Hawaiian Adventure: Entertainment, Excursion and Examples of Bad Behavior

If you wish to read the first installment of this series, regarding our trip to Hawaii, click here.  If you wish to read the second installment, click here.  If you've already read both of them, you are a good citizen, worthy of food and drink and mild entertainment.  If you didn't read either, I'm sorry but you'll be going to hell, where you'll be stabbed, repeatedly, in the genitals.  Good day!

There was plenty of entertainment aboard our cruise ship, Pride of America.  I think, on this cruise ship/island adventure, compared to our other one, two years ago, we saw more stage shows.  I enjoyed them, honestly, except for the fact that my wife, who I dearly love, insisted that we sit in either the first or second rows of the theater to "get a better view."

Now the problem with sitting in the first couple of rows during these stage shows is that you are risking getting picked out to participate in some of the entertainment provided.  You could find yourself involved, such as I witnessed of other passengers, in part of a comedian's act where he or she makes you look like an endearing dumbass, of sorts, or you could get almost literally pulled in, off your seat, by some muscular male Hawaiian dancers to dance with them or the Hula girls, on the stage, in front of hundreds of strangers who were delighted and relieved to be sitting away from the front of the stage.  Being a shy and modest guy, I didn't want to participate and at almost every show, there would always be a performer wanting me to participate.  I would always wave them away or kick the air towards them, saying "NO!  NO!  NO!", but they would persist.  I guess I just looked like that type of guy who would be great living material for their act.  A natural fool who would cause the audience to laugh until they pissed themselves silly.

Notice that they are sticking their tongues out.  One of the narrators and dancers said this was the way ancient Hawaiian warriors greeted and welcomed each other back in those ancient days.  Either this is true or they're just showing contempt for the U.S. for taking over their land.  Nahhhhh. 

Holy buhjesus!  I do enough crazy stuff in front of friends at parties when I'm drunk enough.

Gratefully, they would take the hint, after several attempts to get me on the stage and coerce some other poor bastard to "join in the fun."  Hell, I came to be entertained, after all, goddammit.  Not be part of the entertainment.

The food on board the ship was pretty good at the buffet.  Some of it, however, was a weird mix of cultural food dishes.  I think they were sort of trying to please everyone that came from different countries around the world.  That meant you would see a Chinese/American/Russian combination or something else that was bizarre that you could stare at for hours and never quite make out what was in it, exactly.   We often went to the Aloha Cafe, which was a buffet where you could eat and eat until you puked- which I did- but it wasn't because I ate too much.  I'll explain:  When I eat too fast or I don't chew everything down into itsy bitsy molecules, I tend to easily get food stuck down my throat.  And then, embarrassingly enough in restaurants, my breathing ability ceases and my face turns blueish and I have to make a mad dash to the bathroom so I can stick my fingers down my throat to get the food out.  And no, more to drink to get the food down never works for me.  Believe me!  I've tried thousands of times.

In any case, one morning while we were eating breakfast at the buffet, I'm trying to quickly eat an omelet, to widen my throat a bit, in order to swallow my six different medications I take every morning.  Unfortunately, a chunk of ham gets caught in my throat.  My wife is away from the table, up at the buffet, somewhere.  Of course, I start my ol' "I can't fucking breathe" routine and I try to make it to the bathroom on this huge ship.  Remember: I'm halfway crippled because of the problems with my feet.  So, there I go, hobbling and desperately trying to make it to the bathroom with food kinda going up and the back down my throat while I sweat, profusely and turn blue.  When I finally make it to the bathroom, I find that it's locked and occupied and then I suddenly vomit, right on the spot.  I violently puke with my hands over my mouth, trying to keep the vomit from going to where it ended up- on the carpeted floor, in front of the bathroom.  Hooray!  Here's a picture.  Luckily, my camera was in my pocket.

Sadly, you cannot see any chunks of ham from my omelet.  Congrats to me for actually digesting some part of my breakfast.  Man, look at all the halfway digested eggs and cheese!

  

I wonder if that piggy is still alive or maybe just resting comfortably with an apple in his mouth.

