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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Lightning Strikes Big Butter Jesus

A six story statue, officially known as King of Kings burned to the ground, in Monroe, Ohio, Monday night during a lightning storm. When God's wrathful lightning bolt struck one of its outstretched hands, the Styrofoam and fiberglass made Jesus behemoth quickly caught on fire. All that remains is a part of the statue's metal frame. The amphitheater that sits behind the huge religious statue caught fire, too. This took place not far from where I live.



Ha! Missed me again, didn't you, God?

The statue was built by the Solid Rock Church in 2oo4. You would think that the church would have made the statue out of solid rock, but no, that would make too much sense.

This statue went by many names and nicknames. For one, it was called Big Butter Jesus because of it's off-white buttery color. And if you look closely at the photo, it does look like BBJ is sorta melting beneath the sun. One thing for sure, it sure did melt under the fire.

The King of Kings statue went by the following real (not made up by me) nicknames:

Big Butter Jesus
Drowning Jesus (See photo? See Big Jesus halfway underwater? Get picture?)
Touchdown Jesus (for it outstretched referee-like arms for a possible touchdown)
Quicksand Jesus
Giant Jesus
8-Ball Jesus
Big J
Super Jesus
MC 62-foot Jesus
and
Swamp Jesus

The lightning fire has sparked a new nickname for the statue- Terminator Jesus

Video of the burning Jesus is at the bottom of the post. Witness God's wrath for yourself! Behold! No mention if marshmallows were brought to the scene to toast over Jesus. If there were, perhaps he could have magically turned them into smores as he became engulfed in flames.

Maybe, as some have suggested, the Supreme Being didn't care for the unflattering names or the appearance of Quicksand Jesus. That's why it got striketh with the celestial, high-tension electrical discharge! The good Lord was pissed!

My brother-in-law thought it ironic and humorous the religious figure wasn't spared the rod (er, bolt) when a nude strip club, Bristol's, sits across the road. You would have thought that place would have felt the wrath of God, first. Eh, well. Maybe God thought that Big Butter Jesus was too glitzy or stupid looking or something. Ya never can tell with him, after all.

Comedian, Heywood Banks created a song about Big Butter Jesus before the lightning struck him. The video shows the fire and before and after shots of the statue. Enjoy!




Also: The Solid Rock Church plans on rebuilding the statue, once it can afford to. They estimate it will cost $225,000 to do it. too bad that money won't be spent on something worthwhile, like the poor and homeless.

37 comments:

Mr. Stupid said...

OMG. That's really bad. Now, that video made me laugh so much. The nicknames were all too funny.
I just wish they use that money to help the poor. Jesus will never be happier than that.

Have a good day, Kelly:)

BigGiantHat said...

The news here in Columbus, Ohio carried the story. They also said that State Troopers were citing folks for rubber necking. Which is crazy -- who wouldn't look at evidence of God's Wrath? I would have gotten at least one ticket. Perhaps two for parking on the shoulder and taking photos.

The Wolf said...

Too funny, glad to see the strip bar survived without a scratch. I totally agree the dumb fuckers should have focused that money doing something for the less fortunate....you know like ANYTHING rather that a stupid looking butter jesus. All that statue did was inspire me to eat a sandwich.

The Random Blogette said...

Holy shit balls, you fucking live in Ohio too? I wrote about it yesterday. It's the beginning of the end of the world.

Kelly said...

Mr. Stupid- I agree with ya on that. The video and nicknames were a hoot. I wish they would help the poor, too. Churches say they give to the community, but I think this one is doing a disservice to it's community be not representing goodwill toward man.

Don't build another butter Jesus folks! Give some money to a worthy cause!

Kelly said...

BigGiantHat- I agree. It's kinda hard to ignore a gigantically gruesome figure of Jesus burning on the side of the road.

Hell, with the way I get so damned distracted while driving, I'd probably run into the crowd, mowing down the rest of the rubberneckers. lol

Kelly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kelly said...

The Wolf- Yes, we should THANK GOD, the titty bar wasn't damaged during catastrophe. God must certainly be blessing the titties. Eh, that church has its head up it's ass. How many of these gigantic super Jesus's are they gonna build. That thing was a fire hazard anyway. with the crap it was made of.

Just think. Before it got struck by lightning, the old crazy fucker, me, could have been standing next to it and then I could have caught fire. Or something. Then I couldn't go on to make the world a sunnier, more cheerful place. :)

Enjoy your butter sandwich

Kelly said...

The Random Blogette- Unholy shit balls of lightning, Catwoman. No, I live on the border of Indiana. About as close to Ohio as you can get to without actually being in that state.

Yes, that was either a sign that the end of the world or that God loves boobies more than big cheesy idols of worship like Bread n' Butter Jesus.

Thanks for commenting. Take care.

Static said...

Jesus struck by lightning...huh, who would have thunk? Loads of irony there for sure.

Pinkie said...

HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kelly said...

Static- Indeed. Silos full of irony to be found with this event. Like I said, the good lord loves dem nudie bar boobies more than church statues.

Perhaps he'll come down again to get him a woman from the undamaged nudie bar for some heavenly good times. Wahoo.

Kelly said...

Pinkie- I agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

klahanie said...

Okay dude,
I is here now. Internet was down. Ever so strange seeing a bolt of lightning come out of my computer:)
I have seen this video. It was posted up on a site that is into garden gnomes, weird huh!
I know my computer will probably get struck again by a bolt of lightning but hey this was indeed ironically hilarious viewing.
Now how does that song go 'Indiana wants me but I can't go back there...'

