."

Sean laughed a bit and then added, "But who says life has to be fair? It's the end result that counts. As Americans, we have to protect our gluttonous, selfish way of life by doing things that may seem immoral to some losers but that doesn't really matter. Money matters. Satisfying our needs is what matters. Doing what the government tells you to do and what to believe, no matter how much you think it is a lie, is what truly matters."

Timmy thought about what his father said and though a lot of it didn't make sense, he decided to go along with it. It seemed to him that if everyone else was going along with these rules, then it must be right.

Timmy said, "I guess I get it."

Sean said, "That's all I need to hear. Just remember... the majority is always right. Think and act like everyone else and you'll do just fine. In the future, you'll go to college, get a high paying career, get married, buy a big house and other expensive items, raise a couple rug-rats of your own and never question authority or the government. Don't rock the boat."

Timmy smiled and then said the words a father wants to hear the most from his son.

"I want to be just like you when I grow up, dad."

Sean said, "You betcha, son." Sean, assured of Timmy's compliance with all that was said, gave Timmy his iPod back.

Minutes later, the family gathered into the limousine and were taken into the city for a day and night of heavily commercialized Christmas shopping and fine dining. Life couldn't be better for Sean. Sean felt he had instilled valuable life lessons in his son and took exceptional pride in that accomplishment.

Black Friday Stampedes

Ah, it's that time of year again. You can smell it in the air. Could that be Holiday Cheer?, you ask, naively. No, that isn't it Holiday Cheer, friends, neighbors and virtual pals o' mine. It the smell of huge corporations like Walmart and all the rest of the huge chains exercising their stranglehold on the public's addiction to material things with their horrific onslaught of Black Friday advertisements, urging everyone to cram into their store fronts and aisles, crushing one another during the annual American Consumer event.

There will be lines aplenty of the crazy, waiting outside the doors of these stores. Some idiots will be willing to stomp on a face or four to latch onto whatever they are getting a hard on (or if you're a woman- a wet on) for. Every year, it's on the news about someone getting crushed during the Black Friday event.

I really think it's a joke when some stores say they've taken the necessary steps to ensure public safety but they don't, really. A couple security guards at either store end isn't going to cut it. People will rush like rabid bulls. When I worked at Walmart for 3 years, all I could see that they were really making, instead of safety steps, were huge Christmas tree obstacles and sprawled out "consumer-unfriendly" displays of sale items to be put in the way of customers when they rushed. It's almost a guarantee that something stupid is going to happen.

Customers, overzealous and seething with madness to get a cheaper deal, will trample each other to get what they want. This is known, at least in America, as "Getting Into The Christmas Spirit".

Tomorrow morning, it is supposed to rain and snow around four in the morning. At that time, consumers will be lined up at the doors, colder than fuck and salivating at the chance to get their monkey paws on whatever shiny object will create euphoria for the moment. Could be the latest electronic whatchamicallit gadget. Could be a cheese grater/foot massager combination thingy. Who knows?

I think I'll get up in the morning just to get in the car, go to the stores and throw buckets of cold water on the lines and throngs of people. Couldn't be any worse than the usual "Christmas Spirit' exemplified.

Happy Holidays! Happy Spine Crushing! And don't forget to sodomize your fellow consumer with a broom handle for whatever it is you want at the store! Or bash in their skulls with a pretty snow globe with Santa in the center! Your choice. Spread the Holiday Cheer!

Dance

Dance

Dance

Dance

They dance all around with one foot on the ground

With their eyes on your "prize"

That turns to surprise

When they find out

What it's really about

And then it's too late

And then it's a shame

That they've shut

That

Gate

So you

Dance

Dance

Dance

Ya dance all around with one foot on the ground

Quietly hiding and not making a sound

Suspecting figures peek over to see

What you've been up to

And what you believe

Your business is theirs

And business isn't fair

Privacy

Hypocrisy

If roles were reversed

Then they would care

So you

Dance

Dance

Dance

Fuck all ye fuckers

Who believe only what they see

Fuck all ye suckers

With only their eyes do they see

Fuck all ye preachers

Who push their beliefs

I have my own way

And do my own thing

I say what I say

And believe completely in me

As I

Dance

Dance

Dance

Conditioning Techniques and Widespread Insanity

The first time you put your finger in a quickly rotating metal fan blade will probably also be your last. When you see the blood spurting forth from your digit like a geyser, you will have hopefully learned a lesson. And you will come away with not only a dismembered finger, but an association of the spinning metal fan blade with pain and the loss of something valuable. Like your goddamn finger!

