This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Icky, The Easter Bunny's Half Brother


Meet Icky, the Easter Bunny's half brother.

Icky will quietly slip into your house at night, before Easter morning, go into your refrigerator and steal all of your eggs. It doesn't matter to Icky if your eggs are colored or not, he will take them, along with any fresh or rotten vegetables you have. Actually, he prefers rotten vegetables over fresh because he enjoys scraping the hairy fungus on top and spreading the stuff on a piece of bread as if it were peanut butter. The porn magazines you have hidden aren't safe, either.

We won't discuss what he does with them. This is, after all, a family blog.

Yep.

After Icky has taken what he wants, he will go to your liquor cabinet and drink all your booze. After he drinks so much (he has trouble holding his liquor), Icky will projectile vomit onto your furniture in every room of your house. This is Icky's way of blessing your home.

If you wake up to the sounds of the deranged bunny's retching and eventually find him spattering out pre-digested carrots and bits of human fingers, he will quickly cease vomiting, look at you and growl, shaking frantically, while his big black bunny eyes increasingly dilate to the size of Magic 8 Balls. Completely enraged, Icky will leap up into the air towards you with the intention of taking you to the floor and biting off your head as if it were a rotten, maggot infested hunk of broccoli.

This would be a great time for you to run.

Unless you have a gun. If you do have a gun with you, you must shoot Icky right between the eyes or he will not be stopped. Failure to hit Icky in his "soft spot", will only enrage Icky further. If he was not killed and is on top of you, gnawing your scalp with his nasty ass, dripping-with-slime teeth, please feel free to scream. At this point, it won't matter. Icky has the strength of ten Incredible Hulks. Before you can shout, "I've fallen and I can't get up because I'm pinned down by an insane giant rabbit!", Icky will have bitten off the top of your head, scooped out your brain matter and gingerly place it into a festive, brightly colored Easter basket, complete with large, fancy decorative bow.

Later, after Icky's had his way with your corpse, he will commence to sing a beautiful composition. Enticed by the rabbit's song, neighboring animals will suddenly pour into your house through the chimney, windows or magically appear out of nowhere. Once they've gathered around Icky and your headless body, the animals will dance merrily to Icky's delightful tune, bringing forth a sense of harmony and peace to all of God's creatures.

After the celebration has ended, Icky will hop away to the next house.

This a been a public service announcement from the kind, considerate and loving folks from Psycho Carnival. Happy Easter, everyone!

9 comments:

The Wolf said...

Icky what a sick little bunny, kinda reminds of that rabbit from Monty Python and the holy grail that bites everyones heads off........another reason why I don't trust rabbits. I swear if I run into the Trix rabbit I will pistol whip his ass into next week

klahanie said...

No problems with 'Icky' at my house. A 'jack' rabbit wearing a jacket sorted Icky out. They then proceeded to have rampant sex on my goddam sofa.
Icky got sticky:-)
Hope you and your loved ones had a peaceful and positive Easter.

Kelly said...

The Wolf: Yeah, I remember that rabbit. Funny movie.

"Hey, Trix are for kids, you silly rabbit." CRACK! The Trix rabbit goes down with a thud, bleeds profusely from the pistol whipping, weeks pass, becomes food for maggots.

Kelly said...

klahanie: You have your own personal, fancy dressin' bunny for a body guard? And you say Mr. Jack Rabbit and Icky got in a scuffle and did the wild thing -on your sofa? Well... that's just sick I tell ya. Just plain disgusting. Same thing happened at my house the other day. :)

vineyardroad said...

Wow Kelly.... Dream ...turned Tim Burton... turned Mark Ryden?

Dark Slander said...

Damn you Icky!, DAMN YOU!

Sorry, flash backs.

Kelly said...

vineyardroad/Penny: Those 3 things, altogether, you mentioned are a good description. Ha ha. May if all of us leave a basket of rotten eggs outside our doors, Icky will take 'em and leave us alone.

DarkSlander: LOL. Did Icky make a visit to ya?

lwr said...

... I don't like the easter bunny anymore.

Kelly said...

lwr: I don't blame you. The fucker pooped on my doorstep. Smelled like eggs.

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