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Monday, April 26, 2010

Strange Spanish Festivals

I've listed here a few of the strange Spanish festivals that go on throughout the year. Eh, don't try any of this at home... Really.

Goat Tossing Festival

The local people of the small town of Manganeses de la Polvorosa get together every year on the fourth Sunday in January. To do what? Why to toss goats, of course. The Goat Tossing Festival, in honor of St. Vincent de Paul, has been around so long, no one knows for sure when it started. The festival involves a young man who makes it his mission to find a goat in the village, tie it up and take it to the top of the local church belfry. From there, he tosses the goat over the side where it falls fifty feet to be caught by villagers holding up a sheet of tarpaulin. At least, they're supposed to catch it. I wonder how many times there was an oopsie during the big throw. Even though village officials have banned the event, it continues, anyway. Animal rights agencies complain but their complaints are ignored.

Bonfires of Saint John

Held on the 19th to the 24th of June, this is a popular festival in Spain that involves the lighting of bonfires. While villagers drink hot chocolate, the children take turns running through the bonfires. Weeee. "Hey mom, look! No hands! No legs, either! I fell into the fucking festival fire and now I'm a smoking, burnt stump of crispy flesh. Thanks for insisting I play in your strange and dangerous traditions, mom." No word yet if the children get to drink hot chocolate after offering their "well done but still pink on the inside" bodies for the amusement of the town folk.

The whole week is taken up with festivities that include fireworks displays and contests. Throughout the week, eighty-six women and eighty-six young girls are elected to be the "Beauties" of the bonfires. The beauties then preside over the festival as queens. Fortunately for the queens, they do not have to engage in fire running or acid drinking.

El Colacho

El Colacho (meaning -baby jumping) is a festival held every year on the feast of Corpus Christi. It involves the laying on mattresses all babies born in the previous twelve months. And then, things get even more fucked up when the adult men of the village of Castrillo de Murcia dress up as devils and take turns jumping over babies. Often resulting in injuries (thankfully, it's usually the adults who get hurt) it is believed that the jumping rids the babies of original sin. It also rids them of having a normal functioning brain when a knee cap slams into their soft spot. Pope Benedict XVI has asked the local priests to distance themselves from the festival because it is dangerous and contrary to the Catholic religion. Hmmm... You think? The Catholic religion has enough problems with the priests molesting kids these days.

La Tomatina

Again, another religious festival, this one is held on the last Wednesday of every August in the town of Bunol. Nine thousand locals to twenty to forty thousand foreigners go to the town to throw tomatoes at each other in honor of the Virgin Mary and St. Louis Bertrand. The festivities begin with an idiot attempting to climb up a tall greased pole to collect a cooked ham. Once the ham is taken down from the pole, water cannons are fired at the participants. To make things even more fun and bizarre, over a hundred tons of tomatoes are dumped into the streets for throwing. Women are expected to wear white and men are expected to go shirtless. You would think the women would go shirtless, also. Might as well. Anyone caught wearing a shirt inevitably has it ripped off, including women. Tourists tend to be the main target of the locals. Oh boy, now I want to go over to Bunol and join the fun. Nothing beats having your body pounded to a pulp with hundreds of tomatoes and having that acidic tomato juice splattered in your eyes for pure burning dissatisfaction.

This all just goes to show what bizarre lengths people will go to, to appease their gods and make fools of themselves for their religious beliefs. No matter who gets injured or killed in these festivals, the important thing is, is that they praised their saints and God the most freakish way imaginable. I've described only a few of these events going on throughout the year. There are plenty more where they came from (Spain). Needless to say, I have zero desire to go there. There are enough insane people here in the United States to contend with.


klahanie said...

Strange Spanish Testicles. WTF? Oh sorry, misread the title of your posting..
They do a lot of crazy shit over in Spain. Would it surprise you to know that Spain is a very popular tourist destination with the British? Probably not.
I heard of all these weird and bizarre festivals. There's this one event that really beggars belief. It's called the 'Pomplona Bull Run'. Six freaked out bulls are released on to a street in Pomplona and a bunch of idiots get chased down the street by said bulls. I'll spare you the 'gory' details. Just wonder why the fuck anyone in their right mind would think it a good idea to be chased down a street by a pissed-off bull.
'Ole', Kelly.

The Wolf said...

I like the idea of a mass tomato fight except replace the tomatoes with jello and the tourists with victoria secret models. Or simply replace the tomatoes with hand grenades......either one just as good.

Mr. Stupid said...

Very Strange. Uncle Bob had a swollen eye. Maybe, the Tomato hit him there! (Who's Uncle Bob?) Any guesses?
BTW, the Goats take revenge of people in Hell. Dressed as Devils with plastic horns that glow, they throw people around. I named their game "(Don't)Catch and throw"... hehe

Ta Ta

Kelly said...

klahanie- Strange Spanish Testicles? No, that's what the locals in Spain get ripped off by the stampede during the Pomplona Bull Run you're talking about. Yeah, I've heard and seen much about that particular festival more than the rest I picked out. Here, in the U.S., the media finds nothing more enjoyable than showing the most recent news video of the latest, most famous bull run in Spain. People being trampled by huge, dangerous animals until they're nothing more than a mishmash of bones and blood always make for fine, amusing entertainment here. Yesiree. In this case, such viewing, I find, is just dandy. It's okay to laugh at stupid people intentionally putting themselves at great risk of life and limb. :) For me, however, watching and laughing at someone who accidentally hurt themselves or are hurt by others, is not okay.

