Conditioning Techniques and Widespread Insanity

The first time you put your finger in a quickly rotating metal fan blade will probably also be your last. When you see the blood spurting forth from your digit like a geyser, you will have hopefully learned a lesson. And you will come away with not only a dismembered finger, but an association of the spinning metal fan blade with pain and the loss of something valuable. Like your goddamn finger!

In our everyday world, such learned associations or conditioned responses are realized in countless ways: A driver will brake at a red light in order to avoid injury or a ticket. Somebody eating shrimp and afterwards feel their throat closing up to an allergic reaction to shellfish will likely not eat it again and avoid it, entirely. A friend that steals from you will teach you not to trust that person again. And so on. These types of conditioned responses can only benefit you in the future.

These are normal, natural responses that prove useful in your life. Positive stimuli for your benefit.

And then there are the ones that aren't useful, beneficial, normal or natural. Such as: Phobias, superstitions, blindly following instead of thinking for fear of ridicule or punishment, addictions to drinking, gambling, money or anything self destructive for hollow, temporary contentedness.

People, I've always found, are an odd bunch. Even as a kid, I was an observer of society. The older I become, the more I see the flaws that get in the way of human progress. Often times, I wonder if we are devolving.

From youth to adult, we are conditioned by the commercials we see on TV or rhetoric we read from print or computer to act or feel a certain way. We're duped by ads, politicians, supervisors, friends, family and more. Conditioning techniques come in the forms of rewards and punishments. Do and act correctly, according to society as a whole and you may receive an award. If you refrain from doing what is expected or required- punishment may be inflicted in verbal or physical form.

There are only a few things that people are capable of that I can think of that are clearly acts that require punishment. Murder of an innocent human is one. Rape is another. Stealing, yet another. Telling someone a lie, in order that they do your bidding, is a good example, too. I'm sure there are more but I could be typing all night long. And that's not going to happen.

What frustrates me is the fact that people are not aware of these techniques that are used to ingrain these negative notions inside their minds. At least, that's the evidence that seems to be flaunted by most everyone. All they know is what they're told.

Religions, companies and governments are grand manipulators. Weapons they use that dig into your mind for their benefit the most? Words that instill fear so you do their bidding. Think about that, unless you haven't already.

It seems as years go by, while casually observing the public, friends, family and myself, of course, the will to think for oneself in this society has become disrupted and even corrupted. Has it always been this way with the human species? To think or act this way or else?

To be made a slave by any organized mass is the truest shame one can take on. When I see everyone in our society thinking and acting as expected or planned, it causes me to believe that we are not unwilling victims of widespread insanity but that we actually invite it, welcome it and wrap it around ourselves as if it were a warm, comfortable security blanket.

End of The World Delight

Hey gang, let your old pal, Uncle Kelly, tell ya the tale of a lil' planet of long ago. It was called, oddly enough, Idiotica, and it was outrageously overpopulated with a bunch of wacky two legged creatures. They were called DumbAsses.

Now they say the DumbAsses on planet Idiotica started out as crazy turd-throwin' monkeys. But I don't know about that. I have my own theory that seems a bit more sensible. I think a bunch of messed up, drug lovin' aliens got bored one week and dropped by perfect Idiotica for a bit of experimental hooha. Since the aliens didn't poke each other in the porkholes anymore and they were gettin' tired of lookin' at all of the mountains, oceans and trees- I think they decided to break up the monotony of living on Idiotica with an act that would change everything on the planet. Yes sir, the aliens decided to make a new species of being with their advanced technology. Thus, the DumbAsses were emanated. The aliens, seeing what they created, were so embarrassed, they took off like a flea and didn't come back for a real long time.

So after the aliens left the DumbAsses to make decisions for themselves, the Early DumbAsses right away began playing "Take Mr. Stinky and Push Him Into The Taco of Love." When they weren't doing that, they would hunt down vermin, eat til their bellies bloat and hit each other with sticks.

Oddly enough, a lot of the inhabitants of Idiotica delighted in their worship of inanimate objects. The theory being- If ya sing your praises to a rock, the rock will give your people a head of lettuce and other stuff. Here's a sample of a couple of their prayers:

Oh statue of a god I just made up

Please tell me what I should do.

