This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Friday, July 30, 2010

Sick Jokes

What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
-- The fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out

I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with a penchant for bestiality, but I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says "Today I found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".
to which the second hobo replies: "Oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"
"Did you get a blow job?"
"Naw, I couldnt find her head"


An elementary school teacher, a lawyer, a Catholic priest and three young boys are on a plane with only three parachutes. Engines explode, plane starts going down.
The teacher says, 'Save the children!'
The lawyer yells, 'FUCK THE CHILDREN!'
The Catholic priest looks around and whispers, 'Is there time?'

A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
"You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
"Because you're ugly".

A woman successfully gives birth after several hours of labor. The doctor takes the baby and leaves the room to perform some tests. Several minutes later, the doctor returns with the baby in his arms and then suddenly begins to punch it, kick it, throw it about the room and slam it against an adjacent wall. The woman screams, "OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!" To which the doctor replies, "April Fool's! It was already dead!"

Rape isn't a laughing matter, unless it is with a clown.

Q: What's better than winning a gold medal in the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded.

Q: How many babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Weeeee! A Versatile Blogger Award

Hooray! Another blog award! It's a time for celebration, jubilation and ejaculation, for sure. This award was given to me by The Wolf, blog author of The S.N.A.F.U. Report and Beyond The Wire, to name just a few. He received this award the other day. Thanks, Wolf, for giving it to me, as well! It's an honor. And I promise not to let it go to my head. Ah, who am I kidding? I'm a glutton for praise. Now... All must bow before me, proclaim me your god and give me your virgin womenfolk. Pronto!

And don't forget to flagellate yourselves every time you speak my good name.

Why?

Because I think it would be funny. That's why. Don't question your god!

Unfortunately, like many blog awards that are given these days, this award comes with certain rules. And I, like The Wolf, before me, will follow only the ones I feel like following. I hate goddamn rules, after all. They really get in the way of having a good time.

THE FUCKING RULES:

1. Thank those who gave you the award....Check.

2. Share seven things about yourself.... Haven't yet, but I'll do that here in a few minutes after I take a nice dump.

3. Present this to 15 other bloggers you follow... Like The Wolf, I'm gonna give it to everyone on my blogroll and for those whose buttons I have on my site... You know who you are. If you don't, take a goddamn look to your right, in case you're suffering from temporary brain damage at the moment. You're welcome.
Now, as far as me sharing 7 different things about myself, I'll try to give that one a shot. Since I don't like being redundant on sharing things I've already mentioned on my charming blog, I'm going to have to do my damnedest to come up with some new awe-inspiring info about yours truly. This may prove difficult since I believe I've exposed almost every dirty little secret about myself (except the fact I've got a hairy ass) on this website so far but here goes...

#1- I got married August 11, 1989- and I'm still married. Before that, we lived together "in sin" for a couple years. We had to try each other out, after all. Heh heh. Can you believe somebody has tolerated my delightful, bewitching self for 23 freaking years- all total? She has a ton of patience. And I'm a prick.

#2- My friends once made a list of crimes I've committed during during my lifetime and the total came to thirty-seven (no shit). A few were lame, like jaywalking, or some shit, but quite a few were not so lame. Don't ask me to detail what was on that list. I forget and it disappeared when I moved. Either that or I burned it up. lol.

#3- I played with G.I. Joe dolls (ahem... I mean action figures) and Hot Wheels cars until I was ten years old. It was either a choice of playing with those things or playing with the Hogston boys (our only neighbors) that lived down the gravel road from us or the toys I mentioned. The neighbor boys enjoyed fucking their dogs and drinking each other's pee. I think I chose wisely, myself.

#4- I wrote a poem about twenty years ago that was published in a book entitled "World Treasury of Great Poems- Volume 2". The poem I submitted was called "Runner". Here it is:

Runner

Dreams of a better plan
Can sometimes go unnoticed
Schemes of modern man
Always eager to go fast forward

Like a temperamental child
What society wants now is what we get
Fill our needs
Hand them over

Why is progress such a race?
Is quicker truly better?
Why is there 'no time to waste'?
The runner must not stumble
Why the pressure to keep
This fitful pace
To a soul-wrenching fate?

Perhaps we should stop and feel
Not let reason always rule over heart
Maybe escape those constant rules of the race
Before it tears us apart

Like an unstable world
We push caring to the sidelines
Only to get ahead-
To get further from the heart

#5- I'm not bragging or whatever but I have read and own close to 600 books on every subject you can imagine and likely not imagine. My interests are extremely varied. I began writing long stories when I was five. And I was a quiet, well behaved kid until my junior year in high school- then I got pretty wild. Started going to a lot of parties and so on. One day, during lunch break in high school, I stuck a fork in somebody's head. My wildness got a lot worse in my twenties.

