Musings, Memories and The Final Curtain For Psycho Carnival

Weeeeeeeeeee!

Well gang,

As the title implies, this will be the last post for my blog of 6 years, Psycho Carnival.  I want to thank everyone who has continuously followed the blog in the past and present.  Even those who have checked in, time to time, I appreciate the support. Speaking of support, I want to thank good friends like Gary, Static, Lilpixi, Bazza, Dixie and so many others, that it would take me forever to mention here, who have supported me through the good, bad, wild and crazy times while I've created posts on the blog. I really appreciate all of you and those I haven't mentioned.  Hopefully, you'll know who I'm referring to because I've visited your great blogs in the past and present.  You can look at my blogroll for all others who have interacted with me on the Internet, on their blogs or elsewhere, too.

I've always been strangely attracted to odd stories and images.  This goes for my preference in people, as well.  For me, there is almost no more of a heinous crime than to be boring- whether it's in a blog, in a social network like Facebook or in real life.

I've seen a lot of blogs come and go on the Internet throughout my six years doing this.  I've seen some really good ones stop posting and it has made me sad to see them drop off the radar in blogland. I get attached to people I really like.  I'm that way with my offline friends, too. I think and I've read, too, where something dramatic will happen and they'll stop doing their blog(s) .  The reasons they stop posting vary, of course.  Could be a job that takes most of their time. Could be a death in the family.  Could be, like in my case, total burnout from blogging.  That's not to say I haven't enjoyed everyone's blogs that I've visited and commented on (or should I say rambled, endlessly, on?)  And that's not to say I haven't enjoyed posting on my own blog, either, in the past.  I'm just totally burned out on the whole blogging business.

Mine has always been a variety type blog.  A lot of fictional stories.  True stories.  Some humorous subjects here.  Some serious topics there.  And some, maybe most, really, are a mix of emotions and topics of anything you can imagine or stuff that is unimaginable for you.  One thing I've always been, however, is honest.  I don't put on a superficial facade when I write.  It has always been from the heart and I usually let you know when I'm just joking if I'm making something up. And I've always leaned more toward, in favor and comments, those who are similar, in some ways, to my own blog when it comes to variety, humor and honesty.

Some folks who fake it could use a shitload of  the ol' "facing reality" kind of therapy.  Yep.   But I won't rant about that for a change.  LOL.  

This is my 500th post, by the way.  A milestone.  I enjoyed the journey, which this blog has been for me.  I've also regarded this blog as being very therapeutic in letting me get things off my chest.

While being in the blog biz, I hope I've helped others with my past humorous, depressing, wise or somewhat inspiring true stories. That goes for when I've commented on your blogs, too.

I also hope you appreciate the following images. Some are political.  Some I found to be funny, for whatever reason.  Some you might not understand.  I"m kind of complicated that way.  LOL.  I'm certainly no Simple Jack.  Or am I?  :)

The last two I find particularly humorous because you see a lot of that sort of thing (dramatic bullshit and endless arguing) on the Internet, in general, and on some blogs I've visited.  I never could understand that type of unrewarding, trivial thinking on the parts of the players who participate in that stuff.  But, heck no, I won't rant about that.  I never rant. And I'm never sarcastic, either.  Hahaha.... and so on.

I trust you've all gotten most of what I've tried to express in the past and enjoyed whatever it was I presented in words and images.  It's been a privilege in getting to know you.  I've certainly enjoyed commenting back and forth and exchanging ideas, jokes and viewpoints.

Who knows?  Someday, I might blog again.  It just won't be here and it will be, if it happens in the future, in a different style, for certain.  I'll let you know if I return to the scene.

Also, I plan on writing a book (I've had this plot-line for one rattling around in my head for decades now) as soon as I catch up on books that I've had lying around, never read and fixing things around the place.  The book I plan on writing will be fictional and incorporate some serious, humorous and surprising elements (especially for those who have read my stuff here).

If you want to "friend me" on Facebook, Google+ or if you want email me, let me know.  I'll give you the information so we can remain in contact and continue to interact.  I'd very much like that.  My Facebook page is a lot like my blog.  You won't see many goofy, cutesy pics of kittens or some similar shit like that... that often.  Most of the time, it will be humorous pics I put on my timeline or some serious stuff.  It's a mix.

In closing, I'd just like to thank all the people who have visited, commented on my posts and interacted with me on the net for all these years.  I consider you my friends.  Remember that! If you need my support, a laugh or anything that is possible for me to give, I'm there for you.  Goodbye... for now.  Any comments you make in the comment section, I'll respond to ASAP. I'll be making one last visit to all of your blogs, as well.  Take care!

Aloha and mahalo! 

Hawaiian Adventure: Evening Sky and Oddities Found in Hawaii

Hey there, everyone!

Remember me?  Yeah, it's been awhile.  I was absent from the world of blogging because my wife and I were on a cruise in Hawaii from the 29th of September through October 6th.  I've been recuperating and getting things back in order ever since.

The first day and night was, during our adventure, September 28th, and all about flying for 10 hours on two different flights to Hawaii and staying at the Marriott Hotel in Honolulu.  Our first flight was from Cincinnati.  The flights going to Hawaii weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be.  I watched two and a half movies on the biggest plane that had seven seats going across each row (one of them was Prometheus- which I liked) while my wife read a book on Steven Tyler.  The 2nd plane, on our second flight we had to take, was in Utah.  The Salt Lake City airport is tiny compared to the airports in Honolulu and Cincinnati, where we joyously we ended up, with only a little turbulence, experienced, during the long flights.

