Little Tommy Tucker
Little Tommy Tucker isn't singing for his supper
What shall we give him? We asked him but he stutters
How do we know what he wants?
How can we tell if he's nuts?
Do we send him to a speech therapist
Or do we lock him, hungry, in his closet?
I'm a Little Teapot
I'm a little despot
Short and stout
I brainwash my people
That I'm a god, without a doubt
When I get all steamed up
My people hear me shout
"I'm going to threaten to nuke
so our enemies will shake about
and if that doesn't work out
I'll have no choice but to sit here
and pout, pout, pout!"
One, Two, Buckle My Shoe
One, two, buckle my shoe
Three, four, knock at the door
Five, six, deflate the blow up doll
Seven, eight, put it beneath the bed
Nine, ten, open the door with fly unzipped
Eleven, twelve, at the door, a woman doth scream
Thirteen, fourteen, my penis still drips
Fifteen, sixteen, I try to think up a scheme
Seventeen, eighteen, the woman drops to her knees
Nineteen, twenty, oh those blessed lips
Ding Dong Bell
Ding, dong, bell,
What's that goddamn smell?
And why the sly grin?
Did you cut the cheese?
What did you eat?
Some kind of maggoty meat?
What a disgusting fiend you are
To fart without warning
In my brand new car
Now I'm going to stop and get out
To beat you severely
With my heavy new iron bar
Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Row, row, row your boat
Too close to a Somali pirate ship
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Your day's about to turn to shit
Old King Cole
Old King Cole was a scary old politician
And a scary old politician was he;
As he stonewalled on job creation
As he called for misinformation
As the poor were in desperation
And every rich man became richer
And had clever machinations indeed
Oh, there's none so rare as can compare
With King Cole and his corporate strings
There Was a Crooked Man
There was a crooked man and he walked a crooked mile,
He dated a crooked woman, who had plenty of style.
He bought a crooked house, which was built on a slant
Then he saw his new wife in bed, fucking an eggplant
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