#6- At a friend's bachelor party, I watched a very drunk stripper shove a dozen hard boiled eggs into her vagina and proceeded "to lay" them, carefully, one by one, into each of our big glass mugs of beer. Later, her other disappearing tricks included shoving a 21 inch bull whip and a 15 inch zucchini into her coochie. Not at the same time, mind you. For me, the demonstration was kind of educational (what she was able to take in and squeeze out of herself) and it really showed all of us guys how a woman can get such a big round thing like a baby and it's bulbous freakin' head out of her gaping twat. What a night that was. And I'm just giving you a few details. :)

#7- My flaws:
I've got a horrible temper
I'm impatient most of the time
I'm forgetful
I sometimes allow my depression to hold me down or tear me apart
I sometimes think that the good lord placed cripples and retards on this Earth to cheer us up a bit.
I'm incredibly cynical.
My penis could be bigger.
No matter how well I think I've proofread something I've written, I will invariably screw something up.
---------------------------------------------------------
My good qualities:

I'm highly imaginative and creative (this could be a bad thing in the wrong hands... tee hee)
I'm a great listener and I only give advice when asked (I believe it is arrogant to give unasked for advice and despise it when others try it with me).
If you are my friend, I will always be there for you and help you. If you are my enemy, you don't even fucking exist.
I am always kind to animals, unless they bite me (then they will be crushed).
I try to be a better human being. It's difficult when you're surrounded by assholes and idiots.
I'm a loving husband.

Well gang, that's really all I can think of for now. It's getting late and I have to get some sleep. Take care. Be well. And all that rot. Ha ha.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Pink Floyd

One of the best rock bands of all time. I grew up listening to these guys during the 1970's and 80's. They got me through some crazy times. For me, their music was very soothing and meaningful. Hell, I could recite and sing along to all their songs, most especially, off "The Wall" album.

Click HERE for a biography of the band. And check out the video below for one of their last live performances. The audio and visual quality is pretty damn good.

Pink Floyd- Then


Pink Floyd- Presently


Saturday, July 24, 2010

Toadie in "First Love"

Rufus and Maggie were thrilled to find that Maggie's Uncle Humphrey had left them a half a million dollars in his will. The married couple immediately bought a mansion with an in-ground swimming pool and began to seriously think about having children of their own. It was all happening so fast. To Rufus, it seemed as if life was finally rewarding them for the arduous task of taking of their somewhat slow-witted friend, Toadie, in their small apartment in Chicago.

At times, the responsibility of being Toadie's sole custodians could be overwhelming, yet the united couple still managed to handle the portly 33 year old man with every consideration since the day they took him in, when his house burned down. In time, they grew to love Toadie.

When the mentally impaired Toadie was first told the news of Rufus' and Maggie's new found wealth, Toadie commenced dancing merrily while furiously stroking his one-eyed wonder weasel. Not long after that, their happy-go-lucky friend relieved himself and promptly passed out, crashing onto the coffee table.

Together, the three amigos would share a joyful existence, laughing, bonding, eating fine food and taking long trips together. Toadie found Disney World to be especially fun. After eating a dozen Mickey Burgers, Toadie wanted to ride the wacky, spinning Tea Cup Ride.


"Yipee!," yelled Toadie, midway through the ride, "Toadie's having a swell time!"

Round and round he and some juvenile passengers went, shouting their delight... Until he ejected copious amounts of pre-digested meat on several children that had the misfortune of riding with him. Shocked and angry, the parents of the children rushed to their offspring's aid when the ride was over and began berating Toadie for the ample vomit he had released upon their children's once happy faces.

"You asshole!", exclaimed one bald headed muscular man, "Look what you did to Timmy's face!"

Toadie's was about to cry at the sight of the little boy's appearance until he noticed a mushy chunk of Mickey Burger was completely covering Timmy's eye. Saddened by this, Toadie asked, "Are you a pirate?"

Before the shaken little boy could respond, Toadie was jerked from his seat in the giant tea cup by Timmy's dad. Rufus ran to Toadie's aid, apologized for the trouble and gave the muscle bound man a handful of cash. Timmy's dad said, "Well, okay then", before walking off, in a huff.

Later, Timmy's dad would spend the money on an overpriced electronic gadget that he would later get rid of in a year's time for a newer, updated version of said electronic gadget. He was American, after all. What was left of the money he would spend on hookers and catch a bad case of crabs.

After the Tea Cup Ride incident, Rufus, Maggie and Toadie were walking along, enjoying the sights of tourists with their Mickey Mouse Ears on their heads and listening to them complain about all of the overpriced goodies Mickey World had to offer. Meanwhile, their children, in tow, screamed angrily about not getting this or that at whatever booth they passed by. Such were the delights to be found at America's favorite tourist trap.

At one point, Toadie saw a young couple kissing and holding hands. The hulking Toadie looked over at Maggie and asked, "Will Toadie ever find true love?" Maggie looked at Toadie, paused for a moment and said, "Of course you will, Toadie. There is somebody special for everyone."

Pleased at her response, Toadie farted.

When the threesome returned home to the mansion, Toadie was still thinking about the young kissing couple he saw at Disney World. Excited about the prospect of finding his soul mate, Toadie ran upstairs and opened a bedroom door and bounded inside it. To his surprise, Rufus and Maggie were vigorously fucking.

