This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Monday, December 17, 2012

The Apocalyptic Holiday Parade

If you're unfamiliar with some of the characters that have been featured on this blog before or you just want to reacquaint yourself with them again to better understand the following heartwarming holiday story, just click on the following links and enjoy!

For another story about the mysterious Intenso, click here:

The Incident at St. Mary's

For stories regarding Asmodeus, click any of the following links:

Auditions For The Circus
Second Round of Auditions For The Circus
Asmodeus' Astounding Circus

For lovely adventures involving Toadie, click any of these links:

Toadie in "Happy Anniversary"
Toadie in "Road Rage Spectacular"
Toadie in "First Love"
Toadie in "The Christmas Trip" (Part One)
Toadie in "The Christmas Trip" (Part Two)
Toadie in "The Haunted Bordello" (Part One)
Toadie in "The Haunted Bordello" (Part Two)
Toadie in "The Haunted Bordello" (The Final Chapter)

And now, the final story involving all of these wonderful, fairy tale like characters.  

Brandon and his family are at his house, enjoying video games, talking about the economy and pulling food from bags.  The family pet is also busy, in the corner of the living room, licking his pecker like a lollipop.

Brandon just came from the grocery store with his Dad, Mom and dog, Skipper.  Then he, while putting a jar of peanut butter on the top shelf of the kitchen cabinet, heard what he thought was a marching band, just down the street.  Curious as to why there would be one, especially on this day, around Christmastime,
the twenty one year old man went outside the door, turned and saw what was coming his way.  Behind what was coming his way, was a cloud.

This was no ordinary cloud.  The was unique.  It was a deep crimson red cloud that was raining blood from it.  Hot blood spattered the ground and street below, erupting from the cloud in wave after wave.  Steam rose up from the asphalt of the ground and soon, even from where Brandon stood, he saw the blood was eating away the street as if it were acid.  Even the ground beneath what was once road was eroding into nothingness, leaving a wide trough of burnt dirt.

This cloud crackled with a horrifying sound that Brandon thought was a raucous mix of laughter and thunder. It scared away almost all of the animals. Dismembered body parts rained down from this cloud.  Detached heads busted open on the eroding, steaming street.  Arms, legs, torsos followed.

Trumpets made an earsplitting noise in the air.  At the front of the parade, sat the demon, Asmodeus.  The demon was sitting on a throne being carried by men, writhing in agony.  Asmodeus' tongue flicked out of his mouth.  He began laughing.   Intenso was by his side, laughing, while the band played a warped tune that began to make people come out of their houses, screaming.  While screams of laughter and pain filled the air, Intenso saw neighbors staggering out of their houses.

Brandon could see the neighbors' faces then.

The neighbors watched, filled with terror, as some of the participants of the parade were wearing the blood and dead skin of other humans.  Others had simply painted their naked bodies with odd human expressions and symbolism.

Dressed in black, the mysterious Intenso twisted his wrist, suddenly, and through sheer mind control, made the neighbors tackle each other to the ground and fuck like wild dogs.  Afterwards, they forced tree limbs into each other's butt holes.  They both howled and bled, profusely.  They wouldn't stop until they had torn each others assholes apart and bled out, almost completely.

"Tree huggers," muttered Intenso.

A neighbor dog ran up to one of the fat naked corpses on the lawn.  Blood was forming in large puddles around him and his wife.  They had just gotten finished with reading the local paper and suddenly found themselves in the front of their houses, fucking each other with long tree limbs.  The husband was struggling to breathe.  Abruptly, a huge dog, named Pippy, sprinted toward the man and tore out a piece of the man's gaping butt.  The dog, under the spell of Intenso, then ran across the yard, growling, with a slimy chunk of the man's colon in his canine jaws.  The man watched the dog run away with a meaty bit part of his colon, screamed loudly and futilely, then shit himself in a funny sort of way, before breathing one last time.

Intenso skipped forward a bit and began to sang, gleefully...

"Oh, Susannah
Oh don't you cry for me
For I come from Alabama
With a banjo on my knee."

He then turned to the lesbian couple and twisted his wrist again.  "Think you could "munch some carpet" for me?"

One of the women shuddered, seeing what chaotic, violent acts he had made the other neighbors perform.  Still, one of them stepped forward, bravely and said, "You can go fuck yourself."

Intenso smiled and then replied, while twisting his wrist back again, "What you will do for me is going to give me such a hard on."

