This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

New Awards and Predictions

Awhile back, blog author, Gary Phillip Pennick, of his blog, Klahanie, gave me and much more other worthy recipients two awards.  One is called the Fabulous Blog Ribbon Award and the other is the One Lovely Blog Award.  I'm finally getting around to giving him a proper thank you and doing a blog post about it.

Gary, himself, rightfully earned and received these two awards and gracefully bestowed them upon six other blog authors besides sweet lil' ol' me.  I would like to acknowledge his generosity by mentioning these awards and pass them along to other blogs I admire and have enjoyed:

1. Pickleope
2. Happyendings- Confessions of An Erotic Masseuse
3. DCRelief
4. The Angry Lurker
5. Angry Clown
6. Homeless in Seattle
7. In Search of a Russian Oligarch

Be sure to check out the great blogs above and tell them Kelly, of Psycho Carnival, sent ya!  Sure, they may be confused by this, but fuck it, do it, anyway... just because I said so.  

The rules that accompany these awards state that the recipients of the awards are "encouraged" to pass along or forward one or both awards to 7 other recipients.  You're also supposed to mention five fantastic moments in your life.  Well, as you know, probably by now, I'm not much of a follower of rules or polite etiquette of any type.  But I did want to pass along the awards to those I deem worthy of receiving them.  Those blogs and their authors don't need to feel obligated to relate five great moments in their life, unless they so desire to.  Nor are they obligated, at least in my opinion, to put the award(s) on their site or say who gave them the awards.  Gosh, it's not like I'm a glutton for ego-maniacal gratitude or something.  No way... no how.

Also:  Since my next post, I had already decided, was going to relate to things pertaining to me, more personally, and some of my unique opinions on different topics, I've decided to skip the "great moments" list at the time.

But I would like to share my predictions for the coming years of our existence as a species, in the absence of this list.  I know that the big ol' Mayan prediction and other predictions, foretelling the the chaos and/or substantial change in the human race for the date of December 21st, 2012 is kinda on the minds of people these days.  Personally, I think, on that date, we may see some people getting "all nutty" about that particular day since it has been so hyped up in the media, that they might just cause riots here and there, causing, in turn, some needless trouble and pain for people just trying to get on with their lives as if it were another day.  Which, it might turn out to be the case.  Just another day, I mean.

But here, before you, are my TRUE PREDICTIONS for what will absolutely happen in the years to come.  I'm providing you with these life altering predictions because I CARE A LOT.  Yep.  For sure.  Here ya go:

* Sometime in the near future, corporations and people around the world will endeavor to stop polluting this planet we inhabit.  The Arctic ice will cease melting.  Temperatures and climate will become stable.  Wars over fossil fuels, power and land will no longer continue.  Rainbows will appear out of nowhere and unicorns will dance among the children.  Strangers, holding hands, will suddenly burst into heartwarming songs and share an overwhelming feeling of peace and goodwill towards one another.  And the homeless will be welcomed everywhere and given shelter, loving care and food.  Not long, after these events occur, I will shit gold to share with each and every one of you.  It's true!  Just like everything else I said.  Yep.

* Movies will have involving and interesting plot lines.  Gone are the flicks that satiate a mindless public.  People will actually crave more original and fascinating entertainment than ever before.  Oh yeah, baby.

* Mitt Romney will become president of the United States.  The economy will drastically improve.  The middle class will be sustained and prosper.  People across the country will, simultaneously, eat healthier food. The elderly will be given better healthcare and respect. Education will become an all important issue, will be improved upon and every child will learn and grow to be a fine, upstanding citizen.  Animals, that were once on the endangered species list, will come back and flourish and multiply around the world.  The mentally challenged will suddenly take flight, using their arms as wings and delight us all with their colorful, enchanting antics by colliding into bridges and mountains.  Because of this spectacle, a few individuals will giggle until they fart.  But then...  A large hairy ape will descend from the heavens above and let loose with a powerful stream of piss that will shower the world with luminous, wondrous magic.  All true.  Every word.  Count on it!