Should I take my first born

And drown him in the river

Or allow him to grow up to be a fine DumbAss like me?

Another one...

Oh big ol' shiny ball in the sky

You are so great

And look so good up there

Could you make it so we have enough beans for the winter

I love you

Later, the folks of Idiotica moved on to praying to deities they couldn't see. A lot of times, they would fight over their deities and beliefs and cause plentiful bloodshed for anyone who didn't believe what they believed. They even had festive events called Inquisitions where they would pick a disbeliever out from the crowd and slowly torture them to an agonizing death. Ha ho! They sure knew how to have a jolly ol' time!

It's been on record in the history books that one of the knights, during a holy war, had this to say, as he plunged his sword into the chest of an unarmed DumbAss, "Come-come, my good man. Cannot you see the practicality of believing in the glory of my god?" The unarmed DumbAss had this to say, "Ahhhh!" Then he died.

During the Industrial Age, The DumbAsses made something that would change their world for years to come. It was called pollution and they used it to slowly poison themselves to death. Hurray!

Another wacky thing the DumbAsses liked ta do was cut down trees. They weren't happy, it seemed, until they cut down every last one. When all the rain forests were wiped out, they noticed (a bit too late) that good clean air and oxygen was a bit scarce.

A lot of crazy things they did to pollute and ravage the planet also changed the weather. It was called global warming. Whew! It's gettin' hot in here. Can you kids say s-l-o-w-d-e-a-t-h?

The main objective of living on Idiotica, of course, was to get more moola (money). And enough was never enough for the typical DumbAss. And the more ya had, the more other DumbAsses seemed to respect ya. Which is funny and truly pathetic when ya think about it. Ha ho! Those crazy DumbAsses loved and worshiped those lil' green pieces of paper more than any other god on Idiotica. In fact, the whole ecosystem of Idiotica was forsaken for the Almighty Dollar. Golly!

Every so often, the DumbAsses of Idiotica would elect a new president, king or puppet. One country of DumbAsses, in particular, prided itself on being free. Free ta do what? The only freedom these DumbAsses really had was the right to vote for a new ruler every so often. They didn't get to make the laws of their land. They didn't get ta decide how much money would be ripped out of their paychecks to support their government. And many times, the DumbAsses' government would control the DumbAsses by telling them lies and forcing them to watch ancient reruns of Gilligan's Island or worse yet, The Jerry Springer Show. Excuse me now- while I puke up a Toyota.

And good gollykins but those DumbAsses enjoyed a good war. It would always be about land, religion, fossil fuels or the color of skin. These DumbAsses would kill each other like there was no tomorrow. Crazy fun for one and all! They wouldn't be satisfied until they had annihilated almost everybody in a big ol' murderous frenzy.

Now a couple DumbAsses would try to rally people for the cause of peace.

Peace. Peace. Peace. That's all they would talk about. They, of course, were killed instantly. Where did they think they were? On another planet or something?

The world wars that would be engaged in later were over food, water and the basic necessities of life. Strangely enough, instead of pulling together so that their species had a chance of surviving, they continued to kill and kill and kill one another. Imagine that!

Finally, the aliens came back to check up on the DumbAsses, ready to introduce themselves proper and such. But when they arrived, they saw that the folks on Idiotica had enough nuclear warheads and other high powered weaponry to entirely destroy their planet 50 X 3 plus 2 and decided the DumbAsses were intent on killing themselves and weren't worth their time and trouble.

With the advent of the predicted Final World War, the seas and oceans boiled while the lands of Idiotica burned with the fires of nuclear devastation. Alas, there was to be no surviving for any DumbAss due to complete widespread fallout and radiation. And did I mention fire? Woohoo!

What started out as a perfectly beautiful, life sustaining planet was eventually turned into a perfectly destroyed ashen rock of lifelessness. The End.

Gosh, you sure didn't see that coming. Did you? Ha ha! Well, this is Uncle Kelly, bidding you a joyous farewell and sweet happy dreams. Aloha, adios and goodbye!