"Will you help Toadie find a girlfriend?," asked Toadie, as Rufus was about to come hard inside Maggie's vagina. Losing his focus on the activity at hand, not to mention his erection, Rufus grabbed a small lamp from the nightstand, threw it at Toadie's head and knocked him out cold.

When Toadie became conscious, Maggie was sitting on the bed where he laid. She was applying a a cold compress to his forehead.

"Are you feeling okay?" inquired Maggie, with sincere concern.

"Toadie went nighty-night," said Toadie as he moved to put himself up in a sitting position.

Maggie said, "Yes, I'm sorry about that. Rufus and I were making playtime with each other. And, well, you know how Rufus can be when he's interrupted from whatever he's doing."

Toadie asked, "Is Toadie still Rufus' bestist buddy?"

"Of course," Maggie said.

Toadie smiled and then requested, "Will you help Toadie find a girl, a true love, to make playtime with?"

Maggie agreed to help Toadie find a date. Toadie was so excited that he gave Maggie a big hug.

The next night, Rufus and Maggie took Toadie to a popular night club. They were hoping that Toadie might get lucky and find a nice girl to enjoy for a pleasant conversation. Maggie wanted to go inside with Toadie but Rufus cautioned that it would likely be a better idea to let Toadie feel as though he wasn't being "chaperoned" in this situation. Maggie reluctantly agreed.

Rufus handed the doorman a wad of cash in order for Toadie to be allowed inside. Rufus told Toadie to have fun and that they would come back to pick him up when he wanted to come home. Toadie was given a cell phone to make the call when he was ready to return to the mansion. He was also given a big wad of cash.

Toadie walked in and heard the unmistakable sound of loud techno music. This inspired him to dance. He waved his arms in the air and made happy noises, gyrating his hips and occasionally span around. Quite the spectacle, he caught the attention of many patrons.

One beautiful brunette girl, in her early twenties, said to her friend, "Check out that freak!" Her friend then joined her in a laugh fest that lasted for a bit until they saw a big pile of money fall out of Toadie's pocket.

Simultaneously, both women said, "Wow."

Toadie quickly noticed the money that had dropped to the floor and hurriedly picked it up. The brunette walked up to Toadie as he was bent over. When Toadie gathered up his cash, he straightened up and saw the pretty brunette standing before him, smiling.

She said, "Hi, my name is Chelsy." She offered her hand for him to shake. Toadie, taken aback by the young woman's appearance, could only say, "You're beautiful. Would you like to be Toadie's girlfriend?" Chelsy withdrew her hand, giggled for a moment and answered, "Sure honey, but what's your name?"

"Toadie," answered Toadie.

Chelsy slightly cocked her head and responded, "Toadie's an odd name. How did you get that name?

Toadie stuck out his tongue to it's fullest length. The length of Toadie's tongue was incredibly impressive. Chelsy was shocked. Speechless. She thought, That tongue has to be at least nine inches long. Rich and physically gifted.

She began to feel a familiar moistness between her legs.

After snapping his tongue back inside his mouth, Toadie explained that his brother gave him that nickname when they were kids... For the obvious reason. After making polite conversation and having a couple drinks, Chelsy agreed to Toadie's invitation that she come to his mansion the next day for a swim at his big in ground pool.

When Toadie was picked up at the night club later, he excitedly told Rufus and Maggie that he had found his dream girl, that she was coming to the mansion the next day and he couldn't wait to have his first real date with her. Rufus and Maggie said that they would leave the mansion so they could be alone and enjoy their time together.

The next day arrived and Chelsy, barely dressed in a revealing bikini, rang the doorbell. She was amazed at the sheer vastness of the mansion and thought, This guy owns this place?

Toadie opened the door and gazed upon Chelsy's trim, well tanned figure. The stout, slow witted man felt slightly dizzy, as if all of his blood were rushing to a point below his waist. Sure enough, Toadie's penis grew and grew until it popped out from beneath his swim trunks in plain sight.

For the record, Toadie was equipped with a 14 inch sex organ.

Before Chelsy could stop herself, she exclaimed, "My God! It's huge!"

Toadie, a little confused, said, "Oh, you must be talking about my house, silly."

Moments later, Toadie and Chelsy were lying in their pool lounges by the pool. Nervous, Toadie had closed his eyes, trying not to look at his new girlfriend's gorgeous body. He didn't want to be obvious that he liked what he saw. She remained quiet, thinking about Toadie's wealth and the mansion he lived in.



She turned to Toadie and said, "Toadie, I think I love you."

Thrilled by Chelsy's confession, Toadie said, "Toadie loves you, too. Can we make playtime now?"

Chelsy shrugged and said, "Sure, Toadie. That sounds like fun."

Chelsy walked over and sat at the shallow end of the pool. Toadie leaped and did a massive belly flop into the water, splashing gallons of water everywhere. Chelsy coughed, gagging on pool water. Toadie came up out of the water and said, "Toadie thinks the water is cool and refreshing." Little did Chelsy know, but Toadie was relieving his bladder at the time he was saying this.