We went to a luau on the island of Kuaui and that was entertaining.  Free booze, a train ride through the old sugar plantations, native Hawaiians making stuff to sell to tourists, Hula and fire dancers, lots of stage performances and an all you can eat buffet.  Check out the video, below.



I had five margaritas that night (they would make any kind of mixed drink you wanted) and my arm was getting kinda tired so you'll have to forgive the "shakiness" of the camera. This video is kinda long but it's entertaining.  The entire stage show was really long and absorbing, truthfully.  Very entertaining.  Especially when one of the fire dancers dropped his fire sticks a couple of times, which you'll get to see on this video.  I was hoping one of the guests would go up in flames but I don't think it happened.  I only captured the last eight minutes of the performance on camera. You may want to "full screen" the video to get a decent view.  Maybe not.  They are doing a play or story about a couple, in ancient Hawaiian days, who want to get hitched, so to speak, but the chieftain father of the bride to be doesn't want it to happen.  The end to this play/performance really made me believe I had ingested some magic mushrooms off the buffet, by mistake.

Hawaiian  artist dude carving out a wooden fish of some sorts.  I didn't bother him.  I was afraid he might use that pointy thing on my leg or nutsack.

We went to a lot of shops on all five of the islands we explored and bought a lot of souvenirs for friends, family and ourselves, of course.  I bought a tiki, for example, made out of milo wood, that represented a god that gave you strength, guidance and family protection.  I bought it and talked to the local artist and shop owners, most of which were native Hawaiians and they were very friendly.  We talked a lot about their crafts and the history of Hawaii.

I talked to the owner and artist of this gallery and shop on the island of Kona.  She wasn't a native Hawaiian but she was interesting and incredibly talented.  You can see more of her artwork below.

This is where I bought my tiki.

This is the wife and I, standing in front of a hundred year old tree, in Kona square.

Every day, the maids would come into your cabin, while you were gone and make different animals, just like the previous cruise ship we were on, Freedom of the Seas.  These animals, which to me, were works of art and made completely out of towels.  One day, you would see a lobster on your bed, the next day, perhaps a dog or a swan and so on.  Below, you'll see me celebrating the fine work these maids do in creating these masterpieces.

Humping a towel bunny and holding onto it's ears so it can't get away.  I think I "orgasmed."  Is that a word?

This is the Na Pali coast.  It is truly beautiful and has a mystical quality to it's landscape.  Beneath the picture, you'll find a video of our ship, passing by it.  There was a lot of wind that day- so you'll hear a lot of that.  This video is pretty short, too.

This is one of the last big events we experienced on our week long cruise.

We had a long layover at the Honolulu airport at the end of our Hawaiian experience.  This really didn't bother me.  They had plenty of things to look at, such as displays that contained Hawaiian history, various paintings, cool shops and more.  Naturally, I explored.

We had a great time during our Hawaiian adventure.  I hope you enjoyed this last installment of the series.  Aloha and mahalo, everyone!

Hawaiian Adventure: Geothermal Pools, Nuts and Deck Shots

This is the second part of an ongoing series of posts, regarding our trip to the Hawaiian islands.  Click here for the first part.  We took a 7 day cruise, during the last week of September and the first week of October of 2012.  Our first day and night, before the cruise, we stayed at the Marriott hotel in Honolulu.

The Pride of America cruisehip

And no, the last part of the title to this post should not be read as "nuts and dick shots."  I just want to clear that up, right away.  In fact, if you keep reading the post and checking out the pics, you might see puffy goat vaginae and exceedingly horny lesbian handmaidens, left alone on the farm so long, that they naturally held Goat Clitoris Licking contests to see who would win the BIG PRIZE.  The prize would usually be a fresh, slippery tongue, cut away from an annoying old cow, the human type or animal.

That's why you don't hear much from Rosie O' Donnell these days.

One of the most thrilling and educational parts of our cruise to the five Hawaiian islands of O'ahu, Maui, Hilo, Kona, and Kaua'i was the excursion in Hilo.

In Hilo, we chose the Hawaiian Explorer excursion.  We figured we could get the biggest bang for our buck because it actually included three events in one during the course of a six hour period.  First, our shuttle bus driver, who had a very dry sense of humor, took us to Pana`ewa Rainforest Zoo and Botanical Gardens, America's only rainforest zoo, in fact.

