This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Before, During and After Christmas

Mmm. Well... At least the ice age has taken a reprieve for the next couple of days. The temperature has finally reached above freezing temperatures. First time for that in almost a month. Right now we're sitting at a nice, balmy 43 degrees Fahrenheit (6 degrees Celsius). The ongoing monsoon we're experiencing, currently, here in the Midwestern U.S., is washing away the eight or so inches of ice and snow we got around the beginning of December. And this is the end of December. Ridiculous.

And yeah, I know people have it worse somewhere else... like in New York, for instance. It just seems like it's taken a goddamn eternity for the white shit to thaw out and for me to be able to walk five feet anywhere I go without risking slippage and neck breakage. With the advent of this current thaw out we're experiencing, I'll be treated to the sight of morons wearing shorts in these chilly, yet not sub-freezing temps. I've already seen a couple idiots wearing nothing but shorts, shoes and imbecilic grins at Wally World. This type of carefree simpleton behavior happens every year when we have even the slightest thaw out during the winter months.

For those reasons and more is why I'm not in my usual delightful mood and why I haven't been doing the blogging thing, lately. I've been too angry, depressed and seething with madness to do much on the computer except check out a few porn sites, humor sites and The Huffington Post website. It's a good thing my wife won't allow me to buy a gun, I suppose. God knows how many bodies would be lying around. Happy Holidays, everyone! And don't forget to go fuck yourselves silly! But not you, my cherished reader, not you. :)

Ah... As you can see I'm purging myself of the nasty negative thoughts in my head by sharing them with you. Isn't that nice of me? It's nice to share, they say.

Surprisingly, there was no carnage or destruction at my wife's Christmas family dinner this year. No mirrors or ceramic keepsakes were broken into a million pieces like last year. And the cat remained safe this year, unlike last year, where it was constantly being chased and whipped by a cat toy by my 3 little nieces. The reason for this is because (A) The cat ran and wisely hid under the bed when it heard my nieces menacing giggling when they entered the place and (B) Half of the time, while here, they were playing around with their little electronic gadgets or watching an insipid Nickelodeon TV show. The sound and sights of children shows drove me nuts time to time but at least everything, including the cat, remained intact.

The only bad moment happened while I was whispering to my sister about the eldest niece's boyfriend. My oldest niece is 17. Her boyfriend is 18 and weighs close to 500 pounds. I was explaining to my sister that the boyfriend has broken all the chairs, a heavy duty recliner and a coffee table with his hefty, morbidly obese ass by sitting in and on them, of course. He destroyed these fairly expensive pieces of furniture at my sister-in-law's and mother-in-law's places and nothing was said to the behemoth, as a result. I don't get that part, especially. I would have told the guy to pay for the damages, lose weight (at least for his own health) or something.

A week ago, I told my sister-in-law that the boyfriend wasn't allowed up to my place for the Christmas dinner because I was afraid he would actually go through my upstairs floor apartment and possibly land on and kill the tenants below. It sounds funny, but in his case, I think it could happen. Beside, I don't have anything he could sit on and take his weight without being crushed to molecules.

This same guy has had his picture in the local paper for entering and winning these all-you-can-gorge-on contests. One contest was for how many Twinkies you can stuff in your big fat face and the other was for pigging out on corn dogs or something like that. In other words, he not only engages in gluttony, he flaunts it, is proud of it and celebrates it by entering in these disgusting competitions.

When my mother-in-law overheard me talking to my sister, Christmas Day, about this dude, she got bent out of shape about it and started defending him. She told me how he had promised to marry my niece after he went through culinary art school and how nice he was and how he made her cry by saying all this wonderful stuff about her granddaughter and so on. With the rate he's going, I don't think he's going to live long enough to accomplish any of his goals.

I have asked my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law if anyone has ever warned him that being morbidly obese like that was a danger to his health. Both said, "No." They said that as far as they knew, not even the boy's parents have tried to talk to him about it or curb his weight with correctly portioned meals.

I said, "That makes me sick to hear that and I don't really have anything to do with him."

In fact, the boy's parents actually encourage their kid to go to my sister-in-law's place to eat all of her food when it's dinner time. And eat, he does. Everything. In. Sight. And nothing is ever said to him about that, either. Disgusting and amazing. I would have already knocked his ass out with a baseball bat, or at the very least, tell him to go graze in the back yard for nourishment. My tolerance for repetitious ignorant behavior is little to none. It's a good thing I don't have children.