Kelly said...

klahanie- Lightning bolt came out of your computer? Wow. That would be strange and very much the opposite of awesome. Did it catch on fire, like mine did, months ago? Hope everything is getting back in order for ya, guy.

Hmmm. Some folks go to gnome sites. Some go to midget clown porn sites. Ya just never know. :-)

I've never heard of that song. And by the way, why can't one go back to Indiana? Did someone, in particular, screw a cow or try to milk a bull?

Take care, man. Stay well.

klahanie said...

Okay, slight exaggeration in regards to the bolt of lightning. My internet was a bit hit and miss for a couple of days.
The site that posting was on was Along Life's Highway The Yard Art Game. A site that has a bit of fun with garden gnomes etc. I'll leave it at that.
'Indiana wants me
Lord, I can't go back there', is how it goes by some dude named Taylor R Dean.
You might like to check it out. You have probably heard it sometime in your life. A great song to have sex with aliens with lol.
Have a great weekend:-)

Kelly said...

klahanie- I likely have heard the song before. Just can't recall it like about 80% of everything else in my life. I'll check it and play it while pretending to have sex with my wife, who happens to be an alien, with my non-working prick. Who knows? That song just might be the thing that gives me a rise. :-)

Keep well, Gary and have a decent weekend, too.

Brand New Day said...

I Gary, I'm a Scot (Scotland = small town in UK), and not quite sure of the correct American terminology yet, but I believe the phrase is
"YOU'RE GOIN' STRAIGHT TO HELL FOR THAT, BOY"
Nice one!
See you there ;)

Kelly said...

Brand New Day- I'll see you both in hell! Yeeehaaaa!

Brand New Day said...

You don't happen to be sitting astride an A-tom Bomb, wearing a ten gallon hat now, would you Kelly?

Kelly said...

Why yes, yes, I am. And not long ago, I saw Peter Sellers and we were all laughing and talking about how much we loved the bomb.

What fun!

Brand New Day said...

AHA! So, the truth comes out at last! Admit it Kelly, it wasn't actually a lightening strike at all, was it - IT WAS YOU ON A BOMB ALL ALONG!!! (with a lasoo, in the libray, with Prof.Plum, no doubt).
PS - your catchpa keeps giving me rude words to copy - how did you get it to do that?

Kelly said...

Guilty- as charged. On a bomb, with a lasoo, trapped inside a game of Clue with a titty magazine. Wank. Wank. Ahhhhhhh.

P.S. What the hell is a 'catchpa'? Is it anything like a grandpa?

Brand New Day said...

DOUBLE AHA! You've been brought to book, then! (must apologise for that very tenuous link from "magazine" to "book", just in order to make a very poor pun! - had to be done though).
The "catchpa" is what your mother does when she's feeling randy! No! (it's the blasted fake arm you know, has a life of it's own - the "Sieg Heil" moments are a curse!), it's the thing that gives you a very squiggly word to retype in order to verify you're human. But it IS a bit like grandpa's eyesight after he's spent too much time with the titty mags! (I've probably got the word "catchpa" wrong anyway - someone bring a correction - STAT!)

Static said...

Did someone call me?

klahanie said...

Hello Kelly,
Seems to be you have some ongoing chats on this now archived posting.
I now see you have a new adoring fan in Scotland. Scotland is that country above England. I should know because, right now, I'm living in England. I visited Scotland and they all loved me and my wonderful, witty, thought provoking attitude towards the wonders of life and deep fried Mars bars.
Over to you...

klahanie said...

Hello Static. Have a deep fried Mars bar....

Kelly said...

klahanie- Yeah, Gary, it's odd to be having comments again on this old blog post. Someone must have pulled up my old discussion about Big Ol' Buttery Jesus on Blog Catalog or somethin'.

I'll take all the adoring fans I can get. lol. Now when are one of my diciples gonna have the decency and common sense to build a goddamn church in my name?

Kelly said...

Static- No. No one called you. Now eat your Mars bar, dang nabbit!

Static said...

Nyaaa! What's up, doc?

Kelly said...

The moon. The sun. The sky. The stars. And that little grey dude peepin' in at ya.

Brand New Day said...

I see you've called in reinforcements! Hello, "adoring fan" from the Land of deep fried mars bars here. Re: Buttery Jesus - I'm actually also an officially Ordained Dudeist preist (see post here:)

http://lifeinascotssittingroom.blogspot.com/2010/07/omg-ive-just-become-ordained-priest.html

AND
a shameless self promoter.
HI Y'ALL!

Brand New Day said...

PS I'll I can say is this:

THUFFERIN THUCHATAFTH - THAT DANG WABBIT!

klahanie said...

Kelly dude,
I shall get to your latest posting, well later.
I have linked into that shameless self promoters site as a follower. Me thinks, I shall bestow one of my remarkably clever and thought provoking comments over there. I mean, as you know, folks anxiously await a comment from a humble and gentle man such as my good self.
Coincidentally, I have commented on a blog by 'THE SNEE' which is all about mutant carrots and Bugs Bunny. Take that, you wacky wabbit...:-)

THE SNEE said...

YIKES! I grew up in Cincy and never noticed the statue? Maybe the Chocolate laced Chili went to my head! I laughed a ton, and loved the song...Now with the county fair around the corner, I'm wondering if the butter carver might go for a replacement Jesus rather than the usual dairy cow. Very, Very funny post!!!

Kelly said...

The Snee- I love that chocolate laced chili at Skyline. It's so yummy and it makes me fart all night long. My wife appreciates it, for sure.

I hear they're going to make a BIG CHEESY JESUS next. No word yet if it will be provolone or cheddar.

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the best virtual strippers on my desktop.

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