This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Fun Houses

When I was a little kid, I'd go to the town fair and they would always have either a really crazy looking fun house or a terrifying one. The first time I entered inside a fun house, I got trapped in this tumbler kind of thing that spun you up and over, round and round (like a clothes dryer) until you received a concussion or fractured elbow. Loads of fun. This was back in the late 60's and early 70's where they didn't give much thought to safety issues. Then there would be the claustrophobic mirror rooms to contend with. I'd walk into mirrors, almost in tears, trying to get the fuck out. I almost had a seizure from the panic attacks endured, trapped in those rooms. Luckily, I wasn't scarred for life having been exposed to that shit. Just a few years.

On the subject of fun houses, this seems to be the kind of house that would be fun to live in.

What's that nursery rhyme about the old woman that lived in an over sized shoe, had so many children, she didn't know quite what to do-- so she let the government foot the bill, keeping the rugrats fed, schooled and clothed while her vagina steadily grew to the size of a fun house?

Yeah, you know the one. I think she lived here, in the fun house pictured below. After awhile, the woman, a human vending machine, didn't bother going through labor or pushing down hard to get the bloody little bundle of joy out of her ever-widening gaping clam. She needn't try. Often times, she'd bend over to pick up a lit cigarette that fell out of her blubbery mouth or a dropped, halfway drunken can of beer and the lil' cutie would just kind of plop out onto the roach-infested floor.

The old woman (who just looked old because she was a meth addict) wouldn't know she had given birth until she stumbled back and tripped over the infant, causing it to cry out, cursing it's very existence into this world and the fact that it's mother was a drug addled whore with festering sores covering 80% of her body. Luckily, the kid rolled out of the way, onto a bed of dead rats, before it could be crushed by the stinking behemoth.

Later, the darling little baby couldn't tell whether it was sucking on a nipple, during breast feeding or a pus-filled skin ulcer that reminded one of a strange, nightmarish teat.

Otherwise, it was a nice house. Friendly neighborhood, too.

The next pic isn't so much of a house as it is a photo of a building. But it would make a nice house. Sure, it's been through a couple earthquakes, but hey, no house is perfect.

This next one is a bounce house. They call these things fun houses, too. People buy and rent these "civil lawsuits in the making" for their kids' parties. It's supposed to keep the kids occupied. They jump all around in these big inflatable enclosed rooms, cracking their heads and bones together, causing each other to scream and cry and have all kinds of related fun.

All I see, when I look at one of these things, is the end result. Someone always manages to get hurt and bloodied. Yes, indeed, nothing says "party time", more adequately, than one of these plastic, injury-causing monstrosities. Good luck with one of these fuckers at your next kiddiefest!

At least this next "fun house" has a sense of humor. Sure, the neighborhood kids, your offspring and their rabble of pals will sustain multiple broken bones, chipped teeth and contusions, but at least they'll be able to come tumbling out of a rabbit's asshole, eventually. Gotta look on the bright side!

This next shot is for an establishment that is a kind of "fun house" for grown ups. This fun house is a bar and grill in my general area. I've wanted to take a picture of this sign forever, but didn't do it until a month ago. "Hummers" is a really nice name for a bar, isn't it? Big red lips, right there on the sign for the place. Great piece of advertising, that is. A place you can go, get sloshed and meet that special someone.

Someone that's just perfect for giving you a hummer, hence the name.

After getting your hummer for the night, why not make a stop at this next fun house. At this fun house, you can eat all the doughnuts you desire, while the doughnuts busily soak up all the alcohol in your belly. Afterwards, if you haven't thrown up all the doughnuts in the toilet bowl in the back room, you may decide to make a return visit to Hummers and do it all over again.

And wouldn't that be fun?


LilPixi said...

I don't know how someone hasn't stumbled upon this blog & begged you to write for em' or something.

Even if, like myself, that isn't your intention, I've read a lot of "good" blogs, and there's some comedic talent & writing talent here that's beyond measure, is all I'm sayin'.

I was fully amused from the very beginning. That rabbit is.........real?!? Holy shit.
Or maybe I should say "rabbit shit"

Gorilla Bananas said...

Yes, those giant airbags look pretty frightening. If I had one, I'd puncture it with a pin so it made a squeaky farting noise to scare off the crocodiles.

bazza said...

Blimey! I just took a look at the previous commenters website. You could say it's filled with anger and venom and totally lacking in logic. Those guys are projecting their own bad experiences onto all American women!
Anyway: we call those houses Crazy Houses or Crooked Houses. A 'Fun House' is well... do you know the song by the UK group Madness, called 'Welcome to the House of Fun'? It's about a brothel!
Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

Kelly said...

LilPixi- That's very gracious and complimentary of you to say, LilPixi. That makes me feel good that you think those things about my writing. You're a sweetheart. And you're absolutely right. :)

I'm glad you found this post amusing. That's what I was shooting for.

