This is the true account of a famous world traveling, adventurous pig named Ginger and his equally famous weather reporting friend, Punxsutawney Phil.
On your upper left is a recent picture of Ginger, a world weary, potbellied pig with a heart of gold. A long time companion of my sister's family, Ginger is seen here, being consoled, after a dog strayed into the yard and scared him. Notice the pellet gun in the back. The dog had a particularly high-pitched yelp.
Below that is a photo taken earlier today of the groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil. While Phil was doing his job and following tradition by predicting the weather for the people of Gobbler's Knob (where one, I suppose, can receive a complimentary knob gobbling), Pennsylvania, some old kook in a black top hat not-so-secretly fondles Phil's genitals. Can you see it? Enlarge the picture by clicking on it, if you must. Yes, sadly, while the groundhog was suffering the shame of being publicly molested, he mournfully announced, "There will be six more weeks of winter and I believe I just spooooged."
Yes, Gobbler's Knob is the real name of the town. I'm not kidding. WTF.
Our pals, Ginger and Phil met each other, by chance, at a bar one year ago. An intriguing conversation took place between the two and then after, a few more shots of whiskey and then a bar fight broke out and it was them against a trio of crack heads. Luckily, Ginger was there and he saved Phil from certain death. Just as Marvin the Crack Head was about to slit Phil's throat, Ginger bit the drug addict's nutsack, resulting in Marvin shitting himself, promptly, then squealing like a pig.
Right at the start, both Phil and Ginger hit it off and left Gobbler's Knob Tavern, took a plane and landed in Washington, DC. Once there, they passed through White House Security with their credentials, only, and were able to meet the president to discuss matters of utmost importance.
President Obama, Ginger and Phil sat on the large sofa in the Oval Room and discussed how best to handle the war in Afghanistan, among other things. As the president, pig and groundhog spoke with each other, Vice President, Biden walked into the room and asked them all if they would enjoy some entertainment. Enthusiastically, Phil shouted, "Why yes, that would be grand! This day has become somewhat depressing with these talks of America's problems. Entertainment of any kind would be most welcome!"
Vice President Biden pulled down his trousers and Sponge Bog Square Pants underwear, posthaste. Ginger, Phil and Obama exchanged curious glances. Joe Biden then withdrew a bottle rocket from a nearby drawer, for just such an occasion and quickly shoved the bottle rocket into his anus. Ginger raised a hoof and was about to protest the actions displayed thus far but was then quieted by the vice president.
"Shush!," shouted Biden.
The old bumbling politician lit the fuse and the bottle rocket emitted loud pops, sparks, small explosions. This was followed by Biden, screaming the Pledge of Allegiance. White House security suddenly crashed through the doors, guns pointing at Joe Biden.
"Oh, he's doing that old routine again," said one of the armed men. He took pulled at his collar and spoke into his communication device. "Never mind. Biden is just entertaining guests again."
At this moment, Vice President Biden's pants suddenly caught fire around his ankles and once again, Ginger The Pot Bellied Pig took action by leaping from the sofa to aid the old fool.
Bravely, Ginger wobbled his fat, robust 250lb form over to Biden and promptly raised one of his back legs to take a leisurely piss upon Biden's burning pants. Biden thanked him, afterwards and rewarded the pig by not fondling his genitals.
Soon afterwards, Ginger and Phil left Washington, DC, leaving the president to contend with the nation's problems.
During the year they traveled together, Phil and Ginger had many adventures. Perhaps another episode will be told in the future.
We can only pray.