This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Auditions For The Circus

Created by Oscar The Disturbed, Chloe The Nympho and MasterHeathen

The circus tent was noisy inside with hopeful artists talking to each other and practicing their acts. Sitting at a large wooden desk on the furthest right hand side were two men, murmuring to each other, serious in their appearance. The owner of the circus was a large man with dark brown eyes with just a hint of red surrounding the pupils. The look of his face conveyed a wisdom about him. His name was Byron Asmodeus and he had owned Asmodeus' Astounding Circus for 20 odd years. His ringmaster, Gregorio, worked hard as a manager for the circus.

For the last hour, they had seen and judged two sets of performers and neither group made the cut.

Gregorio stared straight ahead and to Asmodeus, he announced the next group of artists to audition. "Next, we have The Blutarsky Brothers."

Asmodeus cleared his throat and asked, "What do they do?

Ringmaster Gregorio replied, "They are a family of midget clowns."

"I see," said Asmodeus, as he leaned back in his chair, clasping his hands together.

A little old woman, her face white and red with make up, was leading her little tribe of offspring up to the stage in front of their potential employer's desk. She had a grizzled look about her and the make up on her face could not hide the fact that she was well into her sixties. The mother of 7 children, who were between the ages of thirty to forty, tilted her head as she spoke.

"I am the mother of these seven clown midgets. We came to America from Russia, home of Vodka. All my children suffer from hydrocephalus and Down syndrome. They also have trouble with their feet from wearing the big clown shoes and as a result, they walk funny."

Asmodeus and Gregorio looked at all seven and noticed they were kind of wobbling back and forth, shifting uneasily from one foot to another.

The mother, Isa, continued, "They have the fungus grow under their toenails. Only Lamisil helps to keep their toenails on."

Asmodeus and Gregorio exchanged glances of bewilderment before the mother of the clown midgets added, "The father of these boys has passed on. If he were here today, he would show you his magnificent ability to shoot miniature bullets out of his fully erect penis."

The two men, glanced at each other and then looked at the mother, giving Isa the impression that they were impressed by this.

Isa said, "First, I will show you what my talent is and then each of my boys will show you what they can do for you."

Asmodeus said, "Whenever you're ready... begin."

The little old midget turned around, dropped her tiny pants, bent over, touched her toes and shot a steady stream of butt gravy across the stage. Quickly turning around, the mother of 7, briskly rubbed her chubby little thighs together and with the power of her vaginal muscles, sparks began to fly from her coochie until a eerie ball of fire erupted from her ancient pussy.

Amazed and impressed, Gregorio and Asmodeus applauded Isa's talent.

After her fire died out, Isa said, "This was how I killed the father of my boys. One night, after he beat me and called me names, I lay on top of the horrible man while his penis was soft. I acted like I was hot with sex for him. My husband was fooled by this. Then I make powerful sparks with my vagina and ignite a fire upon his penis as I wrap my short strong arms around him, not letting the bastard free himself. By the time I was done with him, he was like a burnt hog, crispy black and flesh falling from him."

Without pausing, Isa introduced one of her sons, "This is Nikolai. He lived with his uncle in Budapest for a year to learn all he could from him. My son, Nikolai, is the only clown who can juggle a chainsaw, bowling ball and box of condoms in the all of Russia, maybe in the entire world.

Nikolai took a spot in the middle of the stage, juggled the chainsaw, bowling ball and box of condoms without dropping any of the items. Asmodeus, nodded his head, impressed.

Isa introduced her next son, "This is Vladamir. He drives the clown car. He got his license in clown car driving by driving Smart cars for Mercedes Benz and being crash test dummy for them."

Vladamir demonstrated how well he drove the clown car and got out of it hurriedly, to waddle back up on the stage. The ringmaster clapped his hands and said, "You have great skill." Vladamir smiled, was obviously bashful, his face crinkling beneath the white make up. Vladamir suddenly celebrated being complimented by pulling his pants down and scratching his taint.

Isa, full of pride, introduced her next son, "And this is Ivan. He has taught his dog, Spot, how to ride on the back of his pony, Speck, for the Dog & Pony show."

