More Of Your Favorite Nursery Rhymes

Little Tommy Tucker

Little Tommy Tucker isn't singing for his supper

What shall we give him? We asked him but he stutters

How do we know what he wants?

How can we tell if he's nuts?

Do we send him to a speech therapist

Or do we lock him, hungry, in his closet?

I'm a Little Teapot

I'm a little despot

Short and stout

I brainwash my people

That I'm a god, without a doubt

When I get all steamed up

My people hear me shout

"I'm going to threaten to nuke

so our enemies will shake about

and if that doesn't work out

I'll have no choice but to sit here

and pout, pout, pout!"

One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

One, two, buckle my shoe

Three, four, knock at the door

Five, six, deflate the blow up doll

Seven, eight, put it beneath the bed

Nine, ten, open the door with fly unzipped

Eleven, twelve, at the door, a woman doth scream

Thirteen, fourteen, my penis still drips

Fifteen, sixteen, I try to think up a scheme

Seventeen, eighteen, the woman drops to her knees

Nineteen, twenty, oh those blessed lips

Ding Dong Bell

Ding, dong, bell,

What's that goddamn smell?

And why the sly grin?

Did you cut the cheese?

What did you eat?

Some kind of maggoty meat?

What a disgusting fiend you are

To fart without warning

In my brand new car

Now I'm going to stop and get out

To beat you severely

With my heavy new iron bar

Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Row, row, row your boat

Too close to a Somali pirate ship

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily

Your day's about to turn to shit

Old King Cole

Old King Cole was a scary old politician

And a scary old politician was he;

As he stonewalled on job creation

As he called for misinformation

As the poor were in desperation

And every rich man became richer

And had clever machinations indeed

Oh, there's none so rare as can compare

With King Cole and his corporate strings

There Was a Crooked Man

There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile,

He dated a crooked woman, who had plenty of style.

He bought a crooked house, which was built on a slant

Then he saw his new wife in bed, fucking an eggplant

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