The Marriott Hotel offered us some great views of Waikiki beach in Honolulu.  We stayed there our first day and night before boarding our cruise ship, Pride of America, the next day. Staying at this 4 star hotel on the 19th floor gave us a breather and a chance to look around Honolulu before we started our 7 day cruise, the next day.  There was an incredible 33 floors to this hotel.  It was pretty friggin' big but some buildings in Honolulu stood taller.

Honolulu is a very busy place with a lot to see.  Tattoo parlors, bars, malls, small mom and pop stores, crazy traffic, a melting pot of people, surfers carrying surfboards and a beach that makes you feel as if you're dreaming.  My wife and I loved it.

We took walks along Waikiki beach, enjoying the water and talking to people and being invigorated by the beautiful scenery.

We had an awesome, entertaining time on our cruise and on five different islands in Hawaii.  I will be doing a series of posts of our time spent in Hawaii and on our cruise ship.  Events and places I write about won't be in any particular order.  I'll just be talking about this or that.  I'll be mixing it up and going crazy with it.  Lol.

Note:  I spent my birthday in Hawaii, during our cruise and island time.  How cool and great is that for a gift?

I'd like to show you this poem.  I wrote this during our time spent at the airport, in Honolulu, before coming back home.  I was almost completely exhausted, beyond repair, when I wrote this, but I was inspired by a particular picture I took during our cruise.  I took it as I stood on our balcony, outside our stateroom cabin on the ship.  I felt at such magnificent peace.

This poem is called "Evening Sky"

EVENING SKY

Hello
Goodbye
I say to the evening sky
Tomorrow will come
With what it decides

Some will make what
Seems to be mistakes
While others will see and take lessons
That they might embrace

I see and feel the peace that affects anyone of us
The Hawaiian atmosphere offers locales, beauty and kind people
You can't help but feel blessed

Walk
Run
Or be still

Take in the nature
That surrounds you in joyous or troubled times
Embrace the peace that takes care of you
While you stand, walk, run or hide
For a time

Meanwhile, say hello and goodbye
To that unbiased night sky
Tomorrow still comes
As you let those thoughts fly

I took this shot while standing on the top deck of our cruise ship

Going over the mountains to land in Salt Lake City

Taken from our room at the Marriott hotel in Honolulu.  You can see the ocean and beach from where we stayed.

Waikiki beach, as evening comes

Oddity #1- While we were on one of the Hawaii islands, we found out that there were numerous locations where people were being overrun and annoyed by numerous random chickens and roosters and if you happened to run over one, you had to get out of your vehicle, pick up the chicken, barely alive or dead, to throw it away or eat it.  No joke.  We were told this by a native Hawaiian man.  It was a law or something.

Oddity #2- My wife and I, almost continuously, encountered an elderly couple, strangers, that actually lived a few small towns away from our own town, back home, in the mainland.  They were nice and we enjoyed talking to them.  We found it to be such a coincidence that we were staying at the same hotel, going on the same cruise and we had lived so close by to each other in our home state.  That's nearly 4,300 miles away.

Even on the last flight home, we bumped into them again.  His name was John and her name was Connie.  Sometimes we would help each other locate where we had to be or where we wanted to go on the island or on the cruise or at the hotel.  I think we gave each other a sense of comfort and a feeling of contentedness, knowing we were around, off and on, people that were from our home state.  They were likable, helpful, interesting, conversational neighbors during our entire adventure.

Oddity #3- We learned that a lot of their highways on the islands are made partially from lava rock that has been mixed with asphalt.  They make good use of any lava that erupts and pours from volcanoes to build roads, walls that separate the ocean at beaches or property of any kind.

The lava creates new land, in Hawaii, eventually, but it is also used to build roads and walls on many of the islands.

Oddity #4- The Hawaiian word, mahalo, means "thank you" in the English language.  a lot of people will say this word to you if they witness you doing something thoughtful or nice to them or for another reason.  If you mix up the letters of this word just a bit, you can get "malaho", which our native Hawaiian shuttle bus driver, said at one point, meant a male body part (a man's genitals).  I've tried looking this up on the internet, for the hell of it, but can't find it.  Maybe I don't have the exact spelling of it right but that's what he told us.

Probably just fucking around with the tourists that we all were- but it gave us a chuckle, anyway.  A lot of people laughed.  We found everyone, on any of the islands or on the cruise ship, itself, to be friendly.  We talked to people from all around the world.  There especially seemed to be a lot of folks from Australia, the UK or the continent of Asia.  We enjoyed conversing with them about almost anything and learning about their culture and what they were paying for gas for their cars these days.  :)

In conclusion, I don't know if the shuttle bus driver was yanking my 'malaho' or what- but he sternly warned us not to say that dirty word to anyone on the streets on any of the Hawaiian islands or you would get a dirty look.  And maybe even a punch to the nutsack or coochie.  He didn't say that last part but I thought I would, because I care about your safety if you should go to Hawaii for a visit.  :)

Say, "Mahalo, Kelly!"

I'll be continuing this series of blog posts about our time in Hawaii for a short time.  I have posted all the pictures I took (around 530 pics- yeah, I know- WOW, huh?) during our Hawaiian adventure on Facebook, if you're interested.  I will be posting, in the future, more Hawaiian pictures on this blog and on my photo blog, Pics for Kicks, when I have more time.

We're taking over this island.  If you wanna get past me, you're gonna have to kill me and eat my corpse, damn it!

