This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Seasonal Affective Disorder and Other Maladies

The sun is finally shining!!! After three weeks of cloudy, sunless days, the sun was able to ultimately peek through the gloomy atmosphere, yesterday. Today, here in Indiana, the sun is, at last, presenting itself in all of it's fucking glory. Jesus Christ, Sun, what took you so goddamn long???

The first week, it didn't bother me that much, but this last week or so, the sunless days have been killing me, emotionally and somewhat, physically. My blog pal, DarkSlander, was the first to suggest I may be suffering from SAD. (SAD) stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. It is a type of depression occurring most commonly during the winter months. You can find much more information on this mental disorder by clicking on the link I provided but here is the gist of what it can do to you:

Many people have changes in their sleep patterns, energy levels and mood in the autumn and winter. Indeed, many people can feel "low" during long periods of grey days the winter. However, this unhappiness can develop into SAD. Mild forms of SAD are commonly referred to as "winter blues" but you can have a more severe form and become unable to function in winter without treatment.

There are also at home treatments but none have worked for me.

Now, I already have Major Depressive Disorder, which is horrible enough to endure, but having to deal with (SAD) is/was fucking killing me inside and out. Yeah, I know... I've already said as much but let me explain. I couldn't think clearly, therefore I've had trouble posting, commenting, remembering to take my medications and doing things I had planned for the day. I also had and still have, somewhat, trouble getting the energy to walk, work out at the gym, breathing, sleeping and more. All of these things, I found out, are symptoms of SAD.

What has been replaced, courtesy of SAD is: fits of crying, staring at nothing for long periods of time, weight gain, anger, aggressive behaviour and general physical weakness.

I was actually doing a lot better with my following medical problems, before SAD cropped up, which include:

Type 2 Diabetes (two insulin shots to the belly and 2 pills a day)
High Blood Pressure
High Triglyceride Count and last, but certainly not least,
Major Depressive Disorder and Anxiety (I take Wellbutrin and Valium)

Wellbutrin is more well known for being a medication for those individuals wanting to quit smoking but it is also a anti-depressant. It gives you an energy boost. This, along with my own determination and therapy, has greatly helped my battle with depression. You'll have to read my earlier posts if you want to know more about that. I only take Valium before going out in public.... sometimes.

On top of this, unrelated to SAD, I also have these medical conditions:

*Equinus Foot Deformity with both feet- the pain of which is so severe, even with medication that I have to prop my feet up four to five hours a day before walking out the door on any given day (click on link to learn more) in order to walk or stand. It's one of the main reasons I collect disability after working for 27 years.
*Plantar Fasciitis (heel spurs). My podiatrist has said, on numerous occasions, they were the biggest he had ever seen (almost 3 inches in length). So large they are, in fact, they have melded onto the rest of the bones in my feet. He explained they cannot be operated on and cut out.
*Neuropathy (click on link to learn more)
(almost complete) Deafness in my left ear
*Chronic Sinusitis
*Allergies (I'm highly allergic to mold, pollen, bee stings, five different types of trees, plants, flowers and other things)
*Severe Astigmatism
*Memory loss (due to extreme diabetes and depression -of which there is a definite link)

I also contend with taking care of a father with Vascular Dementia, which is a battle all of it's own. Recently, we have moved him into an Assisted Living place, which has lifted some of the burden from my sister and I. I split my time with him nowadays, along with spending time with my wife, blogging, exercising and attempting to enjoy life. I'm also looking very forward to our cruise to several Caribbean islands this summer. It will be like a second honeymoon for the wife and I. We've been married for 21 years. Quite a feat during these times we live, eh?

Even as I write all of this, I can feel some of the tension and depression leaving my spirit. The sun is finally shining, after all. And the dying feeling inside is starting to leave. If you have any questions, please ask. But please, do not assume anything. Thanks for reading this far. I know it's not the usual laugh-a-thon or whatever but part of the reason for this blog is for my venting.

I will return to commenting on all of my new and old friend's blogs tomorrow, Saturday. I need a break. You haven't been forgotten.

See you then!


klahanie said...

Hi Kelly,
Thank you for sharing this highly informative and indeed, transparent blog.
You are a remarkably resilient dude and you have my total respect and admiration. You see, I know that through your sincerity, I note a genuine man. A man of kindness and a man who also uses his clever wit as a form of cathartic therapy.
I've been privileged to link in with your site. The emergence of a new Spring brings a new hope.
May the renewal of your positive spirit continue to grow in strength.
In peace and respect, Gary.

Me-Me King said...

Sounds as if you may need a good laugh; it is, after all, the best medicine. Stop on by for a good laugh!!!

Cupcake said...

Kelly!!!! Quit whining like a little bitch!!! Buck the fuck up!!!

I would just leave it at that for ANYBODY else, but seeing as how I think you're KINDA awesome, you know sometimes...

I feel you fucker... I'm on 7 different meds. I take 12 pills a day for anxiety, depression, ADHD(who'd have guessed THAT one?) I'm sorry you feel shitty. When I go for awhile with out posting, it's because when I feel all fucked in the head, I'm don't feel all that humorous!!!!

Tomorrow let's call each other slut and assbag and pretend we're 'normal'... :)

Dark Slander said...

Well Kell,

I think you're fucked, mate.

Oh shit I turned British there for a moment!

It seems you are a being of misfortune, that's a lot of issues to have on one slate. However, I do think you are too god damned off your rocker to sit down and take it like a bitch.

