This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Toadie in "First Love"

Rufus and Maggie were thrilled to find that Maggie's Uncle Humphrey had left them a half a million dollars in his will. The married couple immediately bought a mansion with an in-ground swimming pool and began to seriously think about having children of their own. It was all happening so fast. To Rufus, it seemed as if life was finally rewarding them for the arduous task of taking of their somewhat slow-witted friend, Toadie, in their small apartment in Chicago.

At times, the responsibility of being Toadie's sole custodians could be overwhelming, yet the united couple still managed to handle the portly 33 year old man with every consideration since the day they took him in, when his house burned down. In time, they grew to love Toadie.

When the mentally impaired Toadie was first told the news of Rufus' and Maggie's new found wealth, Toadie commenced dancing merrily while furiously stroking his one-eyed wonder weasel. Not long after that, their happy-go-lucky friend relieved himself and promptly passed out, crashing onto the coffee table.

Together, the three amigos would share a joyful existence, laughing, bonding, eating fine food and taking long trips together. Toadie found Disney World to be especially fun. After eating a dozen Mickey Burgers, Toadie wanted to ride the wacky, spinning Tea Cup Ride.

"Yipee!," yelled Toadie, midway through the ride, "Toadie's having a swell time!"

Round and round he and some juvenile passengers went, shouting their delight... Until he ejected copious amounts of pre-digested meat on several children that had the misfortune of riding with him. Shocked and angry, the parents of the children rushed to their offspring's aid when the ride was over and began berating Toadie for the ample vomit he had released upon their children's once happy faces.

"You asshole!", exclaimed one bald headed muscular man, "Look what you did to Timmy's face!"

Toadie's was about to cry at the sight of the little boy's appearance until he noticed a mushy chunk of Mickey Burger was completely covering Timmy's eye. Saddened by this, Toadie asked, "Are you a pirate?"

Before the shaken little boy could respond, Toadie was jerked from his seat in the giant tea cup by Timmy's dad. Rufus ran to Toadie's aid, apologized for the trouble and gave the muscle bound man a handful of cash. Timmy's dad said, "Well, okay then", before walking off, in a huff.

Later, Timmy's dad would spend the money on an overpriced electronic gadget that he would later get rid of in a year's time for a newer, updated version of said electronic gadget. He was American, after all. What was left of the money he would spend on hookers and catch a bad case of crabs.

After the Tea Cup Ride incident, Rufus, Maggie and Toadie were walking along, enjoying the sights of tourists with their Mickey Mouse Ears on their heads and listening to them complain about all of the overpriced goodies Mickey World had to offer. Meanwhile, their children, in tow, screamed angrily about not getting this or that at whatever booth they passed by. Such were the delights to be found at America's favorite tourist trap.

At one point, Toadie saw a young couple kissing and holding hands. The hulking Toadie looked over at Maggie and asked, "Will Toadie ever find true love?" Maggie looked at Toadie, paused for a moment and said, "Of course you will, Toadie. There is somebody special for everyone."

Pleased at her response, Toadie farted.

When the threesome returned home to the mansion, Toadie was still thinking about the young kissing couple he saw at Disney World. Excited about the prospect of finding his soul mate, Toadie ran upstairs and opened a bedroom door and bounded inside it. To his surprise, Rufus and Maggie were vigorously fucking.

"Will you help Toadie find a girlfriend?," asked Toadie, as Rufus was about to come hard inside Maggie's vagina. Losing his focus on the activity at hand, not to mention his erection, Rufus grabbed a small lamp from the nightstand, threw it at Toadie's head and knocked him out cold.

When Toadie became conscious, Maggie was sitting on the bed where he laid. She was applying a a cold compress to his forehead.

"Are you feeling okay?" inquired Maggie, with sincere concern.

"Toadie went nighty-night," said Toadie as he moved to put himself up in a sitting position.

Maggie said, "Yes, I'm sorry about that. Rufus and I were making playtime with each other. And, well, you know how Rufus can be when he's interrupted from whatever he's doing."

Toadie asked, "Is Toadie still Rufus' bestist buddy?"

"Of course," Maggie said.

Toadie smiled and then requested, "Will you help Toadie find a girl, a true love, to make playtime with?"

Maggie agreed to help Toadie find a date. Toadie was so excited that he gave Maggie a big hug.