Controversial Topics

The following are my opinions, beliefs and what have you, regarding today's controversial topics. They are supposedly controversial in the U.S., anyway. I'm not looking for an argument, nor am I attempting to persuade anyone to think the way I do on these subjects. I've learned long ago that spending too much time convincing anyone of anything is usually futile, tiresome and a waste of my time. I just felt like throwing these convictions out there. If you wish to comment, regarding whether you agree, disagree or haven't decided yet on all or any of these topics, feel free. However, try not to get too crazy or worked up about any of them. I don't want anyone to push themselves into a heart attack or brain hemorrhage. Or... Well... Maybe I do. You'll never know. Heh heh.

Also: A lot of people think there is a gray area with some of these issues. I happen not to feel that way.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Here ya go!

Gun Control- People have an issue with this because they believe it is dangerous for people to keep a gun inside their house. It is dangerous, only, if you don't keep your gun in a secure place. For the most part, people keep their guns locked up. The few who don't keep their guns secured safely and, as a result, a death or accident occurs, should be punished. So... I emphatically disagree with those who oppose the rights and free will of citizens owning guns and having them in their homes. This is another issue to me that seems pretty simple and straightforward. I know there are some of you out there in the Unreal World who would like to make this a gray area type of subject but it's not. Sorry. Well, actually, I'm not. Heh heh. Everyone has the right to protect themselves. End of story.

Abortion- It's murder. What's worse is that abortion is the killing of an innocent life. If the baby is unwanted, give the baby to an adoption agency so it may be allowed to live. If the woman of the baby is raped, the baby should still be allowed to live a full a life. It is not the baby's fault that it's mother was attacked by a worthless piece of human shit. The only gray area, albeit, a touch of gray in this issue, is if there is a situation where the baby, for certain, is endangering the mother's life. In my opinion, the mother should be the one to survive. But, overall, I believe abortion to be wrong. And this statement is coming from someone who isn't that crazy, in general, about kids or people. Kind of ironic, aye?

War On Drugs- It hasn't worked. It will never work. It is a pointless endeavor on the part of our government. Making drugs illegal only benefits the Mafia and drug dealers, monetarily. If we were, for instance, to tax cannabis, like we do cigarettes, we would be able to remove a lot of this country's national debt and we could use that revenue for many things that the states of this country needs. Such as the reparation of roads, bridges and schools. I'd also like to point out the obvious... Marijuana is not dangerous. Alcohol, which is legal, on the other hand, can be very dangerous. Hard drugs, such as heroin and crack, I agree, are incredibly threatening to one's health but it should be left to you whether you do something stupid to yourself or no not. It's your life.

The Death Penalty- I'm all for ending the life of a serial killer or child abuser/rapist. These are not innocent people and are deserving of death. I will cheerfully pull the lever for the electric chair or the trigger of a gun if I were asked to do so in order to end a guilty life, while showing absolutely no remorse as I do so.

Religion- Is bullshit. All organized religion is. People have used religion as an excuse to create war. Religion is a man-made creation, designed to push people into acting against rational behaviour.

God- Yes, I believe in a higher being or beings that created the Universe. Call Him, Her or It whatever you want. If the name, God, works for you, so be it. I don't have proof of His or Hers or It's existence. I only have my own particular faith and feelings to go by concerning "God". I believe in an afterlife, too. All of those folks who have had Near Death Experiences can't be wrong. I base my belief in some personal experiences I've had in the past, as well. Long stories.

Illegal Immigration- The economic and social consequences of illegal immigration are staggering. Illegal aliens have cost billions of taxpayer-funded dollars for medical services. Illegal Immigration is a net drain on the economy; corporate interests reap the benefits of cheap labor, while taxpayers pay the infrastructural cost. If the person wishing to immigrate here has a green card and is honestly striving to become a citizen of this great land of greed, vanity and insanity, well, then, I scream, "Welcome to The Psycho Carnival, fuckers!"

For all those wishing to engage me in some insane argument about any of this, please, don't bother. I have better things to do with my time than get into a heated dispute... especially on the Internet. Instead, pop open a beer, put up your feet, don't take yourself or life too seriously and watch this hilarious video. Aloha.