"Can Toadie show you a trick I learned from watching my friends, Rufus and Maggie?" asked Toadie.

Not sure what to expect, Chelsy nodded. Toadie laughed, full of cheer, put his fingers around the the thin straps of Chelsy's bikini bottoms and pulled them down, revealing her tender, hairless coochie. Chelsy gasped as Toadie stepped in between her thighs and abruptly drove his tongue deep inside Chelsy's vagina. Toadie wriggled his tongue all around inside, easily reaching and licking her G-spot. Chelsy spread her legs to their furthest extent, leaned back and moaned with her eyes completely rolling back inside her head.



After several minutes passed by, Chelsy's body began quaking and convulsing. Toadie then began licking his new found love's throbbing clitoris. Her orgasms were building up to an earth-shattering crescendo. They became so strong that wave upon wave of pussy juice splattered Toadie's face. Toadie giggled at this and happily licked and drank all he could.

Chelsy cried out, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!"

When Chelsy lost consciousness, Toadie seemed concerned and quickly got up out of the pool and was about to administer mouth to mouth resuscitation. Chelsy's eyes fluttered open and could hardly speak. She managed to say, "I'm alright."

Toadie said, "Goody. This is Toadie's second trick." And with that, Toadie drove his 14 inch prick all the way to the hilt inside Chelsy's blood engorged cum dumpster, causing her heart to explode in her chest. Regardless, Toadie ejaculated several ounces of baby gravy inside Chelsy's meat wallet, while Chelsy breathed her last breath, dying of shock and massive heart failure.

When Toadie was done, he got up, gazed down at Chelsy's lifeless body and said, "Toadie loves money hungry bitches like you. You are all so easy. Tee hee."

Finding himself bored with Chelsy's lack of willingness to engage in polite conversation, Toadie went back inside the mansion and fixed himself a ham sandwich. While slathering on his favorite condiment on a slice of bread, Toadie chuckled to himself and then said, "Toadie likes mayonnaise."

Thursday, July 22, 2010

My Three-Hundredth Post

My first post on Psycho Carnival was created December 13, 2007.

Back then I was an amateur, an Internet virgin, if you will, in the Blogosphere, completely new to all of the glorious-ness (yeah, right) and often times, utter bullshit of the world of blogging. I used and still use this site to rant, rave, entertain, dazzle with my brilliance, vent out feelings of my depression disorder, humor, inform and everything in between. I'm a multi-dimensional human being. Why shouldn't I have a versatile blog that shows it? For that matter, why shouldn't every blogger have a multifaceted blog? Surely, they don't have a one-sided, dull-as-hell aspect to their personality?

Or do they? Tee hee.

Hell... Someone that just found themselves on this site might think me a loon with multiple personalities with the way I go from producing a post chock full of sardonic humor to another tainted with serious information to yet another post that's more or less a ruthless diatribe of grievances on a particular subject. Oh, how many times have I reflected upon our apparently insane species?

Who knows? Perhaps I am a loon, as well. Better yet... Do I give a hearty fuck?

Can you guess the answer?

The Point: You never know what you're going to get when you drop by for a visit. And I'd like to keep it that way. Like I eluded to before... 'multi-dimensional human being = versatile blog'.


One thing that does remain a constant on this site is my full blown honesty about everything. At times, if you've been even an intermittent reader of this blog, you know I can be brutally honest about others and especially myself. I'm like that not because the reader can't see me (my pretty picture of my screaming face doesn't count) but it's because life's experiences has worn me down or straightened me out, somewhat, and taught me the lesson that It Does No One Any Good, Most Especially Yourself, To Be Dishonest.

Trust me when I say that being truly honest is a true relief for one's peace of mind in every way possible. If that sounds simplistic, that's because it is. Pure and simple. Get it? Lying, superficiality, all forms of deception and people who smile while they are saying something unjustifiably cruel to another human being are things and actions I absolutely despise about fuckers, ahem, I mean people.

Well, no, I actually meant fuckers.

I'll get off my soapbox... For now. Heh heh. I get a little carried away.

I'm frankly surprised I've been running this site long enough to have done 300 posts. I thought it would be just a way to express myself for a short stint. But that hasn't been the case, obviously. Along the way, I've connected and interacted with many bloggers over the years. A multitude of those folks have "left the building" so to speak. I haven't heard from or seen anything new from them. They just quit blogging for whatever reason. Maybe their lives outside of blogging took over, preventing them doing it any more. Who knows? If you're a seasoned vet of blogging, you know the story and have seen your share of bloggers come and go, as well. In some cases, it's a real shame because they really contributed something special to the net... Which is rare and of true value.

And I'm not so egotistical that I don't acknowledge the fact that numerous amounts of bloggers have been at their projects, their creations, their babies and their blogs for a whole lot longer than I have. No, siree. I have high respect for those folks. Blogging can be a tiresome, mind-straining, brain-busting activity very often. And often times, the payoff comes only when you've completed a post that you can be proud to display to the rest of wacky folks in the world of blogging.