The next night, Rufus and Maggie took Toadie to a popular night club. They were hoping that Toadie might get lucky and find a nice girl to enjoy for a pleasant conversation. Maggie wanted to go inside with Toadie but Rufus cautioned that it would likely be a better idea to let Toadie feel as though he wasn't being "chaperoned" in this situation. Maggie reluctantly agreed.

Rufus handed the doorman a wad of cash in order for Toadie to be allowed inside. Rufus told Toadie to have fun and that they would come back to pick him up when he wanted to come home. Toadie was given a cell phone to make the call when he was ready to return to the mansion. He was also given a big wad of cash.

Toadie walked in and heard the unmistakable sound of loud techno music. This inspired him to dance. He waved his arms in the air and made happy noises, gyrating his hips and occasionally span around. Quite the spectacle, he caught the attention of many patrons.

One beautiful brunette girl, in her early twenties, said to her friend, "Check out that freak!" Her friend then joined her in a laugh fest that lasted for a bit until they saw a big pile of money fall out of Toadie's pocket.

Simultaneously, both women said, "Wow."

Toadie quickly noticed the money that had dropped to the floor and hurriedly picked it up. The brunette walked up to Toadie as he was bent over. When Toadie gathered up his cash, he straightened up and saw the pretty brunette standing before him, smiling.

She said, "Hi, my name is Chelsy." She offered her hand for him to shake. Toadie, taken aback by the young woman's appearance, could only say, "You're beautiful. Would you like to be Toadie's girlfriend?" Chelsy withdrew her hand, giggled for a moment and answered, "Sure honey, but what's your name?"

"Toadie," answered Toadie.

Chelsy slightly cocked her head and responded, "Toadie's an odd name. How did you get that name?

Toadie stuck out his tongue to it's fullest length. The length of Toadie's tongue was incredibly impressive. Chelsy was shocked. Speechless. She thought, That tongue has to be at least nine inches long. Rich and physically gifted.

She began to feel a familiar moistness between her legs.

After snapping his tongue back inside his mouth, Toadie explained that his brother gave him that nickname when they were kids... For the obvious reason. After making polite conversation and having a couple drinks, Chelsy agreed to Toadie's invitation that she come to his mansion the next day for a swim at his big in ground pool.

When Toadie was picked up at the night club later, he excitedly told Rufus and Maggie that he had found his dream girl, that she was coming to the mansion the next day and he couldn't wait to have his first real date with her. Rufus and Maggie said that they would leave the mansion so they could be alone and enjoy their time together.

The next day arrived and Chelsy, barely dressed in a revealing bikini, rang the doorbell. She was amazed at the sheer vastness of the mansion and thought, This guy owns this place?

Toadie opened the door and gazed upon Chelsy's trim, well tanned figure. The stout, slow witted man felt slightly dizzy, as if all of his blood were rushing to a point below his waist. Sure enough, Toadie's penis grew and grew until it popped out from beneath his swim trunks in plain sight.

For the record, Toadie was equipped with a 14 inch sex organ.

Before Chelsy could stop herself, she exclaimed, "My God! It's huge!"

Toadie, a little confused, said, "Oh, you must be talking about my house, silly."

Moments later, Toadie and Chelsy were lying in their pool lounges by the pool. Nervous, Toadie had closed his eyes, trying not to look at his new girlfriend's gorgeous body. He didn't want to be obvious that he liked what he saw. She remained quiet, thinking about Toadie's wealth and the mansion he lived in.

She turned to Toadie and said, "Toadie, I think I love you."

Thrilled by Chelsy's confession, Toadie said, "Toadie loves you, too. Can we make playtime now?"

Chelsy shrugged and said, "Sure, Toadie. That sounds like fun."

Chelsy walked over and sat at the shallow end of the pool. Toadie leaped and did a massive belly flop into the water, splashing gallons of water everywhere. Chelsy coughed, gagging on pool water. Toadie came up out of the water and said, "Toadie thinks the water is cool and refreshing." Little did Chelsy know, but Toadie was relieving his bladder at the time he was saying this.

"Can Toadie show you a trick I learned from watching my friends, Rufus and Maggie?" asked Toadie.

