Many people have asked me how this can be, that reindeer are able to leave the ground and take to the air. Hopefully, after this post, you will come to understand how this is possible. Read on, my gentle readers.
Throughout history there has been much speculation on this amazing phenomena. Many historians and zoologists point to the early years of Santa's role as Father Christmas. During these harsh and formidable years as a major holiday figure, Santa seemed to relish the fact that he had been imposed with certain magical abilities by elves and was drunk with power, thus ruling with a mighty mittened thumb.
Ancient texts, found recently by archaeologists, describe numerous tales of Santa forcing his beloved reindeer to endure nights of severe whippings with the lash and brutal sessions of anal sex, or "fudgepacking", if you will, before the much anticipated eve of Christmas. He often discussed these special training techniques with his fellow brethren, the elves.
In a previously undisclosed piece of antique manuscript, Santa is quoted as saying, "I encourage these retched, foul smelling beasts to pull my colossal, bulging sack of toys and my own fat, sagging ass on a sleigh with nightly scheduled thrashings. When this part of their training has concluded, I instill in them the deep desire to take flight by ruthlessly humping them in their asses until bleeding commences."
More than a few elves would stare blankly at the jolly old fat man, in horror and disbelief, after being told of his unusual procedures. According to the same aged text, one elf among the crowd, was quoted, inquiring, "But isn't this rather harsh?"
Santa lifted his cumbersome belly, let out a jovial laugh and then pointed to the elf and exclaimed, "It's either them or you fuckers!"
The video clip below explains, partially, how Santa Claus' enslaved caribou are able to fly... and fly so high, as well. Watch the video clip to learn more.