In our everyday world, such learned associations or conditioned responses are realized in countless ways: A driver will brake at a red light in order to avoid injury or a ticket. Somebody eating shrimp and afterwards feel their throat closing up to an allergic reaction to shellfish will likely not eat it again and avoid it, entirely. A friend that steals from you will teach you not to trust that person again. And so on. These types of conditioned responses can only benefit you in the future.

These are normal, natural responses that prove useful in your life. Positive stimuli for your benefit.

And then there are the ones that aren't useful, beneficial, normal or natural. Such as: Phobias, superstitions, blindly following instead of thinking for fear of ridicule or punishment, addictions to drinking, gambling, money or anything self destructive for hollow, temporary contentedness.

People, I've always found, are an odd bunch. Even as a kid, I was an observer of society. The older I become, the more I see the flaws that get in the way of human progress. Often times, I wonder if we are devolving.

From youth to adult, we are conditioned by the commercials we see on TV or rhetoric we read from print or computer to act or feel a certain way. We're duped by ads, politicians, supervisors, friends, family and more. Conditioning techniques come in the forms of rewards and punishments. Do and act correctly, according to society as a whole and you may receive an award. If you refrain from doing what is expected or required- punishment may be inflicted in verbal or physical form.

There are only a few things that people are capable of that I can think of that are clearly acts that require punishment. Murder of an innocent human is one. Rape is another. Stealing, yet another. Telling someone a lie, in order that they do your bidding, is a good example, too. I'm sure there are more but I could be typing all night long. And that's not going to happen.

What frustrates me is the fact that people are not aware of these techniques that are used to ingrain these negative notions inside their minds. At least, that's the evidence that seems to be flaunted by most everyone. All they know is what they're told.

Religions, companies and governments are grand manipulators. Weapons they use that dig into your mind for their benefit the most? Words that instill fear so you do their bidding. Think about that, unless you haven't already.

It seems as years go by, while casually observing the public, friends, family and myself, of course, the will to think for oneself in this society has become disrupted and even corrupted. Has it always been this way with the human species? To think or act this way or else?

To be made a slave by any organized mass is the truest shame one can take on. When I see everyone in our society thinking and acting as expected or planned, it causes me to believe that we are not unwilling victims of widespread insanity but that we actually invite it, welcome it and wrap it around ourselves as if it were a warm, comfortable security blanket.

End of The World Delight

Hey gang, let your old pal, Uncle Kelly, tell ya the tale of a lil' planet of long ago. It was called, oddly enough, Idiotica, and it was outrageously overpopulated with a bunch of wacky two legged creatures. They were called DumbAsses.

Now they say the DumbAsses on planet Idiotica started out as crazy turd-throwin' monkeys. But I don't know about that. I have my own theory that seems a bit more sensible. I think a bunch of messed up, drug lovin' aliens got bored one week and dropped by perfect Idiotica for a bit of experimental hooha. Since the aliens didn't poke each other in the porkholes anymore and they were gettin' tired of lookin' at all of the mountains, oceans and trees- I think they decided to break up the monotony of living on Idiotica with an act that would change everything on the planet. Yes sir, the aliens decided to make a new species of being with their advanced technology. Thus, the DumbAsses were emanated. The aliens, seeing what they created, were so embarrassed, they took off like a flea and didn't come back for a real long time.

So after the aliens left the DumbAsses to make decisions for themselves, the Early DumbAsses right away began playing "Take Mr. Stinky and Push Him Into The Taco of Love." When they weren't doing that, they would hunt down vermin, eat til their bellies bloat and hit each other with sticks.

Oddly enough, a lot of the inhabitants of Idiotica delighted in their worship of inanimate objects. The theory being- If ya sing your praises to a rock, the rock will give your people a head of lettuce and other stuff. Here's a sample of a couple of their prayers:

Oh statue of a god I just made up

Please tell me what I should do.

