Speaking Of One Thing Bouncing Into Another

Don't get me wrong, I love my cats but they can be annoying sometimes. My redhaired tabby cat, Victor, enjoys licking my kneecaps while I'm trying to take a dump before going to work in the morning. Here, I'm trying my damnedest to squeeze one out in the few minutes I've got before hitting the road and my lil' hairball buddy is tasting my leg knoblets as if they were two scoops of catnip flavored ice cream. It's very hard to concentrate and focus on the task at hand when you have an animal making "spitty spots" on your legs.

Lately, Victor has added another odd antic to his resume. He has been jumping up on top of our clothes hamper to turn the air conditioner on. Then he will sit on the edge of the mattress on the bed, directly in front of the air conditioner. Normally, I wouldn't care too much, but damn, the last couple of days it has been 10 to 20 degrees outside in this area. He can't be that hot. I've also seen him press the off button on the AC with his little paw and leave the bedroom. How considerate.

Speaking of electrical items, I was in the kitchen yesterday morning, writing a reminder note to myself and I was wishing I had more light to see better. Suddenly, the big ceiling light came on. I didn't think much about it, figuring my wife had flipped the switch on the wall behind me. I finish writing and turn around to thank her but she's not there. She's on the sofa in the living room, far from the light switch in the kitchen. I asked, "Did you turn the light on in here?" She said, "No, I'm sitting here, watching tv." I stated, "Well, I didn't turn the light on." She told me I was crazy and returned her gaze back to the boob tube.

I'm thinking it's possible it could have been my mother, who passed away two and a half years ago. I was very close to her. I talk to her when I'm alone in the car or here in my home, at least once a day. At times, I will ask her for a sign she is around me, in spirit. Maybe that was a sign. I can't think of any other explanation.

Or maybe, just maybe, my tricky feline bounded off the mattress in the bedroom, leapt onto the kitchen table and from there, jumped across three feet of open space and hit the kitchen light switch on the wall with his paw, sensing it was too dark for me to see the paper I was writing on. Heh heh.

Speaking of mattresses, one of our idiotic neighbors, living in our apartment complex, decided to throw a king sized mattress on top of our dumpster. Our dumpster was filled to the max already without this anonymous moron adding more chaos to the mix. He/She/They could have placed the mattress on it's side inside in the dumpster, or better yet, up against the side so the rest of us could throw our garbage in there. To make matters worse, they threw it in there this last Saturday. And because all the city employees were off Martin Luther King Day, Monday, that meant it would be five days until the dumpster garbage would be hauled off. During those days, people had thrown a rotting chair, old Christmas trees and a host of other goodies on top of the mattress. Unfortunately, I had no choice but to throw my king sized litter bag of cat turds on top of all the rest of that stuff. Like a big stinkin' cherry on a big stinkin' sundae.

Speaking of dumbass neighbors, my wife said our neighbors across the hall turned on their living room light and opened their blinds to watch her leave for work a couple mornings ago. There was a couple inches of solid ice in our parking lot on top of our hill. She was trying to get our huge white Dodge Ram truck out of the lot, spinning tires and doing a bit of fish tailing. The entire time, she noticed, the neighbors were glued to the window, seeming to enjoy the show. It was embarrassing for her. I, myself, would have cheerfully given them the one finger salute and mouthed the words BITE ME but she isn't as uncouth as I am. She could have, at least, took the time to roll down her window and scream, "Would you care for a goddamn bag of popcorn during the goddamn show?!" If all else fails, I try to use charm, of course.

Speaking of entertainment (or lack thereof), is there no end to mind numbing tv sitcoms and commercials that portray men to be either imbeciles or slobs or both and the woman to be a superior goddess that can do no wrong? Is there some radical feminist standing next to the writers and directors of these productions, telling them how to shoot scene after scene of unfunny jokes that insult men without giving the same treatment towards women? If you put a tv show on that only offered up discriminatory storylines towards women nowadays, you would be labled a sexist pig. I say if you want true equality, treat both sexes the same.

For more true and humorous insights on this topic, check out the Bill Maher video I have on this website titled "Bill Maher On Radical Feminism". It's freakin' great and absolutely spot on.

Speaking of spots, my 6 year old neice on my wife's side of the family was running around our apartment like a monkey with it's head on backwards a week ago. One hand was on a cup of cherry Kool-Aid. The other hand was waving to an imaginary monster chasing after her. She was yelling, "Boogla Boogla, Abba Babba!" I have no idea what this meant. Maybe it meant.... I am now, for your viewing pleasure, about to spill this cherry red liquid refreshment upon your light carpeting. Enjoy!

Which is what happened next.

Anyone know how to get that stain out? I haven't had any luck with it.