I'll be checking out and commenting on your blogs when I get the time.  It seems my birthday of October 3rd is being celebrated, off and on, this month, with friends and family.  I'll also be spending time with the wife and I'm still trying to put things in order and working on getting things fixed that happened right before our trip. I couldn't do things before our trip because we were busy and financially strapped.  For one thing, we had to buy a new, used car.  The old car broke down for good.  That put a huge dent into our spending money for the trip.

Later, someone ran into the back of our newly purchased car two weeks later where my wife worked.  Nope... no one saw what happened and nope... there are no security cameras aimed at the employee parking lot (how convenient and stupid) and yes, our insurance company will pay for getting it worked on but we still have to pay a five hundred dollar deductible.  Please don't ask any questions about the damage to the "new" car.  I'd rather not talk about it.  It's a thorn in my side or in my mind, actually.

I have a lot of those, of course.  Most are caused by people.  God, I wish I was back in Hawaii, already.  :) I try to picture myself there, nowadays.

Well, guys, that's all I can stand to write- for now.  See ya later, folks!  More fun and craziness to come!

An Interview With Myself (Part One)

During the last post, regarding newly given awards and "amazing predictions", I said was going to skip over the rule about naming the seven most important events in my life or some shit like that.  Since I, ahead of time, knew I would be doing this bit, I figured why bother.  It would be repetitious and with this present post, possibly a two parter, if I get too chatty or start rambling on about this or that, then posting up those seven amazing moments would make it seem I've got the ego the size of Donald Trump's or Mitt Romney's own ego.  And who wants to see that?  Gosh, certainly not magnificent lil' ol' me.

As the title suggests, I will be interviewing myself, revealing things I may have mentioned before here, some things I've never revealed, but also adding some clarification to misconceptions.  I'll also be adding some traces of sardonic or dry humor that some individuals may or may not perceive, successfully, depending on how sharp of mind that being is.  Not that I'm putting anyone down for having the intelligence quotient well below a snail's turd- but there have been times when I've read the comments on my blog or ones I've read on other's blogs and I've found it somewhat disconcerting to realize there's more than a few, uh, how should I put this in polite terms... mmm... dumbasses out there?

But, being the helluva guy I am, I'm throwing caution to the wind and going on with the show.  I want to inform you, my friends, entertain you and gently coddle you like tiny baby birds in a wasp's nest, keeping you feeling all warm and secure, inside and out.  No shocking diatribes, sarcasm and crude humor found in this humble abode of mine, I can assure you.  I certainly wouldn't do that to get an individual's attention to make one simple, friggin' point.

Ahh... there I go again with the friendly, idle chit chat.  On with the interview:

Inquisitor Kelly:  What's with the clowns?  Everyone believes you have this vested interest with clowns because of the heading on your page.  It's loaded with repeated images of clowns.  Are you afraid of clowns?  Do they arouse you, in some undetermined way?  A lot of folks, on and off this blog, have brought this "highly interesting' subject up time and time again and have this deep desire to know what's up with that.

Honest Kelly: I really don't care one way or another about clowns, actually.  When I conferred with the co-designer of the web page's layout, a couple years ago, she suggested that I keep the image of the clown from my old layout to use with this layout.    Her daughter even drew me up a jazzy, nifty looking clown and I have kept it on the blog ever since.  Why clowns?  I agreed for the sake of keeping with the theme of the blog.  Not because I like clowns or want to, hopefully, fuck one so hard in the ass one day that it's bright red colon explodes- but because of practical reasons. And to be truthful, I think every human being is a clown, just at different levels.  Some are more obvious than others.   Because of the clown question, it was, at one point, tiresome to read the same question over and over about it.  I didn't give a shit enough to give a reason for it.  Even now, I just don't care.  In fact, knowing that this insignificant image on my page supposedly frightens people, as I've heard it does with some freaks.. I mean... people... amuses me a tiny bit.

That goes for the black background on my site.  Some people say it's too hard to read my words on a post I'll put up.  To them I say, I like the black background.  Black matches the sometimes dark themes I bring up during my rants and stories on my charming blog.  I won't change it for anyone or for any reason.  Not for more followers.  Not for more hits on my pages.  In truth, the opinions of most people mean less than nothing to me.  This is because I'm too old, too wise and have had enough experience to imbue myself with the knowledge that people basically want things their way because they are selfish and narrow-minded.  Not to mention uptight and stupid.  Thanks for asking. 

Inquisitor Kelly: What was your childhood like?  Were you a normal kid?  Or were you a rowdy, screaming monkey child or what?

Honest Kelly: I grew up poor.  I lived in an old, four room, white-paneled house on farm land.  The cistern we drank out of, we found out later on, had quite a few dead and half-dead albino frogs in the water.  We didn't have a shower.  We poured buckets of water over our heads and washed with that water (which I think was from a creek up the hill) in a hand made metal stall my dad had built.

I had a swing and a tire on an apple tree I played on.  I also had a black and white cat named Pepsi, a German Shepherd named Happy and I often talked to an old large apple tree, out of loneliness, boredom and because I had a fertile imagination.  Finally, 6 years later, my sister was born.  I played with her toys, rode bikes with her and played with my own collection of Hot Wheels cars.  Each one of my Hot Wheels cars had his or her own personal name and military rank.  The President was in love with the Secretary.  Sometimes, I made them kiss.  The apple tree, outside, often told me to kill the useless weeds in the yard (they were the enemy).  So that I did, with pure, delightful abandon and with a large stick I'd whip around, cutting them down like a warrior.