Should I take my first born

And drown him in the river

Or allow him to grow up to be a fine DumbAss like me?

Another one...

Oh big ol' shiny ball in the sky

You are so great

And look so good up there

Could you make it so we have enough beans for the winter

I love you

Later, the folks of Idiotica moved on to praying to deities they couldn't see. A lot of times, they would fight over their deities and beliefs and cause plentiful bloodshed for anyone who didn't believe what they believed. They even had festive events called Inquisitions where they would pick a disbeliever out from the crowd and slowly torture them to an agonizing death. Ha ho! They sure knew how to have a jolly ol' time!

It's been on record in the history books that one of the knights, during a holy war, had this to say, as he plunged his sword into the chest of an unarmed DumbAss, "Come-come, my good man. Cannot you see the practicality of believing in the glory of my god?" The unarmed DumbAss had this to say, "Ahhhh!" Then he died.

During the Industrial Age, The DumbAsses made something that would change their world for years to come. It was called pollution and they used it to slowly poison themselves to death. Hurray!

Another wacky thing the DumbAsses liked ta do was cut down trees. They weren't happy, it seemed, until they cut down every last one. When all the rain forests were wiped out, they noticed (a bit too late) that good clean air and oxygen was a bit scarce.

A lot of crazy things they did to pollute and ravage the planet also changed the weather. It was called global warming. Whew! It's gettin' hot in here. Can you kids say s-l-o-w-d-e-a-t-h?

The main objective of living on Idiotica, of course, was to get more moola (money). And enough was never enough for the typical DumbAss. And the more ya had, the more other DumbAsses seemed to respect ya. Which is funny and truly pathetic when ya think about it. Ha ho! Those crazy DumbAsses loved and worshiped those lil' green pieces of paper more than any other god on Idiotica. In fact, the whole ecosystem of Idiotica was forsaken for the Almighty Dollar. Golly!

Every so often, the DumbAsses of Idiotica would elect a new president, king or puppet. One country of DumbAsses, in particular, prided itself on being free. Free ta do what? The only freedom these DumbAsses really had was the right to vote for a new ruler every so often. They didn't get to make the laws of their land. They didn't get ta decide how much money would be ripped out of their paychecks to support their government. And many times, the DumbAsses' government would control the DumbAsses by telling them lies and forcing them to watch ancient reruns of Gilligan's Island or worse yet, The Jerry Springer Show. Excuse me now- while I puke up a Toyota.

And good gollykins but those DumbAsses enjoyed a good war. It would always be about land, religion, fossil fuels or the color of skin. These DumbAsses would kill each other like there was no tomorrow. Crazy fun for one and all! They wouldn't be satisfied until they had annihilated almost everybody in a big ol' murderous frenzy.

Now a couple DumbAsses would try to rally people for the cause of peace.

Peace. Peace. Peace. That's all they would talk about. They, of course, were killed instantly. Where did they think they were? On another planet or something?

The world wars that would be engaged in later were over food, water and the basic necessities of life. Strangely enough, instead of pulling together so that their species had a chance of surviving, they continued to kill and kill and kill one another. Imagine that!

Finally, the aliens came back to check up on the DumbAsses, ready to introduce themselves proper and such. But when they arrived, they saw that the folks on Idiotica had enough nuclear warheads and other high powered weaponry to entirely destroy their planet 50 X 3 plus 2 and decided the DumbAsses were intent on killing themselves and weren't worth their time and trouble.

With the advent of the predicted Final World War, the seas and oceans boiled while the lands of Idiotica burned with the fires of nuclear devastation. Alas, there was to be no surviving for any DumbAss due to complete widespread fallout and radiation. And did I mention fire? Woohoo!

What started out as a perfectly beautiful, life sustaining planet was eventually turned into a perfectly destroyed ashen rock of lifelessness. The End.

Gosh, you sure didn't see that coming. Did you? Ha ha! Well, this is Uncle Kelly, bidding you a joyous farewell and sweet happy dreams. Aloha, adios and goodbye!

