This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Laugh Out Loud Award

Although I've received this fantastic and ego inflating award once before, I am nevertheless extremely grateful to the incredibly humorous and clever blogger, LilPixi, who has bestowed it upon me this time. I consider myself fortunate to have discovered this genuinely talented blogger. LilPixi jam packs her blog, It's a Lollipop World, with the craziest, funniest writing you'll ever come across. Take a gander inside her maniacal mind and check her out.

Late last week, I found out I was given this award and it really made my head swell even bigger than it already is, if that's possible. My head is the exact size and shape as a hot air balloon. All you would have to do is tie a goddamn basket to my ass and off we'll go, up up and away.

You know, no matter how many times you've received a certain award for anything in life, the award should always be taken as a badge or symbol of appreciation and high regard for whatever that person is being awarded for. Unless the award is for running over people who take their time crossing a parking lot at a supermarket. I don't think you should take delight in driving over some slow fuck who is staring directly at you, daring you to make a move, while he or she deliberately inches across the pavement like an lumbering elephant with a sagging uterus.

Eh, I'm just kidding. Go ahead and crush their obnoxious asses into a peanut-buttery paste. But don't say I encouraged you. If you should attribute your perfectly acceptable act of violence toward me, please use my other name, MasterHeathen, as the genius in your head that told you to slowly crush the defiant pedestrian beneath your wheels. Sure, they might look at you funny, but hey, at least I'll avoid being sued or held accountable in any way. And surely, isn't that what's really important in all this?

In accepting this award, there a few rules you are supposed to follow.

The Rules

1. Link to the person who gave you this award (in a post, or in your sidebar, wherever you have this).
2. Pass the award along to seven other people who post about at least slightly amusing things and tell them (by emailing them or commenting on a post, etc.).
3. Say seven things about yourself that no one knows (or at least you think no one knows).
4. Pass these rules on.

As usual, I will do my own thing and follow some rules but not others. For instance you are supposed to list 7 little known facts about yourself. This, I am more than happy to do because I enjoy talking about my modest and humble self. Linking to the person who gave the award is something I'm more than happy to do, especially since it's LilPixi we're talking about here. As for passing it along, I'm just going to say this... If you're on my blogroll, you should automatically assume that I think you deserve this award (I only put people on my blogroll who I believe are humorous) and you should take it, if you care to, and place it on your own blog and follow the rules or not.

And without further ado, here are the 7 magical, awe-inspiring things that you may or may not know about sweet lil' ol' me:

(prepare to be astounded)

#1- My favorite color is teal.
#2- I've been in the following locations: Florida, Texas, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Indiana, Ohio, Illinois, Wyoming, Iowa, Washington, D.C., West Virginia, South Dakota, Michigan, Grand Cayman Islands, The Bahamas and Cozumel, Mexico.

#3- Where I'd like to visit, in no particular order: California, Canada, Italy, Greece, Hawaii, Australia (when there isn't an impending category 5 cyclone creating chaos there) and the Western Caribbean Islands we weren't able to visit during our cruise in August last year.
#4- When I was a kid, I made believe that the Hot Wheels cars I played with were alive. I even gave them names, such as, The Captain, The Major, Christine, the secretary, Sergeant and the royal guards. There were more character names but I can't think of them at the moment.

I might also add that even when I was a kid, I would employ and move these cars about so that they would drive over little human figurines. So I guess I was a little warped even back then. Tee hee.

#5- I love seafood.
#6- I like ketchup but I don't care for tomatoes. I like potatoes but I don't care for guacamole. Coincidence? Why, I'm not sure but I feel these facts should be taken into deep consideration and then ignored for a bit before going to bed and having a strange dream that causes you to awaken and wonder just what the fuck is going on here.

Which brings me to...

#7- I had a strange dream last night where I was taken somewhere to have my elbow pushed and rolled over an ink pad, as if I were being fingerprinted (only on the elbow, instead) for a possible crime (perhaps vehicular homicide?). After the uniformed person rolled my elbow across the ink pad, they took me into custody. Soon afterwards, I found myself at my parents' old house and I heard a strange sounding doorbell. The doorbell sounded like a wind chime.

Everyone rushed to the front door and seemed excited. The front door was opened and before me was an old friend, dragging one foot across the snow covered lawn, holding a tiny Christmas tree. I ran up to him to take the tree and I saw that it was lit up with little lights. One of the little lights dropped into the snow and in the moment that followed, the light grew in size to become a spaceship. With much enthusiasm, everyone encouraged me to climb aboard the spacecraft and so I did.

That's when I woke up, rubbed the eye snot from my eyes and struggled to make my way into the kitchen. Before I could make it to the counter to make myself a pot of coffee, I looked outside to see my wind chimes blowing in a sudden gust of wind. Then I thought about the dream again.

Yes, these are my wind chimes on my balcony. And yes, this is the end of my post. Kind of anti-climatic, I know, but somehow, some way, I'll get over it. :)


The Wolf said...

Fuck another aword, what the hell is this the oscars. Next you'll be thanking people with funny names and the team of designers who did your hair and makeup. Congrats on the award.

Now as for running over people there is a lot to be said about this magical occasion. I mean every time I've done it I can't help but feel like a kid in a candy store.....oh what fun.

LilPixi said...

You are AWESOME!!
What a wonderful description. Thank you so much, Kelly. =)

I loved your answers!
You've been to some interesting places.
I love teal, I love seafood.
And that dream was WHACKED.
I love the serene view too.

You deserve that award as many times as you can possibly receive it. lol. For REAL!