Lightning Strikes Big Butter Jesus

A six story statue, officially known as King of Kings burned to the ground, in Monroe, Ohio, Monday night during a lightning storm. When God's wrathful lightning bolt struck one of its outstretched hands, the Styrofoam and fiberglass made Jesus behemoth quickly caught on fire. All that remains is a part of the statue's metal frame. The amphitheater that sits behind the huge religious statue caught fire, too. This took place not far from where I live.

Ha! Missed me again, didn't you, God?

The statue was built by the Solid Rock Church in 2oo4. You would think that the church would have made the statue out of solid rock, but no, that would make too much sense.

This statue went by many names and nicknames. For one, it was called Big Butter Jesus because of it's off-white buttery color. And if you look closely at the photo, it does look like BBJ is sorta melting beneath the sun. One thing for sure, it sure did melt under the fire.

The King of Kings statue went by the following real (not made up by me) nicknames:

Big Butter Jesus

Drowning Jesus (See photo? See Big Jesus halfway underwater? Get picture?)

Touchdown Jesus (for it outstretched referee-like arms for a possible touchdown)

Quicksand Jesus

Giant Jesus

8-Ball Jesus

Big J

Super Jesus

MC 62-foot Jesus

and

Swamp Jesus

The lightning fire has sparked a new nickname for the statue- Terminator Jesus

Video of the burning Jesus is at the bottom of the post. Witness God's wrath for yourself! Behold! No mention if marshmallows were brought to the scene to toast over Jesus. If there were, perhaps he could have magically turned them into smores as he became engulfed in flames.

Maybe, as some have suggested, the Supreme Being didn't care for the unflattering names or the appearance of Quicksand Jesus. That's why it got striketh with the celestial, high-tension electrical discharge! The good Lord was pissed!

My brother-in-law thought it ironic and humorous the religious figure wasn't spared the rod (er, bolt) when a nude strip club, Bristol's, sits across the road. You would have thought that place would have felt the wrath of God, first. Eh, well. Maybe God thought that Big Butter Jesus was too glitzy or stupid looking or something. Ya never can tell with him, after all.

Comedian, Heywood Banks created a song about Big Butter Jesus before the lightning struck him. The video shows the fire and before and after shots of the statue. Enjoy!

Also: The Solid Rock Church plans on rebuilding the statue, once it can afford to. They estimate it will cost $225,000 to do it. too bad that money won't be spent on something worthwhile, like the poor and homeless.

Strange Spanish Festivals

I've listed here a few of the strange Spanish festivals that go on throughout the year. Eh, don't try any of this at home... Really.

Goat Tossing Festival

The local people of the small town of Manganeses de la Polvorosa get together every year on the fourth Sunday in January. To do what? Why to toss goats, of course. The Goat Tossing Festival, in honor of St. Vincent de Paul, has been around so long, no one knows for sure when it started. The festival involves a young man who makes it his mission to find a goat in the village, tie it up and take it to the top of the local church belfry. From there, he tosses the goat over the side where it falls fifty feet to be caught by villagers holding up a sheet of tarpaulin. At least, they're supposed to catch it. I wonder how many times there was an oopsie during the big throw. Even though village officials have banned the event, it continues, anyway. Animal rights agencies complain but their complaints are ignored.

Bonfires of Saint John

Held on the 19th to the 24th of June, this is a popular festival in Spain that involves the lighting of bonfires. While villagers drink hot chocolate, the children take turns running through the bonfires. Weeee. "Hey mom, look! No hands! No legs, either! I fell into the fucking festival fire and now I'm a smoking, burnt stump of crispy flesh. Thanks for insisting I play in your strange and dangerous traditions, mom." No word yet if the children get to drink hot chocolate after offering their "well done but still pink on the inside" bodies for the amusement of the town folk.

The whole week is taken up with festivities that include fireworks displays and contests. Throughout the week, eighty-six women and eighty-six young girls are elected to be the "Beauties" of the bonfires. The beauties then preside over the festival as queens. Fortunately for the queens, they do not have to engage in fire running or acid drinking.