Unfortunately I do understand where you are coming from though, being in similar states in my life. It isn't easy, nor is it readily understood by those around you. Simply saying "everything will be alright" doesn't do fuck all.

Luckily for you, you're just mad enough to combat this with the lighter side of things. That is a grand step in at least a some what positive direction, if that doesn't work I suggest laughing at others misfortune.

We're all a little fucked up in the head, at least you're decent enough to admit it.

lwr said...

Have you tried Vitamin D3? I take 5,000 IU and i helps my mood a lot. If you ever want info on "natural" shit; I can help you out.

Kelly said...

Gary, as always, thanks for being so supportive, man. Thanks for all the kind compliments. I want you to know that I am a fighter. It's true. I merely stumbled. I'm coming back. After a good conversation with a friend, SUNNY walks in the park and the realization of what I have in this life... I'm fucking coming back from the goddamn dead!


With hard core respect and best wishes,


Kelly said...

Me-Me: By all that is UNHOLY, I have already stopped by your glorious site for some laughs. Thanks!

Cupcake: No, I will not call you slut or scumbag or turd wagon. I'm not into the personal attack shit. You have fun with that. You'll have to get your abuse from a goddamn S&M club. Boner Appetit-ty!

DarkSlander: You and I have already been back and forth on this post in private talks. Seeing as how I'm about ready to hit the sheets, I'll just say, Thanks for your info, support and words of kindness. And I'll leave it at that... since we've already had our good conversation.

Kelly said...

LoneWolf: Thank you for this information. It's a big coincidence that you are telling me about Vitamin D. I got my bloodwork lab results back from my doctor about my glucose and hemoglobin readings. They said my counts have lowered but my vitamin D levels are way too low. The blood specialist, in fact, wrote out a prescription for me for that. I haven't taken it to the pharmacy yet due to lack of money to buy my pills. You could be right or it could be a combination of things that were bringin me down. Like SAD and so on.

Take care, man!

Kelly said...

P.S. I've got a motherload of doctor bills and hospital bills. The health insurance covers most of everything we've had done, recently, but what is left over, to pay, is mounting up and is HUGE.

lwr said...

90% of people have low amounts of Vitamin D. We sell 5,000IU where I work for like $11.95 for 100 Softgels. It's pretty affordable. Not sure what your prescriptions is. I would be curious to see how much it is for. I know some can get as high as 20,000IU+. The recommended dose these days is ~1,000IU - 2,000IU.

Check this shit out (I won't even charge you for this information):
Holy Basil by New Chapter - Great herb and potent extract of a well-known "balancing" Indian Herb
*Serofin by New Chapter - Potent Herbal Mood Complex, I'm pretty sure this has St. Johns Wort which would fuck with your prescriptions
Vitamin D - Liquid Sublingual works the best
Melatonin (for sleep, often mood is affected by lack of quality sleep) - Liquid Sublingual, 1-3mg
L-5HTP (tryptophan) - Mood, component from Turkey which makes you feel "satisfied" but also "calm"
L-Theanine - Amino Acid extract from Green Gea which encourages focus, alertness, concentration and mood
GABA - Amino Acid produced by the brain which when supplements helps with mood and focus
SAM-E - used in Europe as an anti-depressant
*St. Johns Wort - Wouldn't recommend it as it fucks with lots a of prescriptions

That is all I can think of, atm.

Michael said...

That's quite a shituation you are in. Maybe a nooner could brighten your day. But no, I'm not offering one.

That cruise is going to be great. You can masticate on those boats 24 hours a day, if that's what you want to do. And the variety of things you can do it on is fantastic. I can see you and the Mrs sitting in the sun on the upper deck, joining in with all the other passengers, masticating together from dawn to dusk.

I'm sure your sassitude will return soon. Gotta go. The hogs are eating my baby sister ... and I don't want to miss it.

Kelly said...

lwr: Hey there, I'm back in BlogWorld. Got my computer back. Hooray.

In answer to your questions: The blood specialist Has got me on 50,000 IU a week. I take one a week for at least 24 weeks. It only cost me 10 bucks, with my wife's health insurance, at Wal-Mart pharmacy. That's about the only good thing I can say about Wal-Mart... it's decent when it comes to insurance. While the specialist studied over the lab work results, she said that my Vit. D levels were extremely low and my blood pressure was a little high. She said she may have to adjust my BP medication I'm already on. Only very recently, have the numbers gone up. Everything else, I've improved on. My blood sugar levels have dropped, along with other things.

About your website, regarding herbal medications and more, I will check it out later. I'm playing comment cath-up now. :-) You sound like you have some good deals and some interesting herbal stuff. I have tried St. John's Wort before, long before I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. It took awhile for it to kick in and when it did, I enjoyed the mild effects of it... but then my body became immune to it after four months and it didn't do anything for me. Now I use prescription medication. It's either that or go on a killin' spree. Weeehooo! :-)

Thank you for the information.

Kelly said...

Michael: Hey, a nooner sounds like a great idea. Ha ha ha. But since I'm on so many medications now that have the lovely side effect of slowing circulation down and mood, I can't get a boner. But... Don't feel sad for me. Help will soon be on the way! And I'm not talkin' about a skin splint for the ol' dickaroo. It's somethin' else. :-)

Yeah, I can't wait for the cruise! You've got the perfect picture in mind for me and Mrs. And hey, if the hogs are eating your baby sister... Don't just stand there, videotape the action and put it on YouTube or somethin'.

Thanks for the encouragement. Take care!

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