This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I Picked A Booger

Not to worry, folks. It was my very own. Fresh and hand-picked. I told my wife about picking this little green gem while we were watching "Dancing With The Stars". Yeah, I know. That fucking show. Just so all of you know, I'm being forced against my will to watch that god-awful piece of monkey shit that's chock full of either no talent, has-been celebrities or athletes who could bore the fuck out of a drooling retard whose only entertainment in life comes when she's eating a dead fly on the window sill of a sanitarium.

I did like Buzz Aldrin, though. Was that his name? Hell, I don't know. Fuzzy condition and all. I just know he was one of the original astronauts that went to the moon. I think I watched it on TV when I was a kid. At least, I think it was the moon.

But getting back to what's really important here. I picked a booger. And it was a perfectly proportioned booger that was green at the base but had a bit of yellowish pudding like substance on top. Now what I did with this nose trophy was truly most excellent.

I put it in a Kleenex tissue, twisted the tissue until it formed a white missile with, of course, the booger bulge (where the booger was resting comfortably and snug as a bug in a rug) was precisely at the top of this missile. Ready for liftoff, I threw my booger missile towards the trash can. Misfortune laid a hand upon me when my booger missile fell short of my intended target.

"What's that?", asked my wife.

I replied, quite triumphantly, I constructed a booger missile. Isn't it magnificent?

She said, "Ewww."

My wife got me back, however, for making her mildly nauseous. She suddenly stuck her tongue out and wiggled it. Normally, this would get me "in the mood", but then, I noticed a little bump on the end of it. Curiosity persuaded me to ask, "Is that a booger?"

She shook her head NO and finally said, "No, I ripped a piece of someone's foreskin from their cock." I thought, How nice. I smiled a bit and then quickly gave her my look. She laughed at the fake shocked look on my face and told me that it was actually a sore from biting her tongue by accident -which hurts like a motherfucker and usually happens when you're hungry as fuck and you go to take a big bite out of something and chomp on your freaking tongue, resulting in you having a big bloody wad of food in your mouth.

Fucking sucks, man.

Anyway, I hope you can use this important information so you can use your own boogers in such a fashion that you can help save the trees, the whales, the coral reefs and the ozone layer. This has been a public service announcement. Thank you and good night.


The Wolf said...

I must say Kelly I would be completly lost and in dispair if it wasn't for this post riding in like a calvery to save my fragile exsitence and soul from the pits of Hell.

Well mabye not like the cavlery.....perhaps more like the ice cream truck with thre creepy old guy who sells ice cream bars that taste a little funny....if you know what I mean.

Kelly said...

The Wolf- Well, you know me. Always the giver. I do what I can for my fellow man. I'm happy I could save your life and soul with my booger. It wasn't that hard, though. Actually, it was kind of soft and squishy.

Creepy old guy with funny tasting ice cream bars? Don't call my semen funny tasting!!

Take care

The Wolf said...

Now why did you automatically think it was semen........that's just wrong. They could be funny tasting for a whole variety of reasons, it could have been animal semen such as a dog or donkey, mabye an ape's well never know

Kelly said...

The Wolf- Boy oh boy, you got me there. It could be animal semen. I don't know. I buy my stuff from the crazy guy down the road that lives under the bridge. The good news is, is that my customers really love my product and will often compliment my frozen confections because they're so creamy.

One of The Guys said...

I love the comeback from your wife. Pretty funny!

I don't bite my tongue, but I bite my lip occasionally and there's nothing worse. I'm talking a big crunch, then blood and then a month of healing where brushing your teeth stings like a mofo!


Happy Picking!

Kelly said...

One of The Guys- She gives me some real zingers sometimes. I think she is almost as morally corrupt as I am. We fit together, perfectly. I'm lucky.

Ow! Biting your lip would fucking hurt. I wince at your description. They say mouth injuries heal the fastest but I don't think so.

Thanks about the picking. If you'd like, I can save you one. :-)

Keep smiling.

klahanie said...

Hi Kelly,
Thank you for this vastly important 'Public Service Announcement'.
Do not, I repeat, do not, let your US military 'intelligence' find out about your 'booger missile'..they might use it as a 'weapon of mass destruction'.
Anyway, I nose what you are saying. You are very creative. I never got past the pick and flick stage with my snot.
God help you if your wife had been telling the truth. Next thing you know, you might have some teeth marks on your ouch or what!

Kelly said...

You are most welcome, Gary. Don't worry. I won't let anyone in on my Booger Missile Project but my closest friends. Those who read this fine post should consider themselves lucky and my closest friends. Ha ha. Yes, the U.S. military would likely use it as a weapon of mass destruction. Eh, my wife has already threatened me with chomping down on my manhood... hopefully, jokingly. If I woke up and found her with my skin flute in her mouth... I would feel sad. :-(

Mr. Stupid said...

I thought Booger was an Imaginary Scary dragon kind of guy used to scare kids.
But then, I realized how wrong I was... LOL
The missile launch failed. Too bad!
Better luck next time...:)


Kelly said...

Mr. Stupid- Sometimes my boogers are as big as scary dragons. Thanks for wishing me luck on my next booger missile launch. Take care.

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