Lol... That rabbit shit you're talking about would be the injured children sliding out, eventually, from the inflatable bunny's asshole.

Kelly said...

Gorilla Bananas- Those giant airbags are frightening. I know from experience. My sister owns a bounce house. I wanted to see what is was like in one of these things so I climbed up into one. Soon enough, I was trapped inside by my nieces and all of these hyperactive kids were bouncing, literally, off the walls. Pure chaos. Never again. They're almost as dangerous as trampolines.

Kelly said...

bazza- I reported the previous spammer and deleted his comment. It had nothing to do with this post and his rant on how bad American women are pissed me off. Like you said, he obviously had some bad experience with a woman and wanted to take it out on them all on MY BLOG.

That's a big no-no with me. If the comment isn't about the post and only about self promotion, it gets wiped out.

Anyway... Back to what this is supposed to be about... The post...

It doesn't surprise me that they're called that in the U.K. Apt names for them, as well. I don't know that song you're talking about but I'll check it out.

My old place in my old hometown was called "The House of Fun" because of all the wild parties I had there. It was called this by the tribe of friends I had back then, decades ago. You wouldn't believe what would happen in that place. lol.

klahanie said...

Hi Kelly,
Well, bazza beat me to it in regards to what those houses are called over here. I'm pretty sure 'Madness' and the band of that name, were quite well known in the States back in the early eighties.

"There was an old woman
who lived in a shoe;
She had so many children
she didn't know what to do.
She gave them some broth
without any bread,
She spanked them all soundly
and sent them to bed."

Charming and to think "she let the government 'foot' the bill" for all her lovely little habits and support her little deviant kiddies.
This was another deeply profound posting and gorgeous photos to accompany it. Thank you so much. I remember getting stuck in one of those 'house of mirrors' when I was about five years old. A couple of workers had to bring me, this hysterical little child, back out to safety. I hope what happened that day was no reflection on me.
Take care man and I hope life is a bit more positive for you and your loved ones.
In kindness, Gary :-)

MartyrMom said...

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly(shaking my blonde locks!) do you come up with these stories?? I LOVE it!

I thought Bazza was talking about LilPixi...sorry I missed the excitement!

THE SNEE said...

You're so outrageous Kelly!(In a good way of course). My favorite fun house was the topsy turvy one in the beginning. Hummers and the Donut house kinda gave me a stomach ache. Sponge bob's bouncy house, well...I felt somewhat seasick there. Maybe the Sponge Bob bouncy house would be a good little spot to send spammers too-heehee. Hope you are well.

Kelly said...

klahanie- Yeah, I'm sure I heard their music back then, likely on the radio. Just didn't hear it or like it enough to be a fan, apparently.

Yeah, that's how the old nursery rhyme went, regarding that old woman in the shoe, but I had to modernize it for today's hip crowd. Still, though, the old version is about as sick and cruel as my own- just on a different, less perverted level. :)

Deeply... deeply profound posting, it was, ol' friend. So true. If it was any deeper, you would need Aristotle to decipher it for you. And you're welcome, buddy.

Sounds like you had a swell ol' time in one of those mirror rooms, too, eh? I was trying, as a five year old, to keep up and follow my Aunt Kay, who was four years older than me, through one of those rooms and she abandoned me. Eventually, while crying my eyes out, I found my way out. Fun day that was! Anyway, I can relate to your story.

Just think... if you hadn't been rescued by the workers, you'd still be in there today, completely out of your mind. Gosh!

Thanks for wishing me well. I hope life is more positive for you these days. I haven't been brought up to date, recently, in regards to your situation. Take care, man.

Kelly said...

MarytrMom- Hahahaha... Why, it's simple, MM... Take one part creative genius, one part demented imagination, sprinkle in some carefully placed words that tend to set people's heads on fire- and WALLA!- a masterpiece is born.

Of course, it helps if you're nuts. Seriously, though, I'm glad you loved it. It sure beats talking about my personal life nowadays.

No, Bazza was talking about the same douchebag "Boycotter" that was spamming Gorilla Bananas on his site earlier today, as well as mine and countless others. No excitement, really. Just annoying. Take care and try to have a good day. :)

Kelly said...

THE SNEE- Thank you, Rebecca, for saying that. Yes, that 1st Fun House looked as though a tornado had it's way with it and it does look pretty darned cool... even if it is pink. I can see why Hummers and the Donut House gave your belly the "topsy-turvies". Not a good combination at all. Kind of like drinking Jagermeister with your scrambled eggs in the morning. Not yummy.

I would like to send all the spammers of the world into a stadium sized SpongeBob bouncy house, along with a couple thousand hyperactive yard monkeys (kids) to keep them company and drive them bonkers. That would be sweet.