Strangely enough, I've been told this enormous 18 year old kid's health is okay. For now, I'm guessing . Of course, it will be just a matter of time before he will eventually have problems with any or all of the following: Diabetes. Coronary Heart Disease. High Blood Pressure. Stroke.

To name just a few.

While I'm on the subject of diabetes and other health problems associated with that disease, another curious type of behavior has come to my attention. I know of two family members and a friend who have severe diabetes and a few of the other health conditions I mentioned and none of them seem to give a shit about it. They eat and drink whatever they want, no matter how much sugar and fat it contains. INSANITY.

Look everyone, FREE DIABETES! Come and get it!

If people want to kill themselves by ingesting whatever they want while having diabetes, they're going about it in the slowest, most torturous way possible- aside from disemboweling yourself with a small fork.

The truth is: Diabetes is synonymous with a gradual, often painful degradation of the body's parts and internal organs and ultimately- death will fuck you in the ass, as a result- with no lubricant. When you have diabetes, like I happen to have, just giving a "fuck it" attitude towards it and consuming what you want, guarantees all manner of horrible things to come your way. Like being hooked up to a kidney dialysis machine, for instance (no more caffeine for you, fucker). Or how about the lack of good blood circulation which will cause you to lose your feet and your sight. Does that sound like a good time? And healing from a wound or overcoming sickness, no matter how minor? Forget about it, baby!

Here's a funny story... As I was plunging an insulin needle into my belly a couple days ago, a friend knocked on the door. Since I knew who it was, I told him to come in. He came inside the apartment and was jabbering away about letting himself in until he noticed me slowly inserting a needle into my belly.

As I was cringing and curling my toes in discomfort, he asks, "Does that hurt?"

I didn't reply at first because (A) That's a stupid question and (B) I'm kind of busy at the moment and (C) If I don't focus on where I'm puncturing, I could bend the needle in my belly and tear open my flesh. I've done that last one a couple times, due to my wife causing me stress with inane jabber or the time when I was on the cruise ship and it lurched to the right while the needle slit my belly open. Good times!

Anyhow, my wife comes home from work and gives my friend a Christmas gift that I'm thinking he will likely take a pass on because he suffers from diabetes and has to take a couple pills for, as a result (no insulin yet, but he's working on it, I think). The gift he opens is a nearly two pound bag of gourmet chocolate caramel covered popcorn that has about a trillion (or so) grams of sugar in every piece. My wife thought he would like it because he likes sweets. I was just going to him a gift certificate at Lowe's or something but she thought of this, instead. Eh, okay.

Anyway, he opens the bag and instantly starts to gobble down the the contents of the bag with reckless abandon, diabetes be damned. I laughed, as i always do when I see someone doing something bizarre and I asked, "What about your diabetes?"

He said, almost incoherently, while munching and crunching, "My last blood sugar test result at the doctor's office turned out okay."

For now, I thought. He's very lucky in the way that he eats and doesn't exercise that his blood sugar counts haven't skyrocketed. I, on the other hand, watch what I eat and exercise and I'm forced to take insulin and pills for my diabetes. Go figure. Am I somewhat jealous? You bet. I'm not perfect by any means.
The last couple of weeks, I've been severely depressed because of mom not being here for the fifth Christmas in a row. She died in August of 2005 and I was closer to her than any other member of the family. The inner family fracturing, squabbling and accusing my father of killing my mother by my grandmother just adds heaping helpings of stress to my usual decaying mental health at this time of year. To counteract this, I would go out and take pictures of Christmas scenery in the town surrounding me. Only when I'm not around the usual negative people (family and friends) and outside, do I receive anything remotely describing peace. Sad, isn't it?

You can see these holiday pictures at my other website, Pics For Kicks. Going out and taking these pics is very therapeutic. And taking the holiday shots reminds me of the times, every Christmas, when my sister, dad, mom and I would go out, drive around at night and look at all the decorated holiday scenery in all of the neighboring towns.