Trees at the Botanical Gardens, mostly destroyed by lava and encased in lava rock.  And you thought the fucked up tree  on the right was a Rock Giant's dick?  What the hell have you been smokin'?

While it's true you'll see over 100 varieties of palms, native and introduced plants, you'll also want to be careful not to accidentally go off the paved provided trails and fall down into a giant crack in the Earth.  There are signs, all around the area, that say you shouldn't do that.  They didn't say the giant cracks and holes led to Hell, exactly, but I did see Hitler, fuher of Germany's Third Reich, poke his head up from the biggest, seemingly bottomless opening, wiggling his nose a bit, while happily chewing the dismembered arm of Idi Amin.

Ol' Idi could be heard screaming, down below.

Hitler stopped, momentarily and said, "I can't wait for Mitt Romney to join our party in Hell.  I've never eaten a Mormon before.  I wonder if they're as tangy as Catholics."  After that, he went back down into the tremendous hole, spiraling downward like a screw being driven into wood.  I heard Idi scream again, seconds afterwards, shouting, "Now I got you sucka!"

Then I let go of the cool looking mushroom I had picked up and moved on.

All the passengers from the comfortable air conditioned bus were treated to scenes of all types of wild looking, beautiful flora and fauna.  The trees, that had been partially eaten away and covered by hardened lava were spectacular.  There were a lot of them.  A guide mentioned that volcanoes had erupted in the late 1700's and the lava had risen twelve feet high in the area where the zoo is located.  The lava ate away a lot of the trees and all of the plants, creating, as a result, deformed, rock-like encasing of trees and plants growing out of little lava rock mounds.

Don't fall into a crack in the earth!  You'll go to hell, get eaten by Hitler and strapped to a chair where you'll continuously view movies of Rosie O' Donnell licking a goat's clit.  Where they got those movies is a true mystery.  If you solve it, you may win the BIG PRIZE!

It was bizarre and fun at the zoo.  It wasn't too long of a walk and there were wooden shelters you could stop, sit and rest if you wanted.  But I couldn't.  Being the"nature boy" that I am, I was almost manic with delight at my surroundings. I was running around like a chicken with his head cut off, (because a lot of Hawaiian people don't like chickens, as I pointed out in the first part of this series, that very idea excites them more than seeing Rosie O' Donnell's angry red clit) and taking pictures of everything while my poor wife trailed along behind me, at times, trying to keep up.  I felt bad that I left her stranded, sometimes, so would hobble back to her and ask her if she was okay.

She didn't complain and let me go off like a kid in a candy shop, snapping pics of this flower or this tree or whatever.  I found that I would pay for it later during the excursion.

Do you like my groovy outfit?  Great combination of tops and bottoms, eh?  I can't explain the shirt but I was wearing the swim trunks because I knew we were going to go swimming and wading into a large pond that was heated up by a nearby volcano, later, during the excursion.

I think she was more impressed with the animals.  Although, one of the main reasons we went on this excursion, to see the White Bengal tiger, Namaste, couldn't be accomplished.  The tiger was in the animal infirmary and could not be shown.  He had broken his leg the week before.  Even so, the staff at the zoo, made a birthday sign and put it outside the fence of the area where he would have been seen if he was uninjured.  It was a let down because he was hurt and, also, because we didn't get to see him but I understood.  I thought it was nice of the staff to create this sign even though Namaste the Tiger probably couldn't read it.  Maybe they gave him a million dollar robotic leg for his birthday.

A lot of people, wishing Namaste well and so forth, signed this.  I'm not sure but I think all the red that you see below the tiger's neck is actually the blood of one of the zookeepers.  Happy birthday, Namaste! 

They had other animals and birds there, such as lemurs, parrots, Capauchin monkeys and more.  Like I said in the previous post, I took somewhere between 500 to 600 pictures during the entire 8 day trip and 14 movie clips (some as long as eight and a half minutes in duration).  You or really, anyone else could say I went a little overboard but I highly doubt we'll ever be able to go on another trip to Hawaii and I wanted to capture as many memories that I could.  Besides, I come from a family of amateur photographers.  My mom, at one time, had close to fifty photo albums.  They would be filled with our trips out west to Wyoming or south to Florida or west, again, to Arizona, to name only a few, not to mention everyone's birthdays and family gatherings.

