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Saturday, October 27, 2012

Hawaiian Adventure: Geothermal Pools, Nuts and Deck Shots

This is the second part of an ongoing series of posts, regarding our trip to the Hawaiian islands.  Click here for the first part.  We took a 7 day cruise, during the last week of September and the first week of October of 2012.  Our first day and night, before the cruise, we stayed at the Marriott hotel in Honolulu.

The Pride of America cruisehip

And no, the last part of the title to this post should not be read as "nuts and dick shots."  I just want to clear that up, right away.  In fact, if you keep reading the post and checking out the pics, you might see puffy goat vaginae and exceedingly horny lesbian handmaidens, left alone on the farm so long, that they naturally held Goat Clitoris Licking contests to see who would win the BIG PRIZE.  The prize would usually be a fresh, slippery tongue, cut away from an annoying old cow, the human type or animal.

That's why you don't hear much from Rosie O' Donnell these days.

One of the most thrilling and educational parts of our cruise to the five Hawaiian islands of O'ahu, Maui, Hilo, Kona, and Kaua'i was the excursion in Hilo.

In Hilo, we chose the Hawaiian Explorer excursion.  We figured we could get the biggest bang for our buck because it actually included three events in one during the course of a six hour period.  First, our shuttle bus driver, who had a very dry sense of humor, took us to Pana`ewa Rainforest Zoo and Botanical Gardens, America's only rainforest zoo, in fact.

Trees at the Botanical Gardens, mostly destroyed by lava and encased in lava rock.  And you thought the fucked up tree  on the right was a Rock Giant's dick?  What the hell have you been smokin'?

While it's true you'll see over 100 varieties of palms, native and introduced plants, you'll also want to be careful not to accidentally go off the paved provided trails and fall down into a giant crack in the Earth.  There are signs, all around the area, that say you shouldn't do that.  They didn't say the giant cracks and holes led to Hell, exactly, but I did see Hitler, fuher of Germany's Third Reich, poke his head up from the biggest, seemingly bottomless opening, wiggling his nose a bit, while happily chewing the dismembered arm of Idi Amin.

Ol' Idi could be heard screaming, down below.

Hitler stopped, momentarily and said, "I can't wait for Mitt Romney to join our party in Hell.  I've never eaten a Mormon before.  I wonder if they're as tangy as Catholics."  After that, he went back down into the tremendous hole, spiraling downward like a screw being driven into wood.  I heard Idi scream again, seconds afterwards, shouting, "Now I got you sucka!"

Then I let go of the cool looking mushroom I had picked up and moved on.

All the passengers from the comfortable air conditioned bus were treated to scenes of all types of wild looking, beautiful flora and fauna.  The trees, that had been partially eaten away and covered by hardened lava were spectacular.  There were a lot of them.  A guide mentioned that volcanoes had erupted in the late 1700's and the lava had risen twelve feet high in the area where the zoo is located.  The lava ate away a lot of the trees and all of the plants, creating, as a result, deformed, rock-like encasing of trees and plants growing out of little lava rock mounds.

Don't fall into a crack in the earth!  You'll go to hell, get eaten by Hitler and strapped to a chair where you'll continuously view movies of Rosie O' Donnell licking a goat's clit.  Where they got those movies is a true mystery.  If you solve it, you may win the BIG PRIZE!

It was bizarre and fun at the zoo.  It wasn't too long of a walk and there were wooden shelters you could stop, sit and rest if you wanted.  But I couldn't.  Being the"nature boy" that I am, I was almost manic with delight at my surroundings. I was running around like a chicken with his head cut off, (because a lot of Hawaiian people don't like chickens, as I pointed out in the first part of this series, that very idea excites them more than seeing Rosie O' Donnell's angry red clit) and taking pictures of everything while my poor wife trailed along behind me, at times, trying to keep up.  I felt bad that I left her stranded, sometimes, so would hobble back to her and ask her if she was okay.

She didn't complain and let me go off like a kid in a candy shop, snapping pics of this flower or this tree or whatever.  I found that I would pay for it later during the excursion.

Do you like my groovy outfit?  Great combination of tops and bottoms, eh?  I can't explain the shirt but I was wearing the swim trunks because I knew we were going to go swimming and wading into a large pond that was heated up by a nearby volcano, later, during the excursion.

I think she was more impressed with the animals.  Although, one of the main reasons we went on this excursion, to see the White Bengal tiger, Namaste, couldn't be accomplished.  The tiger was in the animal infirmary and could not be shown.  He had broken his leg the week before.  Even so, the staff at the zoo, made a birthday sign and put it outside the fence of the area where he would have been seen if he was uninjured.  It was a let down because he was hurt and, also, because we didn't get to see him but I understood.  I thought it was nice of the staff to create this sign even though Namaste the Tiger probably couldn't read it.  Maybe they gave him a million dollar robotic leg for his birthday.