Ivan had the pony and dog do the trick at his command. Asmodeus nodded approvingly and then said, "Very good. Next."

The mother of her offspring of clown midgets said, "This is Dragoff."

The two judges gave the little man a curious look.

Isa continued, "Dragoff was born with a permanent smile. A birth defect, as you Americans call it. He was diagnosed at the age of two. My son, Dragoff, because of this defect, does not require much clown make up. Before this audition, for you gentleman, he spent many years in midget tossing competitions."

Asmodeus put a hand up, pausing the old woman for a moment. The circus owner said, "And what talent can he demonstrate for us, today?"

Without missing a beat, Dragoff did a series of backward flips on the stage until landing in a barrel of thumbtacks and needles. He remained, motionless in the barrel, enduring what would be a painful experience for most people and kept his smile. Then Ivan came out, ran toward Dragoff and, suddenly, with a wooden chair, crashed it down on Dragoff's head. Splinters and wood fragments flew out in every direction. Dragoff smiled. Ivan shouted, "Ta Da!"

Asmodeus and Gregorio laughed, clapped and then, in unison, said, "Bravo."

After the stage was cleared, Isa said, "The next son performing for you handsome men is my eldest. His name is Jeepo. Jeepo has had an aneurysm that has affected what you may call his mo-mo-mo... motor skills."

Jeepo weeble wobbled his way onto the stage. To keep his balance, the stumpy clown flung his arms wildly, looking like a human pinwheel. This act gave the illusion of an abstract dance that had amused many crowds in the past. Soon, the midget clown's arms were all a blur. It was hypnotical. When he could no longer move his arms from the tiresome flailing, Jeepo spun around and dove off the stage, landing head first into the heavy desk, making a squishy sound with the softest part of his bulbous head.

Asmodeus and Ringmaster Gregorio abruptly stood up and gave Jeepo a standing ovation.

Isa, happy with the two men's reaction, introduced her next offspring.

"This is Luscious. Before she had, what you call "sex change operation", though it was not much an operation because my son, Ivan, is so handy with the knife. Her name was Chekov and she was a he. Before coming to perform for you today, Luscious worked at a tampon factory. Her job was quality control."

Without being prompted, Luscious, in her tiny tights, began doing a series of back flips, spins and twirls until finally ending her stunt by jumping straight up into the air and coming down onto the stage, doing the splits. Hurriedly, she got up, pulled down her tights and exposed her bald beaver. There was a tattoo of a snake on her cunt lip. The tongue of the snake hovered just above her clit. Like her mother, she, too, rubbed her thighs together until working her new vagina muscles up enough to produce sparks from her cunt. Soon flames flickered and all of Isa's sons came over and roasted marshmallows over her fiery pussy.

She, too, was given a standing ovation by the two delighted men behind the desk.

Isa waved Luscious off the stage and introduced her last son. A cross-eyed midget teetered from side and side, gradually making his way onto the stage. Asmodeus and Gregorio sat back down.

"My son, Trotsky."

Trotsky had troubles with his lungs because he was a heavy smoker. Pulling out deflated balloons from the pockets of his clown pants, Trotsky coughed and gagged before filling each long, slender balloon to it's fullest capacity. Without haste, Trotsky quickly formed the balloons into the shape of a male organ and a female organ. Luscious came back on stage and took the phallic balloon and slid it into her little midget slit. Shifting her thighs rigorously together, she created sparks and popped the penis shaped balloon with ease.

Ivan suddenly made another entrance onto the stage and bashed both of their heads in with a toaster. As his siblings fell to the floor, bleeding profusely, Ivan shouted, "Ta-Da!"

Asmodeus stood up and said, "All of you are hired. I welcome you, as my working performing artists to Asmodeus' Astounding Circus."

In unison, Isa and all the rest of her midget clown family cheered and whooped. Trotsky coughed up blood and smiled. It was a great day for The Blutarsky Brothers.


Gorilla Bananas said...

The fire-breathing pussy wouldn't be allowed in a modern circus. Maybe if the other midgets could shoot foam from their dicks you could argue the safety precautions were adequate. I would rent the pussy to a witch so she could heat up her cauldron with it.

klahanie said...