Next, our laid back shuttle bus driver, who at one point joked that if anyone could pronounce his native Hawaiian name, correctly, would win a prize, took us to the Mauna Loa Nut Factory.

This is where my wife got her revenge for me leaving her behind on the trail, at times.

On a self-guided tour, you could walk up the steps of the processing plant to see how they get the nuts prepared for public consumption.  Usually, I just shave mine.  But be warned:  It is not for public or private consumption.  I'm too ticklish for that nonsense.

We left some product for the rest of the passengers on the shuttle bus to purchase and enjoy.  Yes, we both wore tie dye shirts that day.  Call us nuts if you want.

Our shuttle bus driver explained, on the way there, that the workers/gatherers of the nuts had to be careful when picking a good or bad nut, proceeding to de-shell it and put them in a container that was later loaded on a truck.

We passed Macadamia nut trees and huge areas of hardened lava rock, scattered about, along the narrow road.  As I pointed out before, most of the roads are partially made from hardened lava rock.  If you click on the link above, you can read the story of how the Macadamia nut tree actually originated in Australia and was introduced to Hawaii in 1882.

After my wife and I quickly toured the processing plant, we made a bee line to the big gift shop.

I said, "Let's go!  I hear they're giving out free samples and they have Macadamia nut and coconut flavored ice cream!"

This is where she bought out almost half the store.  We bought 6 different flavored Macadamia nuts, various bags of Hawaiian coffee, souvenirs and the ice cream- that we ate at the provided tables and chairs.  When we got up to the counter, I couldn't believe how much stuff we got and how much we spent.  But like I was saying before, and my wife looked at me and repeated, at that point, "We should get this stuff now because when do you think we'll ever get to Hawaii again."

Ah-Ha!  Revenge complete!

The highlight of the excursion for me, besides the zoo, was going to the Ahalanui Park.  There, you could wade and float about in this substantially sized, natural geothermal pool that was heated to a relaxing 90 degrees F. by a nearby volcano. Heat would come out of the hardened lava walls, from holes, surrounding the pond.  Most people visiting, got in.  I did, despite the signs that were posted on the path going toward the pool.

One sign cautioned about it not being advisable to go into the pond if you had any cuts on your body- due to the bacteria in the water possibly infecting you.  Another warned you about eels and flesh biting fish.  Another sign would warn you about deep cracks at the bottom of the pool.

I couldn't care less about any of it.  I was going in.  I felt like I was bursting with enthusiasm, eager for adventure.  To hell with any danger!

I slowly made my way into the pond.  There was only one metal handrail and a few lava rock stones you could use for steps at the entrance of it.  Or you could just jump in, cannonball style and let the bacteria, eels and tiny skin-biting fish have a go at you, all at once.  What fun!

The water was clear, warm and inviting.

There was an older guy, there, in his late sixties.  His name was Nova (like the show on the PBS station).  He stayed kinda close, at times, toward the entrance.  He was funny, always cracking jokes and he made friends with me, and eventually, my wife, who joined me later and discovered I wasn't being killed devoured, felt welcome and he sort of escorted us around.

We were surprised to find out Nova was from the original state where we lived.  He had lived in Hawaii the last twenty years.  I think he gave us preferential treatment because we were from his home state.  He guided us to the ledge of the wall where we could feel the heat coming from the hardened lava walls and it's many holes.  The tiny flesh biting fish were only an inch long and when they nibbled on ONLY your dead skin (mostly your heels), they sort of tickled you.  They didn't pose a danger and I've heard of spas in Japan using fish like this or these exact same fish to act as a natural exfoliant to remove dead skin cells.  In other words, they didn't matter to me or my wife.  Nova said if they started to tickle you too much, to just wave your arms around you and they would swim away for awhile before coming back to gently feed off of you.  :)

By the way, nobody saw any eels and Nova said that out of all the times he had visited the big geothermal pool, he had only seen a few of them but they didn't bother him or anyone else he knew about.  Maybe they were afraid of his beard.

