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Friday, March 26, 2010

Illogical Impatience And Other Societal Mental Illnesses

Where's my goddamn five layered, cheesy, beany, greasy, ass imploding 1o pound burrito?! Where's my anti-fart and acid reflux pills to go along with it?

On the Internet, I found there was research done on one of society's main flaws, impatience. The basic conclusion to this widespread American condition/tradition was that we are addicted to instant gratification. Which, just by casual observation, anyone can see.

The researchers cited fast food joints to be an excellent example of this and how they are one of the main culprits in perpetuating this "gotta have it now" attitude. The study suggests the fast food industry has greatly influenced our culture in this negative way. This makes sense to me. And I won't lie to ya. I'm impatient as hell, too.

If I'm kept waiting at a light at an intersection for too long, say, uh, one freakin' minute, I either pound on the steering wheel (which is kinda pretzel shaped now) or go the other direction, so to speak, and pop off to SleepyBye Land for a quick siesta in the driver's seat. About that time, some asshole, inevitably, will blow his horn behind me, causing me to wake, piss myself and have a stroke, simultaneously.

Of course, this reminds me of Road Rage. For those of you not living in industrialized countries, Road Rage is a little game that commuters, those driving to work and from, will play during the busiest times on the interstates and highways. The rules to Road Rage are fairly easy. Being angry is a prerequisite in order to play properly.

Road Rage Rules:

Rule #1 -Find a completely congested highway or interstate that is cluster-fucked with an endless sea of cars. Be sure you're in the thick of this man-made fucking mess. If it's a hot day, roll down the windows, if you wish, for the added benefit of sucking in the exhaust fumes of the cars around you. This may help to further enrage you. Caution: The sucking in of too many of these fumes may prevent you from moving on to Rule #2.

Rule #2 -Honking your horn, gritting your teeth, making obscene gestures and remarks, spitting, frothing at the mouth, bumping the car in front of you, using all manner of weaponry (guns, bazookas and/or hand grenades) are all fair strategies to be used, and really, are symptoms of an insane society, in regards to Road Rage. Go ahead! Make every one's day!

Rule #3 -Whoever lives is the winner and gets to go home, drink a beer and watch "Family Guy". If any body parts are missing (eye, finger, leg, anus, etc...) from the game played, previously, you may return to the road and go to the hospital. You have my permission.

Yesterday, I saw on the news that senators and other politicians in both Republican and Democratic parties are receiving death threats, in verbal and written forms, for voting for or against the Health Care Reform Bill -which, by the way, I'm happy to say, has finally passed after more than a year of bickering and lies. People are panicky and impatient for positive results of this progress or any upcoming progress, I believe, because of our national unemployment problems, recession and wondering how they're going to pay next month's bills and put food on the table. It doesn't help when one side of the political coin fuels the incendiary nature of society by making inflammatory remarks or remarks that incite fear and confusion.

Unfortunately for us, both parties excel in this destructive venture.

That, my friends, makes me hot under the collar. For real.

Of course, there are those times when impatience is understandable. Such as:

-While waiting too long at the doctor's office (two or more hours) for a routine appointment or for a missing limb. You may want to alert someone about any missing limbs. Preferably, by loud shouting and waving your bloody stump around in a circular fashion.

-While waiting for a service tech to get on the phone and then, when you finally do get a human on the line, they speak in a fucked up, heavily foreign-accented form of your language, causing you to seethe with anger and frustration until, ultimately, you throw your phone towards the cat, who proceeds to flee and crash into your significant other's favorite lamp or urn full of dead relative's ashes or gold plated hookah with accompanying wise caterpillar, thus causing greater turmoil in the end and possible bloodshed for every living thing in the house. Woo hoo. Impatience is understandable. Telling the service tech that you need to speak to someone you can understand is understandable. Maiming the cat and destroying the house is unacceptable.

You can think of more examples, I'm sure.

The point is, and it has taken me awhile to get to it because I'm kinda scatter-brained (it isn't noticeable, is it?), that being patient is more than just an important virtue to have and practice. Being patient can keep you and everyone else healthy. Anyone of us can promote harmony instead of chaos, which an individual or group's impatience is usually good at causing. The times are few when it's a good idea to to put your anger and impatience into action.


klahanie said...

A very good posting. Now please be patient with me while I try to come up with some semblance of a comment............................
Oh yeah, ever noticed how impatient folks can be in the supermarket? I'm standing there, about to reach for the can of beans and some bastard strolls right in front of me and blocks me off. No 'excuse me' from them, no nothing. I'd like to shove the trolley up their ass.
I wish there was a 'Complaints Department' to complain about 'Complaints Departments'.
Got to totally agree with about promoting 'harmony instead of chaos'. Great posting, Kelly. Thanks for, hopefully having the patience to read my comment.......

