This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Hanging On a Star

Been bogged down in the mumps, the ol' depressionary state, currently. The red line under "depressionary" is telling me that it's not a word and that I'm a retard. Damn, I can't do anything right. Lately, yeah, I think that title might just fit me. Retard. Maybe "Retard Extraordinaire". Ha. That could be more fitting.

I feel like I'm saying the wrongs things to quite a few people in my inner circle of friends and family. The ol' guilt thing is kickin' my ass all the way to the the moon, as of late. Time to time, I make my attempt to get off that moon of guilt, trying to hook my arm around a star and maybe, if I'm lucky, I will be able to walk down some of those stars. Maybe I'll make it back to Planet Earth soon and shake my own hand and call a truce on the guilt thing going on inside my head.

It's a battle of wills. And getting back to being comfortable with myself...

...would be dandy.

Anyway, the more I listen to this, the more I like it. The song is called The Fun Machine Took a Shit and Died

Don't listen to it if you don't want to listen to it. I don't wanna twist your arm. It's just, I think, some brand spankin' new music from Queens of The Stone Age. Supposedly, they're coming out with a new album, early in 2012. God, I hope it's early. The planet is supposedly blowing up on the 21st of December. If I find out the new album is going to be late- like after the 21st of December, 2012, well, it won't be a pretty picture.

I mean-

I'll be really steamed. I'll buy a strange bobble-head collection and take it with me to the nearest fine dining type of joint, put one of the bigger ones down my pants with just the bobble hanging out of my fly, register the looks on the faces of fellow patrons and ultimately poke my bobble into someone's martini.

A plan, conceived.

But I doubt it will happen. After all, bobble-heads freak me out. No, I won't buy a bobble-head. The name, itself, sounds perverted.

Of course, this scenario just popped into my mind:

I go up to Mrs. Claus. She's kinda old but kinda hot and wearing something red and fluffy. I guess it's a coat. And I say something suave.

"Hey! Wanna see my bobble-head, Mrs. Claus? It's got a red, Christmassy glow. Don't have any idea why. Must be the STD I got in ol' Meh-hee-go."

I often have sex fantasies about Mrs. Claus. Who doesn't?

Mexico. Hmmm....

Beats ol' GuiltLand, where I'm currently residing, nowadays. Or maybe not. Should I feel guilty about boning a mythical, beloved holiday character, by the way? No, I'm not talking about a certain high profile, female Republican candidate that's running for president.

Beloved. Heh.

I think I just watched a documentary type show on TV, detailing a true story that had a guy interviewing a group of middle aged golfer guys, involved in said story and reenactment of their individual experiences on their trip to Mexico. They end up getting robbed, almost killed and then almost getting robbed or worse again by some corrupt cops. I think it was some kind of "I survived my vacation" type show that's airs once a week on The Travel Channel. They said incidents like the ones those golfer guys had didn't happen that often.

Eh. Okay. Maybe not. I don't want to assume. Heck no.

The story before that or afterwards showed actual video of some dumbass getting his flesh torn apart by a lion. This guy, who had never dealt with lions before, happily volunteered to go into the cage with the lion. Then he begins to reach out to pet the lion, the first time, basically wearing only a hoody/sweatjacket type thing and some thin jogger's pants. Then Bippy Dippyshit gets a warning swipe, the first time, with a paw. The dude cried out, "OOOOOW". A little blood was spilled. But the dude continued. And continued. Seeing this idiot play with this lion, as if it were a kitten and then getting his leg meat tore into, like human filet mignon, before he was rescued, cheered me right up.

I know I haven't been around the blogging scene much. I've been doing too much false starting here. I've been getting sidetracked. But I think I'm going to attempt pull a blog-rabbit out of my ass again. Like I did in the Spring of this year, I think I'm going to challenge myself to another blogging duel. Yes. I shall bloggeth every day until the end of December. And I shall also endeavor to visit everyone's blogs like a man with a quest to reach the highest star. Isn't that inspiring? Doesn't it just fill your panties with a load of pungent glee?