This is Nova, an unofficial, friendly greeter of the geothermal pool we experienced.  I liked this guy.  He was humorous, informative and helped me go around this boulder in the pool without breaking open my knee cap on it, tearing open my flesh and possibly exposing myself to some kind of bacteria.  He had that old hippie look to him and he was one of the nicest guys I've ever met.

On the other end of the pool, you could see the ocean, quite visibly.  There was a boundary of lava rock wall, separating the ocean and the pond.  I took several pictures along this area.

After the Hilo island excursion, we were slightly exhausted by the time we made it back to our ship.  It was a long, rewarding day.  We rested a bit before eating a meal at the Aloha Cafe, on board the cruise ship.  You could eat, almost non-stop, at the buffet, if that were your desire.  You could eat until you bloat yourself to whale sized proportions if that's how you got your kicks.  Some people, I noticed, did that.

I was satisfied with usually eating just four meals a day and a couple of snacks you would take from the buffet back to your cabin.  lol.  Again, some folks like us, would take entire platefuls of cookies and fruit or whatever you had an appetite for, to munch on before going to bed or to eat with taking your medication.

That's how we did it, anyway.

Here's a few shots of the outside of the decks of the cruise ship:

Do you see the rainbow?  It's not because of the magical mushroom you may or may not have taken, I can assure you.  I loved this shot.

The guy standing in front of the gigantic chess board and pieces might be thinking he's hallucinating.  I'm not going to tell him differently.

The pool area, at night.  I was peepin' in at a couple at one of the hot tubs.  :)

That's all for now, folks.  Hope you're enjoying the tours, thus far.    

Hawaiian Adventure: Evening Sky and Oddities Found in Hawaii

Hey there, everyone!

Remember me?  Yeah, it's been awhile.  I was absent from the world of blogging because my wife and I were on a cruise in Hawaii from the 29th of September through October 6th.  I've been recuperating and getting things back in order ever since.

The first day and night was, during our adventure, September 28th, and all about flying for 10 hours on two different flights to Hawaii and staying at the Marriott Hotel in Honolulu.  Our first flight was from Cincinnati.  The flights going to Hawaii weren't as bad as I thought they were going to be.  I watched two and a half movies on the biggest plane that had seven seats going across each row (one of them was Prometheus- which I liked) while my wife read a book on Steven Tyler.  The 2nd plane, on our second flight we had to take, was in Utah.  The Salt Lake City airport is tiny compared to the airports in Honolulu and Cincinnati, where we joyously we ended up, with only a little turbulence, experienced, during the long flights.

The Marriott Hotel offered us some great views of Waikiki beach in Honolulu.  We stayed there our first day and night before boarding our cruise ship, Pride of America, the next day. Staying at this 4 star hotel on the 19th floor gave us a breather and a chance to look around Honolulu before we started our 7 day cruise, the next day.  There was an incredible 33 floors to this hotel.  It was pretty friggin' big but some buildings in Honolulu stood taller.

Honolulu is a very busy place with a lot to see.  Tattoo parlors, bars, malls, small mom and pop stores, crazy traffic, a melting pot of people, surfers carrying surfboards and a beach that makes you feel as if you're dreaming.  My wife and I loved it.

We took walks along Waikiki beach, enjoying the water and talking to people and being invigorated by the beautiful scenery.

We had an awesome, entertaining time on our cruise and on five different islands in Hawaii.  I will be doing a series of posts of our time spent in Hawaii and on our cruise ship.  Events and places I write about won't be in any particular order.  I'll just be talking about this or that.  I'll be mixing it up and going crazy with it.  Lol.

Note:  I spent my birthday in Hawaii, during our cruise and island time.  How cool and great is that for a gift?

I'd like to show you this poem.  I wrote this during our time spent at the airport, in Honolulu, before coming back home.  I was almost completely exhausted, beyond repair, when I wrote this, but I was inspired by a particular picture I took during our cruise.  I took it as I stood on our balcony, outside our stateroom cabin on the ship.  I felt at such magnificent peace.

