This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Monday, March 22, 2010


I wrote this, originally, as a comment to a post on The Guy's Perspective. I was either going to use this, tonight or ramble on about something that wasn't going to be as cheerful as this tragicomic personal story.

My prom experience didn’t end with a happy ending. What I mean by that is I didn’t get to push the old stink log into the tuna hatch. Wasn’t sure if you had the picture. :-)

Anyway, I finally had gotten the nerve up (Yeah, I was shy in high school) to ask out this girl in my class. Her and I got along well and we talked from time to time. In very small doses. Moving on…. She says yes to the offer and I’m elated because I think I’m going to finally going to be able to spread a lil’ Kelly Seed before the prom night is through. And not by hand, either.

And yes, I was a virgin when I was 17.

Moving on, we’re dancing and stuff, having a pretty good time, listening to some “Crazy Train” by Ozzy Osbourne and all seems to be going well. And then we slow dance. And then I get the biggest boner in the world. I’m pitchin’ a real bonerfide tent here, folks. And “Michelle” is feeling it through her prom dress. I’m not sure, but I think I “almost” popped her cherry through sheer penis determination.


After a few minutes of feeling my wang rubbing up against her prom dress, “Michelle” backs away from me during the second slow song and seems sincerely frightened of me and my magic wand. Damn, I think to myself. All throughout the rest of the night, she more or less avoids me. I hung out the rest of the night with my friends and found relief when I finally got home, semi-drunk and full of seed.

The End


The Wolf said...

Hey at least you went to prom I had the options to going to it with some fat pschyo stalker chick or go to the local gravel pit and wasted and drag race while listening to Gwar......instead I stayed home and played Nintendo. My fun didn't start till I was 19 and in the army then it was nothing but parties, stippers and fights with bikers and newfies (We were all on the same side fortunatly) against sepertists.

Me-Me King said...

I went to my senior prom with a gay guy. Yep. No fuss, no muss.

The Guy's Perspective said...

We're flattered. No, not by your boner!! But that we inspired you. Or at least gave you something to post about!

Your story is so funny. Teen angst at its best. That would be a really funny scene in a movie.

Kelly said...

The Wolf -Those options would suck... although the partying while listening to Gwar sounds kind of fun. I always found Gwar to be a little entertaining for a laugh. I played Nintendo with a friend, too. We would play until the skin of our thumbs came off from all of the button smashing. Sure you had that happening, as well.

Your party times with the military sound fun, too. Strippers and fights, Yee Ha! Kinda sounds like the great times I had with my friends from Ball State University. Anything went during those days. Every depravity explored. Hahahaha. What are the sepertists? Not trying to be funny. Honestly want to know.

Me-Me -Gay dude, huh? I guess that would be the safe way to go if you're frightened of guys with pants-ripping boners. :-) Hee.

Guy's Perspective -Not flattered by my boner? Oh, I think I'm going to go boo hoo hoo, fart and contemplate the stars. Thanks for the inspiration. Thanks for the compliment. Almost sounds like a scene from an "American Pie" movie, doesn't it?

The Wolf said...

The seperatists (not sure if I spelt that right) were the french bastards from Quebec who wanted to leave Canada and form their own country, and of course have the rest of Canada pay for it.

My basic training was in a town about 45 minutes south of Montral called St. Jean they have a pretty decent size base their. Anyways they would always try to pick fights with the recruits and smash the knee caps of anyone caught alone. Most of the recruits were english speaking so naturally we didn't like each other. Things arn't as crazy as they were in 99 it even looked like we were going to have a civil war at one point.

Kelly said...

The Wolf: I've heard of the Separatists (I think)and barely remember seeing/hearing stories about them on the TV news, but with the U.S. News Media the way it is, their news pieces on the subject would last just a few minutes, at most. That's because they think Americans only want to know about their country and not anyone else's.

This is one of the benefits of blogging and idea/information exchange between sites. You get to know something interesting that you didn't really know about before. I didn't know about Canada's turmoils, possible civil war, etc... -as you have explained. "...smash the knee caps of anyone caught alone"- damn, that's fuckin' brutal, man. Thanks for adding to your comment.

klahanie said...

Hey Kelly,
I have some serious catching up to do. You have been in a blogging fuckin' frenzy. I would have got here sooner, but I had other more important things to do like, jerk myself off lol
Anyway, this Prom posting and the whole teenage angst stuff you wrote is a story I can relate too. I had a similar type of situation at my Prom night in Canada, which of course, also involved beavers.
Take care, friend. With respect, Gary:-)

Kelly said...

Yeah, it's long and tedious work -that jerkin' yourself off business, eh? Hahaha. No problem.

You were allowed to take beavers to the prom as your dates? Wow! Sounds trendy.

And yeah, I've really been "going at it"... posting, that is. Not what you were doing. :) Take care.

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