In closing, I'd like to thank those bloggers and readers who have hung with me or visited this site on this insane Internutty Journey and have interacted with me with good humor and/or common sense. Peace out, brothers and sisters! You may now go back to porn surfing... If you have gotten this far down the page.

Honestly and Insanely Yours (but you cannot detain me, literally),

The Great, Mighty and Ever So Humble-Kelly (aka MasterHeathen)

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Let's Ride Roller Coasters!

Summer time brings back fond memories for me of when my buddies and I would have a blast at the nearest amusement park. Back then, we didn't mind standing in those long, snaky lines on extremely hot, humid days to go on rides that would last a couple minutes. Part of the fun, after all, was the anticipation and talking about how hot the girl looked two aisles to your left. Or something like that. Heh heh.

When my wild gang of friends and I (back when we weren't afraid of anything) would go to the amusement park, we would always hit the scariest, most sick-inducing rides first, then cool off with the water rides later. Oh, the joys of being young and having a strong constitution! Back then, The Beast, at King's Island, was one of our favorites. It was the fastest (65 mph), longest wooden roller coaster at the time. It opened in April 1979.

Since then, roller coasters have improved with higher gravitational forces and even more complex designs.

I thought it would be fun to show you a video of what riding The Beast is like, first person point of view. The second clip is of a steel roller coaster named Bizarro. If I went on either one of these coasters, presently, I would likely:

A) Have a heart attack
B) Shit my fucking pants
C) Piss myself
D) And Vomit

All of which would happen, simultaneously.

Enjoy the rides!

The Beast


Bizarro


Please feel free to empty the contents of your stomach at the nearest exit or on the back of the head of the teenager sitting in front of you.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Funny Cakes

Some humorous and interesting cakes. Hope these add a little laughter to your day.


















Friday, July 16, 2010

BP Oil Spill, Alternative Energy and Climate Change (Part 3)

This is the final post in this series.

As you may have noticed, I removed the Gulf Oil Spill Tracker from my right side bar. The well has been capped, so in my mind, there's nothing more to see. Besides, I was getting tired of looking at it, to tell you the truth. Now, if only I could make the damage done by British Petroleum's busted well, greed and incompetence go away as easily. Anyway, it does look as though this attempt at capping the well is going to be successful. BP put the cap on yesterday and so far the pressure hasn't caused any eruptions in any other connecting lines. Keep those fingers crossed. Gulf residents, understandably, remain wary.

This post will focus primarily on climate change.

The aforementioned bit of good news on the oil well capping has not deterred that, unfortunately. I wish I could snap my fingers and magically make that go away, as well. But climate change is very real, folks, and it will likely be the death of us all in the near future. That is, if we don't kill each other by different means first.

It doesn't take being a scientist to know something is wrong with the extreme weather we have had in the last few decades. You and I can see it every day.

Here's a brief description of climate change, just in case you've been living in a cave or have had your head stuck permanently up your ass.

Taken from NASA's website:

The Earth's climate has changed throughout history. Just in the last 650,000 years there have been seven cycles of glacial advance and retreat, with the abrupt end of the last ice age about 7,000 years ago marking the beginning of the modern climate era — and of human civilization. Most of these changes are attributed to very small changes in the Earth’s orbit changing the amount of solar energy the Earth receives.

The current warming trend is of particular significance because most of it is very likely human-induced and proceeding at a rate that is unprecedented in the past 1,300 years.

Earth-orbiting satellites and other technological advances have enabled scientists to see the big picture, collecting many different types of information about our planet and its climate on a global scale. Studying these climate data collected over many years reveal the signals of a changing climate.

The heat-trapping nature of carbon dioxide and other gases was demonstrated in the mid-19th century. Their ability to affect the transfer of infrared energy through the atmosphere is the scientific basis of many JPL-designed instruments, such as AIRS. Increased levels of greenhouse gases must cause the Earth to warm in response.

Ice cores drawn from Greenland, Antarctica, and tropical mountain glaciers show that the Earth’s climate responds to changes in solar output, in the Earth’s orbit, and in greenhouse gas levels. They also show that in the past, large changes in climate have happened very quickly, geologically-speaking: in tens of years, not in millions or even thousands.


La Manga del Mar menor, Murcia in Spain... rising sea level, due to climate change

Go here to learn more about the evidence of climate change.

There are those who simply don't want to accept the evidence because it is too much to bear or because it threatens aspects of their lives that they don't want to change. Denial is most people's first response to something they don't want to hear, much like being told of a diagnosis of a terminal illness. Or even something less important, like being told that you look as though you've gained weight. The urge to deny the ugly and frightening truth is something most of us succumb to every day.

Which could explain a lot, concerning how we deal or not deal with the facts of life in our "head in the sand" society.

Another group of deniers fall into the category of those who are paid to deny that climate change is happening at all. Patrick Michaels and Steve Milloy, whose work for fossil fuel companies has been repeatedly exposed, are great examples of this ploy. Journalists working for newspapers, television or radio have secretly taken money from fossil fuel companies in trade for writing up shit that explains away climate change and/or it is something that is completely natural and has little if nothing to do with the human activity in accelerating the drastic changes in climate we see today. This, of course is bullshit.