Down the road, we had neighbor kids that enjoyed peeing into each other's mouths, for sport and dry humping the wiener dog.  They locked me in their spider-filled, completely dark old basement once, for hours.  They would make Kool-Aid, on hot summer days and their mom would serve it to us kids in unwashed, food-encrusted glasses.  I'm surprised, to this day, I'm still alive.  I'm not kidding about any of those details and I've talked about them a couple times on this blog.  When I was six, I had no idea what they were doing to their dog.  Later, I put it together and figured it out.  All I knew was that it's little doggy eyes rolled to the back of it's head while it lay on the slab of concrete while one of the brothers cheered on the human kid fucking it.

I found out later that Happy, my dog, was a bad doggy to a vet.  Dad said he had ran off one day.  No explanation was given.  I was shocked and saddened when I was told that as a kid.  When I was 16, Dad told me that he had to "put Happy down" because Happy suddenly bit a big meaty chunk out of a vet's arm during one of Happy's regular vet appointments.  The vet told Dad Happy had to be put down or he would make sure Happy was euthanized.  The way Dad described it, it took several shots to his big furry canine head before Happy finally died.  Hearing this story did not make me happy.  But I understood the reasoning a little later.  Happy could have killed me, at some point and that's what they were afraid of.  During our play time together, though, he was a really friendly and honestly happy dog. 

On a happier note: I really enjoyed the walks mom and I would take down the old gravel road that was named after us because Dad had done so much work on it, himself.

Every week, it seemed, we would pay a visit or visits to my grandma and grandpa's farm down the old country lane.  I was mostly a very shy, quiet kid.  I played with my Aunt Kay.  I remember one particular time when we set white milk stools together, down on their sides on the floor, in a line and sat in the open spaces.  We pretended that we were riding in a train and made "choo- choo' noises.  Those were fun times.  My Aunt Kay, who was more of a sister to me, now and then, says that she used to bully me.  I don't know about that.  Maybe it's repressed memories.

She would play tricks on me, of course.  She was a little jealous of sweet lil ol' me because I was the "new baby",so to speak, of the family.  It had been her for awhile.  One time, she blindfolded me and told me to take a big bite out of this juicy apple she had in her hand.  So I did as she directed, as trusting and innocent as a kid I was.  But no, it was a tomato, not an apple.  I shouted, "Yuck!"  I quickly took off the blindfold.  When I saw the mushy pulp and seeds of the tomato I wanted to puke, preparing my taste buds, beforehand, for a sweet, juicy apple.  To this day, I won't eat a tomato.  They repulse me.  I'd rather lick a cow's taint than eat a fucking tomato.

Pretty visual, eh? 

Because I was shy, I often got bullied on the buses, as I grew up.  I didn't know you could be thought of as being "stuck up", too, for being quiet but I heard it whispered that, that was another reason I was bullied so horribly.  Four to five bigger kids would gang up on me and smash their hard back school books on the back of my head on the school buses.  A few would punch my face.  The school bus driver would watch the action, in his rear view mirror and do nothing.  He was famous for this.  Anytime there was a fight or bullying, he did nothing and reported nothing.  I was too ashamed to tell my parents about it so they more or less didn't know about it.

I made a few friends in grades 1-8 in parochial school.  They were a couple of "misfits", as well, because they would not be picked out for team sports and were quiet and whatever else kids (and for that matter, adults) would use- as an excuse to pick on them and I.

Speaking of bullies, that's a subject that really pisses me off on many levels.  With all this texting and facebooking gossip shit going on between kids, telling lies and being cruel, kids these days are really having a hellish time with bullying these days.  They sometimes end up killing themselves, in fact, from what you read in the paper and on the Internet.  It makes me sick.  I hear and see crap about gangs of girls kicking the shit out of other girls and I wonder what the hell kind of values are their parents teaching them. Even my niece is getting bullied by school girls, calling her names and filling up her locker full of tampons, of all things.  My sister didn't put up with it, of course.  She went to the principal and told him to get something done about it or else.  Because of her being pro-active, it has stopped.

These days, there are more and more school departments or people you can go to if you're on the receiving end of bullying, but more, clearly needs to be done about it.  Kids shouldn't be killing themselves and feeling like they're not worthy of the respect they should be given during the time they're in school or out of it.   

I read a lot of books when I was young.  I also wrote a lot of stories, mostly about my parakeets, cats and my dog.  A lot of vivid imagination and descriptive wording (not so much that it was shocking and it was never vulgar) went into them and I was told I was a very creative writer by my English teacher.  I liked the compliment as they were few and far between.  Unfortunately, I had a teacher who thought I had too vivid an imagination.  I never wrote anything perverted, if that's what you're wondering.  I was just a kid.  The teacher's name was Mrs. Patterson.  She was one of two or three teachers who wasn't a nun at the school by the old church- but she did fancy herself as an amateur psychologist.  She really thought she knew a lot about psychology.  The bitch even tried to suggest to my parents that there was something wrong with me.  My parents were young and didn't know any better (I was their first kid) so they tried to convince me there was something wrong with me, too and that I should seek counseling.  I think I was like ten years old at the time.  It was around this time, I found out I was half-deaf, due to all the ear infections I had as a kid.