It wasn't long before the women, under the spell of the maniacal Intenso, stripped off their clothing and began to push each other to the ground.  The smaller one hit the taller of the two in the face, knocking her out.  She took out a small pocketknife and was about to carve up her lover before Intenso decided their deaths would be more humorous if he tried his next trick.  Intenso curled his finger, forcing his supernatural powers to overwhelm the woman with the knife with thoughts that were more sinister than the ones she had before.

Everyone who witnessed what happened with the women began retching, violently.  Skipper the dog, ran out of Brandon's house and enthusiastically chowed down on the steaming piles of vomit.

Towards the front of the parade were baton twirlers, swinging human femurs into the air above and catching them as they came back down.  Blood poured out of their sockets in their heads where they once had eyes.  Their nude, emaciated bodies contorted, every so often, repulsing everyone watching them.  Their ribs would sometimes rip through their thin flesh, with blood spilling down their bodies.  They no longer had the will or strength to scream.

A huge balloon animal was pulled along in the line of the parade.  Even those that were lying on the ground, suffering from torment, looked at the plastic object and chuckled.

People heard Intenso, skipping along, cheerfully singing...

"I had a dream the other night
When everything was still
I dreamed I saw Susannah
A-coming down the hill."

By this time, everyone was out of the neighborhood's houses and apartments, in awe, of course, of the evil, disgusting spectacle being played out in front of them.  When a few people tried running back into their dwellings or attempted using any of their electronic devices, they were instantly incinerated by the power of Asmodeus.

When one man was almost able to reach his cell phone, about to dial the emergency numbers, Asmodeus raised his butt cheek, from where he sat, cut a huge fart towards the man and burnt his victim's off of his shoulders.

Women in strange green clothing, sat on the shoulders of merry men, while the muscular men had deeply planted their hands, then arms in the women's vaginae.  The women, oddly enough, wouldn't scream and only smiled to the passerby.  Some even waved, as if they were on a normal parade float.  Their minds, obviously, had been taken away long ago.

Brandon screamed at the living nightmare all around him.  Body parts were everywhere.  People were torturing and raping each other.  Scenes, too horrific to describe, froze Brandon where he stood. At this point, the marching band stopped playing.

Asmodeus, the demon, raised his clawed hand, signing to all the rest who were involved in the parade, to halt at his command.  With his other clawed hand, he had been munching on a woman's detached boob.  Quickly, he tossed the rubbery nipple off to the side like a discarded, half-eaten gummy bear.  The demon stared at Brandon, angrily and soon the young man was feeling himself slowly catch on fire.


Four blocks down the road, Toadie and Valerie had just gotten married.  After several years of being together, making love and going on several adventures, they cemented their relation by making their love official and on paper.  They came out of the little church, full of happiness, ready to begin their lives as husband and wife.

When the newlyweds looked down the road at the carnage and the macabre parade, the mentally challenged man shouted, "Toadie is hungry for wedding cake!"

Then he farted.

Valerie looked at him, lovingly and held his hand, proud of her new husband.

Asmodeus turned his attention toward Toadie and instantly, Brandon's body ceased catching on fire.  His parents came running up to their son and extinguished little flames on his shirt and pants with their jackets.

In less than a second, Asmodeus was staring down at Toadie, sneering at the apparent fool.

Toadie looked up and giggled at the smoldering red behemoth.

Asmodeus snapped his fingers, without warning and caused Valerie to bleed out of her ears and nose.  Streams of blood ran down her face as she cried out.

Toadie stopped giggling.

Toadie cocked his head to the side.  Intenso ran over to see what the hold up was about, regarding the parade.  He thought everyone was having a good time, so far.

Intenso looked at Toadie and the demon standing toward each other, shrugged and to break the tension, the man cloaked in black garments began to sing...

"Old McDonald had a farm, E-I-E-I-O.
And on that farm he had some chickens, E-I-E-I-O.
With a..."

Intenso couldn't sing the rest of his verse because Toadie had quickly crushed the supernatural being's trachea and shattered his voice box with his right hand.  Intenso grabbed his pulverized throat with both hands, confused and unable to understand Toadie's surprising surge of strength.

Before Asmodeus could take any action, Toadie, with lightning speed, pierced Asmodeus' chest and pulled out the demon's black heart.  Asmodeus slumped to the ground.  Valerie, in that instant, stopped bleeding.