Take care, Rebecca and have a great day!

kerrie said...

goood day to you K
Your post got me thinking about my own house I no longer live was built by my ex - a builder. Every room had tools in it - no matter how much I tidied them up they would appear tiny, large, smelly you have no idea how many tools a man can have.
I like you alternative lady in the shoe very funny made me forget about the tools for a bit

cheers for an imanagive (cant spell it damn it!!!) and witty post

Kelly said...

kerrie- And good day or night to you, Kerrie. Sounds like you were busy, taking care of that guy's many tools. Your ex the builder reminds me of Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor on that TV comedy show, Home Improvement. It's off the air now but it featured a guy who was crazy about tools and creating these extreme machines. I have no idea if you were ever able to watch that show in your country or not.

Thanks for the compliments on this post. Take good care, Kerrie.

The Wolf said...

Kelly that woman in the show with the ever expanding blackhole for a vagina story should be spun into a children's cartoon or at the very least an episode of Barney and freinds or Serbian Romper room

Kelly said...

The Wolf- You're right. That would make a stupendous cartoon or episode for a kid's show. Maybe I should offer the idea up to the creators of SpongeBob and let them run with it. It couldn't be any worse than the silly crap they come up with. Actually, Family Guy would do it and they would do it up right. So would Robot Chicken on the Cartoon Network.

Always thinking, aren't you? Good job.

Rafael Clarkstein said...

Nursery rhyme about old woman that lived in shoe with so many children is Octomom Nadya Suleman.

When I visit America I go to this "Hummers" bar. Where can I find?

Psycho Carnival and Krapsody favorite blogs for people in Almaty, Kazakhstan! For fun we like to make cookies with bastard hot chilies. We put cookies out with sign that say "Do Not Eat Cookies - Very Hot"...then we watch idiots eat cookies and they scream and cry and we laugh and laugh at them. Good times in former Soviet Russia. High five!

Kelly said...

Rafael Clarkstein- That is correct, sir, the old woman is Nadya Suleman. I see you've been keeping up to date with the most important American news going on these days. It's been rumored that Octomom's vagina is so wide that Oprah Winfrey accidentally fell into it during an interview. A rescue team was called upon and they have gone deep inside Suleman's cavernous cunt in search of the beloved talk show host. It's been 2 weeks now and no one has heard from them since.

"Hummers" bar is located not far from here. Let me know when you get to America and I'll give you the directions in exchange for a dozen "hot chili bastard cookies". I want to give them to my closest friends so I can watch them scream as their mouths catch fire.

High five!

By the way, you have good taste in the blogs you favor. Good day to you.

Rafael Clarkstein said...

Does Nadya Suleman work at Hummers? I like girls with big vagina. They has more room for Oprah Winfrey rescue teams, and also for me with many bagfuls of bastard hot chili cookies.

Static said...

What Rafael said. ;)

Kelly said...

Rafael- No, 'fraid she doesn't, sir. The only work Nadya does is pop children out of her bottomless twat like one of those rapid fire tennis ball machines. Quite a sight if you enjoy that sort of thing.

Be careful with those large-cunted gals with people-consuming vaginae! More people get lost in those fleshy black holes in a year than there are car accidents. Proven fact.

Kelly said...

Static- Please, Static... for the love of "Homeless in Seattle", stay away from the gaping vaginae! My concern for your welfare is overwhelming and stuff. ;)

Kelly said...

By the way, Static and Rafael, I left a lengthy comment on your latest post on your "Homeless in Seattle" website, regarding that great video. Take care.

Static said...

I'm sure when I say this I am not just speaking for myself but: Rafael and I are very excited.....
by large vaginae! HIGH FIVE!

Kelly said...

Static- Just don't get too excited, not watching where you're walking and trip and fall into one of those large vagina traps. Once you've been swallowed, you'll be slowly digested, never to be heard from again. HIGH FIVE!

Rafael Clarkstein said...

Then I am guess that big giant vaginae are like Sarlacc from Star Wars movie where you are slowly digested over a thousand years?

Kelly said...

Yes, Rafael, the big giant vaginae are like that starship eating monster from Star Wars that slowly digests you for a thousand years. lol. They could also be described as Gargantuan, Hairy, Smelly Venus Fly Traps of Gradual Death of Which There Can Be No Escape.

Either description would work. Still excited? If so, seek help!

Rafael Clarkstein said...

Now I want big giant vaginae more than ever to roll around in. How about yours?

Kelly said...

Sorry Rafe... no big vaginae to be found here to roll in. Go hit up Octomom for some of that action. I'm sure she won't mind. She's probably set up a nice bed n breakfast up in that cavern of hers by now. Sleep tight.

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eena said...

Very nice blog and so as the bounce houses shown here. One of my friends told me about the best bounce houses at this link. I purchased and it has been an year it is working fine as it has the best material used.

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