Tired of fearing George Bush's overly familiar, same old-same old Mid-East terrorists? Well, have I got great news for you or what? They're something new for you fucked up, irrational, easily persuaded Americans to be afraid of. And I will divulge this in a minute, you typically impatient American wanker. According to the FBI, CIA, Homeland Security and the WWF, new information has been discovered that will soon change our charmed American lives for the worst. It's bigger than 4 dollar a gallon gas! Bigger than a first black president! Bigger than Brad and Angelina's collection of brown kids! Bigger than an infected genital wort on an old crack whore's labia!
"But how can this be?," you ask, with as much anticipation as a young lad's first time doing it with an old crack whore with oozing vaginal sores.
Well, brace yourselves....
THE FREAKS ARE COMING. Yes, that's right. I said it. Freaks! Vital info has just been found out that details a partial plan about these Freaks and what they want.
From a secret source that shall remain a secret, I have been able to attain photos of some of these enemies and a small amount of info pertaining to them. Here they are.
This is Gary and Barry Skinflute. They are twins. Gary enjoys long Sunday drives on sunny, spring days. Barry, however, does not drive.
This is Wendy. Her nipples are not pierced.
We paid top dollar to get this one of Frank Polesky. After quitting his job as a carnie, Frank was accepted into the Freak organization upon showing off his many skills and talents in ballet.
This is Sarah Silverman. Sometimes, she can be funny. Here, she is showing everyone what her vagina looks like.
The brute on the left Karro Sirrup. The man getting his face grabbed by Sirrup is Budder Scots. Budder watches Masterpiece Theatre. Karro enjoys the soft fur of a kitten. Both engage in the art of fudge packing.These are but a few of the Freaks that are known. They are gathering, as we speak, preparing to take over America. It's been rumored that they eat vegetables and small children. Be on the lookout!
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9 comments:
Man, Gary and Barry are priceless! This is a great group, in fact.
I will NOT answer my door. I will NOT answer my door.
Is there some kind freak repellant? Perhaps something I can bathe in and paint my door with? ...jeeeez!
Hahahaha,
The carnie photo is classic.
But come on dude! Sarah Silverman has a cock, I saw the pics last year. Oh wait...it's just a huge clit, I had the thing upside down.
She really needs to mow the dugout, not just the field.
Any chance you could send a couple of them boys over here? We have a fine tradition in this country of exposing our freaks to national ridicule on Saturday night television. However with no X-Factor or Britain's Got Talent on at the moment, the populace are getting restless. They're in dire need of someone to belittle, else they'll take to the streets and begin desecrating the elderly and the infirm.
Gary and Barry will do. They could keep the great British public howling and baying for at least an hour.
Top post btw, Kelly. I giggled then lost control of me bladder.
Fast Forward: It sure is. They asked me if they could go to your place and crash for awhile. I said, "Sure".
Me-Me: Whatever you do, don't bathe in donkey poo. They'll go crazy on you. And no, there is no repellant for them. They'll suck it in like it's honeysuckle... or something.
Majase: Now all I can think about is Saucy Sarah's huge clit surrounded by a forest of gangly black pubes. Thanks a lot, dude.
Dereck: Would even Hollyweird except these Freaks?
Jeffman: I had no idea Britain was in such dire need of Freaks. After all, they got Qelqoth, Sy- from Wheel Is Turning.... and they have you. Hee hee. I'm bad. Sorry.
BTW, thanks for pissin' your drawers for me, Jeffman. That was my plan all along.
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