This poem is called "Evening Sky"

EVENING SKY

Hello
Goodbye
I say to the evening sky
Tomorrow will come
With what it decides

Some will make what
Seems to be mistakes
While others will see and take lessons
That they might embrace

I see and feel the peace that affects anyone of us
The Hawaiian atmosphere offers locales, beauty and kind people
You can't help but feel blessed

Walk
Run
Or be still

Take in the nature
That surrounds you in joyous or troubled times
Embrace the peace that takes care of you
While you stand, walk, run or hide
For a time

Meanwhile, say hello and goodbye
To that unbiased night sky
Tomorrow still comes
As you let those thoughts fly

I took this shot while standing on the top deck of our cruise ship

Going over the mountains to land in Salt Lake City

Taken from our room at the Marriott hotel in Honolulu.  You can see the ocean and beach from where we stayed.

Waikiki beach, as evening comes

Oddity #1- While we were on one of the Hawaii islands, we found out that there were numerous locations where people were being overrun and annoyed by numerous random chickens and roosters and if you happened to run over one, you had to get out of your vehicle, pick up the chicken, barely alive or dead, to throw it away or eat it.  No joke.  We were told this by a native Hawaiian man.  It was a law or something.

Oddity #2- My wife and I, almost continuously, encountered an elderly couple, strangers, that actually lived a few small towns away from our own town, back home, in the mainland.  They were nice and we enjoyed talking to them.  We found it to be such a coincidence that we were staying at the same hotel, going on the same cruise and we had lived so close by to each other in our home state.  That's nearly 4,300 miles away.

Even on the last flight home, we bumped into them again.  His name was John and her name was Connie.  Sometimes we would help each other locate where we had to be or where we wanted to go on the island or on the cruise or at the hotel.  I think we gave each other a sense of comfort and a feeling of contentedness, knowing we were around, off and on, people that were from our home state.  They were likable, helpful, interesting, conversational neighbors during our entire adventure.

Oddity #3- We learned that a lot of their highways on the islands are made partially from lava rock that has been mixed with asphalt.  They make good use of any lava that erupts and pours from volcanoes to build roads, walls that separate the ocean at beaches or property of any kind.

The lava creates new land, in Hawaii, eventually, but it is also used to build roads and walls on many of the islands.

Oddity #4- The Hawaiian word, mahalo, means "thank you" in the English language.  a lot of people will say this word to you if they witness you doing something thoughtful or nice to them or for another reason.  If you mix up the letters of this word just a bit, you can get "malaho", which our native Hawaiian shuttle bus driver, said at one point, meant a male body part (a man's genitals).  I've tried looking this up on the internet, for the hell of it, but can't find it.  Maybe I don't have the exact spelling of it right but that's what he told us.

Probably just fucking around with the tourists that we all were- but it gave us a chuckle, anyway.  A lot of people laughed.  We found everyone, on any of the islands or on the cruise ship, itself, to be friendly.  We talked to people from all around the world.  There especially seemed to be a lot of folks from Australia, the UK or the continent of Asia.  We enjoyed conversing with them about almost anything and learning about their culture and what they were paying for gas for their cars these days.  :)

In conclusion, I don't know if the shuttle bus driver was yanking my 'malaho' or what- but he sternly warned us not to say that dirty word to anyone on the streets on any of the Hawaiian islands or you would get a dirty look.  And maybe even a punch to the nutsack or coochie.  He didn't say that last part but I thought I would, because I care about your safety if you should go to Hawaii for a visit.  :)

Say, "Mahalo, Kelly!"

I'll be continuing this series of blog posts about our time in Hawaii for a short time.  I have posted all the pictures I took (around 530 pics- yeah, I know- WOW, huh?) during our Hawaiian adventure on Facebook, if you're interested.  I will be posting, in the future, more Hawaiian pictures on this blog and on my photo blog, Pics for Kicks, when I have more time.

We're taking over this island.  If you wanna get past me, you're gonna have to kill me and eat my corpse, damn it!