A lot of people, wishing Namaste well and so forth, signed this.  I'm not sure but I think all the red that you see below the tiger's neck is actually the blood of one of the zookeepers.  Happy birthday, Namaste! 
They had other animals and birds there, such as lemurs, parrots, Capauchin monkeys and more.  Like I said in the previous post, I took somewhere between 500 to 600 pictures during the entire 8 day trip and 14 movie clips (some as long as eight and a half minutes in duration).  You or really, anyone else could say I went a little overboard but I highly doubt we'll ever be able to go on another trip to Hawaii and I wanted to capture as many memories that I could.  Besides, I come from a family of amateur photographers.  My mom, at one time, had close to fifty photo albums.  They would be filled with our trips out west to Wyoming or south to Florida or west, again, to Arizona, to name only a few, not to mention everyone's birthdays and family gatherings.

Next, our laid back shuttle bus driver, who at one point joked that if anyone could pronounce his native Hawaiian name, correctly, would win a prize, took us to the Mauna Loa Nut Factory.

This is where my wife got her revenge for me leaving her behind on the trail, at times.

On a self-guided tour, you could walk up the steps of the processing plant to see how they get the nuts prepared for public consumption.  Usually, I just shave mine.  But be warned:  It is not for public or private consumption.  I'm too ticklish for that nonsense.

We left some product for the rest of the passengers on the shuttle bus to purchase and enjoy.  Yes, we both wore tie dye shirts that day.  Call us nuts if you want.

Our shuttle bus driver explained, on the way there, that the workers/gatherers of the nuts had to be careful when picking a good or bad nut, proceeding to de-shell it and put them in a container that was later loaded on a truck.

We passed Macadamia nut trees and huge areas of hardened lava rock, scattered about, along the narrow road.  As I pointed out before, most of the roads are partially made from hardened lava rock.  If you click on the link above, you can read the story of how the Macadamia nut tree actually originated in Australia and was introduced to Hawaii in 1882.

After my wife and I quickly toured the processing plant, we made a bee line to the big gift shop.

I said, "Let's go!  I hear they're giving out free samples and they have Macadamia nut and coconut flavored ice cream!"

This is where she bought out almost half the store.  We bought 6 different flavored Macadamia nuts, various bags of Hawaiian coffee, souvenirs and the ice cream- that we ate at the provided tables and chairs.  When we got up to the counter, I couldn't believe how much stuff we got and how much we spent.  But like I was saying before, and my wife looked at me and repeated, at that point, "We should get this stuff now because when do you think we'll ever get to Hawaii again."

Ah-Ha!  Revenge complete!

The highlight of the excursion for me, besides the zoo, was going to the Ahalanui Park.  There, you could wade and float about in this substantially sized, natural geothermal pool that was heated to a relaxing 90 degrees F. by a nearby volcano. Heat would come out of the hardened lava walls, from holes, surrounding the pond.  Most people visiting, got in.  I did, despite the signs that were posted on the path going toward the pool.

One sign cautioned about it not being advisable to go into the pond if you had any cuts on your body- due to the bacteria in the water possibly infecting you.  Another warned you about eels and flesh biting fish.  Another sign would warn you about deep cracks at the bottom of the pool.

I couldn't care less about any of it.  I was going in.  I felt like I was bursting with enthusiasm, eager for adventure.  To hell with any danger!

I slowly made my way into the pond.  There was only one metal handrail and a few lava rock stones you could use for steps at the entrance of it.  Or you could just jump in, cannonball style and let the bacteria, eels and tiny skin-biting fish have a go at you, all at once.  What fun!

The water was clear, warm and inviting.

There was an older guy, there, in his late sixties.  His name was Nova (like the show on the PBS station).  He stayed kinda close, at times, toward the entrance.  He was funny, always cracking jokes and he made friends with me, and eventually, my wife, who joined me later and discovered I wasn't being killed devoured, felt welcome and he sort of escorted us around.

We were surprised to find out Nova was from the original state where we lived.  He had lived in Hawaii the last twenty years.  I think he gave us preferential treatment because we were from his home state.  He guided us to the ledge of the wall where we could feel the heat coming from the hardened lava walls and it's many holes.  The tiny flesh biting fish were only an inch long and when they nibbled on ONLY your dead skin (mostly your heels), they sort of tickled you.  They didn't pose a danger and I've heard of spas in Japan using fish like this or these exact same fish to act as a natural exfoliant to remove dead skin cells.  In other words, they didn't matter to me or my wife.  Nova said if they started to tickle you too much, to just wave your arms around you and they would swim away for awhile before coming back to gently feed off of you.  :)

By the way, nobody saw any eels and Nova said that out of all the times he had visited the big geothermal pool, he had only seen a few of them but they didn't bother him or anyone else he knew about.  Maybe they were afraid of his beard.