I didn't know Spain was that popular a tourist attraction for the British. Odd. Have you tried the Pomplona Bull Run yet? If not, let me know when you do so I can watch for ya on the news. :) Hahaha... Take care, Gary

Kelly said...

The Wolf- The jello and models idea sound good. The grenades sound even better. As we've discussed before, the human gene pool is in much need of cleaning- in particular -of idiots. What good is that adrenaline rush you feel when doing something outrageously risky when the end result is your death. Not much.

Kelly said...

Mr. Stupid- Keep your Uncle Bob away from the vegetables. It's good to know that the Goats take revenge in Hell. An idiot-throwing contest sounds like outstanding entertainment to me.

Crazy Brunette said...

Makes you wonder though,

WHAT THE HELL is wrong with these ass hats???

What kind of society would condone these forms of well basically 'abuse'?

Sooooo many retarded fucks, and not nearly enough guns to wipe them out...

klahanie said...

Hey dude,
I'm back. That is, of course, before I go off on the lil' ol Bull Run...
Ah..on second thought, fuck that! I don't wanna' be on TV that bad.
Yeah, Spain is a very popular destination. Mostly the islands such as Tenerife and Ibiza. Actually, lots of people from Britain go there and the Spanish tourist traps are full of British style pubs and restaurants. Weird or what. It's full of pissed- up Brits getting into fights and being thrown in jail by the Spanish police. What fun. A friend of my son's got beaten up by a bouncer on the definite miss island of Majorca and the town of Megaluf, in particular.
His friend was beaten up so bad the guy's mum had to fly out and bring him over to an English hospital.
Great fucking vacation eh! Luckily my son wasn't hurt. This is definitely no plug for the Spanish Tourist Board. Rant over. Take care man.

Kelly said...

Crazy Brunette- Hahaha... Ass Hats. Sounds like something they would auction off on Ebay or something.

I'm not sure what kind of society would condone such activities. I guess one that is either insane or doesn't know right from wrong or both.

I think the folks in Spain should have imbecilic religious festivals like the ones that have been described here every single day so the morons can be weeded out from the intelligent folks. But keep the kids away from these dangerous festivals. I don't want the innocent to get killed or maimed- just the retarded adults.

Crazy Brunette said...

Good thing we don't fall into the 'adult' category!!!!

Kelly said...

klahanie- Glad you came back, dude. Don't blame you for not wanting to join in the bull run fun. Say that 3 times fast. I bet you wouldn't mind being on TV if you were surrounded by gorgeous chicks and about to be gang raped by them.

What the hell did your son's friend supposedly do to get beaten like that? That's fuckin' crazy. Good to hear your son wasn't hurt. That story really makes me not want to visit Spain or any islands off the coast of it. Not that I planned to go there, anyway. My wife and I have talked about going to Italy, maybe someday, though. Hear anything shitty going on in Italy?

Take care, man. Rant on, dude! :)

Kelly said...

Crazy Brunette- Yeah. LOL. Wonder what category we do fall under, though. :) Awesomeness?

klahanie said...

Apparently, my son's friend went off for a wander on his own. He was in a bar and this bouncer went all gung ho on him. Not sure about all the details but he got badly beat up. I've seen a photo of him just after he was beaten up. Not pleasant viewing. His mother must have been right freaked out.
I haven't heard any bad reports about Italy. I hear the dudes like to pinch stranger's asses. So there you go...something to look forward too...or maybe not..
Must go now and find some gorgeous chicks to gang rape me. Knowing my luck; I'll end up being sexually assaulted by a bunch of horny garden gnomes.,,

Kelly said...

klahanie- Well, my wife will probably look forward to that, then. Then I'll have to open a can of whoopass. Oooh, they'll shiver with fear. :)

Hey, that last part was funny, Gary. Had to read it twice before almost pissing myself.

I wish you good luck then, in your humble pursuit of being gang raped -by horny garden gnomes. Perhaps this can take place at your upcoming gnome's wedding reception party. Hooray. That would certainly add to the festivities. :-)

Hee hee. I'm bad. Take care.

Tom Eagerley said...

Reference tossing a goat off of the church roof: in the jolly old UK the verb 'to toss off' has another connotation. Is it the same in the USA?
For example we couldn't say, "I was walking across a narrow rope bridge and I met a guy coming the other way. I couldn't get past him so I tossed him off".
Not good form at all, old boy!

Kelly said...

Hey Tom, what does 'to toss off' mean in the UK? Is it a nasty connotation? Here, in the USA, it means just what it says... to throw something off or pass something to somebody. Enlighten me on your British slang.

Tom Eagerley said...

I believe you might say 'spanking the monkey', old thing.

Kelly said...

Thanks Tom, but our friend, Gary, from Klahanie beat you to the explanation about "tossing".

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