Saw me silly

Hey Bitches! This is Mrs. Pickle. I am back down on my knees while typing another guest post for Kelly.

So last night my husband and I were bored and surfing the web. We typed in the words “Sex toys gone wrong” and we found some great things. My favorite one though was an article we found. Allow me to explain.

Apparently some dumb Bitch who is 27 in Maryland was feeling the need to be sexually stimulated. I get it, really I do! Here is where she is different from the rest of us though. Her idea of being sexually stimulated involves a Sawzall. I know right! I was excited also when I found out!

For those of you who do not know what a Sawzall is, I included a picture. Now keep in mind this blade once plugged in goes back and forth like a jackhammer. So she probably thought she was in for a real treat.

So apparently this woman thought it would be a good idea to slide a sex toy over the Sawzall and fuck it. Because really, who doesn’t want to fuck a saw? Naturally, her masturbation session did not go as she would have hoped. And yes I would have paid money to be there and be a witness.

I would have told the doctors, “Well, she was horny! Give the woman a break okay?” The doctor would have been like “How long was she masturbating with the saw before it lacerated her vagina region?” I would have said, “ Well she was doing just fine and getting all wet, but once it got to about 7 seconds into it she started to notice this sharp pain and that is when she started screaming “ UNPLUG IT! UN PLUG THE FUCKING SAW!” I am sorry doctor, I did not unplug it as fast as she would have liked, because I had to go and grab my camera.”

The article then goes on to say that she was rushed to the hospital. The sex toy was still attached. They say she was released and is at home now recovering from being fucked by a saw her injuries.

Personally, I would love to meet this woman. If I had the choice to either see Cher naked (Because I am still not convinced she has a vagina) or to interview Mrs. Sawzall, I would have to go with the 2^nd. Because I have so many questions and I want answers damnit!

Like I said, I am Mrs. Pickle. If you like what you see come check out my blog. Picklesinmyass.blogspot.com.

So I was thinking....

....that all this research I've been doing on crazies, past and present, has been taking it's toll on my poor lil' mind. But I'm beginning to wonder about that. You see, I have this constant ringing in my ears. Maybe it's lack of sleep. I keep seeing things in the corners of my eyes. Moving things. Flashes of light, too. My wife has been snoring. Even more than usual. It's the kind of sound you would experience if chainsaws were being driven directly into your ears. But a little louder. Maybe that's it. The constant snoring. I can say this because she rarely reads my blogsite. Sniff. Sniff. Imagine- your own life partner unwilling to read your every charming, witty, insightful word that takes you so much effort to compile into something so wonderfully meaningful. Heh heh. Yeah, right. Oh well.

Ahhh, my head. So close to exploding yet too far away from detonating to give me any relief. Maybe I need a change of scenery. It's 1:00 in the morning and this monitor is getting very blurry. The floor is kinda shakey, too. Do I attempt to crawl into bed with the wifey for more chainsaw assault? Look, over there, the globe on my desk just rotated by itself!

The buzzing is getting louder. Angry bees. Angry at me. Swirling in and around my noggin.

And now the wife is coming in, telling me to come to bed. God, help me. Someone come to my rescue!