This is Nova, an unofficial, friendly greeter of the geothermal pool we experienced.  I liked this guy.  He was humorous, informative and helped me go around this boulder in the pool without breaking open my knee cap on it, tearing open my flesh and possibly exposing myself to some kind of bacteria.  He had that old hippie look to him and he was one of the nicest guys I've ever met.

On the other end of the pool, you could see the ocean, quite visibly.  There was a boundary of lava rock wall, separating the ocean and the pond.  I took several pictures along this area.

After the Hilo island excursion, we were slightly exhausted by the time we made it back to our ship.  It was a long, rewarding day.  We rested a bit before eating a meal at the Aloha Cafe, on board the cruise ship.  You could eat, almost non-stop, at the buffet, if that were your desire.  You could eat until you bloat yourself to whale sized proportions if that's how you got your kicks.  Some people, I noticed, did that.

I was satisfied with usually eating just four meals a day and a couple of snacks you would take from the buffet back to your cabin.  lol.  Again, some folks like us, would take entire platefuls of cookies and fruit or whatever you had an appetite for, to munch on before going to bed or to eat with taking your medication.

That's how we did it, anyway.

Here's a few shots of the outside of the decks of the cruise ship:

Do you see the rainbow?  It's not because of the magical mushroom you may or may not have taken, I can assure you.  I loved this shot.

The guy standing in front of the gigantic chess board and pieces might be thinking he's hallucinating.  I'm not going to tell him differently.

The pool area, at night.  I was peepin' in at a couple at one of the hot tubs.  :)

That's all for now, folks.  Hope you're enjoying the tours, thus far.    


The Angry Lurker said...

Quite interesting Kelly!

klahanie said...

Hey Kelly,

Yep, here I am! Quite interesting, Kelly! Great photos! Thanks for sharing! I like your blog, me follow. You follow my blog.

Sorry, got a bit carried away..Where was I? Oh yeah, so you shot your cream all over the poop deck? Bet that amazed the rest of the passengers.

"One of the most thrilling and educational parts of our cruise to the five Hawaiian islands of O'ahu, Maui, Hilo, Kona, and Kaua'i was the excursion in Hilo." That encapsulates your adventure. Any part of the time during your visits and excursions entail you wearing a grass skirt. And if so, did you proceed to smoke said grass skirt and run around naked on the island of Hilo?

Glad they let you back out of the rainforest zoo. Weren't you just a bit worried they might want to keep you on public display?

Very informative and lots of very neat photos of your trip to Hawaii. Enjoy your weekend. With that, I'm fucking off to the Mauna Loa Nut Factory.

Your starstruck fan in your ever growing legion of adoring, starstruck fans, Gary! :)

bazza said...

I don't feel that I have to visit Hawaii now. I've experienced it through your Blog!
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

billy pilgrim said...

wow, they sure keep that boat clean!

what about sea turtles, did you bond with loggerheads or hawksbills?

Pickleope said...

HA! I hate it when you call me out before I make the obvious "nuts and dick shots" joke. You can identify Idi Amin by his dismembered arm? Someone's a fan. I didn't know Macadamia nuts were originally Australian! Fun and informative this one. Also the formula of you + aged hippie + mysterious bacteria +geothermal activity = birth of King Ghidorah and possibly Godzilla herself, maybe even Mecha-Godzilla, Rodan, the smog monster thing, Mothra, and Mothra's two singing mini-Asian companions. Thankfully we were all saved.

Dixie said...

Okay, I'll be looking for the "we were in Hawaii" Christmas card. Don't deny it crossed your mind. A pic of you and the mrs. at the nut shop with holly outlining the card edge

Rosie and the goats. Is she like them, and will consume (read 'eat') anything that's not nailed down?

Too bad they didn't carve totem poles from the lava encrusted trees? Even worse... there's no photo of you wrapped around the lava pole! You wouldn't keep secrets from us, your adoring fans, hmmm?

I love the tie dye shirts; am inspired to go buy some dye and play. I also like the hot tub peek - what a gorgeous atmosphere for night time freaks.

Ooh, Nova is quite attractive. I hope you shared my blog address. It's interesting that here was another person from your home state. Is this some kind of sign: move to Hawaii? Nova - boldly going into a pond of possible eels, nibbling fish, and large cracks(no,I'm not going there). So glad you guys met him. Oh, and did you use the metal rail or cannonball yourself into the pond?

Loved the rainbow, and was thinking to taste it. However if Rosie's around, you don't want your tongue hanging out, right? Anyway looks like your cruise turned out rosie... welcome back, I think.
Long comment but you know you're worth it!!

Static said...

Let's hear it for Nut and Dick shots! Oh, wait. Sorry.

Nova looks like a hobo. Do they have hobos in Hawaii? I didn't think the train went that far.