Good grief. What the fuck did I just read? An old Russian lady with a fiery vagina and seven very talented clown midgets for kids.
Never have I been in awe of reading about the talents of such incredible folk. I'm just wondering if "Asmodeus' Astounding Circus" will be visiting my town. That act, complete with those amazingly gifted seven midget clowns, would definitely be the highlight of the show. Well that and the famous trapeze act, 'The Flying Innuendoes'. Take care, I'm going to throw up and then have a jolly good shit. Oh yeah, your check's in the post:-)

LilPixi said...

I think Gary summed it all up. lol

Only Kelly can get away with it. Only Kelly.

Classic. I recently heard what "Asmodeus" stands for, and now completely forget.

THE SNEE said...

Ah! The allegorical master has risen from his winter sleep! You certainly have a clever way with words and storytelling Kelly. As usual, You point out the absurd and demonish aspects of our world. "Blush" and "flinch", I did.

Kelly said...

Gorilla Bananas- This a modern day circus. Just not your average circus that plays by the rules of society. This is a circus where almost anything goes, without the confines of modern day society. Shooting foam from a penis??? Preposterous! No one could believe that. Sparks emitting from a vagina? perfectly believable.

Kelly said...

klahanie- So glad you could join my circus. lol. The Blutarsky Brothers are a very talented band of artists. Lucky for you, I was able to book the circus in your town next weekend so you can see them, up close and personal. Look for your free tickets in the mail! 'The Flying Innuendoes' will be performing something special on your behalf. I put in a good word for you. Thank you for the check, btw. And please, by all means, have a wonderful time throwing up and taking jolly shits, as I know you will. Peace be with you, brother :-)

Kelly said...

lilPixi- So glad you enjoyed the show, LilPixi. I booked the circus in your town two weeks from now so that you'll get to see the clown midget brothers live. I even convinced them to let you perform with them for one night. If I were you, I would start working on your act.

I took the name, Asmodeus, from this source, in case you're still wondering.

I thought it kinda fit into the story. I may write a sequel to this tale later, relating Asmodeus' involvement with the circus.

Take care, LilPixi. Have a fun day!

Kelly said...

THE SNEE- Greetings, Rebecca. I thank you for saying that I am a master of allegory and the compliment that followed that description of my humble self. heh heh. I couldn't help but notice you pointed out that I was demonstrating not just the absurd aspects of this world but the demonic, as well. The name, Asmodeus, was also a clue that I had hoped someone would pick up. And you did, in spades.

When my friend, 'Oscar' and my wife, 'Chloe' were giving me details on these characters in the story, I 'blushed' and 'flinched', too. lol. I hope I haven't scarred you for life. :)

Greg said...

Holy blazing butts! I know where to get a cheap sex change operation now, does this midget do bargain vasectomies also?

After a roll in the sack with these midgets you wouldn't have to wait till morning for that burning sensation to show up now would you?

Kelly said...

Greg- Yes, you're in luck. Ivan Blutarsky, our resident viscous, Down syndrome-inflicted midget clown extraordinaire, has been told that you want him to perform a vasectomy on you. He says that he'll do it free of charge. Now that's a bargain! When would be the most convenient time for you?

After a roll in the sack, hay or a hot tub full of oats with Luscious, your nuts will feel as if they've been roasted over an open fire. But, actually, they'll be burnt to a crispy black and fall off on your way to the bathroom in the morning.


Lana Gramlich said...

Sounds like the same circus who gave us the clown from "It." *LOL*

Kelly said...

Lana- Yeah, I can see the IT clown coming from a circus like this one. :) I'm thinking about writing a sequel to this story with different characters. John BONER, Speaker of the House, will be auditioning this time around. lol.

Static said...

Somewhere somehow there's an old Russian midget clown and her children who are extremely at offended at this. Spasiba, comrade!

Kelly said...

Maybe she'll hunt me down and hose the flesh off my bones with her pussy fire. Maybe I should install more smoke detectors and have more fire extinguishers on hand.

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