* Old diseases like Cancer and Diabetes will be cured by researchers for big pharmaceutical companies because, after all, they care only about eliminating the diseases, altogether.  Never are they even slightly interested in making profits off of people like you and I by selling pills and such to treat the symptoms.  Heck no.  I'd say, in about a year, all those horrendous diseases that have been around for decades and centuries will be a thing of the past.  Nothing to worry about.  Just put your mind at ease and think of butterflies fluttering about the flowers of life.

* Racism and gender equality will be eagerly talked about.  Soon, everyone will be accepted for who they are and who they wish to copulate with and love.  Trees will learn sign language, too.

* Cars, trucks, planes, ships and tricycles, even, will be powered by a completely unique form of endless, profitless energy.  Corporate and government scientists, after working diligently on creating this free energy that corporations won't care to profit from, will be shown gratitude by all the world's population because people will suddenly be grateful for the good things offered to them and will gleefully projectile vomit on these learned geniuses by way of reward for their years of long, hard work.  There will be such an atmosphere of absolute positivism, that leprechauns, minotaurs and Ewoks will erupt from the ground to spray forth load after creamy load of jism upon the people.  People will happily gobble it all up like hungry maggots and instantly become more strongererer and smarterererr and erererer.  Henceforth, this day of celebration will be officially known as Merry Spooge Day.

That's all I have for now.  So, once again, just put your mind at ease.  The human race will be just fine.  We're evolving into something great and wonderful.  Yes, indeed.  We're certainly not devolving into societies of war-mongering, hateful, polluting assholes who don't give a real shit about what we do to each other, the animals and the planet's atmosphere.  So... yeah.  Feel free to throw caution to the wind and smile, smile and smile some more.  Our future as a species is looking just fine and as promising as ever.

Have a dandy day, one and all!   


Angry_Clown said...

FUCK YEAH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO finally everyone knows how much I rock!

Pickleope said...

And a Merry Spooge Day it is! Thank you so much for showering your award spooge all over me. I am humbled by all this happy spooge of admiration you have showered down upon me.
Y'know, I'd go to psychics way more often if they had even half as many references to hairy animals appearing and spewing forth bodily fluids as you do.
Thank you again for the awards.

Kim Thomas said...

Oh thank're such a reassuring breath of fresh air! And to think I was listening to all those naysayers, worried sick over what was to become of us.

Congrats on the awards, btw ;) I truly am so very glad you know the real score of things to come. Thanks so much for sharing with us!

The Angry Lurker said...

You're an optimist and I hope you're right but....

....thanks for passing on the award mate!

bazza said...

Hi Kezza. Firstly congratulations on those well-deserved awards.
Your predictions are really a wonderful 'wish list' for humanity aren't they? If only they could come true! What it boils down to is a comprehensive review of what's wrong on this planet.
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

Kelly said...

Yeah, man, but you always rocked. Now you can proudly show these awards to the rest of the world and get laid by every supermodel on Earth. Wooo Hooooo!

Kelly said...

Spoogetastic! You are very welcome for all the praise and prestigious spooge I've spurted before you. It's a great day! Especially for me. I feel really drained.

Here's hoping that the mentally challenged, maniacal unicorns and horny apes make the journey to see you and take you away to their magical land of magical spooge.


Kelly said...

Gosh, Kim! You know me. Always the reassuring breath of fresh air, delighting one and all with my words of fairy tale-like stories of joy and wonderment. You're right! Human beings, in the near future, are gonna come up with such really terrific ways to unite us all and make the world a slap-happy, sun-shiny place to live in. Oh joy! ;)

It is, of course, my sincere pleasure to share with everyone my predictions of the great accomplishments to come, courtesy of the benevolent species that we have proven ourselves to be time and time again. Gosh! I'm looking forward to it all, already. Now I have to change my pants- yet again. :)

Fare thee well, milady

Kelly said...

Oh, that's me "to a T". An optimist and a gentleman. No need for any ifs, ands or buts to end your wonderful statement, my friend. We're certainly headed towards paradise- full turd steam ahead! The writing's on the wall. And the writing on that wall says "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups."

You're welcome for the award, mate. Happy to pass it on to you. I'm a fan of your blog.

Kelly said...

Thanks, Bazza. I appreciate it.

