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Monday, January 11, 2010

What You Can See At The Gym

I go to the community center in town. I'm trying to shed pounds to get my blood sugar count down and look halfway decent in a pair of swim trunks when I go on a cruise this summer. The center has a quiet workout gym, featuring treadmills, stationary cycles, weight lifting equipment, rowing machines and so forth. Best of all, it's free. The equipment is top notch. Clean towels. Those are the positives. And going down there four days a week does help me lose the weight.

So far, I've worked out next to several old flabby guys and gals who look like they could keel over from overexertion at any moment. Their faces get red. Some turn pale. Most are breathing hard and I think one of them exhaled deeply and relieved himself. I smelled something.

Precious moments.

Then you have the overachievers. The Type A go-getter personality group who run 60 mph on a treadmill for thirty or more minutes. Some of them even live long enough to take a towel and wipe the oceans worth of sweat off their brow. Are they showing off? What's the deal with that. Can I hook you up to some kind of machine or a giant, electrified hamster wheel at my place that will help keep my utility bill down? You run. I'll zap ya with a cattle prod. You know, for kicks.

Another group that amuses me and annoys me a bit are the 18 to 24 year olds with stick legs, running their asses off on the treadmills. I guess being anorexic isn't enough for them. They're shooting for being skeletal. Yeah, that's attractive. Bony, over tanned legs with the flat chest that usually accompanies them.

I'm usually watching one or both of the wide screen televisions above me. One will usually have Fox News on. If I'm lucky, and I usually am, in this respect, the sound will be off so I won't hear the biased, conservative, ridiculous comments being made . The other tv will feature a sports game. So I guess the gym staff figure you're either a jock or a jerk when you sign up. Anyway, it's free, quiet and clean. And there are big mirrors, below the tv, in front of you, so you can see who's huffing and puffing and about to hit the floor. Entertainment!

There's also a guy, part of the staff, who's a little on the slow side who asks if you need anything while you're exercising. He also limps. While I make a few un-politically correct jokes about such people in some of my posts, I don't think they're any less human than anyone else. But I do wonder about this guy, at times. Well, just one time. My wife went down today, for her second time since signing up and walked on the treadmill next to the stick leg girls. While just casually walking and doing her own thing, the slow guy mumbles and says, "Can I get you anything?" She said he was staring at her breasts for a long time.

I replied, "Well, maybe he was DUMBfounded by their size." Ha ha. Get it? I'm sorry. I'm bad. Hell has a special room for me, waiting. I feel bad. Maybe if I look at some nice big jiggly breasts, I will feel better.

Gratefully, the slow guy moved on to another woman carrying an oxygen tank with one hand and riding a stationary bike. He's a nice guy. He helps her to her car when she's ready to leave.

It can be an amusing and motivational time at the gym. And it's free. Did I mention that a few times already?


Me-Me King said...

Wow, you are going on a cruise? Where? Good luck with the workouts - good for you!!!

Kelly said...

I'm really excited about it. It's our first cruise. We're going to the Bahamas, St. Thomas and St. Maarten. I'll take a lot of pictures and post the best ones on this site. One of our stops is Orient Bay. Our travel agent said it's a optional clothing nude beach. I hope I don't see some old fat dude in speedos or less but one blogger, who's been there already, said the chances are likely. Ha ha.

Anonymous said...

SHAME - SHAME - SHAME I think that dude you're making fun of suffered some kind of brain damage. I thought you were a LITTLE more compassionate then that, you sick bastard! -AK

Pratik Gupta said...

yes i got it...its free ;D
in my gym i concentrate only on one group - chicks with bod

krg said...

Auntie Kay: You're right on target with the "sick bastard" title you've given. And if you look real close- real close, you can see the tear of SHAME crawl down my cheek. Hee. Yeah, I think that guy has suffered brain damage- I'm glad he's found something useful to do.

Pratik Gupta: You're lucky you go to a gym where there's chicks with real bods. All we have are old geezers, stick leg women and the guys trying to push it til they pass out.

The Guy's Perspective said...

Nothing better than free stuff!! Free food, free place to stay, free gym, free ass....(oops sorry, that never is actually free.)

Your gym sounds like the kind of place you actually go to work out. That will do you good on the cruise.

After that join a gym for the outfits and bods!

Kelly said...

I agree. And this gym at the center is overall great for being a freebie. And it also sounds like, perhaps, you have had some experience in the "ass paying" dept. Hmmm. :)

Yeah, if I workout enough, I might even save some folks from puking up their cruise buffet desserts if I can look decent. Who knows?

Kate said...

Oh so jealous of the freebies.

I don;t join a gym any more I decided I would save the money and go for runs and do sit ups at home. I still look stupid and sweaty but it saves a fortune!

Kate xx

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