I had a fit, cried quite a bit and it really caused me to question adults and their fucked up motives.  Before that, I was questioning the motives of adults because of all the violent news of the Vietnam war that would be shown on TV.  Even at the ripe old age of ten, I knew it was wrong and I thought, quite often, what kind of mess of beings have I been thrown into, without permission.  These fuckers are nuts.  Well, I didn't think in exactly those words I just used, but it close enough.  I did think adults and kids were really messed up- not just because they bullied me but because they seemed to be preoccupied by violence- on TV and everywhere else.

This is me, when I was a kid ( had blonde hair until I was six), plus another pic of mom and I, when I was older and we were fishing at the time: 

Later, I went to high school, joined Drama Class, wrote articles for the school newspaper, continued to write serious and humorous stories, acted in plays, had a poem published, went to a lot of parties, got drunk and fried and really started opening up to people and getting pretty wild, in general.  My personality changed quite a bit in high school.  I was the one who started trends without even meaning to do that.  In reality, just as I do today, I just do whatever I feel like doing- within reason.  I'm not a serial killer.  And I don't sodomize animals on Tuesdays.

I've never tried to be rebellious or a non-conformist type of person.  One friend suggested that I was trying to be that way on purpose once.  That made me laugh and I replied, "If you know anything about me, you know I'm honest about what I say and about my own actions- to a fault."  And he said, "Yeah... you're right," after thinking it over for a little while and recalling the years of our twenty year friendship.  I just feel like doing whatever fits for me.  The need, as it did when I was kid, to fit in, doesn't work for me.  I'm my own person.  To each person, I believe, they should go his or her own way.  To the rest of those who blindly follow without questioning, fuck 'em. 

Inquisitor Kelly:  Would you say adults who were bullies or even adults who weren't bullies when they were children, but are now, don't understand what effect they have on people?  And perhaps, in fact, don't give a shit about what effect they have on people? 


      

Honest Kelly:  I think there are many people or groups of people who fall under the category of "Bullydom."  It's funny you should ask me this, Kelly.  But maybe it isn't so odd, since you are, in fact, me.  I wanted to do a blog post on bullies for a long time now.  And now... look!  I finally made it here.  Looks like the subject is being intertwined within this interview, after all.  Ha ha ha.  I'm laughing to myself, literally, I suppose.

There are, indeed, adults who are bullies.  Sometimes they are parents who really shouldn't be breeding, having children and shouldn't be brainwashing them with their own distorted viewpoints, neither should there be bosses who abuse their hiring/firing, pay raising/lowering power, police officers that abuse their authority and corporate entities that squeeze money out of the middle class and the poor for their own profits and gains.

Corporations can be the worst of all evils and of all bullies because they try to control and bully us in our short, precious lives here on Earth by pushing us into corners we have no escape from.  Sometime, you might feel a temporary escape by taking an anti-depressant (which makes your misery profitable for big pharmaceutical companies) or by doing cocaine, drinking booze or worse (which makes it profitable for drug cartels and, in turn, for the DEA and law officers- if you do your research).

Let's face it!  If we didn't outlaw drugs, there would be a lot of space in those jails and prisons and then where would the states and the government make their money?  Hell, we might have to actually put it into schools to educate kids, pay teachers what they deserve, hire and keep firefighters, fix roads or some other practical purpose.  God forbid!

I see, in the future, tobacco products becoming completely illegal within the next twenty years.  This will be great news for organized crime and others.  Just like it was when they made weed illegal.  Read that entire story here.  It will either disgust you or shock you or both.  Or maybe you just don't care.  A lot of people don't care about their privacy and personal freedom, either.  Look around!  There are sheeple, everywhere!  People have always had the (un)natural "talent" of being able to ignore being shit on or becoming obedient slaves to a centuries old man made system. 

Btw, marijuana, being made illegal, was great news and carefully planned by folks like our government and rich, white assholes such as Harry J. Aslinger and William Randolph Hearst.  Both had vested interests, for their careers, to make weed out to be an addictive drug, capable of killing and driving one insane.  Nonsense!!!  

The silly 1930's flick, Reefer Madness, was nothing more than a propaganda film, intended to scare the public.  Instead, it's watched today as if it is an absurd comedy movie. Good ol' propaganda!  Kind of like drawing people into a war with a country, in the name of patriotism, that we have no business in being in- except to drum up business for rich white people in corporate hierarchies.  They have what we want!  Let's wage war on them!  We'll set up our democracy there, afterwards, to keep the profits rolling in.

Well gang, I'm getting pretty tired.  I have just enough energy to do a quick re-read of what I've written, take a quick piss and hit the bed sheets with my exquisite self.  I think I will continue the second part of this interview another time.  Hope you enjoyed it.  I have more to say, since I'm a rambler, but it will have to wait.

Winning The "I Love This Blog Award"

After having an up and own, roller coaster kind of week, I was happy to find out I won the I LOVE This Blog Award from The Minute Man's Wife late last night. It's just what the doctor ordered.

Speaking of doctors, my wife had to have an ultrasound and other tests done to see if she had blood clots in her legs and other health risks. I had been worried about test results this past week and when I found out she didn't have blood clots, I felt better. A big weight was lifted off of my shoulders. There are still other health problems that she has- but they would take too long to describe here. I hope these other things, regarding her health, will be resolved in the near future. I don't see any reason why they won't. With the new medication she is on, for the other problems, she says she is feeling better already.

In gratitude of this award from Minute Man's Wife, I'm going to put aside the topic I was going to discuss today. Although she's a relative newcomer to this blog, I've grown to appreciate her funny and heartfelt comments. Do yourself a favor and go to this woman's blog. It's excellent. Her writing is sharp and really draws you in. She's funny, serious, wise and completely honest with how she feels and she tells it like it is. My kind of blogger. Check out The Minute Man's Wife.