To top off the near ending of the holidays, my dad slipped, fell and cracked his head wide open on the corner of a wall the day after Christmas. He's okay now but it scared the shit out of my sister and I. He fell at the assisted living place he's living in, due to taking his diabetes medicine but not eating any food with his medication. That will drop the ol' blood sugar to the basement. When I came to the emergency room, he was lying in the hospital bed, talking calmly to me, like nothing happened.

He looked fine but then...

As I sat down in a chair, he asked how he looked to me. All I could see at the moment was a tiny paper cut on his forehead. I said, " You look alright to me. Just a small cut above your nose."

I wondered silently why he had been rushed to the hospital.

But then...

I saw blood spreading on the pillow behind his head. I got up, walked over behind his bed and saw the four inch gaping gash in his scalp on the back of his head and almost fainted. Just then a nurse walked in and put a fresh bandage on his head. Five or so minutes pass and a doctor walks into the room, takes a stapler and staples the gash together with 8 staples.

Ca-Chunk... Ca- Chunk... and so on. He ended up staying overnight because his blood sugar was so low it wasn't even registering on the meter.

I remember the sound of staples going into flesh quite well since I had the same thing done to me when I was 21. Right after my double hernia surgery. I sat in a slightly leaned back chair as Dr. Frable Ca-Chunked Ca-Chunked twenty one staples between my belly and just above my crotch. He gave no warning he was about to do this. All he said beforehand was that he was going to check how the two wide incisions appeared. And then the surprise! Whoopee!

Good times.

Trying to fuck without literally busting a gut was quite the trick back then but I somehow did it. Back then I didn't have diabetes but I did have raging, horny hormones that made me do stupid things like trying to fuck not long after surgery.

Anyway, dad is back at the assisted living place. They're keeping an eye on him and making sure he doesn't go out and drive while healing. He's under strict doctor's orders. I'm sure today or any of the upcoming days he will be screaming and throwing the usual verbal insults at my sister and I, thinking we had something to do with this. Business, as usual.

Yep. Happy fuckin' holidays, everyone. I'm sure the new year will be just as delightful (sarcasm intended) as 2010, minus the honestly pleasurable reprieve of the week long Caribbean cruise we went on this past summer and the times I wasn't around family. During those times, I had nothing but peace.

Below, you'll find a humorous, truthful Christmas message from Bill Maher. After watching it, remember that Oprah Winfrey will or already has debuted her private network, OWN. Which, of course, stands for the Oprah Winfrey Network.


bazza said...

Let's all hope that next year will be better for us all!
I thought Bill Maher hit the nail on the head with his remarks.
Have a Happy New Year Kelly and I hope everyone is well soon!
Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

Gucci Mama said...

The Huff Post? Bill Maher? Ew. I still love ya, but ewwwww.

I hope it gets better. I know you're in the dark place and I hate it for you.

Hang in there, my dear.

THE SNEE said...

Hi Kelly,

You're definitely singing to this choir on the subject of consumerism, greed and values in our country at large. I still hope in my heart that the masses of people reaching for junk, is just TV propaganda. That being said, our recent trip to NYC's Time's Square opened my eyes to the CHARMIN STORE and THE POP TART BAR. Toileting and Pop Tarts right next door to each other. Go to the websites. You'll think that you are tripping, but actually it's all very Trippy.

Happy New Year Kelly. Your blog always keeps me on my toes, and I look forward to hearing, seeing, and reading more from you next year.
Now, off to see some Pics for Kicks.

Warmest Regards,

Rebecca(aka The Snee)

The shallow and meaningless Sir Tom Eagerly said...

My dear Kelly, Sir Tom is raising a glass of Compte de Lauvia 1973 vintage armangnac to your very good health for the forthcoming thingamyjig. May you and all your family only know good things from now on. Cheers!

Kelly said...

bazza- Sounds good, bazza. Yeah, I thought Bill had it right with his view of Oprah and greed. Take care.

Kelly said...

Gucci Mama- Gosh, you don't care for Bill Maher and The Huffington Post? lol. Go figure. Oh well. I don't care if we have different political views, Gucci. I love ya, too. I believe in celebrating what we like and agree on, instead.

I thank you for the well wishing and I hope things get better for you, as well. Take care.

Kelly said...

THE SNEE- You and I certainly think alike in respects to this country's addiction to material things, money and all that rot. You went to Time's Square and saw poop paper and Pop Tart stores? Well, now I'm jealous. So did you eat a case or two of Pop Tarts, rush into the poop paper store and have a wiping good time???