I'll be checking out and commenting on your blogs when I get the time.  It seems my birthday of October 3rd is being celebrated, off and on, this month, with friends and family.  I'll also be spending time with the wife and I'm still trying to put things in order and working on getting things fixed that happened right before our trip. I couldn't do things before our trip because we were busy and financially strapped.  For one thing, we had to buy a new, used car.  The old car broke down for good.  That put a huge dent into our spending money for the trip.

Later, someone ran into the back of our newly purchased car two weeks later where my wife worked.  Nope... no one saw what happened and nope... there are no security cameras aimed at the employee parking lot (how convenient and stupid) and yes, our insurance company will pay for getting it worked on but we still have to pay a five hundred dollar deductible.  Please don't ask any questions about the damage to the "new" car.  I'd rather not talk about it.  It's a thorn in my side or in my mind, actually.

I have a lot of those, of course.  Most are caused by people.  God, I wish I was back in Hawaii, already.  :) I try to picture myself there, nowadays.

Well, guys, that's all I can stand to write- for now.  See ya later, folks!  More fun and craziness to come!

Peace of Mind and Lords of Acid- Out Comes the Evil

Wow. If you haven't heard their music before, you may want to try Lords of Acid, guys, out on your ears. Fucked up, yes. Sexed up, sure. But the beat is something easy to get into.  It's rave music and or techno music, if you feel the need to categorize it, but it's more than that.  I think if you get them, you like them.  Hell, if you're not persuaded by the steady rhythms, overall style and the catchy beat in the first place, I don't think you'll give them a shot.  If you wanna, read the rest of this post while listening to the song.  There is no real video to be watched.

Yeah, it's one of those kind.  Don't be put off.  No tears, please

I hope you all had a great weekend. I'll be seriously catching up on blog visiting and commenting the next few days. I've kinda been taking it easy and going to parks for tranquility and peace of mind- or maybe I've just taken a break to pick up the pieces of my mind.  Too much going on all at once again.  That was the anchor wearing me down.

And thanks to my cat, Victor, who can somehow type, has a certain command of the English language, while  carefully observing the Human Condition or "brain reformatting by certain systems and/or corporations, for filling in for me while I was away.  For that matter, hell, everyone else in the blogosphere is allowing or being forced by their animals out of their blog author chair and taking over.  Why not let the cat do it if he wants?  He can rant as well or write as well as the rest as the bloggers out there.

Did I mention the next post will be one where you can actually take walks with me, by movies I've recorded during these walks, that take you on  peaceful little journeys?  I will even be including a recipe I've created for Venison Stew.  You don't want to miss that!

Bambi is dandy in a hearty broth, I always say.

I farted twelve times in the park, this afternoon, while taking a walk.  Sometimes they came in three sputters.  True.  I felt it important enough to report for a status update on Facebook.  The people need to know.

Beats watching the clown car full of Republicans spill out and pull their crazy one liners on people these days.  What is it with these obvious numb nuts?  Santorum, Gingrich, Romney and so on.  Earlier you had really radical presidential hopefuls like gun-toting Perry and crazy-eyed Bachmann mouthing off inanities or you got these guys in the present.

Here's a few crazy Republican quotes, in case you haven't heard them, but I'm sure if have by now:

The problem isn't too little money in political campaigns, but not enough- Newt Gingerich

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending." –Rep. Michele Bachmann, suggesting at a presidential campaign event in Florida that the 2011 East Coast earthquake and hurricane was a message from God (Aug. 2011)

“Give the park police more ammo.” ~Newt Gingrich, responding to a  reporter who asked what to do about the homeless a few days after the police shot a homeless man in front of the White House.

"Corporations are people, my friend... of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets. Human beings, my friend." —GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney


"I would be saying to the Iranians, you either open up those [nuclear weapons] facilities, you begin to dismantle them and make them available to inspectors, or we will degrade those facilities through air strikes.
If we reach a point where I believe the only thing that will stop them from this program being realized and having a nuclear weapon – I will make a clear declaration to the Iranian government that you either open your facilities, you begin to dismantle this nuclear program, or we will dismantle it for you." - Rick Santorum

Vote for Rick Santorum if you're still living in the eighteenth century

Getting back to this song.  I mean that's more important than ego-maniacal clowns that are funded by all the money they can handle form corporations for favor returning purposes...  Having a song you just discovered and have taken a liking to it and trying to convince people to at least give it a try is a hard sell.  Since I'm not much of a salesman, I'm not going to bother.  And quite frankly, I'm tired of convincing people of even the simplest of opinions or absolute truths. Ya either like this tune or not.  Doesn't persuade me either way.  I will shake your virtual hand if you do give it a listen, though.  At least then, you've shown yourself to be open minded.

