I Picked A Booger

Not to worry, folks. It was my very own. Fresh and hand-picked. I told my wife about picking this little green gem while we were watching "Dancing With The Stars". Yeah, I know. That fucking show. Just so all of you know, I'm being forced against my will to watch that god-awful piece of monkey shit that's chock full of either no talent, has-been celebrities or athletes who could bore the fuck out of a drooling retard whose only entertainment in life comes when she's eating a dead fly on the window sill of a sanitarium.

I did like Buzz Aldrin, though. Was that his name? Hell, I don't know. Fuzzy condition and all. I just know he was one of the original astronauts that went to the moon. I think I watched it on TV when I was a kid. At least, I think it was the moon.

But getting back to what's really important here. I picked a booger. And it was a perfectly proportioned booger that was green at the base but had a bit of yellowish pudding like substance on top. Now what I did with this nose trophy was truly most excellent.

I put it in a Kleenex tissue, twisted the tissue until it formed a white missile with, of course, the booger bulge (where the booger was resting comfortably and snug as a bug in a rug) was precisely at the top of this missile. Ready for liftoff, I threw my booger missile towards the trash can. Misfortune laid a hand upon me when my booger missile fell short of my intended target.

"What's that?", asked my wife.

I replied, quite triumphantly, I constructed a booger missile. Isn't it magnificent?

She said, "Ewww."

My wife got me back, however, for making her mildly nauseous. She suddenly stuck her tongue out and wiggled it. Normally, this would get me "in the mood", but then, I noticed a little bump on the end of it. Curiosity persuaded me to ask, "Is that a booger?"

She shook her head NO and finally said, "No, I ripped a piece of someone's foreskin from their cock." I thought, How nice. I smiled a bit and then quickly gave her my look. She laughed at the fake shocked look on my face and told me that it was actually a sore from biting her tongue by accident -which hurts like a motherfucker and usually happens when you're hungry as fuck and you go to take a big bite out of something and chomp on your freaking tongue, resulting in you having a big bloody wad of food in your mouth.

Fucking sucks, man.

Anyway, I hope you can use this important information so you can use your own boogers in such a fashion that you can help save the trees, the whales, the coral reefs and the ozone layer. This has been a public service announcement. Thank you and good night.