I'll check out the websites and anticipate much 'tripping'. Even as I type these profound words, I can barely contain my excitement or my poop. :)

Thanks for your support and compliments you've given me throughout the year, my friend and...

Happy Friggin' New Year, Rebecca!

Here's hoping it will be a year of relative peace and sanity for all. But don't count on it! This is the human race we're talking about here.

Kelly said...

Sir Tom Eagerly- I thank you for wishing me good health and a happy thingamajiggy. I wish you nothing but the same. As an added bonus, I just pooted out a grand ol' TURKEY FART in a glass jar, sealed it tightly and have sent it your way. Sorry for being late in sending you your Christmas gift. Cheers!

klahanie said...

Hi Kelly,
I know, I know, I said that I was going to comment on this posting, earlier. Well, my excuse for my late arrival is because we got a bit carried away exchanging pleasantries on your favourite social 'notworking' site, 'Farcebook':-)
Anyway, lucky you, I'm now here! Yee haaa! This was a varied post. Amusing, bitter sweet, ironic, sad and outrageous. I was horrified to read about the 18 year old boyfriend of your oldest niece. And those who would defend his gluttonous behaviour, beggars belief. You, my friend, who suffers from diabetes, is, quite rightly, outraged by such an indifferent attitude. It seems to me that to many folks have this 'tomorrow never comes' mentality.
You've had another eventful Christmas and times of deep reflection.
Despite it all, you still manage to pursue and utilise positive resources and distractions. I'm so glad you've been out there, getting into the great outdoors and taking all those photos. And, through the power of verbalisation, you have shared your thoughts. I hope getting it out of your system, so to speak, has been a bit cleansing and cathartic.
Bill Maher's video is cynically and sadly, spot on. Greed is the new religion. May you have a peaceful, positive and fulfilling 2011. I very much look forward to our ongoing interaction. You're a genuine dude and you have my total respect.
All the best, Gary.

Kelly said...

klahanie- lol...Yes, I did enjoy the exchanging of pleasantries on on Fartbook. :)

Yeah, this post had it all, didn't it? My wife's mother defends all manner of outrageous destructive behavior people around her and others. I could go down the list here of who and what but why bother? She's absolutely nuts, besides being an enabler.

Now I'm having problems with Dad getting out of hand, breaking rules at the assisted living place and the nurses calling me about him leaving and driving and even going so far as writing my name down on the sign out sheet like it was me taking him here and there. They called this morning to tell me he didn't come back until after midnight, for instance. On top of that, he has been making delightful calls and messages on our voicemails saying, "Fuck you, you fucking fuckers"... and so on.

So now, my sister and I are talking about putting him into a nursing home, where he will have no freedoms really at all, which was the last step she and I knew we would eventually have to take, besides taking his car keys away. She will go to the lawyer and sign the papers to be his legal guardian besides being power of attorney over him.

Gosh, this new year has started off just dandy as heck. Today, I'm supposed to meet with him to take him to the movies. It promises to be nothing but hell as he will have nothing but insults and negatives to say. Plus, I have to play referee between him and my wife, who can't stand each other. God help me for thinking this, but I really do think now, it might have been better that he had passed the same time as my mother did 5 years ago. My sister and I would have been devastated, of course, with losing both parents but with the way things are now... You know what I mean.

I thank you for your ongoing support, Gary. I agree with you on the Bill Maher video. I thought it ironic that the attention-seeking, money whore, Oprah Winfrey's network is called OWN. How appropriate. I look forward to our ongoing interactions, as well. And I thank you for the compliments, man. You have my utmost respect, as well.

Well, I gotta go face the music, so to speak. Take care, my friend.

LilPixi said...

My apologies for missing so much in the month of Dec.

Boy, do I hear you about trying not to be consumed by negativity, and I so fail. It follows me like a bad stench.

I'm sorry to hear you & your dad went through that scare. And words can't express my sorrow for what's ailed you this holiday season, my friend.

Diabetes just scares the hell out of me. God damn, you've had a lot on your plate.

You know I'm gonna pray things get better for you, and I know they will. Hang in there, Kelly.

Greg said...