Strange What Is And Isn't Accepted

What I'll be ranting about today is from the point of view of someone living in the U.S. This post will be about the odd general beliefs of American culture, though many of these beliefs are shared by the rest of the world's populace. Enjoy. Think. Scratch your ass. Or all of the above.

ACCEPTED

Corporate greed and greed, in general is perfectly acceptable. When this society hears of corporate greed as in the case of Goldman Sachs, the mortgage bankers who routinely screw people out of money, giving exorbitant amounts of money to their CEO's, it makes the news for a couple days. Then the public yawns, when some form of corporate greed is exposed and says, "Well, what can you do?" and keeps working to pay their bills, raise their families and repeats the routine the next day. It's an old story. Pathetic and true. Any outrage may last a day at the most, if there is any.

We're encouraged, in the U.S., from an early age to adulthood that the accumulation of money and material things is the normal course to go in one's lifetime. Money is the end all-be all of existence, after all. And the void in your life must be filled with crap bought at the store, mall or online. Having enough currency to be secure and have a safe place to live in is simply not enough. Enough is never enough for us. We're fat? Yep. Have too many toys, trinkets and electronic gadgets? Sure. The rest of the world hates us? You bet. Do we turn a blind eye to what we are?

Well... Is the sun hot?

NOT ACCEPTED

I'm surprised that the English dictionary doesn't define a deviate as someone who believes life can be enjoyed by experiencing the simplest of things. You know. The sight of a flowing river or mountain. Love. Peace. A drive through the country. Creating something positive. Sharing something of yourself.

Eh, I guess someone like that would be called old fashioned, out of place. A real nonconformist! A real nonteam player! You better hang that illogically thinking head of yours in shame, freak! Your kind is not welcome and you shall be shunned!

ACCEPTED

War. What goes with greed better or is more associated with that cultural disease than acts of war? Well, I mean other than vast, pointless loss of life, whether it's military personnel or civilian. War is accepted, sometimes thought of as patriotic, even, and happily used to rob someone of their land and/or natural resources. Doesn't matter what innocent people are killed. Those civilians' deaths may make the news that day or not. Doesn't matter to the public. You can tell because we allow it to happen. That's called encouragement.

War is often celebrated- with the giving out of medals to people who kill other people, parades, banners or news of a battle triumph. Often, it will be explained away as perfectly acceptable using various excuses to justify it with the history-proven reliability tools of manipulation and propaganda.

NOT ACCEPTED

Talking. Listening. Understanding. Peace.

ACCEPTED

Celebrity or wannabe-celebrity worship. We can throw youth in the pot, as well. Our society and our media glorifies the rich, famous, young, thin or those trying desperately to be any of those things. That type of societal sickness has always been a great source of ridicule for me. Who's responsible? Media. Magazines. TV producers/networks. Ourselves, for buying into that shit.

Reality TV is as far removed from reality as you can get. It is all poorly scripted hogwash. The attention needy fucks on those low budget (to the networks advantage) shows are advised to act this way or that but they can't even convincingly do that. If I want to watch fiction, I'll watch a real TV show. Give me real actors and a believable storyline, for chrissakes! Or give me an interesting documentary! Anything but reality tv slop.

Youth is overrated, as well. Most movies star young actors these days. Older, more believable and interesting actors have been pushed to the sidelines. Most commercials are geared for the 18-24 demographic with the unnearned spending money mommy and daddy gave to them. My motto: Fuck 'em! That goes for those who cater to them, in any way, especially.

NOT ACCEPTED

Not paying attention to any of them. They have no more value than the rest of us.

ACCEPTED

The narrow-minded religious beliefs of organized religions. You could easily demonstrate that this, too, can be connected to greed and war through the uses and sources of books, newspapers, Internet, simple observation and common sense. Try it. It's fun. But I can't be held accountable if your brain starts to hurt from thinking differently. Just sayin'.

NOT ACCEPTED

Believing in things that most people scoff at. Examples: Ghosts, Extraterrestrials, some things that can't be seen with your eyes, ESP, an afterlife (not necessarily a Christian version) and other phenomenon I could go on about but won't. If I did, I'd never finish this post.

Remember folks: There's no such thing as a 100% guarantee on what is real and not real. That goes for anything. What was scientifically proven or disproved in the past can be squashed like a bug tomorrow.