Kelly said...

Hey Gary, I know what you mean by inconsiderate shoppers. Some get out of your way. Most don't. I'll usually try an "excuse me" and if that doesn't work, I kinda nudge their fat asses out of the way to get to the fart beans. Btw, I would very much like to see you shove an entire trolley (or as they say here... grocery cart) up an obnoxious bastard's ass. That would be quite the trick. ;-)

Thanks for the kind compliments, dude. Take care and thank you for making time for my blog in your busy wanking off schedule. LOL.

Peace, man!

The Wolf said...

I hear you on that, my pev is with all the damm tourists who come here and take their sweet friggin time to take a pitcure when on the seawall. Of course those ass pirates have to stand at the far end instead of near the waters edge to let others like cute girls jogging with a huge rack slowley bounce by. But no they have to sit their and auto-adjust and wait for the right lighting and all that crap. I'm usally about two seconds away from removing their testicles with my bare hands and making them eat those said testicles when they finally clue in there blocking the whole damm seawall. And like those who deserve a trolly up their ass no apology, no excuse me, no 99 percent of the time they mumble off in Chinese or some other language.....hmmm speaking of which I think Iron Chef is on tonight that show rocks and Cat Cora is smokin hot...what was I talking about again..I'm sorry I'm confused I think I need a nap

Crazy Brunette said...

Noooooope, I'm only good with the chaos thing.

I don't have to say it, because you already know I have NO mother fucking patience what-so-ever!!!!

Oh, and haha! I'm always the one taking those fuckers out on the highway!!!!

Mr. Stupid said...

HAHAHAHA (Evil laughter). I am gonna be the commentator for the "International Road Rage Contest". I just hoped the winners got something to take home. Say, a Candy, a car or at least a Medal with - "Stay away from me" written on it.

Lovely post Kelly...:)

One of The Guys said...

This is an excellent message and post. WELL articulated!

My solution for my own Road Rage is to leave early as hell. That way I'm more patient when I get stuck behind a school bus being driven by a person that still can't read the signs. It's either that or a freakin' cement truck!

Hope you're having a great weekend.

Kelly said...

The Wolf: I can't be sure, but I think the tourists at the seawall would not care for the taste of their testicles. ;-)

But I can easily see how you would want to do that, after it continuing on for so long. Hahaha. I would give it a shot if they wouldn't put me in a padded room or maximum security prison. Ooops!

Did I sat that out loud? :)

Ass Pirates? What? (chuckle)

Damned,fuckin' emoticons. Gotta use 'em so people think you're not a psychopathic loon. Anyhow, I agree with ya on all points and hope you have a grand ol' fuckin' day. Normally, I would place a smiley face here but I think you... I farted.

Kelly said...

Crazy Brunette: Hey, you're the reason I changed my comments thingy to a pop up window... so people could see your perty pic. Ooops. Did I say that?

Anyway, you're so FUCKING violent! I see your point, though. That's why I plan on getting on the road soon and seeing how many slow ass retards (no offense to official retards) I can run off over an embankment and into a fireworks factory full of lethal explosive materials. Take care and have a nice day.

Kelly said...

Mr. Stupid: I believe you would be a fine commentator. You would add your special colorful comments to fun ol' head-through-the-windhield, metal-meets-flesh event. Judging from the comments, I think I'm gonna give the networks a call, get a pilot ready for the show, direct the all the carnage and make millions. Bloodshed for everyone! Watch the ratings soar! "Road Warrior" fun for all! Thanks.... Don't worry, your check is in the mail. Heh heh. Have yourself a day of sorts.

Kelly said...

One Of The Guys: Your solution seems to be wise... leaving early for work and all that. I tried to do that back in my pain-da-feet days but I was usually so hard to fully wake up, I would be late 50% of the time. And I would drink 2 cups of strong coffee, too.

But now that Road Rage is catching on again, are you sure you want to miss out on all the fun. You could be a star!

School buses are so annoying. The drivers think they have this special fuckin' privilege just because they gotta bunch of kids in the metal rompus room on wheels.

Dang it. Or something.

Thanks for your wisdom and compliment. Take care, Guy.

Real Bloggers United said...


You're just hoping I'll bring traffic!!!!

Let's run them off an embankment together! I'll get a list of the fuck heads I don't like and then we'll get started!!!

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