Sorry about your Dad. I had a head wound once myself, still have a large scar from it. I fell into a lead pipe while being mugged, great experience. Anyway head wounds I was told bleed a lot, can't remember why...

I read about your family and the drama, and then I feel better about my decision to just stay away from mine, except my wife of course.

Its supposed to be a time of coming together, not just physically being in the same room,and so often it's a chore, and a drama fest.

I too hate people that insist on going out into the cold wearing less than appropriate clothes...

Looking for attention probably.

Well, hope 2011 is a good one for you. Glad i ran across your blog.

Kelly said...

LilPixi- That's okay about not coming around, lately. When you explained your Christmas crack addiction (lol), I kinda figured it wouldn't be until after the holidays until I heard from you on this blog again, although we did manage to write a few messages here and there to each other in Twitter, email and so on.

So true what you say about being consumed by negativity. Wouldn't be so bad if the people closest to you (family and friends) weren't so goddamn negative and persistent in dragging you down further into the abyss. Fuck, I already suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, yet the hits still keep on comin' from the people who you would think would try supporting me.

I asked a relative once, "You do realize I've been clinically diagnosed with having severe depression and I'm on anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication- not to mention having to go see both a therapist and a psychiatrist- don't you?"

The answer I got was a nod and then they continued giving me negative news and comments- one right after the fuckin' other. UNREAL!

Anyway, you -like I- need to keep on keepin' on, despite the assholes who wish to bring us down, whether they're trying to purposefully or not do that. I thank you for praying for me and your support, my friend. Take care.

Kelly said...

Greg- Thanks for saying that about Dad. Regarding your head wound and my Dad's, I was told by several people that scalp wounds, because of so many tiny blood vessels near or on the scalp- that's the reason for so much bleeding. Still, it's horrifying. And in the old days, the sight of blood didn't bother me. Now it does. I do know why but won't go into it. Long story.

So idiots wearing shorts near sub-freezing temps bothers the fuck out of you, too, eh? lol... Join my crowd. I'm glad you stopped by my blog and commented. Normally, I'm a hell of a lot less depressing than this in my posts. I will certainly be doing the same by returning the favor by visiting yours. Expect me there in the next minute or two. I always do a comment for a comment. My policy.

Take care and have a peaceful new year, Greg.

MartyrMom said...

Damn Kelly, Your christmas was just about as good as mine! sorry to hear about poor ole dad. Hope he heals nicely.

I may have already said this...but I remember when my uncles wife died after receiving dialysis(my aunt was also blinded from her diabetes) my mom walks into the room and tells her brother "well, this wouldn't have happened if she had followed her diet" mom.....

Anyway.....I think your wife should take away the bat too.

Go take some more pictures and be one with nature!!

Kelly said...

MarytrMom- You had a shitty Christmas, too, eh? If you wrote about it, recently, I'll be over to read about it. Like I said, I've gotta lot of catching up to do.

Dad is healing nicely but he is being a really paranoid, abusive bastard. I just got off the phone with my sister. She was crying. He told her his right to drive is more important than having any kind of relationship with her on top of calling her a traitor to the family and so on. so now, we have to think seriously about putting him a nursing home. He's a danger to himself and everyone else. No matter which doctor tells him he's not allowed to drive, he tells them to fuck off. There's more to the story than this but it would take too long to explain.

Your mom, in regards to her cruel comment made to her brother, sounds as insensitive as my side of the family.

That's funny what you say about the wife and the bat. To tell you the truth, I don't own a bat, actually. I just wish I did. But having a bat or a gun, especially, would be a bad idea because of my temper. All hell breaks loose when I let go and it's not good for anyone. But it takes me a long time before I explode like that. I have a long fuse. You have to have one in this family.

Time to take some more pics. Take care, MM. :)

Tom of LifeShopTravel said...

Let us make 2011 the year of peace and prosperity for all people.

That bf of your sister should really lose some wight or else he will have a lot of health problems soon if not more broken chairs...

Kelly said...

Tom of LifeShop Travel- I wish you well for the year of 2011. As for me, I'll be lucky to have a few moments of peace this year. Prosperity... a definitely impossibility with the way things are turning out.

The boyfriend is that of my nieces and he should definitely lose weight or he will either have a major heart attack or break more furniture down into sawdust with his fat ass or worse. Take care. I'll be by your site soon.

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