Now when the end of December comes up, I will self destruct- or perhap I'll save my explosion until next year about this time. I wanna time it just right. Don't wanna stray from the pack too much. I really want to fit in with the crowd (just like always) and with all of the others that fateful day who will pop open like a smokey pinata. Because, as you might and maybe could tell... I'm an obedient conformist.

Mmm. I'm thinking of bacon flavored candy falling out of a big gash. Insert joke here.

If anyone wants my collection of Pepsi/Star Wars Episode One cans, before Doomsday, I may be willing to swing ya a lucrative deal that will flip you utterly out.

See you tomorrow or bust.

Contact me at about the cans. I'm feeling better already.


bazza said...

Ahh! It's good to see you back to what passes for normal! Really missed your posts Kelly.
I think the challenge you have set yourself will be a kind of public therapy. Hooray!
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

The Angry Lurker said...

I hear they cancelled the 21st deal...we're all going to live now..even after I maxed out the credit cards.

Pickleope said...

If that's a real email address, you are a blogging evil genius. No guilt needed.
I never realized how much Bachmann looked like Batboy. It's uncanny.
I admire your motives to blog everyday and I look forward to reading your insanity, but I'm also afraid you'll burn yourself out. Moderation good sir.

Hiccups said...

A new financial study by Gallup reveals that more People in america believe the US financial climate is in a depressionary condition more than it is in restoration.

Kelly said...

bazza- Thanks, my friend. I think you're right about the challenge as being good therapy. When I take leave of my blog and my senses, I wonder, at times, if I should force myself to blog like this everyday- to benefit my sense of well being. Then there's that "do things in moderation" viewpoint, as well. Ah, the battles within.

Hope you're doing A-Okay, bazza. I look forward to checking out your blog and leaving a holly jolly comment and a festive piece of poo.

Kelly said...

The Angry Lurker- We're not having Doomsday next year, as planned? Damn... and I just bought a sexy new outfit for the occasion.

Kelly said...

Pickleope- I'm an evil blogging genius. You, too, can be an evil blogging genius by just dropping off your gently used coats at the B & J supermarket along Bobblehead Lane, just off state road 69.

Yeah, there's an actual picture on the net, comparing her and Bat Boy, side by side. Maybe you've seen it, even framed it and are now worshiping it, as we speak. I don't think I'll burn myself out like I did last Spring with the same type of challenge. This one won't last as long. I appreciate the worry over it, though. I like challenging myself every so often with a lot of stuff in life. I think it will be fun.

Kelly said...

Hiccups- I easily believe that could be true.

Annabelle said...

oh i do hate it when the depression gets the claws in good and deep.

glad youre poking your crazy lil head back up though.

kick some ass and take some names

Kelly said...

Annabelle- Me, too, concerning that nasty ol' Depression Monster. I DO PLAN on kickin' ass and takin' names. I feel like a volcano of insanity, ready to blow my top and spew my lava of love.

Thanks for your support. I'll be dropping by your blog to offer my infinite wisdom, shortly. Ho ho ho.

THE SNEE said...

Yay, Kelly! You are bloggy challenging again! I LIKE that. It's definitely the season to be jolly now. I hope that writing will release the blues to make your world all rainbowish. Psychodelic colors look very nice on snow. Do you have any yet? Snow? We've had two storms, but we are without the white stuff now. It allows me to forage for birch tree bark without slipping and falling. Yes, I keep away the deep, dark, big D by foraging. Apparently, collecting things on the forest floor makes me feel rainbowish.

Kelly said...

THE SNEE- Ha ha.... Thank you, Rebecca. I feel like a big ol' pop star has been that hasn't put out any new tunes for awhile and then- BLAMO- he goes out on tour and he is once again loved by all and worshiped and stuff.

Or maybe not. :)

I think you're right about writing the blues away. Part of this strategy is to force me to keep blogging every day. Since I'm a natural warrior and I am always up for a challenge or fight, I figure this will do the trick. We've had some snow. but not enough to stick on the ground yet. Hearing that you've had two storms, already, is a little startling. Foraging sounds like a unique and interesting way to keep the blues at bay. :) Hey, that rhymed! Have a rainbowish time!

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