El Colacho

El Colacho (meaning -baby jumping) is a festival held every year on the feast of Corpus Christi. It involves the laying on mattresses all babies born in the previous twelve months. And then, things get even more fucked up when the adult men of the village of Castrillo de Murcia dress up as devils and take turns jumping over babies. Often resulting in injuries (thankfully, it's usually the adults who get hurt) it is believed that the jumping rids the babies of original sin. It also rids them of having a normal functioning brain when a knee cap slams into their soft spot. Pope Benedict XVI has asked the local priests to distance themselves from the festival because it is dangerous and contrary to the Catholic religion. Hmmm... You think? The Catholic religion has enough problems with the priests molesting kids these days.

La Tomatina

Again, another religious festival, this one is held on the last Wednesday of every August in the town of Bunol. Nine thousand locals to twenty to forty thousand foreigners go to the town to throw tomatoes at each other in honor of the Virgin Mary and St. Louis Bertrand. The festivities begin with an idiot attempting to climb up a tall greased pole to collect a cooked ham. Once the ham is taken down from the pole, water cannons are fired at the participants. To make things even more fun and bizarre, over a hundred tons of tomatoes are dumped into the streets for throwing. Women are expected to wear white and men are expected to go shirtless. You would think the women would go shirtless, also. Might as well. Anyone caught wearing a shirt inevitably has it ripped off, including women. Tourists tend to be the main target of the locals. Oh boy, now I want to go over to Bunol and join the fun. Nothing beats having your body pounded to a pulp with hundreds of tomatoes and having that acidic tomato juice splattered in your eyes for pure burning dissatisfaction.

This all just goes to show what bizarre lengths people will go to, to appease their gods and make fools of themselves for their religious beliefs. No matter who gets injured or killed in these festivals, the important thing is, is that they praised their saints and God the most freakish way imaginable. I've described only a few of these events going on throughout the year. There are plenty more where they came from (Spain). Needless to say, I have zero desire to go there. There are enough insane people here in the United States to contend with.

Baby and a Snake

Some crazy parents in India believe, according to their religion, that it is good luck for a baby to touch a snake or for a snake to touch it. Either way, it's fucking stupid. This video clip freaked me out. It's been around for a couple years but it's the first time I've seen it.

The Human Race Is, Indeed, A Freak Show

My latest blog post title certainly suits my latest blog design, eh?



But it is true what I say. You, I and the other inhabitants on this rock are the players in this continuous show. We kill each other for religion, land, oil and whatever reason that suits our fancy. We scrutinize and pass judgement on each other's intelligence, monetary wealth, family background, race, outward appearance, physical abilities and whatever nonsense that comes to mind. We pollute the air we breathe. We overfish and poison the oceans. And we destroy and deforest the land we live on.



WTF?






Dance, monkeys, dance!



It's my belief that all those things I've ranted about are terrible, shallow, insane and suicidal on a planetary scale. Can I get an amen on that?



I don't get it. If we know that the outcome of all our dangerous actions will be the ultimate death of all or most of the human race, why do we continue to do it? There must be a lot of denial going on in our minds. I know any excuses given are worthless compared to what will happen if we don't get our collective mindset right and stop being so fucking crazy.

Sister Anne Has Had Enough

Tired of praying the same old prayers, not being allowed to speak her mind and not being able to diddle herself in private without one of the other nuns catching her in the act, Sister Anne has taken it upon herself to find God the old fashioned way, the way the ancient people of times past discovered Him (or Her or It).

In a recent interview with People magazine, Sister Anne has declared that "she has had enough of this society full of tedium, hypocrisy and idiots."

When asked what was her breaking point, the nun from Detroit put down her instrument of peace and wistfully replied, "Mother Superior recently chastised me for saying that all the major corporations in this country are ran by fucking morons with bloated salaries and a total lack of regard for those laboring for them. She also got on my case for finding a Playgirl magazine underneath my mattress. I told her, 'If Father Cypress can play Hide The Kielbasa with Danny the Alter Boy, I should be allowed to have my fair share of entertainment, too.'

"This world needs an enema," added Sister Anne, before raising her hand and giving everyone in the room the finger.