My predictions are just that, my friend. Real, honest-to-goodness predictions. Why... a 'wish list', as you mention, might imply that these predictions and accomplishments our race will succeed in doing won't be attainable because, well, let's face it. There are those pessimistic few who think we just have a world or situation where people won't be able to breathe clean air, live in peace and somehow refrain from being non-corrupt or unselfish. But not me! I have high hopes for this race of men and women. Yes sir! Human beings have proven themselves, over and over throughout history to be the champions of all that is good and wise. ;) Especially these days!

Ooops... I farted. I just had to giggle a bit and that's what usually happens in that case. Take care, my old blog pal. Review, if you wish. I know I have. And I kept coming to the same disappointing conclusion. Ooops... I didn't mean to say that last part. Delete that, please. :) Again, enjoy the future yet to come!

G said...

Congratulations - well deserved.
As for your positive's hoping you're right!

Static said...

Hey thanks for the blog award, Kelly. I am forever grateful to the people who have followed me along on my journey as a blogger... and more!

Golly, the future sure sounds like it sucks. I can't wait until WWIII is here and a massive number of natural disasters occur. 'Cause this world needs an enema!

Kelly said...

Hi G,

Thanks for the congrats, my friend, plus the compliment.

Gosh... you can certainly count on all of my predictions to be right on target and then some. I also predict that the world will soon be taken over by Oprah Winfrey clones, demanding that we watch her "awesome" network shows. Excited?

Kelly said...

Hey there, Static!

You're welcome! I don't think I've given you any type of award for your "Homeless in Seattle" blog before now. I think I might have given ya one or two for I'm old, can't remember shit and I'm currently talking to an empty chair- "Clint Eastwood style."

Anyway... I figured these awards would make you feel all special and stuff- as they should. :)

Golly, the future sounds as bright as a lit firecracker up a hobo's butt in the dark of night, doesn't it? WW3 and those massive disasters already occurred, killing hundreds of thousands of folks, my friend. Did you miss it? It happened a couple weeks ago, when, after eating a dozen of those Hot Loco Fucko Tacos at Taco Hell, I cut a huge fart, causing the building to implode from within! Afterwards, a mighty wind carried my lethal gas across the land, across the oceans and ended innocent lives!

I felt so darn bad after that, that I decided to grab a fresh roll of toilet paper, carefully wiped my bleeding ass crack and shrugged my shoulders, not really caring what amount of death I had caused, actually.

Shit happens, ya know?

See ya on Fartbook!

klahanie said...

Kelly dude!
First of all, you are like so welcome n'stuff for those awards and yep, I would politely say, fuck the rules. You award rebel, you!
And yeah, big congrats on those you passed the awards onto. I've no doubt all of them will be crapping their pants with excitement beyond description. Hell, I know some of them you passed the awards onto. I know how thrilled they will be with a visitation from me, or that lovable dog, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet star! Arf! Arf! and fart!
I'm so looking forward to that large hairy ape taking a piss on me. That would distract me from all the bumps and bruised I incurred while smashing myself senseless against mountains and bridges. What fun the future will be.
And I even think about that day that universal healthcare actually happens in America. Yep, unicorns will get the finest of treatment absolutely free.
Merry Spooge Day, you crazy fucker!

Anonymous said...

As I was reading I'm thinking OMG He has really completely lost it now! I knew it would come sooner or later. Well that day came sooner then I thought. Not even 50 years old and he's already completely out of his fucking mind! And I suppose after all of these predictions come true - Monkeys will be flying out of my ass? And I'll fart beautiful rainbows! Auntie Kay

unikorna said...

Your bitter sweet predictions have made me laugh. But I couldn't help of wishing some of them...damn...maybe one of them would come true somehow. Congrats on the awards Kelly darling :)> You're always a pleasure.

click here said...

Merry Spooge Day it is! Thank you so much for bathing your prize spooge all over me. I am humbled by all this satisfied spooge of appreciation you have bathed down upon me.
Y'know, I'd go to mediums way more often if they had even 50 percent as many sources to furry creatures showing and spewing forth liquids as you do.

Kelly said...

Hi there, Gary!