Keep your mind open for anything. And feel free to dwell upon anything I said. And let me know if your head starts to hurt. I need a good laugh.

BP Oil Spill, Alternative Energy and Climate Change (Part 2)

As I've said before, on the post previous to this one, we should be focusing on alternative energy sources. Our lives depend on not being dependent on the dangerous energy sources, namely oil, coal and perhaps others, but, instead on finding renewable cleaner sources. Long after we're dead and gone, because we have polluted and poisoned ourselves to death with lethal toxins, harmful by-products and similar dangers, the world will keep going on. It may take awhile to reverse the damage we had done to it, but it will.

The human race, however, depends on clean air, water and food to survive. We can't withstand the garbage we continuously create and put out. The wealthy elite and other corporate entities feed off of our present dependencies on oil and other negative energy sources. You could say, and I'm doing just that right now, that they profit off of our misery. Their excuses do not compare to the certain outcome of our demise. They say they need to make a quick, big profit off of whatever energy is used in order to make it happen and for it to be a country and world wide actual reality.

I say, "Fuck that!", for a good reason. The corporations are doing it only for their profit and satisfaction of their personal and social disease- greed. To them, We The People are merely numbers. To the corporations and governments, you only are what your social security number says you are... which is a 9 digit identification number.

Look at their ads, buy their shit and obey what they say! Conform or be cast out as a social leper! Monkey see-Monkey fuckin' do!

As for their excuses not to create or disperse these free or nearly free energy sources I'm talking about, I say this truthful statement, "People in the past and present have or are creating free and nearly free ways to disperse energy for everyone. For those who will not produce these ways because it is not profitable for them, they should be ashamed, not to mention soaked in oil and burned alive."

I must also add that the U.S. should be leading the way to researching and producing cleaner, renewable energies instead of using the corporate/greed-oriented coal and oil sources we use now. I say that since we are one of the worst industrial offenders of polluting the Earth, if not the worst. Just another reason why the rest of the world's populace hates our fat, greedy, single-minded, uncaring asses!

I am first going to discuss the most familiar methods or sources of cleaner energy. Notice I did not say that they are necessarily cheap. Those nearly free or free sources, I mentioned earlier, I will explain later in this post.

And please... Feel free to look up these ways yourself on the internet, books or other information sources if you have any questions or think I'm lying. Why I would do that last one- I have no fucking clue, you doubting fuckers out there!

The following methods I will talk about first are the most obvious and most talked about:

Wind Power

Wind energy harnesses the power of the wind to propel the blades of wind turbines. The rotation of the blades is converted to electrical current by means of an electrical generator.

The pros of wind power-

Wind power produces no pollution. No chemical processes take place and no harmful by-products are left over.

Wind generation is a renewable source of energy. Meaning, we won't run out.

The cons-

It is intermittent. Consistent wind is needed for continuous power generation. When wind speed decreases, the turbine lingers and less electricity is generated.

Solar Power

Used commonly and presently, solar power is used for heating, cooking, the production of electricity and in the desalination of seawater- trapping the sun's rays into solar cells where this sunlight is converted into electricity. Solar power also uses sunlight that hits solar thermal panels to convert sunlight to heat water or air. There are other methods is using this sun source, as well.

The pros to solar energy-

As long as our sun exists, it's renewable energy will reach the Earth. Solar power generations release no water or air pollution because there is no chemical reaction from the combustion of fuels.

The cons-

If the sun's not shining, solar power doesn't produce energy. Nighttime and cloudy days limit the amount of energy created.

Geothermal Energy

Geothermal energy harnesses the heat energy that exists under the Earth. Hot rocks under the ground heat water to produce steam. The steam that shoots up from drilled holes in the region will power electric generators.

Pros to this-

Done right, geothermal energy produces no harmful by-products. Once a geothermal plant is built, it is mostly self-sufficient energy wise.

Cons-

Done wrong, geothermal energy can produce pollutants. Improper drilling into the ground can release dangerous minerals and gases. Also, geothermal sites are prone to running out of steam.

