This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Beautiful Christmas Ornaments

Oh, what a treat!  You're all cordially invited to gaze upon this fine collection of whimsical, inspirational, aesthetically pleasing holiday treasures in this most excellent post at Psycho Carnival.  Behold!

Wouldn't this wonderful firefighter/merman hybrid decoration look fantastic on your tree this year?  If you can find his special taint button, he may just give you a good holiday hosing.

What a magnificent addition this bacon strip ornament would be on your tree this holiday season.  Nothing quite conveys the true meaning of Christmas like a lovingly crafted ornament such as this.  And I double dog dare you not to eat this appealing work of art while no one is looking.  Shhh.  I won't tell if you won't.

Look, everyone!  Why... it's a graceful ballerina, enchanting one and all with the fluidity of her magical moves and oddly proportioned bosom.  If I were a betting gentleman, I would say those nipples could poke an eye out.  

If you're searching for something charming to hook onto your special tree this year, look no further.  These  extraordinarily delightful zombie gingerbread men will enthrall family member and friend alike.  You'll be the envy of the entire neighborhood, for certain.  And if you're not sure if that is authentic blood gushing from their heads and legs, cast those doubts away.  That's real blood- from fresh newborn kittens.  Merry Christmas.   

What an endearing character this jolly character is!  He has the kind of winsome smile that guarantees you and your loved ones won't have reason to fear that he will suddenly sprout a torso, arms and legs and crawl up the stairs, like a crazed spider, enter your bedroom and bite you repeatedly under the sheets, shredding your flesh with delightful abandon.  

It's certain you'll fall in love with this beautiful doll of an ornament.  Her name is Lil' Mandy MissyLimbs  Just look at the delicate features of her hands and feet.  Upon closer inspection, the happy faraway look in this little girl's eyes seems to be conveying a positive message of peace and goodwill to all during this glorious holiday season.  Note:  Please be careful NOT to barely touch Lil' Mandy's mid-section or her entrails will likely fall out as if they were blobs of rancid jello.  Seasons Greetings!

I'm not quite sure what to make of this fucking thing.  Happy Holidays!

If you're looking for pleasant, finely crafted ornaments that appeal to your  playful side, why not choose these two  wonderful works of art?  The first ornament is of a snowman showing off his caring, gentle nature by cheerfully carrying his lady friend to a house made of frosted donut balls.  The second ornament reveals a scene where a good Samaritan is happily assisting a being of snow with his slightly bent lower carrot.

What inspiring lessons we can learn from these adorable figures!  Both of these would make wonderful gifts for the elderly and/or religious in your family.

We, here, at Psycho Carnival, heartily and sincerely wish you and your loved ones the very merriest of a happy holiday season this year.  May your cheery red yule logs and festive bearded clams become hard and wet with the joy that these  decorations will bring you this Christmas.  Noel! 


Anonymous said...

The festive Sir Tom Eagerly says:
I say my dear old chap, I think you may have solved a few last-minute present conundrums here. I have someone in mind for the charming and pleasantly plump ballerina lass.
Do you know her phone number by any chance?
Woof woof!!

Pickleope said...

Those are hilarious. I want a zombie gingerbread man in a bad way. And the fat ballerina. And the firefighter merman (which, by the way, "touch his taint and he'll hose you down"? Well done.)

bazza said...

Hi Kezza. I feel that Sir Tom let's us Brits down sometimes! Some of us are actually quite sober and not lecherous. (As they said on Monty Python "Cannibalism in the British Navy is now relatively under control".)
You are back on top my friend!
Click here for Bazza’s Blog ‘To Discover Ice’

G said...

I need that ballerina on my tree...

Kelly said...

Festive Sir Tom Eagerly- Yes, of course, I know her number. It's 1-800-NIPPLES. She'll charm the pants right off you if you feed her a Twinkie.

Kelly said...

Pickleope- Yes, they are all enchanting and will bless one's holiday home with their poses and whimsical features. Especially if you've had enough to drink and you enjoy looking at your tree in the dark of night. That taint of the firefighter/merman is a little touch n' go. When you touch, he goes and goes and goes and pretty soon... the little fella is making a lot of milkshakes.

Kelly said...

bazza- I know what you mean about that rascal, Sir Tom. I worry that he wants to cheat on his wife with that plump ballerina and I feel kinda guilty for giving out her number. I hope I haven't broken up his marriage. I bet you're not lecherous like he is, Bazza. You are a true British gentleman that should probably run for public office. Prime Minister, perhaps?

That's a funny quote from the Python boys. I always like how they could take the absurd or twisted and describe it in subtle words.

Kelly said...

G- If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're really back in the blogging biz and I noticed you have a couple new blogs. I added one of them to my blogroll, in fact. You can have that big fat ballerina when I'm done with her in my basement. Sloppy seconds are still good, aren't they?

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