This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Toadie in "Road Rage Spectacular"

Reggie was honking his horn and beating on the steering wheel, angry and frustrated from the traffic jam. The guy and female passenger in front of his Chevy would stick their heads out their windows, laughing and giving him "the fuck you" sign of peace every so often. On this hot August day, this was pissing Reggie off to the point where he was thinking about killing a few people, namely, the fuckwads in front of him.

The interstate, Reggie and the fuckwads was on, long and heavily congested. The longer people had to wait to get home from work or wherever, the angrier they got.

When Reggie reached the maximum limit of his patience, the female fuckwad in front stuck her naked, zit-covered ass up against the back windshield. Bad timing. Reggie had pulled back his powered-up car far enough to create some distance between them.

Reggie revved up his engine and cut loose, in every way imaginable and otherwise. Without haste, Reggie plowed into the car in front of him, obliterating the car's back bumper, sending the girl soaring over her front seat, with the end result of her head cracking the front windshield and her blood dribbling down the glass. Tim, her multi-talented sex partner, was shocked. And bleeding profusely from the crash. Upon impact, his face had smashed into the steering wheel of his car with enough force to break his nose and almost all of his teeth.

Tim was dazed and bleeding heavily, but anger took over. He found the strength to stomp on the gas peddle and ram Reggie's car. That was the idea, anyway. Reggie was smart enough to drive around the cars in front of him... just before Tim got to him. Instead Tim's car hit a large white truck. A muscular man got out of this big truck, with a baseball bat, full of deadly intent.

Tim, depressed that he missed Reggie's car, fondled his girlfriend's titties, for comfort. She, in turn, had just enough strength to pull a nine millimeter out of her purse and put a smoking hole in Tim's forehead. She smiled, suffering through blood soaked eyes and died, instantly, thereafter.

Toadie had been calmly watching the ensuing mayhem. Other drivers were getting involved, as well, cursing and screaming. Some were threatening. Some screaming and threatening.

That's when Toadie got out his machine gun and various knives that had been nestled safely in his special "Toolkit Of Death". After masturbating to the thought of killing everyone in sight, Toadie, truly armed to the fucking teeth, got out of his vehicle and said, with pride, "Toadie make everyone's day much brighter with the color of crimson and other shades of red. Ahoy!"

Still hard as a rock, Toadie stood, triumphantly, and shot everyone on sight, laughing hard as heads popped open like fresh spring cantaloupe or something. When the tv and newspaper media vehicles got to the scene, they were killed by Toadie, as well. Their blood lovingly pooled and then drifted off into a sea of red and eventually swelled on the ground and cement... forming small oceans.

No one could defend themselves with Toadie's deadly skills against them. Minutes later, the smoke cleared.

No longer -was the screaming heard. No more vehicles were exploding from Toadie's favorite bazooka. No more bodies fell, raggedly, making splashes in the lakes of blood. All was silent and calm.

Toadie farted.

History was made that day and everyone in the nation helped in their own way to make Toadie a TV sensation and America's new hero. Toadie would remember that mid-afternoon day, often, and with much fondness while stroking his wang, full of glee, until he came.


Afterwards, he would shout, "Modugalphagimminna!"


klahanie said...

So we got here a story of 'road rage' and 'toad rage'.
There has got to be a 'blockbuster' or is that 'cockbuster' movie in the making.
I enjoyed reading this tale of the toad. And that fuckin' worries me..
Take it easy and maybe Willie Nelson might just do some kind of weird, kinky music video with Toadie. It would be titled, 'On the Toad Again'

The Wolf said...

A truly twisted story of epic proportions.......I loved it. I personally love playing really crappy 80's music as a kind of pscyological warfare of sorts to ass bandits who get stuck in gridlock just to see them get even more pissed off. It's a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine I guess and it's funny as hell watching people get pissed off to the Ghostbusters theme song

Me-Me King said...

LOL @ klahanie!

I'd tell ya to lay off that stuff, but this was great!!!

Dark Slander said...

You need a book, or a cartoon. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. Strangers on the internet are always right!

Seriously though, I really enjoyed it. Not just because I know it is an example of your perpetuated madness, but because I'm screwed up too.

Kelly said...

Dark Slander: Yeah, I've been in talks with the Cartoon Network about making Toadie a cartoon and shit. Bastards won't give me the money I deserve, though... so phooey to them.

I see your point. It takes one to know one... or to enjoyed "perpetuated madness". Yes, and everyone knows that absolute strangers on the net are oh-so-wise and should be consulted with every decision made in your life. I farted. Good day.

Kelly said...

klahanie: Ooops. Skippin' over people. Sorry. All of these damned birthdays/celebrations in March are driving me nutty. Everybody outside my blog world are sucking away at my time like piglets suckin' on an old sow's sore teats. Like I said to Dark Slander just now... I'm passin' this story/character around to everyone in the media. I think the story of Toadie could generate Oscar BUZZ next year. Or, at least a RIBBET. heeho.

I think Willie would do that. Perhaps I could "inspire" him in some way. :-)

Have yourself a hippity-happity-hoppity day there, dude!

Kelly said...

The Wolf: Glad ya like my little tale of America's Favorite Sport. It sounds like you enjoy pissing people off as much as like I do sometimes. Makes me wish I had some of that crappy 80's music to try out on the road. All I have is the good stuff... Metallica, Megadeth, The Offspring, Pink Floyd and more music than you can shake a Toadie at. Remember: The older you get, the more shit you got.

Where was I?

Oh, yeah...

Me-Me: Hahaha... Sometimes I like a little inspiration. Glad ya liked the story.

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