Krampus- Santa's Sidekick

I remember when I was a kid and this evil looking thing with horns on it's head busted down the bedroom door and snatched me by the scrawny neck, looked me in the eyes and said, "You're going to take my place one day."

Then he threw his ghastly head back and let out a long howl, quickly followed by sinister laughter.

My dog, Sparky, came into the room and began gnawing on the demonic dude's ankle.  I suppose Sparky was defending me, in his mind.  Krampus calmly bent down, picked Sparky up by the scruff of his neck and said, "I'm gonna shit on your head," quite matter-of-factly.

As promised, Krampus took good ol' Sparky to the bathroom, plopped him in the bathtub and took a big healthy demonic dump on his furry lil head.  Sparky shook the steaming turds off his noggin, yelped and ran out the door.  It turns out that demon shit smells like a mix of honeysuckle and pinewood.  But it still looks like regular shit.  Except for the half-digested human head or two.

Meanwhile, I listened to Krampus' footsteps as he went downstairs and opened the refrigerator door.  Deeply exhausted from a busy day of playing Kick The Retarded Boy Across The Street, I fell fast asleep again.  I came to find out the morning after, that he had made himself a sandwich, before leaving the house and judging from the looks of things, he preferred the corned beef over turkey.  I thought that was a good choice.

Sharing a laugh with good ol', jolly ol' St. Nick.  It makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Had I known back then that I was dealing with a Krampus, I guess I would have been a bit more frightened.  But he seemed like an honest, straight-forward guy that really knew who he was in life and was okay with that.  I always say, The one who deludes himself in life is one of the biggest fools of all.  I know I'm certainly not the first to say something like that.  I've read of that same general idea here and there and you likely have, as well.

In any case, I have this info about Krampus, a mythical creature that has it's roots in German folklore, I'd like to share.  One of my sources is from Wikipedia.  The other is from the video description on YouTube.

Krampus is Santa Claus' whip-toting Christmas sidekick.  According to legend, Krampus joins Santa where he tends to the children on Santa's naughty list.  Krampus whips the children into shape with his whips  or carries them off in his sack.

The early Catholic Church discouraged celebrations based around the wild goat-like creatures and during the Inquisition, efforts were made to stop the celebrations, completely.  However, Krampus figures persisted and by the 17th century Krampus had been incorporated into Christian winter celebrations by pairing him with St. Nicholas.

As fascinating as those last two paragraphs were, I like this video, below, better.

I can't believe that's Anthony Bourdain of the show, Anthony Bourdain- No Reservations and his Layover show.  I like Anthony Bourdain and his No Reservations show (he cooked with Christopher Walken, one of my favorite actors, just recently) but he carries a fairly snarky or cynical tone when he speaks.  In this video, the voice narration conveys a congenial or happy mood while the story is being told.

Go figure.