The rules with this award say I gotta share 10 things. Just like TMMW, I wasn't sure what this meant either. lol. Could be ten scabs of dead skin. Or ten wascally wabbits- but I don't have any. Could be ten words of wisdom but I think I've blown my sloppy wisdom all over the place in Friday's post. Still cleaning up from that nasty episode.

Now, if I were a bettin' man, I'd hazard to guess they were talking about sharing some personal facts about yourself when they thought of the "ten things" rule. Luckily enough for all of you, I just happen to have ten exciting, knowledge-you-couldn't-live-without type of facts about myself that I've kept hidden underneath the bed- just in case of a rainy day.

Prepare to be WOWED.

#1- I sleep, totally naked, on my belly, because that's the only position I can sleep in. Please be considerate and do not fuck me in the ass. And please, whatever you do, kindly refrain from putting refried bean paste in my bare, hairy ass crack and using this as a reservoir for nacho chip dipping.

#2- The way I like my eggs: scrambled.

#3- This occurred in my very wild twenties: Instead of a mistletoe hanging from the living room doorway at my Christmas party, I hung up a big dildo I had bought earlier that week. To my amusement, people still kissed under it, drunk and not giving a shit what was hanging over their heads. By the time I woke up, half dead from partying, in the morning, it wasn't hanging up over the doorway any longer. It was on the floor, in the corner of one of my bedrooms- sticky, dirty and covered with pubic hair. No one I asked could or would tell me anything about it. To this day, it's still a mystery. I guess it wasn't used on the cat. It was still alive at the time.

#4- I'm a Libra in the wheel of astrological signs. A Rabbit in the Chinese zodiac, for what it's worth.

#5- I love these books and many more: Earth (The book) by Jon Stewart and The Daily Show writers, K-Pax by Gene Brewer, Lost Horizon by James Hilton, The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex by Kristen Schaal and Rich Blomquist, Kurt Vonnegut's Breakfast of Champions and Clive Barker's Books of Blood series. I'd be here all night if I listed all of the books I've read and loved. :)

#6- I'm currently listening to The Trouble With Angels (double CD set) by Filter.

#7- I would like to go back to Arizona for a third time and walk on The Grand Canyon Skywalk. It hadn't been built yet when I went to the Grand Canyon the first two times. I wonder if they would let me pee over the side.

#8- My shoe size is nine or nine and a half, depending on the make or brand of the footwear. Fascinated? Come on... admit it... you are. :)

#9- Halloween costumes worn in the past: A Jinn, a Rastafarian, a woman, a priest with his pecker hangin' out (a big plastic dick was used instead of my real penis. I thought it might be less scary), a ghost, The Batman, a zombie/cowboy and a gynecologist.

#10- I need a new computer. Buy me one!

The Minute Man's Wife passed this award on to three blogger recipients. I'm being a stingy bastard this time, when it comes to handing out awards and I'm going to give it to only one of my new favorites, Bar Science, an excellent booze blog by the blog author, G. It has a lot of interesting facts about all things boozy, travel stories and videos that offer handy tips on this, that and the other. Mostly, booze, though. Great writing can be found here, my friends. Very much worth checking out.

Again, the blog is Bar Science. Get over there, pronto and drink one or two or ten for me.

Well folks, that's all I got for now. I'm barely slipping this post in under my self-imposed deadline. Take care, everyone and don't do anything I wouldn't do! tee hee

G.I. Joe F*cked My Satellite Dish

G.I. Joe, America's hero, fresh from a tour of duty in Afghanistan, kindly asked if he could stay the week at my place. Since I have the highest respect for our nation's military, there was no way, I knew, that I would turn the poor, traumatized, soldier down. And as a result of shrapnel blast from a roadside bomb, Joe had received many injuries.

After several days, however, I noticed something amiss about G.I. Joe's behavior. One evening, while I had previously been in the living room, I went into the kitchen to retrieve my cup of coffee and was surprised to catch him in the act of fucking it. I shouted, "Stop it, you sick bastard!" Instead of ceasing his actions, he pressed on.

After not finding relief with the cup, the little bugger went after the stuffed gorilla to give him a bit more stuffing. I was outraged. I shouted, "I demand you stop or you will have to leave, immediately!"

He quickly got off the gorilla and ran away to hide. The next day, Joe showed that he was mad at me by taking a dump on my kitchen floor.

Immediately after his bowel movement, Joe quickly sprinted out the door to fuck my satellite dish. I wondered why the reception on my TV was fuzzy.

Unable to find sexual relief with the dish, Joe went to work on a book I had nearly finished. When the bastard was done, he wrote a note and placed it on the last page of the book. It said: Here ya go, Asshole! I finished it for ya!

I didn't see him for almost the rest of the entire day. Then suddenly, he jumped out of nowhere and he hurriedly bound up Piglet's hands with rope and began using the poor animal for his carnal delight.

Curious from hearing the shrieking of a bound Piglet, my innocent feline comes out to investigate the calamity. Joe is rude, as usual.

These words, DO NOT ENTER, mean nothing to that fiendish G.I. Joe. Look at what he's doing to the base of the sign! Oh, the humanity!

Finally, after days of no satisfaction, Joe took matters into his own hands. Being the gentleman, I shall leave it up to your imagination as to how he accomplished his goal. Clue: Look at his hands.