Hydroelectric Energy

Hydroelectric power comes from the energy of dammed water driving a water turbine and generator. It is also produced from water's kinetic energy and un-dammed sources like tidal power. Hydro power works by harnessing the gravitational descent of a river that is compressed from a long run to a single location with a dam or a flume.

Pros for this-

Water is accumulated above the dam and released to coincide with peaks in demand. Unlike other power stations, hydroelectric power stations can quickly increase to full capacity. Electricity can be generated continuously. It produces no pollution since there isn't a chemical reaction to produce power.

Cons-

Dams can be expensive to build. There needs to be enough water in the area to produce energy.

All of these well known alternative forms usable, cleaner energy. But there have been, as I've said before, people in the past and present, who developed other alternative, even cheap or free forms, of energy. One such remarkable man was a genius, mechanical engineer and inventor by the name of Nikola Tesla.

Nikola Tesla (July 1856- January 1943) was one of the most important contributors to the birth of commercial electricity. He is best known for his many revolutionary developments in electromagnetism in the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Tesla's patents and theoretical work formed the basis of modern alternating current (AC) electric power systems, including the polyphase system of electrical distribution and the AC motor, which helped usher in the Second Industrial Revolution.

Below you'll find a video that gives some insight to Tesla, his accomplishments and struggles during his life. It acts as a good introduction to this man who seemed to be light years in his thinking and ideas compared to scientist during his time and, in many respects, during our era.

Tesla was fascinated by radiant energy and its free energy possibilities. Tesla called the Crooke's radiometer a device which has vanes that spin in a vacuum when exposed to radiant energy "a beautiful invention." He believed it would become possible to harness energy directly by "connecting to the very wheel-work of nature." Tesla announced a plan for a "cosmic-ray motor". Whenever Nikola Tesla was asked if it was more powerful than the crooke's radiometer, he answered, "thousands of times more powerful."

Tesla's free-energy concept was patented in 1901 as an "Apparatus for the Utilization of Radiant Energy. The patent refers to "the sun, as well as other sources of radiant energy, like cosmic rays, "that the device works at night is explained in terms of the night-time availability of cosmic rays. Tesla also refers to the ground as "a vast reservoir of negative electricity."

Tesla's first radiant energy receiver stored static electricity obtained from the air and converted it to a usable form. Tesla's invention is a simpler version of Dr. T.H. Moray's device. Which is pictured below.

In short, Tesla was able to retain and distribute free energy with his research and invention and showed the people of his era how it could be done. But, even back then, the development and distribution of anything free was a big no-no to the industry giants in Tesla's era. After all, you can't profit from something that is free. And it's more than a shame to know that we could have free energy today, if it weren't for the greed of corporations putting people under their mercy, forcing us to use outdated and dangerous sources of energy like coal and oil in order to get around, heat our homes and everything in between during our lifetimes.

After he died, the FBI confiscated enough of Tesla's documents to fill a railroad boxcar. They took his research and documents from 4 different storage locations. Only 150,000 documents were released to Tesla's Yugoslavian relatives, now held by the Tesla Institute in Belgrade. The remainder of Tesla's papers are still classified. The government distributed false rumors that "Tesla never kept notes", which was a lie.

Tesla was a household word, 60 or 70 years ago. The question must be asked: Why were almost all of his achievements suddenly stricken from the records of history? Specifically, his some of his most important achievements and research on Radiant Energy? For whom does this serve? Certainly not the public.

There are many other scientists and/or inventors currently working on free energy or nearly free energy devices and research. Like Muammer Yildiz from Turkey. He has created a magnetic motor which used magnets that could became monopolar. This is a good thing. And scientists from the Brookhaven National Laboratory on Long Island have found an unexpected source of clean energy by using their Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider.

For more information on these scientists, inventors, amazing discoveries and inventions- click this link.

The Green Optimist/Free Energy

Once there, you will be amazed at the many things discovered and created by inventors and scientists alike. It may give you hope for a brighter, cleaner future of tomorrow. Or it could dishearten you to know that these ideas and inventions could be created today if it weren't for the greed of corporations like BP and others of its ilk that demand that a stranglehold be placed upon us in the form of fossil fuel dependency and other toxic forms of energy.

How do you feel about all of this?