Fossil fuel companies like BP, ExxonMobil and others have inserted their messages into every medium by means of news journalists and the denial scientists who do not reveal their sources of funding. Anybody who reads the reports of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change or who has discerned the bullshit from the truth know what the reality is.

Fossil fuel companies have a huge investment in spreading misinformation on mankind's (their) major involvement in climate change.

It's up to you and the rest of the fuckers on this planet, our only home, to believe and give a shit about the truth of the matter. I'm providing some interesting links down below on climate change and it's very real effect on the human race. The world will likely survive. But we won't. Have a nice day.


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

A Little Top Heavy

So, do you think they're real?



Monday, July 12, 2010

Controversial Topics

The following are my opinions, beliefs and what have you, regarding today's controversial topics. They are supposedly controversial in the U.S., anyway. I'm not looking for an argument, nor am I attempting to persuade anyone to think the way I do on these subjects. I've learned long ago that spending too much time convincing anyone of anything is usually futile, tiresome and a waste of my time. I just felt like throwing these convictions out there. If you wish to comment, regarding whether you agree, disagree or haven't decided yet on all or any of these topics, feel free. However, try not to get too crazy or worked up about any of them. I don't want anyone to push themselves into a heart attack or brain hemorrhage. Or... Well... Maybe I do. You'll never know. Heh heh.

Also: A lot of people think there is a gray area with some of these issues. I happen not to feel that way.

Blah. Blah. Blah. Here ya go!

Gun Control- People have an issue with this because they believe it is dangerous for people to keep a gun inside their house. It is dangerous, only, if you don't keep your gun in a secure place. For the most part, people keep their guns locked up. The few who don't keep their guns secured safely and, as a result, a death or accident occurs, should be punished. So... I emphatically disagree with those who oppose the rights and free will of citizens owning guns and having them in their homes. This is another issue to me that seems pretty simple and straightforward. I know there are some of you out there in the Unreal World who would like to make this a gray area type of subject but it's not. Sorry. Well, actually, I'm not. Heh heh. Everyone has the right to protect themselves. End of story.

Abortion- It's murder. What's worse is that abortion is the killing of an innocent life. If the baby is unwanted, give the baby to an adoption agency so it may be allowed to live. If the woman of the baby is raped, the baby should still be allowed to live a full a life. It is not the baby's fault that it's mother was attacked by a worthless piece of human shit. The only gray area, albeit, a touch of gray in this issue, is if there is a situation where the baby, for certain, is endangering the mother's life. In my opinion, the mother should be the one to survive. But, overall, I believe abortion to be wrong. And this statement is coming from someone who isn't that crazy, in general, about kids or people. Kind of ironic, aye?

War On Drugs- It hasn't worked. It will never work. It is a pointless endeavor on the part of our government. Making drugs illegal only benefits the Mafia and drug dealers, monetarily. If we were, for instance, to tax cannabis, like we do cigarettes, we would be able to remove a lot of this country's national debt and we could use that revenue for many things that the states of this country needs. Such as the reparation of roads, bridges and schools. I'd also like to point out the obvious... Marijuana is not dangerous. Alcohol, which is legal, on the other hand, can be very dangerous. Hard drugs, such as heroin and crack, I agree, are incredibly threatening to one's health but it should be left to you whether you do something stupid to yourself or no not. It's your life.

The Death Penalty- I'm all for ending the life of a serial killer or child abuser/rapist. These are not innocent people and are deserving of death. I will cheerfully pull the lever for the electric chair or the trigger of a gun if I were asked to do so in order to end a guilty life, while showing absolutely no remorse as I do so.

Religion- Is bullshit. All organized religion is. People have used religion as an excuse to create war. Religion is a man-made creation, designed to push people into acting against rational behaviour.

God- Yes, I believe in a higher being or beings that created the Universe. Call Him, Her or It whatever you want. If the name, God, works for you, so be it. I don't have proof of His or Hers or It's existence. I only have my own particular faith and feelings to go by concerning "God". I believe in an afterlife, too. All of those folks who have had Near Death Experiences can't be wrong. I base my belief in some personal experiences I've had in the past, as well. Long stories.

Illegal Immigration- The economic and social consequences of illegal immigration are staggering. Illegal aliens have cost billions of taxpayer-funded dollars for medical services. Illegal Immigration is a net drain on the economy; corporate interests reap the benefits of cheap labor, while taxpayers pay the infrastructural cost. If the person wishing to immigrate here has a green card and is honestly striving to become a citizen of this great land of greed, vanity and insanity, well, then, I scream, "Welcome to The Psycho Carnival, fuckers!"