Kelly said...

Thanks, man! Sorry it took so long to get back to ya.

Kelly said...

Me follow? You follow? We all follow! Weeee! We all belong to the Stalker's Association. :)

Nah. I didn't shoot my cream all over the poop deck but I did, for real, have puke spewing out of my mouth one morning during our cruise. This happened at the cruise ship buffet area. Food got stuck in my throat and I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die. I'm not kidding! I got up from our table, while my wife was gone, filling her plate and I desperately tried to make it to the bathroom but I was too late. I vomited eggs and melted cheese, right on the carpet, next to the bathroom door. Unfortunately, the door was locked and being used at the time or I think I could have made it. I'll be sure to post the picture up on my next Hawaiian trip installment on this tasteful blog of mine because I know everyone will love to see my puked up eggs n' cheese combo. Yum!

Nope. No grass skirts or hula dancing from me but since my wife always insisted that we sit somewhere in the first two rows next to the cruise ship stage, they, of course, tried to get me up there to wiggle my ass for the crowd's entertainment. I was too bashful to do it, though. :)

Can you imagine?

I'm glad they let me out of the rainforest zoo, as well, my friend. The monkeys were trying to hump my ear. I was wondering what that waxy build up was.

Thanks for the compliments regarding the info and the photos. Have fun at the nut factory, Gary! I know they'll want to keep you there because you're such a special nut, yourself. Take care, my friend! :)

Kelly said...

Hi Bazza! I'm glad I could give you so much info that you could feel that way. LOL. But I have one more Hawaiian trip installment yet to be written and posted.

Prepare thyself!

Kelly said...

Yeah, they do keep the boat clean but there are quite a few things that need to be fixed on it. they're refitting it, more or less, we found out, in the spring of 2013 and adding new activity rooms.

Strangely enough, we looked for sea turtles but didn't find any. Bummer. No, I didn't bond with any loogerheads or hawksbills. At least I don't think I did. Question: What are they, exactly? :)

Kelly said...

Yeah, I figured I'd beat you to that 'nut and dick shots' joke. You're so naughty. :)

Yeah, luckily he had a tattoo on that dismembered arm. It had a skull image on it. Beneath that there were the words: Idi- I'm mean. Ha ha ha ha ha.... gosh that was real funny.

Yeah, that's true about the nuts. I learned a lot of fun facts while we were there. Did you know that pineapples come from pine trees? Or that leis are made out of little balls of squirrel poop? All true!

I'm glad you enjoyed the post. Yeah, that combination of things that you speak of sounds like a bad hippy Japanese monster film from the 60's. I think the details of your characters and moving storyline you presented here should be shared with the movie industry. They could use good ideas like yours. :) I think they're running out.

Kelly said...

Dixie, I love your idea about the Christmas card but I thought I'd put the image of me doing the dirty deed with the bunny the maid created out of towels. The maids make a different animal, made of towels, and set them on top of your bed when you come back to your room at the end of the day. Or whenever.

Yeah, it's too bad they didn't carve the tikis out lava encrusted trees. But a lot of them are carved out of what they call milo wood. You can't find that type of wood in the mainland, here, as far as I know. I used to make tie dye shirts. I could have made one special, just for you, if I had known you loved them that much when I was into making them. :)

Yeah, that Nova is a real lady's man, too. all the gals in the geothermal pool were trying to grab his eel. I'll give you his address later. My wife wrote it down for some reason. :) He said he already had your blog address. I thought that was odd. :) No, I didn't cannonball into the pond. I was afraid of getting bacteria, flesh-eating fish and sea herpes in my ears. :)

You can taste a rainbow in the right conditions. Just put the magical tablet on your tongue and soon you'll see all sorts of flavorful rainbows to much on. Thank you for the long comment. I enjoyed reading it. You're hilarious! I apologize that it took this long to respond back to you, Dixie.

Kelly said...

Hey, that joke has already been made. Now you have to go into the Penalty Box!

Yeah, believe it or not, they do have hobos and bag ladies and other similar unfortunate folks like that in Hawaii. When we were at Waikiki beach, in Honolulu, there was a poor old crippled woman, in rags (I'm not kidding) that was trudging along, watching the surfers do their thing. It was surreal.

Btw, we rode a train while we were on one of the islands.

unikorna said...

You and your wife are a very fun couple, you know how to have a good time. I also have a weakness for trees, they can tell us such astonishing stories :). Kisses Kelly, send salutations to your wife.

Kelly said...

Thank you, Unikorna

Yes, we do know how to have a good time. We've been married for over two decades and we're not ones for remaining stagnate when we have time together.

Being an amateur photographer, I find trees, plants, wildlife and other items of nature, especially fascinating and beautiful. I agree with you, too. Trees can tell us astonishing stories.

Take care, Unikorna. I will give the message to my wife. :)

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