Much Love, Pixi.

Kelly said...

The Wolf- I'd like to thank the following people for making this award possible and for doing my hair and makeup... Crisco Lardbutt, Heebie McJeeby, Tinkle Abbit and Shamus O' Papsmear. And thanks, Wolf, for the congrats.

In regards to driving over slow moving slouches, I know what you mean. And the screams they emit when you hear the crunching of their spines give me a nice boner, too.

Kelly said...

LilPixi- Thank you... Thank you... Thank you. You're better than wonderful, too. YOU deserve that award many times over.

Cool to know you love the same things, too. Yeah, it's nice to go out on that balcony at night and look at the moon and the stars. The woods you see in the background has a path that leads to the park I walk at, though it's been awhile since I've walked that path due to the overgrowth of thorny thickets and crappy weather. Which leads me to the question: Is it ever going to stop snowing? :)

Take care, LilPixi. Much love back at you,


Gorilla Bananas said...

You thought the cars were alive? An easy mistake for a boy to make. Those Hot Wheels must have felt like insects when they fizzed over your butt cheeks. I assume they were the closest thing you had to hilly terrain.

bazza said...

Hi Kelly. Was your recent cruise your first trip outside the States? I suppose there is so much to see there that it could take a life time to explore.
From London I can (and do) take day trips to France and Belgium. I remember reading that in the USA passport ownership is among the lowest in the world.
Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

Kelly said...

Gorilla Bananas- Why yes, and the little toy cars spoke to me, too. They said, "Someday, Gorilla Bananas will suggest that we fizzed on your butt cheeks. You won't know what this means, of course. He'll also say something about a hilly terrain. And then you'll be completely confused."

Kelly said...

bazza- Yeah, it was the first trip outside the States. Yeah, there is a lot to see in the U.S. America is a huge country. The size of Texas, alone, would account for the size of two or three average-sized European countries. You are fortunate that you are able to travel to France and Belgium and that different countries are in such relative close proximity to the U.K. It wouldn't surprise me that passport ownership in the U.S. is among the lowest in the world for a variety of reasons. My own is good up until 10 years. Hopefully, I'll be able to visit another country someday.

klahanie said...

Okay Kelly, please forgive me, you awesome, yet somehow shy, award-laden, blogging elite, type dude. I am now here to heap praise on you, which of course, you will, oh so reluctantly accept from me.
Thrilled to the point of violently puking, that you have received the 'Lots Of Licking' n' stuff Award, kindly bestowed to you by LilPixi. (Who,I passed on an award too on my latest posting, but I cannot seem to be able to leave a comment on her latest posting to inform her. She adores you, so she will probably read this)
Anyway, where the hell was I? Well done for getting the award and to everyone who has received this award, by being on your blogroll. So, well done ME etc!
And places you'd like to visit. What, no lil' ol' England? I thought you'd want to visit the Royal family and have an orgy with them or something...

THE SNEE said...

The wind chime rings for your well deserved LOL award were muffled by the roof top snow avalanche here. Hence, why I'm sheepishly admitting to being a little slow getting here! CONGRATULATIONS KELLY! I love your blog for so many reasons! You've got a natural wit, and a wonderful way of juxtaposing humor with real life challenges. You also have a fantastic imagination. I think your animated hot wheels would have enjoyed the terrain ride with the itty bitty little people who frolicked under the ferns near the creek behind our house. BTW, I can return that 10 gallon hat you lent me if you feel your marvelous head swelling! Be well.

Kelly said...

klahanie- That is quite alrighty-ditey, Mr. Awesome, Frequently Awarded Your Own Darn Self, Gary... You most assuredly are forgiven and stuff. Me? Reluctant to receive praise and awards? Gosh, you know me too well. :) Btw, no violent puking is allowed on this good clean wholesome blog. Shitting your pants is fine, though.

I haven't the slightest idea why you can't leave a comment on LilPixi's site. I and others have been able to do so, so I have no answers regarding that mystery. If she adores me, she will be in good company because I know you and a million others worship me, as well. Who can blame you?

Though I'd like to visit the Royal Family and bone the Queen in her B-Hole while pulling her hair, I've never had much desire to visit England. Well, except for maybe the Tower of London or Stonehenge (is that in England?). A relative of mine took a two week trip to England and thought it was okay. I don't know. I may change my mind about adding England to my "Must See List" later in life. I hope you don't take this personally.

Take care, Gary. I must go off and fantasize now about the Queen giving me a hummer.

Kelly said...

THE SNEE- Thank you, wholeheartedly, Rebecca. I can imagine those wind chimes were muffled. The snow never ceases to fall here. I guess you saw on the news that the Super Dome nearly collapsed under the weight of the snow, haven't you? No worries on being slow. I thank you for all the compliments and I deeply respect your incredible talent and enjoy your immensely humorous posts over at your own blog. And every piece you create is written so well, to boot.

I bet you're right about my Hot Wheels Cars, which I still have sitting on a shelf close to me (sometimes I hear them whispering amongst themselves) would enjoy driving your 'little people under the ferns' from coast to coast. What wonderful, exciting adventures they would have!

Yes, I think I'll need that big hat back again for my big fat head. I can barely walk from room to room without getting my enormous noggin stuck in the doorways.

Take care, Rebecca. I hope you keep staying warm in this new Ice Age.

Lana Gramlich said...

You'd love Canada, trust me. If you ever do go, make SURE you bring your camera!

Kelly said...

Lana- I'd really like to go up there, someday. I would definitely bring my camera!

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