Hope you're doing dandy. She's a pretty tight girl, I hear.

Ol' Rule Rebel Kelly appreciates the awards, my friend. I'm sure you've visited them and given one of your award winning, soul-satisfying comments on their blogs. Tell Penny I've got a big bone for her and I can't wait to give it her. Arf! Arf!

Be careful when flying into those bridges and mountains, Gary. I've heard you can damage your innocent, humble self when you do that. And yes, it will be a tremendously fun future, of course, with water levels rising so high, due to global warming, that lands above will be below the oceans. Hidey ho! I guess we'll have to grow gills like Kevin Costner in WaterWorld. I know it's hard to believe but I was being just a tiny bit sarcastic with all of my predictions. I'm not sure, judging by the comments before, how many people actually got that or not, but, oh well. Life, for the time being, goes on. It would be a dream come true to have universal healthcare be a basic right that remains forever in this country but we have far too many greedy fuckers and corrupt politicians in Corporate America to have that happen. And they don't give a damn about unicorns or us when it comes to our health. Profits are their main concern. Yes, Merry Spooge Day, my dear friend. Hope you have a great weekend!

Kelly said...

Hell, Auntie Kay, I thought you knew by now that I've lost my mind long ago. Imagine a tin cup, full of water, with a tiny hole at the bottom. The water represents my sanity. Year by year, the sanity slowly has dripped out of the cup. During some of my years on this ever-delightful planet, populated by sanity sucking idiots, the water (my sanity) was sucked out with a straw.

I only have a few drops left. :)

Of course, if these predictions come true, monkeys might as well be flying out of your ass while you fart beautiful rainbows. But like I was telling Gary, before, in the comment above, my predictions were obviously sarcasm, directed at people who don't believe we're fucking ourselves over- big time- and that we'd better do something fast and positive about our problems before it's too late.

Will we be able to come together and solve our most urgent problems? I would sincerely love it if we and the leaders of the world came together and tried but do I think it's going to happen in time before we terminate ourselves? Nah. Unfortunately our civilization's slate will be wiped clean like it has happened times before and maybe, if we're lucky, a few of us will survive and get another chance. I hope for the best and I acknowledge the reality of it all. Take care, Auntie Kay.

Kelly said...

Hi there, Unikorna!

I'm happy that I was able to get some chuckles out of ya. Sorry it took so long for me to give you a response back. I've been bad about that these days. My silly predictions were a bit of sarcastic fun, of course. I think you got that. I tried infuse them with that obvious quality. I'm glad you got the joke. Thank you for the congrats on the awards and the compliment. Have a grand weekend!

Kelly said...

Always happy to splatter my prized spooge wherever I go, friend. I bet you would go to mediums if they had those types of spooge-spewing sources to furry creatures. What a joyful day that would be!

Take care!

Dixie said...

Welcome to the Kelly Awards!

Well, I'm so loathesome I could cry. If only I had the talent to write such adult and other-wise inappropriate shit. Imagine the profits rolling in... okay.

Congratulations on impressing the hell out of me. If I'd had an award to give you... well, I do now, but you've already received them. Great job. I'm blown away! And the audacity that you'd push these off on me, well... I'm beginning to understand why farting is so exciting in your world!
Yes, I think I'll do cartwheels and farts at the same time. Okay, cool; so I give to you the "carts and farts" award.

And surely, Kelly, I believe every prediction that shoots out your ass. Wait... I need my catcher's mitt... mitt....damn the torpedoes man!

Kelly said...


You're far from loathsome, my friend. I feel blessed by your compliments and congrats. I see you've been making your rounds to the other recipients I've given these awards to and mentioning my name, to boot. Thanks for that! I appreciate the further acknowledgement.


Yes, please engage in your cartwheels and farts act. Perhaps you could go on America's got Talent next year and be in the semi finals, wowing the crowd and making the media hyperventilate with your show of joy and excitement. Fun ahoy!

Yeah, I'm sure you do believe all the predictions and farts that shoot out my ass, you silver-tongued blog writer, you. Heh heh. You left me with an extraordinarily funny comment and I thank you for that, Dixie. Take care!

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