This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Cat and The Butterfly Girl

I was having the darnedest time getting open a trash bag, yesterday. It was one of those plastic bags where you can find no apparent groove in which your forefinger and thumb might separate one corner from the other. Doesn't this drive you to utter madness?

Now, I had the idea to lick my fingers so that I may gain purchase when I finally discovered the secret spot in which to open the bag but I thought, That may not be the best idea. I mean, I just petted my pussy cat's head a minute ago and although, he might be a clean pussy, as pussies go, he might have a smidgen of dry pussy pee on his noggin. After all, we have a big dome-covered pussy box in which he will go inside to use and perhaps, just perhaps, his urine spray might have ricocheted off one of the walls and landed on his head. Imagine.

Instead, I got the idea to put my forefinger and thumb under the water faucet, get them a little wet and try that. Well, wouldn't you know it? It worked! I got the trash bag open and placed it inside the trash can. Glory be! What a wonderful day it was to become!

Now, when I went downstairs to get rid of the full trash bag, I encountered another cat. I looked at him and noticed he was drinking a bottle of beer but I didn't think much of it at the time. After dumping my load (my bag in the dumpster), I went back toward the door and the cat put his paw out, saying, "Hey, would you mind a bit of company for awhile? I'm feeling kinda blue."

The cat took a swig of beer. He added, "Your cat buddy upstairs won't mind, will he?"

I said, "I don't know about that but you're welcome to come up for a bit before the Mrs. comes home from work."

When the cat, who called himself Marco Polo, came up the steps and into the apartment, he immediately folded his paws and commenced praying.

I had to ask, "Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

Marco Polo said, "Neither."

I had to ask, "So... Why are you praying?"

"I'm praying to The Superior Entity in the hopes he will offer me a sign or words of wisdom that will guide the humans on this planet to stop making so many wars, causing unnecessary life loss in order to appease the powerful and the rich."

I stood there as he continued his prayer and interrupted him, inquiring, "So you believe there's a Superior Entity that will give you this sign or words of wisdom through prayer or any other means?"

Marco Polo went back on all fours, belched and then said, "Beats hoping that humankind will come to their senses, pull together for better causes and try to get along. Heck, I'll try anything at this point."

No sooner than this was said that The Butterfly Girl flew in through my open window.

I marveled at her beautiful, flawless skin and soul searching eyes and silently wondered how it would be to poke her in her butt.

The Butterfly Girl's wings ceased fluttering and she positioned herself in an upright stance.
With arms outstretched, The Butterfly Girl said, "Though the minds of a portion of mankind have allowed them to achieve dominion over their own species and other life they consider less superior to their own, it may be that this world you exist upon has other plans for you. A scenario that is expected when smaller, mischievous living things aggravate and cause injury to the bigger living organism."

I said, "Does this mean you wanna do it?"

I made my tongue flip flop in my mouth, repeatedly, while I made a sexual, somewhat rude noise that one might consider an expression that I wished to lick the Butterfly Girl's labia and much much more.

The Butterfly Girl said, "Those who wish to dominate will do so by first attempting to manipulate your way of thinking."

When she said this, a picture formed in my mind. I'm not sure how it got there but I suspect the Butterfly Girl communicated it to me, telepathically.

Marco Polo rubbed up against The Butterfly Girl's leg and pleaded, "Could you please take me away from this world of pain and ignorance?"

The Butterfly Girl said, "There are no certainties that the next world will hold a better life for you than the one you have here."

Marco Polo said, "I'll take my chances."

Butterfly Girl picked Marco Polo up from the floor and caressed the pussy until it purred.
Before she abruptly vanished, with Marco Polo still in her arms, Butterfly Girl gave me a magical vagina mouse for my computer. She said that with it, I could find the answers that would lead the way into understanding our minds and unshackling old concepts that bind us and keep us in a state of stagnation or worse.

I plugged my vagina mouse into a port, went back and sat it my computer chair. I observed that when I pressed the middle love button, the mouse squirted an enticing, aromatic liquid.

"Juicy," I concluded.

The rest of the day was spent searching for any signs of understanding, any words of wisdom, any paths that might help and that I could use to persuade humankind to abide by for their own sakes and benefit. At times, I did find such things. But, I somehow knew that mankind would likely ignore these things and they would have to find the paths to a better existence on their own.

After all, I thought, humans were well known to better accept something that they themselves discovered rather than something that was carefully pushed into their minds by subtlety or the direct approach. But then I thought, Nah, these dumb asses will follow anything if the bait tastes good enough. I laughed at this until I cried. As some will.


Anonymous said...

Sir Tom Eagerly says:
Kelly, my old bean, you can always be relied on for a laugh.
And, do you know, we aren't laughing with you, we are laughing at you. Or I might have meant that the other way round.
Too much whisky on my Cornflakes.
Anyway, the best/funniest bit is:"I marveled at her beautiful, flawless skin and soul searching eyes and silently wondered how it would be to poke her in her butt".
Keep up the good work my boy!

LilPixi said...

That vagina mouse is mesmerizing!
A bit of laughing & crying. Crying FOR them, and a bit from the laughter. The dumb ass, clueless conformists are sad. I truly feel for them.

Lil Marco Polo is onto a good life, I can feel it. A life of beauty & freedom with no limits.
This really hits home with me.
Awesome post as always, my friend. Awesome post!

The Wolf said...

Talking cats and butterfly women randomly showing up at your place, either you live in one fucked up neighbourhood, or your smoking something. Either way I'm jealous all I get to talk to are crazy homeless people who smell like pee and beans.And they have no words of wisdom, they just want my change.

THE SNEE said...

Is there really such a thing as a VAGINA MOUSE?!!! I spit my coffee out when I saw that pic!