For all those wishing to engage me in some insane argument about any of this, please, don't bother. I have better things to do with my time than get into a heated dispute... especially on the Internet. Instead, pop open a beer, put up your feet, don't take yourself or life too seriously and watch this hilarious video. Aloha.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

5 QUESTIONS For Pinklatex


The girls at Pinklatex are the last but certainly not least that dared to answer my 5 all-too- important questions. Pinklatexblog.com is ran by Collie, Rusty and Jenn. Go to their site and you'll have a great time. I've been interacting with them for the last couple of years and it has been a true pleasure.

The girls are hilarious and right on target with their acerbic commentaries on today's pop culture figures. Pay a visit to their site and you'll see that they do a super fuckin' dandy job of making sarcastic (and very true) remarks about celebrities, Craigslist freaks and other odd fuckers in this world. Funny pics, podcasts, viral videos, wild, yet honest rants... They do it all.

Without further ado, here are the life-changing 5 Questions and Collie and Rusty's answers:

1. What is the most disturbing or oddest thing (picture, video or written material) you have ever seen on the internet? Please describe it.

Collie said:

I would have to say Goatsee. There was a picture of a gaping asshole that was circulating around the internet for many years. One day my husband called me over the computer and said will you reply back to my father about the weekend? I said yes and when I sat down a picture popped up... this nasty giant butt hole complete with innards was staring me in the face... I have never been the same.

Rusty said:

Dale from Open Pride Radio introduced me to a special video in which a man inserts a bottle up his mangina as well as a screwdriver into the head of his peen, very unattractive indeed, we all laughed really very hard.


2. What celebrities would you like to see involved in an orgy? Please describe any details going on in your fantasy orgy.

Collie said:

Carrot Top
Brad Pitt (because with his scruffy beard he looks like a sexy Bum)
Chui (Chelsea Lately)
Snooki
Bruce Jenner

I Love mutants, and what better way to see a mutant than in all there naked glory, We will place them in a baby pool filled with pickle juice... Snooki goes in for the kill, half diving into the juice screaming HELL YEAH BITCHES, she lands on Chui, he dies. Brad Pitt is suckling the ear of the uber tight Bruce Jenner while carrot top watches and lovingly blows himself.

Rusty said:

Me, Davey Havok, Bowie, and perhaps a little Robert Pattinson and Daniel Radcliffe. I call the shots, its just me having a rockin' roll Harry Potter all out orgy, what, they are all of age now, especially Bowie.


3. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Collie said:

I would vote yes, however if I was one of said swimmers I would pretend to go down with the ship while using my dying team mates as a make shift raft, before I eat them for survival.

Rusty said:

If they include Michael Phelps, he is the only one required to die, but a little death and destruction is always nice, don't you agree, Kel?

Kelly says:

Thanks for asking, Rusty. Why yes, a little death and destruction is always nice, especially when you wake up in the morning (or in my case, the afternoon) and see a bright and beautiful day outside. Well, then, it's a wonderful time to go on a killing spree, of course.

4. What really makes you happy?

Collie said:

Carbs, sleep and survival shows... sometimes just picking on Rusty is more than enough to keep me happy.

Rusty said:

Food, cigarettes, vigorous intercourse, and lighting the boy who sings Johanna in Sweeney Todd on fire, any questions?
5. Finish this statement... Craigslist is good for...

Collie said:

Selling yourself on the black market as well as your chachkis... Or maybe trading homes... wtf is that about? Why would anyone trade a home?

Rusty said:

Well, its good for finding large meat hooks, prostitutes, mail order brides, traffiked Russian hookers, and people who enjoy being vigorously fisted for hours.


Thank you, Collie and Rusty, for participating in my Q & A fest. It's been fun!
For more fun, check out Pinklatex.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Bizarre and Creative Sand Castles

Growing up, my family and I only went to the beach a couple times, down in the state of Florida. When I was a wee, innocent lad (the only time I was ever wee or innocent), I would try my hand at building sandcastles but I never could seem to get anything to come close to remotely resembling a familiar structure. Nor would my "masterpieces" stay together long enough to be appreciated by either parent, in the hopes of gaining a compliment from either.

Oh fucking well. At least, I had fun wriggling my toes in the hot sand. I could not have given a fuck less about making decent sandcastles back then.

This was long before BP let loose it's far stretching oil monster on the people down there and elsewhere in the Gulf. Now, a lot of people are afraid to swim and/or not allowed to swim at some of the most popular beaches in that once-beautiful massive area in the south. With tourism down along those coastal towns, people in the Gulf region are presently losing their spirits and livelihoods.

Anyway, as I've grown older, I've really began appreciating more the clever and imaginative ways people have been expressing themselves in art- in any form. I was watching the news a couple days ago and saw some video of a recent sandcastle contest in one of those southeastern coastal states. What I saw in this video were some really cool sand sculpture masterpieces. Don't ask me the name of the official contest or where, exactly, it took place. I don't know. I have enough trouble remembering how many days in a row I've worn the same underwear. I usually go by how deep the crust is down at the bottom.

But back to the meat of this subject... The contest I saw inspired me to peruse the Internet for some truly innovative sand sculptures. Calling them sandcastles just wouldn't do them any justice or make any sense. I saw these photos here and there and they provoked a mental response from me. Each one, I found, is unique for one reason or another.

