This site is a testament to not only my life but to the insanity of society. Dive into Psycho Carnival and you'll find tragicomic personal stories, wild yet honest rants, a little depravity, videos and a buttload of other goodies.

This site also contains adult like humor and ideas that could make you think. Consider yourself warned!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

For The Sensitive

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.

2. She is not a 'SCREAMER' or a 'MOANER' - She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.

3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.

5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.

6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITY IMPAIRED.

7. She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY' - She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED

8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.

9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.

11. She does not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is 'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR'

12. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:


1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.

6. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes 'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.

7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.

8. He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has 'SWINE EMPATHY.

9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.

10. He is not 'HORNY' - He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.

11. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.

*This was forwarded to the wife and I from her co-worker. I placed it here due to me having an annoying case of writer's block. I would apologize but I'm not that sensitive.

8 comments:

Ed said...

Lol! You should write for TheSpoof.com

Ed said...

Lol! You should write for TheSpoof.com

Fast Forward said...

And all too often, the female being horizontally accessible and the male being accidentally horizontal occur simultaneously.

Damien said...

LOL. Friggin great!

Me-Me King said...

Sorry, I'm late - above the detour sign another sign read, "Watch for Animals". I watched for 2 days - there were NO animals.

Anonymous said...

A.K. said:

Sorry, I've had the flu all week. You didn't even give me a chuckle! I'll read it again when I'm well. Unless I die before then. I've been begging U.J. to kill me, but he's sick too. And doesn't care if I live or die!!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

Kelly said...

Gosh, that's a shame ya didn't get a chuckle out of lame excuse of a post. On the plus side, it wasn't my material this time and I didn't do the nothin' but copy and paste. Yeah, I'm a worthless bastard. Hey, I know what will make you feel better. Have John fart on your head. Since he's sick too, he may give ya a generous blast of diarrhea to go with it. What a bonus!

Kelly said...

FastForward: And then what? Please tell me more. It sounds so educational and stuff.

Damian: Yeah.

Me-Me King: Keep watching for animals, Me-Me. I heard they're coming anytime now. Be on the lookout.

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