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Thursday, May 6, 2010

What's The Craziest Place or Situation You've Ever Had Sexual Intercourse?

-In a FunHouse

-While Going Down The Steps On My Ass With Her In My Lap (Meat Log In Upright Position)

-Inside DisneyWorld At The Tea Cup Ride

-On Top The Dining Table At the Nursing Home Where Old Folks Ate Supper (This, I've Done)

-With a Drooling, Cross-Eyed Retard That Will Not Stop Saying, "Egg. Egg. Egg. Egg....."

-While Out Hunting Quail And Happening Upon A Grateful, Happy Wood Nymph Named Pip

-At The Grocery Store, In The Meat Dept. (Where they sometimes leave the bone inside)

-While Enjoying a Stay At The Insane Asylum With Other Inmates Watching, All Bug-Eyed

-Inside a Hot Tub Full of Hairy-Backed, Fat Asses
--- Other --- If This Is Chosen, Please Explain (We're doing an important study)

19 comments:

The Wolf said...

Once again you're good ole twisted mind is churning out top quality substance. Can't say i've had the pleasure of having the pleasure in one of those situations, but I did get my rocks off once in a McDonald's drive through while some pimple faced kid handed my my happy meal, and once in the back of an armoured personel carrier if those count.

Kelly said...

Was she suckin' on your McFrankfurter when the acne covered bastard gave you your McCrappy Meal? In the back of a personnel carrier? Owww... that makes my back hurt just thinking about it. Wasn't it fuckin' cramped?

-Churning out top quality substance... one day at a time.

heh heh

The Wolf said...

Yup you know it, she didn't even notice when the kid asked if I wanted any ketchup, yeah I know I'm mr. classy what can I say.

Sir Topm Eagerley said...

I did all of those things Kelly.
Then I woke up.
Actually the best time was when I dramatically tipped all the dirty dinner-plates off the table and did it right there.
I can never go back to that restaurant again.

Kelly said...

Hey There, Sir Topm... How goes it?

So you've been having wild dreams, have you? Did you leave a big wet spot on the table like I did? That's called "a tip."

klahanie said...

The craziest place I had sexual intercourse was in my bedroom.
Thought that might be a new and interesting place to try it on.
Okay...one time, I had sex at the, 'Natural History Museum', in London.
Screwed my wife behind the collection of realistic looking dinosaurs. 'Nice bone you've got there', she said. I replied,'ah actually..your sitting on the face of a triceratops.'

Crazy Brunette said...

Klahanie- HAHA! That was funny shit!

Okay sorry...

In High School there were the normal places that EVERYONE fucked... you know like the Johnny on the Spot by the park... Wait you mean you never did that???

No okay lets see... a field party on the tailgate, next to the keg. The back of the bleachers at a football game...

In countless cars, you know what, I've done it everywhere. Top that sluts!

bazza said...

Best time was under the open sky in the (very) long grass with people passing really close by not knowing what was going on. The most difficult thing was supressing the noise, mostly giggles, (mine, not hers!).

Kelly said...

klahanie- In the bedroom? You're a wild n' crazy guy, Gary. Now the Natural History Museum... Wow. LOL-Good joke..."actually..your sitting on the face of a triceratops."

Ouch!

The Wolf said...

Triceratops........well that just gives a whole new meaning to "the shocker" then dosen't it.

Qelqoth said...

All of the above. Also, having my rectum smeared with mayonnaise behind the counter of KFC, only to have it get brutally savaged by Fred Savage wearing a Nintendo Power Glove. It's so bad.

Kelly said...

Crazy Brunette- "Johnny On The Spot in the park?" That sounds like some sort of kinky sex game involving a soldier using his stink log as a weapon of destruction, with the adjective being that said soldier must hit the target (mouth, anus, vagina or unidentified orifice) with deadly accuracy, covering it completely, using his man seed as ammunition.

I thank for participating in this important study. Good day!

Kelly said...

bazza- Hey there, bazza, sounds like you had a SWELL ol' time in the grass. Anybody get bug bites on their ass? Doing the nasty in public makes it that much more exciting, doesn't it?

Thanks for your participation in the study. Have a great day. You pervert. :-)

Kelly said...

The Wolf- So the girl was just slurpin' away, eh? Did the kid at the fast food joint look at you and say, "Hmmm... Well, I guess she's pumping out her own condiment. Forget the ketchup."

Yeah, they call me Mr. Classy. Hehe hehehe heh.

Kelly said...

Qelqoth- Ah, what a pretty picture you paint. Nice. Still have the way with words, I see. :)

But I wonder, are you sure Fred Savage didn't anally rape you with a KFC drumstick (original recipe) instead of a Nintendo Power Glove?

Ha haha. and heh.

One of The Guys said...

Golf course. In the car. Gas station. At a party. You know, the usual stuff.

Kelly said...

One Of The Guys- I had no idea you were so creative. Golf course?

I did it in church, during mass, on the altar. People still yawned.

Static said...

You did it "Inside Disney World At The Tea Cup Ride"...how is that even possible? I would have vomited from the spinning on top of the spinning motion going on inside the cup.

Hmm, craziest places I've done it?...with Fred Savage behind a counter at a KFC in Vegas..no power glove that time, just a bucket of chicken.

And with an ex gf in a public swimming pool late at night in the middle of an apartment complex. There was plenty of lighting on the grounds, but it was dim enough inside the pool that we probably weren't spotted. When I say "probably" I mean there is a distinct possibility we were spotted. I was nailing her against the side of the shallow end, opposite to the clubhouse, away from prying eyes..so anyone walking by or spying from the nearby buildings would have likely only seen our heads bobbing and her legs and my ass occasionally flapping up and down. Still a pretty good indication we were getting busy.

And then there was the late night on the 8th floor balcony, with only the stars and the moon as witnesses...and possibly any horny voyeurs with binoculars in nearby high rises who had also just gotten home from clubbing that cool summer night. They certainly got a treat that night when my girl was doing some acrobatic/ballerina shit while I took her from behind. =)

Funnily enough, on another late night binge, some friends found and tossed a shopping cart off that same balcony weeks later..giving the neighbors another show. Way back then, I don't think I had many sober evenings when I lived there. The neighbors must have loved us lol.

Kelly said...

No, I didn't do it on the tea cup ride. I've done it at at the nursing home, on the table where the old folks ate supper. I even left 'em with a sticky wet spot, as a bonus. The senile old fucks probably just thought it was some leftover pudding and licked it off the table.

You were being fisted by Fred Savage at the KFC, too? Golly. What a coincidence! Were you with Qelqoth at the time? Was this a threesome? OMG! You're freaks! :-)

Sounds as if you were pretty adventuresome back in the day. lol. In a public pool. On a balcony. Tossing shopping carts off balconies. Damn. I imagine you were a big hit with the neighbors.

Thanks for participating in this all-important poll and sharing your twisted exploits, dude. lol.

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