The first week, it didn't bother me that much, but this last week or so, the sunless days have been killing me, emotionally and somewhat, physically. My blog pal, DarkSlander, was the first to suggest I may be suffering from SAD. (SAD) stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is a type of depression occurring most commonly during the winter months. You can find much more information on this mental disorder by clicking on the link I provided but here is the gist of what it can do to you:
Many people have changes in their sleep patterns, energy levels and mood in the autumn and winter. Indeed, many people can feel "low" during long periods of grey days the winter. However, this unhappiness can develop into SAD. Mild forms of SAD are commonly referred to as "winter blues" but you can have a more severe form and become unable to function in winter without treatment.
There are also at home treatments but none have worked for me.
Now, I already have Major Depressive Disorder, which is horrible enough to endure, but having to deal with (SAD) is/was fucking killing me inside and out. Yeah, I know... I've already said as much but let me explain. I couldn't think clearly, therefore I've had trouble posting, commenting, remembering to take my medications and doing things I had planned for the day. I also had and still have, somewhat, trouble getting the energy to walk, work out at the gym, breathing, sleeping and more. All of these things, I found out, are symptoms of SAD.
What has been replaced, courtesy of SAD is: fits of crying, staring at nothing for long periods of time, weight gain, anger, aggressive behaviour and general physical weakness.
I was actually doing a lot better with my following medical problems, before SAD cropped up, which include:
Type 2 Diabetes (two insulin shots to the belly and 2 pills a day)
High Blood Pressure
High Triglyceride Count and last, but certainly not least,
Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety (I take Wellbutrin and Valium)
Wellbutrin is more well known for being a medication for those individuals wanting to quit smoking but it is also a anti-depressant. It gives you an energy boost. This, along with my own determination and therapy, has greatly helped my battle with depression. You'll have to read my earlier posts if you want to know more about that. I only take Valium before going out in public.... sometimes.
On top of this, unrelated to SAD, I also have these medical conditions:
*Equinus Foot Deformity with both feet- the pain of which is so severe, even with medication that I have to prop my feet up four to five hours a day before walking out the door on any given day (click on link to learn more) in order to walk or stand. It's one of the main reasons I collect disability after working for 27 years.
*Plantar Fasciitis (heel spurs). My podiatrist has said, on numerous occasions, they were the biggest he had ever seen (almost 3 inches in length). So large they are, in fact, they have melded onto the rest of the bones in my feet. He explained they cannot be operated on and cut out.
*Neuropathy (click on link to learn more)
(almost complete) Deafness in my left ear
*Allergies (I'm highly allergic to mold, pollen, bee stings, five different types of trees, plants, flowers and other things)
*Memory loss (due to extreme diabetes and depression -of which there is a definite link)
I also contend with taking care of a father with Vascular Dementia, which is a battle all of it's own. Recently, we have moved him into an Assisted Living place, which has lifted some of the burden from my sister and I. I split my time with him nowadays, along with spending time with my wife, blogging, exercising and attempting to enjoy life. I'm also looking very forward to our cruise to several Caribbean islands this summer. It will be like a second honeymoon for the wife and I. We've been married for 21 years. Quite a feat during these times we live, eh?
Even as I write all of this, I can feel some of the tension and depression leaving my spirit. The sun is finally shining, after all. And the dying feeling inside is starting to leave. If you have any questions, please ask. But please, do not assume anything. Thanks for reading this far. I know it's not the usual laugh-a-thon or whatever but part of the reason for this blog is for my venting.
I will return to commenting on all of my new and old friend's blogs tomorrow, Saturday. I need a break. You haven't been forgotten.
See you then!