Skipper the dog ran up to Intenso and bit through his scrotum, causing Intenso to wail.  The dog shook his head, aggressively, clamping his jaws down on Intenso's nutsack.  Soon, Intenso's genitals were being escorted off the property by Skipper the dog.  The testes of the mysterious being slipped out of the dog's slobbering mouth and hit the ground.

The cloud behind the parade cleared up.  No more blood rained down.  No more body parts.  The sun came out and the street that was there once before began to reappear again.  People who had once died or were hurt, stood up, healthier than they were before the parade.

The stout, broad shouldered Toadie looked down at Asmodeus and said, "You're no different than any other tyrant.  You feed off of the fear of others.  You either secretly or not so secretly crave attention, fear and adulation from as many obedient people or sheep as you can gather.  If more folks like me took a stand and realized they had capabilities they didn't know they had before and were willing to stand up to pieces of shit like you, you wouldn't exist in the first place.  Love, courage and people using their minds for the greater good will ultimately defeat beings like you.  Oh... and one more thing."

Asmodeus was gasping for breath.  Toadie turned around, pulled down the pants of his tuxedo and farted directly into the demon's face.  Asmodeus coughed, choking on his own retched vomit.  The green, toxic gas ate the demon's flesh off of his face.  The demon's eyes bulged and melted away. Soon, the demon no longer existed in this realm.

Toadie threw the demon's heart high into the air.  Skipper caught it with his powerful jaws and burst the organ in his mouth.

Suddenly, those involved in the parade disappeared, completely.  There were no signs that anything had transpired during the last few hours.

Toadie looked at Brandon and said, "Nothing should be assumed.  That especially includes anything that breathes.  Strange, evil beings, such as the one you confronted, are different, in how they appear and the tricks they can pull off- but that is really the only difference between them and the puppet leaders and ruthless dictators of the world.  Sometimes, regretfully, you have to resort to violence as a last resort with these fuck wads or they will continue their reign of terror and their often successful campaign of fear-mongering."

After this was said, Toadie took Valerie up in his arms and took off in their white rented limo, toward the reception hall.  This would begin a new exciting chapter in their lives.  Together, in spirit and love, they would spend the rest of their lives, making each other as happy as possible.

At the reception hall, everyone drank bourbon, rum and tequila, singing and dancing.  Later, old friends would tell their same old favorite stories, smoked copious amounts of marijuana and had a terrific evening of fun and revelry.  It was an evening of celebration and also a time to reflect on what they could all do to improve themselves and the state of the world.

Everything, miraculously, had been set right again in the land.    


Anonymous said...

Now that's a heart warming tale if I ever heard on

klahanie said...

Hi Kelly,

I've just taken my human down memory lane and showed him how to click on the links to all your past features.

Today, mercifully, I'm going to keep my comment short. Besides, my paws are aching. This parade you talk about is worryingly familiar to the annual parade they have in Leek in the honour of my human, Gary.

Once again, you have brought a feeling of warmth that goes beyond any description I could possibly mention to you. I shall now pawnder, sorry, ponder all of this and then shit on the carpet.

Pawsitive wishes, Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar! :)

Dixie said...

My, my, aren't we strange...

St. Mary's had me laughing hysterically, then hyperventilating, then I went blank, but not before a smelly phart escaped. (Phart being the formal version; after-all it was in church.)

Fecking demons deserve all the ugly that Toadie can muster up. Really quite enchanting... such wicked boys :) Cheers for Toadie's phart tart! LOL.

Stephen King has nothing on you, Kelly dear. My goodness, I love the way Asmodeus rips out a throat or a breast or something. It's all about painting the sky red. I love red. Rip in piece!

Lastly, I'm surprised you don't have an online comic book series. I suppose defining the characters' looks would be exciting... I might can help you with the "length of appendages". I'll sleep well tonight.

Keep me posted for the next audition of the ladies in the green suits. Ha ha ha!

unikorna said...

I wish you and your wife a lovely and romantic Christmas, may all your dreams come true Kelly :). Kisses.

Kelly said...

Jerry Thomson- It made tears of joy run down your cheeks, huh? Now you're ready for End of the world Fun!

Kelly said...

klahanie- Wow! You clicked on the links. Thanks, Gary and Penny!

Glad to hear your heart was warmed above room temperature to read the whole story. Did it tickle your fancy? Ready for the End of the World?

Have a nice shit on the carpet, both of you! Take care!

Kelly said...

