This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Shock Has Stuck Around

From birth to present time, I've always been easily shocked by the actions or words of other people. Until I was in my teens, I didn't say much. Instead I chose to listen and observe people. The conclusion of 40 plus years of observation has led me to the simple fact that one thing unifies and defines everyone in this society. And that one thing is insanity.

Growing up in a small town, I originally, until the time I was ten, lived in a small four room house that had neither a bathtub, shower or toilet. We were poor but we made do. Our drinking water came from an old cistern. A kind of well. When it was later cleaned out, it had these little albino frogs jumping around down at the bottom of it. Yummo!

My only friends and neighbors for miles, until I was six, were a family called The Hogstons. Yeah, that was their actual last name. Their only kids were two young boys. They had a couple dogs as pets... and then some. For fun, the boys, David and Lowell (about my age at the time) would play "The Lemonade Game." If you're thinking that this game involved running around in circles, pissing into each other's mouths all the while, then you would be correct. sir. I even have memories of them humping a family wiener dog, but I didn't know back then what the hell they were doing because I WAS A GODDAMN KID.

Sure they would invite me to play their games. But usually, even while I would say "No thanks," unsteadily, I was in a state of shock. I would offer my own ideas like, "Let's go ride bikes." They would have none of those (normal) types of childhood hobbies.

The one thing they did that really scarred me for life was when they locked me in a cold, spider- infested, cobweb filled basement, with the lights out. I screamed for hours. When the door was finally opened, I was in shock and feared the dark from that day forward.

Eventually, I distanced myself altogether from them and collected shiny rocks off of the gravel road that led to our house and rode my bike for my main hobbies. I also collected matchbox cars and began making these little staple and paper books about the pets we had. I even included my own illustrations. Later on, I began writing short stories about anything. My imagination was great. When I wasn't doing that, mom and I would take walks down the road. I wish I had stronger memories of that than anything else. By the way, my new best friends, eventually, became an apple tree and a cat named Pepsi.

Anyway.... Back to the neighbor kids:

These boys could easily play that moronic cousin's family (Randy Quaid played the father) in the National Lampoon's "Vacation" movies. Inbred cousin-screwing morons are one thing, but it's quite another thing to drink your brother's pee and fuck the family dog. Even as a wee lad, I knew that was wrong.

My next big shock happened when I started going to parochial school. Catholic school. We had nuns for teachers. This was when nuns always had to wear the penguin outfits. (Watch "The Blues Brothers" movie) You know, black and white, curtain-cloth type garments that hung down to the ankles.

One sister was a principal. She might have claimed herself as a holy god servant but she was more like a husky quarterback-sized woman cursed with a bulldog face and heart of pitch black tar . She was also a cold hearted bitch... In case you didn't catch the implication before.

This sister -we'll call her Sister Harker, delighted in punishing whoever she thought was getting out of line. Sometimes, a ruler against the knuckles would be used. Other times, it would be a hard hand smacking you across the face with enough force to knock your teeth out. Ahh... precious memories.

My friend, Russell and I, quiet outcasts from the usual rabble of school kids, were walking to the daily morning mass before school one day. You would be forced to walk to church in two straight lines, never allowed to make a noise. It was almost like marching. Hell, it was more like they were the military.

At one point, during those 8 years of parochial school, Russell and I dared to whisper something to each other while walking down the hallway towards church. Remember: We were normally very quiet, even during recess, on the playground. This was a more rarer event than when Bush Jr. made a correct decision during eight years as president. Suddenly, as Russell and I whispered, our heads crashed together as if the gods themselves had struck us with lightening. Sister Harker screamed, "You are not allowed to talk!"

I was in so much shock, I didn't understand the words coming out of her mouth. My friend told me what she had said later on.

Harker grabbed my friend's arm and my own. What next? I wondered. Public execution? Instead she chose to present the both of us to the rest of the class and lecture everyone on not talking on the way to church. For the crime, the punishment, in comparison, was being made into a big Broadway play, of sorts. Luckily, or unluckily, I was watching the twittering little birds above my head. Tweet. Tweet.

I've never looked into the possibility of a concussion. Ha.

Sister Harker was as big and strong and mean as a rabid sumo wrestler. I found out she turned 95, just recently. More proof of that old saying "Only the good die young". Maybe living that long on this rock called Earth is her punishment.

Part Two of this post is coming up next.

8 comments:

the rust bag said...

Wow, I thought my childhood had some effed up characters in it, my favorite being the kid who used to get dressed up like Michael Jackson, yes, gloved one literally in a red leather MJ jacket serenading Collie on his hands and knees, Man in the Mirror and asking her to marry him in front of the entire school. He really does deserve a whole blog post of his own, special as special comes.

Kelly said...

Is this Rusty from Pinklatex? You mentioned Collie, too, so now I'm thinking that you really are Rusty. But when I clicked on your name above, it took me to a freebie website. Hmmm.

Anyway, yeah, that kid that dressed as MJ does sound like he had some problems. He took celebrity worship to a whole new extreme. Wow!

nothingprofound said...

Great post, Kelly. I never met anyone who attended Catholic school who didn't describe it as an absolute horror. Why parents subject their children to that sort of brutality is beyond me.

Kelly said...

Thanks! Yeah, I've heard all those horror stories, too. I suffered, as well as quite a few, classmates suffered many experiences while attending there. My parents sent me there because it was a better education than the public school -and also, we were Catholic. But it was grueling, mentally there, too... We were alwasy taught at least 2 grade levels up from the standard level of a public school. When I went to high school (a public school) I made straight A's and B+'s there because we were taught so far in advance at St. Mary's.

But, in exchange for that education, there was a price to be paid. Stay tuned for Part Two.

Mr. Stupid said...

That was really scary. Looks like your childhood days had a lot of insanity to offer.
BTW, did you ever meet Sister Harker or David and Lowell again?

Happy valentine's day!:) Hope you have lots of fun!:)

Kelly said...

Yes, my childhood was more fucked up than anyone imagined. I left some stuff out that was fucked up, too. No, I haven't seen any of those people you mentioned for decades.

Hope you have a great Valentine's Day, too

Dark Slander said...

Unfortunately you were given a bad hand in a time when such things were acceptable. I'm not sure if they still are down there, but in Canada we've grown away from such forms of public examples in the school system.

People are shocking, sometimes these shocks are so debilitating to the mind that you wonder how the hell some people manage to live their day to day lives. Such is humanity, in all of its variable toxicity...

I think your childhood managed to spawn the persona you portray today. I would call that a great improvement on much world views. I that observation is the key to social science, something which you are very good at.

Kelly said...

Yeah, all that you said is true. And hey, we seem to be "criss-crossing" each other in our commenting on each other's blogs. Heh heh.

And thanks for the compliment at the end, dude. Whew!... Now... On to the next one.

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