Not sure what to expect, Chelsy nodded. Toadie laughed, full of cheer, put his fingers around the the thin straps of Chelsy's bikini bottoms and pulled them down, revealing her tender, hairless coochie. Chelsy gasped as Toadie stepped in between her thighs and abruptly drove his tongue deep inside Chelsy's vagina. Toadie wriggled his tongue all around inside, easily reaching and licking her G-spot. Chelsy spread her legs to their furthest extent, leaned back and moaned with her eyes completely rolling back inside her head.

After several minutes passed by, Chelsy's body began quaking and convulsing. Toadie then began licking his new found love's throbbing clitoris. Her orgasms were building up to an earth-shattering crescendo. They became so strong that wave upon wave of pussy juice splattered Toadie's face. Toadie giggled at this and happily licked and drank all he could.


When Chelsy lost consciousness, Toadie seemed concerned and quickly got up out of the pool and was about to administer mouth to mouth resuscitation. Chelsy's eyes fluttered open and could hardly speak. She managed to say, "I'm alright."

Toadie said, "Goody. This is Toadie's second trick." And with that, Toadie drove his 14 inch prick all the way to the hilt inside Chelsy's blood engorged cum dumpster, causing her heart to explode in her chest. Regardless, Toadie ejaculated several ounces of baby gravy inside Chelsy's meat wallet, while Chelsy breathed her last breath, dying of shock and massive heart failure.

When Toadie was done, he got up, gazed down at Chelsy's lifeless body and said, "Toadie loves money hungry bitches like you. You are all so easy. Tee hee."

Finding himself bored with Chelsy's lack of willingness to engage in polite conversation, Toadie went back inside the mansion and fixed himself a ham sandwich. While slathering on his favorite condiment on a slice of bread, Toadie chuckled to himself and then said, "Toadie likes mayonnaise."


The Wolf said...

Ahh Toadie that sick twisted fuck. I see your back to writing stories for children

Sir Tom Eagerly said...

I say old boy, did you mean to post this or did you only mean to think it?
Good fun though!

Kelly said...

he Wolf- Yes, indeedy-do... That Toadie is a twisted fuck. But not me, of course. Heck, I'm just the innocent, pure of heart scribe that was hired to tell the story.



Kelly said...

Sir Tom Eagerly- Yes, I meant to post this wonderful, life-enriching story. I knew it had to be told to further benefit mankind. Because that's just how I roll. Good day to you, sir.

The Wolf said...

Yeah your innocent and would just "scribe" this little tale. That sounds about as true as me telling you that I shit golden peanuts out my ass.

Kelly said...

You shit golden peanuts, too. I thought I was the only one. lol.

klahanie said...

Wow and double wow!!!!
You may have realised I am commenting ass backwards. Which is difficult to do at the best of times. I commented on your 'Pink Floyd' posting first. You will probably know this, already. If not, go and check the Pink Floyd posting comments and then you can return here to continue to read my comment. Wish you were here?
What the fuck is wrong with me? Oh yeah, back to this Toadie just lurves Chelsy and fucks her to death, type posting. Yet another outstanding and delightful story about the ongoing exploits and adventures of one of my true heroes, the leg end that is Toadie.
Beatrix Potter would be well jealous of these wonderful and awe-inspiring tales of the toad with the 14 inch dangly bit.
Bravo and thank you so much for sharing yet another thought provoking tale:-)

Kelly said...

klahanie- Yeah, I did notice you commented ass backwards but I don't give a hoot. I was checkin' out my blog comments at my Aunty Kay's house while the wifey and I went there to console her about the 11 yr old dog she just lost. I think we made her feel better. Hope so.

Talk about gettin' off track. What the fuck is wrong with me? Heh heh.

"Wish You Were Here" is one of my Pink Floyd faves, for certain. It got me through a bad breakup years ago. But this comment box is for Toadie's Love Interest... Sooo...

If there is a lesson to be gained in this inspiring lil' tale of greed and 14 inch peckers, I would say it would be that- looks are deceiving and sometimes the good guys win. I guess that could be it. Wait a minute. Lemme take another hit and see if I can come up with something better. Heh heh.

Anyway, I gotta go to bed. I was going to write up another post but it's gettin' late. I'll do it tomorrow. Take care.

Anonymous said...

This is how Kelly consoles his Aunty Kay. With this sick twisted shit! I love it!

Aunty Kay

Kelly said...

Yes, Aunty, as you know there is often no better way of consoling someone than with the gift of muffins, pizza and a sick twisted story. We had a nice time with you yesterday. Take care.

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