Dixie- You 'pharted' in church and read my past story of beauty and extreme eloquence.

Gosh! I say... and mean it.

Toadie was a hero in this tale. really he's kinda been the hero in all of the past stories. The gist of the story, even with the sick humor and gory details, laughingly over-described, is all about seeing through appearances. And you can take or interpret that in many ways with this one.

Yeah, I write horror, sci-fi, historical, humor, biographical and all genres.

You're more than welcome to help me make an online comic book series. You can make the appendages as big as they can fit on the screen. :)

Tee hee.

Kelly said...

Unikorna- I hope you and your loved ones have a very Marry Christmas, too. Stay safe and at peace!



bazza said...

Hi Kezza
Best wishes for Christmas (or whatever you celebrate) and the New Year from Bazza.
Looking forward to another year of great posts from you.
Barry & Leah x
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

Kim Thomas said...

Been terribly neglectful lately in visiting blogs - so sorry to have missed your posts lately!
I wanted to stop by, though, to wish you a very Merry Christmas! Here's wishing warm, relaxing, fun times for your family - kitties included!

Kim and CindyLu, et al
xo xo

Skrib (aka MEaster Bunny) said...

Sounds like the birthday parties I've had every year since I was a small child.

Yeah, I come from a fucked up dysfunctional family. Just ask, Jesus Iza-queerdo. :P

Kelly said...

Bazza- Thanks! Here's hoping that you and your loved ones had a great Christmas, as well. May the upcoming new year be one of genuine happiness for you and your family. Take care!

Kelly said...

Kim Thomas- That's okay, Kim, for not visiting blogs (mine and everyone else's) as of late. I haven't been doing so great at that, myself.

I apologize for not getting back to you sooner on here. It's been a hectic Christmas for me. If I didn't have certain family members that thrived on pandemonium, it wouldn't have been so bad. Eh, well. As long as I can still celebrate it with my wife and my kitties, I'll be fine.

I sincerely hope you had a merry Christmas and I hope you have a great upcoming new year. Give CindyLu a pat on the head for me. :)

Take care, Kim

Kelly said...

Skrib- I'm not sure if you're Static, Black Santa Claus, Rafael, the MEaster Bunny, Jesus Izquierdo or all of the above. Who knows? Maybe you are a few of the above that I mentioned or none at all. :) You may even suffer from multiple personality disorder. It wouldn't be the first time I've interacted with a crazy person online- or offline, for that matter. And I'm sure it won't be the last.

You've had birthday parties like the story I told in this fantabulous posting? Gosh! That's a wild childhood you've had. That could explain things.

Take care, Skrib and Happy New Year! I guess the world didn't end this time around. Better luck next time, I suppose. :)

Anonymous said...

Kelly -

What a heart-warming story to begin the New Year! Toadie saved the day. Wonderful story, I couldn't stop reading it, part horror, part porn. It had it all!

- AK

Kelly said...

AK- Wasn't it it, though? Thank you for the wonderful compliments for my heartwarming, wholesome tale of love and terror and courage.

Take care!

Dixie said...

Kelly, I just had to add... I await the "Toadie doll". Hopefully you have them in production. Oh, and can mine be wearing a red bow tie?

Happy New Year to you and the Mrs.; of course the kitties too!!

Kelly said...

Hi Dixie and here's to wishing the happiest new year possible, even if it involves something weird with a squirrel. LOL.

When the 'Toadie doll' goes in production and manufacturing, I will make sure you are the very first person to receive one. I will only charge you $39.99, plus shipping and handling and the cost of the red bow tie. What a bargain!

Seriously, though... I hope you and your loved ones have a great new year. Lord knows we deserve a good one. :)

Dixie said...

Gosh-gee-Kelly... I love squirrels!
$39.99 plus s/h... what a fecking pal!! In that case I want my 'Toadie' to be fully functional...hominah, hominah... w/ribbit juice!

Yep, Happy New Year and all them other coming days; seriously.

Kelly said...

Dixie- Hello, friend and blogger pal. Oops.. I almost called you my booger pal. I call Gary my Booger Pal. We share bogers across the land and sea. An old, salty pirate tradition, to be sure.

You love squirrels, too. I think they're fun. Sometimes, they're tasty, too, if you cook and season them just right.

Happy New Year to you and yours! Take care, Dixie!

Kelly said...

Dixie-I forgot to say... Toadie is FULLY FUNctional. He even has his own special juice. LOL.

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