This post was carefully and cleverly crafted Kelly with undertones and overtones. I loved the many layers, and the compelling messages. Well, one can only hope that humans will find a way to explore our world without conquering it! said...

Haha, Marco Polo.

And with the vagina mouse, how long did it take you to find the little button in the middle? Took me damn near 21 years...

Kelly said...

Sir Tom Eagerly- Thank you, Sir Tom, for the kind compliment. And hey, about what ya said, I say it's all good as long as you're laughing. lol.

Maybe you should switch to rum on the cornflakes... or not. I don't want to be a cereal enabler.

Take care, my friend and enjoy the wonders of life!

Kelly said...

LilPixi- I'm glad I could make you laugh and cry, LilPixi. Wait, that second part didn't sound quite right. lol.

I kinda feel sorry for the clueless conformists to, in a way. I don't know whether to kick them in the ass or give 'em a nice creamy turdcicle on a hot day in July.

Marco Polo probably did go onto a better existence. Maybe he's on the other side and he didn't have to pay the ultimate admission fee to see the show- by dying. Who knows? I think you know what I mean by what I just said. :) I'm sure this does hit home with you. And to tell you the truth, the whole time I wrote this, I had no idea exactly how it would end but the journey it took me on was satisfying.

Take care, LilPixi. I hope you're getting better, feeling better with each passing day.

Kelly said...

The Wolf- Hahaha... No, dude. I, myself, am not in the story or parable or however you see this. This tale is from the point of view of a fictional character I made up. The story is told in first person- for effect.

By the way, the fictional narrative character, the talking cat and the Butterfly Girl are going to stop by at your place and liven up the neighborhood. Good luck! Take care! Say howdy to the homeless for me!

Kelly said...

THE SNEE- Yes, Rebecca, there really is a vagina mouse. But there is no Santa Clause that will bring it to you on Christmas. lol. But you can look it up on the net. It's sold by an actual company. It's been made fun of by everyone.

And you got that right about the undertones and overtones I've infused the story with. Even the cat's character name, Marco Polo, means something in this. As you know, Marco Polo was a traveler and he discovered many things.

I hope what you hope, Rebecca. Maybe, by some miracle or some collective positive thinking, all of us can concentrate our efforts on exploring many things in this world before destroying it.

Kelly said... I don't own a vagina mouse. But I do have a female spouse living with me and I told her not to give out such vital information. Did you read the rest of the story?

billy pilgrim said...

a vagina mouse, i'm feckin speechless!

i don't think it's possible to persuade humans to behave selflessly with our current level of technology and pharmacology. jesus, yahweh, buddha, ganesha, vishnu etc have all given it their best shot but apart from running successful ponzi schemes they've all failed miserably.

but all is not lost, we have some excellent tv series these days.

Kelly said...

billy pilgrim- Like the vagina mouse, did you? lol. I bet it moans when you touch it just right.

I really don't think it's possible to persuade humans to act selflessly, either. You make a valid point. In the past, spiritual leaders in the past have tried it and are usually executed for their efforts.

And by excellent TV, I know you're not talking about Reality TV. Thanks for commenting, Billy and here's to hoping you have a superior day. :)

bazza said...

I think you should publish a book of your posts and Sir Tom's comments. I am still laughing 12 hours after first reading it!
Well done 'my boy'.
I hope you approve of my comment!
Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

G said...

Ah I hope for Butterfly girl to take me away from this world too - cool story!

Static said...

Quite poignant and utterly hilarious! So in other words...we're all fucked?

Kelly said...

bazza- Thank you, Bazza! For the compliment and for laughing. Maybe I will publish a book of my posts someday. It's an idea. And I approve of your comment. ;-)

Kelly said...

G- I think the sane among us would want to be taken from this world to a better one, too. Of course, it's not the world's fault. It's those things on two legs with the over-sized egos and brains that are ruining it.

Thanks for the compliment. Take care!

Kelly said...

Static- Thank you, Static. And in answer to your question, I'm afraid the answer, which is painfully obvious, is yes. We are all fucked. I'm not even sure that major catastrophes and war all over this planet would encourage us to work together. Still, I've got about 2% worth of hope that things may turn out differently. I say that with a sad chuckle.

Butterfly Girl, take me away!

klahanie said...

Hello Kelly,
After my rambling comment on your last posting, I thought it best that I just sit here, admire your rather surreal musings and wonder if I need further psychiatric help.
Do you know if they are going to have a 'penis mouse' for those so inclined?
Hilarious, zany and totally fucked. Another weird and wonderful posting. Delighted to see you have some new adoring fans. Must be heartening to know that such awesome folks have finally realised that your site will soon turn into some kinda' meeting up place where we can exchange pleasantries, farts and vomit....gosh n' stuff eh!
Take care, stay positive and keep smiling.
Your shy and humble buddy amongst these famous bloggers, Gary :-)

Kelly said...

klahanie- What you said at first made me laugh. Admire and ramble on, sir! Gary, ol' friend... On the serious side of about that 'psychiatric help'- I'd say we all could use that help from time to time. There are far too many out there who don't seek it when they're going through a tough time in their lives. And I thank you for the compliment, man. As far as I know, there are no penis mouses or mice or however you say it. The Wee Fol should work on creating such devices and you could make a lil dough off of them. Slave labor, you know? Yes, it is great to see some knew adoring fans. But you know how it is, because I see fresh faces on your blog all the time, man. I can't wait to exchange pleasantries and bodily fluids. Sounds like a Roman Orgy! Woo Hoo and Golly Gee! Keep staying your shy and humble self, Gary. Listen to this- May you ride upon the wings of Icarus and go too close to the sun, then leave abruptly, singeing thy wiener and thy buns. I just made that up. Pretty good, eh? You bet.

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