The next day, he left a happier man. Before he walked out the door, he attempted to shake my hand and thank me for putting up with him, but I stepped back and said, "Hey, that's okay, dude. Just try to get your act together and maybe go see a doctor or something." He chuckled a bit at that, then skipped out the door.

I have to admit... I'm glad he found relief, but damn, he created chaos at my place. Never again will I allow him to stay here. I learned a valuable lesson.

Tag, Bag and Interrogate

Blog pal, Gary, from Klahanie, recently tagged me for a survey. I guess some bloggers would be slightly perturbed by the tagging thing but I'm not. For one, I've had writer's block for awhile now and this gives me the opportunity to write about something. And two, this survey gives me the chance to express my delightful opinions and write about my favorite subject... ME!

God, who can't get enough of sweet, wonderful ME? I'm the darling of the blogging world or something, after all.

Immediately following this question and answer fest, I have "tagged" four other unsuspecting bloggers who will surely thank me and send me gifts that may give off peculiar aromas and stuff. Like Gary, I also have thoughtfully included the 19 survey questions, separately from my given answers, so these lucky bloggers can just cut and paste them onto their own blogs. How convenient! Gosh, I'm better than swell! Anyways, here ya go...

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?

I see my cat, Victor, as an animal and a member of the family, as opposed to seeing him as a furry four legged tea kettle and a member of the United Square Dancers of America organization. Out of all the cats I've had in my 47 years on this rock, and I've had quite a few, I think I regard Victor as a close member of the family because my Mom named him (and really liked him) only months before she passed away. After she died, Victor gave me a lot of comfort just by snuggling up to me or lying on my lap when I was suffering through my deepest depression moments. It seemed to me that he sensed these feelings and still does.

With that said, though, the little bastard will still cross my path in the morning, shortly after getting out of bed, causing me to trip, fall and almost crack my head on the toilet as I attempt to take my morning piss. (More on this important information later)

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?

That people would wise up and realize that we're destroying the environment, take real action to find and implement the use of alternative clean sources of energy and stand up for the truth of what's wrong in our society instead of cowering behind excuses to not "make waves" and help resolve the critical issues we face today. I'm not sure you could call that a "dream", however. I would say it's more like a fantasy. Like something akin to a fairy tale involving unicorns being ridden by cross-eyed leprechauns or suddenly seeing a politician do something that wasn't self serving.

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?

Oh shit! I'm only allowed to pick just one? I can't make a list? Well, that doesn't seem fair, so, of course, I'm must break the rules. To name just a few things I hate most, I'll go with:

*Conformity

*Greed

*Racism

*Destruction of the environment

*Sexism

*War

*Lies that do real damage

*Wave after wave of snowstorms

*Stealing

*Texting

*Bullies

*Close mindedness

*The continuous, uninterrupted screeching of undisciplined children

*People who talk about the same old boring things, knowing that they're boring the shit out of you and yet they still keep talking. There was a time I put up with this behaviour. Now, I make up an obvious lame excuse to leave their company or hang up on them. My time is too valuable. If you feel you have to talk that much about nothing, go talk to a wall.

*People who have too many children, without regarding the consequences

*And people who try too hard to give their offspring cutesy, clever and slightly differently spelled popular names in order to give the insinuation that their little rug rats are unique just because of the cutesy and clever name they have bestowed upon them.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

Honestly, I would keep a sizable portion of it for my wife and I and hide a lot of it away. I might go on a trip around the world and buy a new car. I'm not much into owning material things but there are some things we really need. I would also donate a good chunk of it toward finding a real solution to our fossil fuel dependency problem and give the rest to charities. I'm neither a saint or a greedy asshole.

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?

Watching comedy shows like Family Guy, Tosh.O and more. Truly interesting science, documentary or history shows will distract me enough to pull me out of a bad funk. Of course, blogging helps take me out of a bad mood, too. Interacting with friends. Reading an interesting or funny website, book or magazine. Being out in nature gives me peace of mind. Taking pictures. Listening to music. Masturbating furiously to the sounds of raindrops on a tin roof. (Just kidding on the last one). It's actually the sound of an ambulance siren that does it for me.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

I'm not sure how to interpret "more blessed" in this question. I think it's like when you give someone a gift or help someone out. You get something back, regardless if you get a gesture of gratitude or not, in return. It makes you feel great, or, at least it should. Loving someone is like this but on a higher level. With that said, though, I think feeling that you are truly loved by the one you love is even more remarkable, if you want to make comparisons.

7. What is your bedtime routine?

This is funny because I sort of went over this in a post not long ago. To start with, I'll take my medication. Eat a little food. Give myself an insulin shot. Pack my wife's lunch that she takes to work in the morning. Make one last trip to the shitter to pee or make poopie. Head to the bedroom. Strip completely naked. (are you becoming aroused?) Then slide beneath the sheets. Turn over, stomach side down. Then sleep, snore and fart while my wife does the same. Strangely enough, the cat likes to jump on the bed and sleep right between our asses in the middle of the night. So far, he hasn't passed out or died.

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?