Let me know what you think or feel about any or all of them. What do you see? I also will add that a few of these sculptures are obviously a reference to several pop culture phenomenons. Here ya go!









The End.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

5 QUESTIONS For Gucci Mama


This hot momma for a blogger has won my heart very recently, as she is my most recent addition to my blogroll. Her name, well, not actual name, is Gucci Mama and she runs a spectacular blog named Mama Still Wears Gucci. That's her, at the top.

I first happened upon her site through the One Crazy Brunette Chick's blog. After reading quite a few of Gucci Mama's post entries, you'll realize very quickly that she's honest, down-to-earth and quite adept at writing well written opinions and personal accounts in which she let's the reader know just where she stands. And she does it with great humor and style. Addictive reading, for sure.

Check out Mama Still Wears Gucci and see for yourself!

Here are my amazing 5 QUESTIONS and Gucci Mama's titillating answers:

Having just seen your very Patriotic video, involving a sparkler and your cleavage for Independence Day and the other one where you balanced a slice of cheesecake on your boobies, it made me wonder.... What is the weirdest thing anyone has requested that you do for their video entertainment? I mean, besides balancing a horse on your boobs. Also: Did you comply with the request or did you not? If you did, please tell our gentle-hearted, wholesome rabble of readers here what happened if you went ahead with it. And if you didn't do anything, just make it up. Either way, no one will know for sure.

Well, it's only fairly recently that I've shared my gift of balancing things on my epic bosom with the world. You're welcome, world. So people haven't had time to get too out of line with their requests. The horse one was really weird, since the person who suggested it specified that it had to be a real horse. Not sure why that person wants me to die, crushed to death by a half ton beast of burden, but it might hurt my feelings if there was anything where my heart should be other than cobwebs and empty booze bottles. My old boyfriend from college asked for a private reenactment of the cheesecake. He didn't get it. He's an old boyfriend for a reason. Other than that? I'm just waiting for people to get creative, quite frankly. Maybe if Crazy Brunette and I get together I'll fold her up and carry her around in my bra. She's so tiny and cute it could totally be done.


* Rum, whiskey or tequila? And how should any or all be drunk?

Okay, whiskey and I have not been on speaking terms since 2003. I love a tequila sunrise and I will drink rum any way you want to give it to me. Obviously, any and all of these should be sipped delicately from the cup of my cleavage by a hot man who may not speak English, but cuts a damn fine figure in a loin cloth and a smile.


* What would you wish for, if you had 3 wishes?

Who's going to make my dreams come true, love? Find me that person first. That will be my first wish. Someone who will make my dreams come true. And then I will wish for a time machine, so I can travel back ten years or so and go right instead of left. Shit. That almost made it sound like I have a heart after all, which I definitely do not, so my third wish will be as frivolous and vain as I am. For my final wish I will ask for all those dumb bitches I hated in high school to get grotesquely fat. It's seriously one of my favorite things to run into someone from my past who's always just really needed to die and see that she's fatter than a Waffle House line cook.


* Describe the best party you have ever been to or had?

I don't have parties because I hate having people in my house. But, I have been the life of some fabulous parties. There is one that comes readily to mind and it was centered around, ah, me. Specifically my amazing boobsters. There's a bar in the town I went to college in called The Fifth Ace. Every year they have a wet t-shirt contest. Now, I'd never entered before because, really, it just wouldn't have been fair. But the owner of the bar talked me into it, and I gave in. They promoted the shit out of this thing and I was, apparently, the headlining event. Yay me. This little tiny place was meant to hold maybe 75 people. That night people were crammed in there like sardines and, I shit you not, there were people outside fighting over spots at the window. There were easily a couple hundred people there. I can't take all the credit for that; there were some damn hot girls on the stage with me, but I will say that this was the biggest turn out they'd ever had for their little contest. It's a point of pride.

So they had us stand in a kiddie pool, and the guy that won the raffle (I still cannot believe people paid for the chance to win the privilege of dumping ice water over my head) came up on stage and dumped ice water on us. It was no contest, quite frankly. I hope those other girls didn't cry too much over it, but seriously. They needn't have even gotten wet. I emerged from the kiddie pool, transparent shirt clinging to my devil's dumplings to the appreciative cheers of the crowd. I won, obviously. And then I went back the next year and won again. As far as I know, there's still a picture (which I was kind enough to autograph) of me standing in that kiddie pool, soaked and indecent, hanging up in that bar. I am a legend.


* What advice can you give us?

You're a peach to think I'm qualified to give advice, love. If you want to know how to think right, vote right, and act right, find my political posts. They're brilliant and indisputable. If you want to know how to have a fabulous love life, look at what I did and do the exact opposite. Also, don't ever cut your own hair, don't get caught in bed with a living boy or a dead hooker, and never ever EVER ask a man to show you what he means by "adventurous" unless you're VERY sure you won't be repulsed by the answer.



Thank you, Gucci Mama for participating in 5 QUESTIONS.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Small Firecracker In My Back Yard


No big deal. :-)

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