I informally met my wife of 21 years while I was up in a tree with my cousin and sister, giggling and making bizarre animal noises and so forth. Before I go on, I want to point out we weren't having a family orgy or anything like it. We save that for Easter Sunday. Lol. But, I digress. I was 19 or 20 years old at the time. We had climbed up into the tree earlier, talking and making jokes. Not long afterwards, a frozen foods delivery guy pulls up into my parents driveway to either make a delivery or take an order. Hidden behind all the tree limbs and leaves we decide to prank him by making all types of strange noises. Meanwhile, the guy is looking all around the front yard and the rest of the neighborhood, wondering where the hell the sounds are coming from and what the hell is making them. About that time, my future wife is taking a stroll with her mother down the street that's close by to the tree we're sitting in. I can hear her asking her mom, "What is that?" We all laugh and quickly become quiet when they direct their eyes toward the tree. They slow down, shake their heads and continue heading down the street but before they get too far from earshot, I shout, "Helloooooo!".

I'm sure she and her mother thought we were a bunch of morons or nut jobs. And it's true, we were. Our family definitely has a strange sense of humor. I formally met my wife years later where I worked. Not long after that, we began dating. Somewhere during the dating period, I impressed the heck out of her with the tree story.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?

Right now, I would like to watch the band, Them Crooked Vultures, create music in the studio for another CD.

10. What kinds of books do you read?

An easier question to ask would be, What types of books don't you read? I read almost every genre out there. Science fiction or fact, humor, philosophy, mystery, trivia and more. I made a short list of books I've read in the middle column of this blog. Take a look at the list and you'll get an idea of what types of books I read. I own a small library's worth of books. My favorite author is Kurt Vonnegut. Sadly, he's gone from this world but his words will forever stay true, profound and meaningful. His words are his greatest legacy. Vonnegut said a lot with what people would perhaps call "a sardonic sense of humor". He and a few unique others have inspired me in my viewpoints and writing throughout my life.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?

I would like to move out of this area and somewhere it stays warm all year round. Beyond that, I can't say how I see myself in even one year's time. These days, my life seems to be pushed and shoved in directions dictated by the forces of family obligations and aggravations. If any of these worries were to be resolved or decreased, I would be better equipped to focus solely on my life with my wife.

12. What’s your fear?

My wife, dying before me. Cheery, aren't I? Other than that, I don't fear a whole lot anymore. I've been numbed, to a large degree, by outrageous things that have happened in the past.

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?

Yes, I would give up all junk food to go into space. Seeing the Earth, the Moon, the stars and everything else out there would be the ultimate experience of a lifetime. Not only would I give up countless cans of peanuts but I'd give my right bulbous nut up for the chance. Yes, sir.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?

I look at rich, yet single people with a certain pity. Especially the ones that just endlessly have one fling after another. It would be fun for awhile, but God, what a void to have in your life!

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?

Ahh, I'm so glad we got around to this one. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I attempt to get out of the bed, with only slant consciousness, to make my stumbling way toward the bathroom without being tripped by my loving cat. After taking (or leaving, rather) a shit, I make myself a pot of coffee, eat, drink, watch the morning news, become agitated by what I see, slowly begin to regain consciousness and come in here to play, seek and blog on the ol' computer. Approximately a half hour to an hour, after this routine, will pass before I completely wake up. Speaking to me before this time would be a severe risk to your life and happiness.

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?

It's been said that my wife talks a lot. That's an understatement. She never stops talking. Hope she never reads this! My wife will stop in public and talk to a perfect stranger for a lengthy period of time about anything and everything. She's very people-friendly. I, on the other hand, have been told that I'm relatively quiet, unless there's something I feel that's important or humorous enough to talk about. In comparison to her and likely a lot of people, I'm an anti-social bastard. And that's true, to a certain degree. One thing I could change about her? Maybe to talk a little less. At least to people she doesn't know while we're trying to get from one place to another. One thing she would change about me? That I would talk a little more. Don't get me wrong! I'm open, not shy in the least... just not "talky". I really have to force myself to talk at social gatherings. And yes, I know I would terribly miss "her constant chatter" if she were gone from my life. In conclusion, we complete each other and more importantly, love each other, despite these minor irritations.

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?

I actually do have another name. MasterHeathen. Say the name, slowly, three times as the sun begins it's decent on the horizon and I will suddenly appear behind you, smiling and with a big sharp knife in my hand. Tee hee. When you turn around, I will cut a delightfully pungent fart and stab you in the eye. Hell, at least we'll have something to talk about. Or we could just go the other way and get nicely wasted. I'm easy.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?

Honestly, I would forgive in that situation, if asked to, but I would never forget. If, for some reason, you are able to forget a horrible thing that someone special has done to you, you either have the self esteem of an antelope turd or you're in the second or third stages of Alzheimer's disease. There's a world of difference between forgiving and forgetting and forgetting may not be safe or wise for your future welfare in regards to interacting with that "special someone".

19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?

Pizza. You can put pretty much anything you want on a pizza, so you have the food variety thing going on there. Chicken. Pineapple. Bacon. Veggies. And whatever else that "tickles your fancy". That expression sounds so obscene. Pizza is the ultimate variety food.

Here's the survey questions:

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?
2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
3. What is the one thing most hated by you?
4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?
6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
7. What is your bedtime routine?
8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?
9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?
10. What kinds of books do you read?
11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?
12. What’s your fear?
13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?
14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?
15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?
16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?
17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?
18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?
19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?

These are the 4 lucky bloggers that I have tagged for this survey... drum roll, please...

LilPixi from It's A Lollipop World

The Wolf from The S.N.A.F.U. Report

Rebecca from The Snee

Greg from The De-evolution of Man

As always in these "taggings", none of the mentioned bloggers should feel pressured to participate in the survey. If you do participate, feel free to answer any way you want and pass the survey along to 4 other bloggers. This is just my way of annoying the shit out of some of my blogging buddies. Hell, somebody has to do it. :)