Good Christ on a crispy cracker, at least it's a start.

When I first listened to the song and found out it was, on the surface, about drug addiction, if you think about it for a minute, you could switch some of these words with material possessions and obsessions about all types of things out there and you could have a song about any addiction.  Addiction to being judgmental about most things and people.  Addiction to certain food or drink.  Addiction to nervous or destructive habits.  Addiction, in any form for any reason, to me, isn't that great. A few harmless compulsions, now and then, I can understand. A full blown addiction to anything is bad news and is almost always negatively life altering and can lead to loss of life, friends, family and more- including your sanity.

Speaking of further PEACE OF MIND...Good news!  My wife and I are working on plans to go to Hawaii later this year.  We'll be visiting all the main islands on a cruise ship.  During one part of the trip, we'll be passing by an active volcano.  That will be exciting.  So will the sight of the whales racing along side the ship. I hope the volcanic lava hits me full force in the face.  BLAMMO!  No sexually gratuitous jokes here, please.  You know what a delicate, moral flower I am.

Now if that big meteor we're supposed to get, comes this December of this year and hits Earth, I wanna be right there.  Smack dab in the middle.  I'm not into lingering pain.  If I go hungry, because of closed roads or whatever, and can't find any animals or regular food to eat, I will cheerfully gnaw on your arm as you shake, shake, shake.  Instead of a Zombie Apocalypse for me, it will be a Low Blood Sugar Diabetic Apocalypse.  Sorry, in advance.  :(

Anyway, my thoughts on Doomsday 12/21/12 goes something like this:  I think a bunch of idiots (homo sapiens, ya know) are going to convince themselves- so well- that the end is on that exact date, no matter who has predicted whatever in the past for this particular day and will put things into motion (riots, bombs, all matter of mayhem) that might create needless hell for the rest of us trying to do something productive that day without interference.  

This music I just discovered, yet heard of but never listened to until now, from Lords of Acid, spews forth sweet, melodic beautiful acid that creates magical rainbows of love in the sky.  No lava, yet.

Lyrics to "Out Comes the Evil" by Lords of Acid

Half a pound of tuppany rice 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the melody goes 
Pop goes the weasel 

Half a pound of tuppany rice 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the melody goes 
Pop goes the weasel

Half a pound of heroin 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the story goes 
Out comes the evil

Feels so good, feels so bad [x2]

Half a pound of heroin 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the story goes 
Out comes the evil

Feels so good, feels so bad [x2]

Half a pound of heroin 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the story goes 
Out comes the evil

Feels so good, feels so bad [x4]

Half a pound of tuppany rice 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the melody goes 
Pop goes the weasel

Believe it not, I'm calming down. All the problems I talked about in previous posts haven't gone completely away, of course but I'm not asking or expecting that. Just a little relief now and then. I promise that if I hula dance during the trip, I will put the picture of me doing that on the blog. I know. I can feel both your excitement and revulsion.

Denial Comes In Many Forms

My wife, my friend, Steve and I were watching the movie, Anger Management, last night. It's a comedy with Adam Sandler, Jack Nickolson and Morisa Tomei in the main starring roles. One of my favorite movies of all time. It's off-the-wall, hysterical and has an undeniable message. And this is a message that shows the truth in how people interact and cope with each other, themselves and how they play mind games to manipulate themselves and others. But you're not going to get any of this unless you're paying attention to the movie.

Nickolson plays the character of the psychologist, Dr. Buddy Rydell, who is trying to help Sandler's character, Dave Buznik, with his anger issues.

If you've seen the movie, you may remember the lines of dialogue Jack Nickolson spoke to Adam Sandler as he explains the difference between explosive anger and implosive anger.

Dr. Buddy Rydell: Explosive is the type of individual you see screaming at the cashier for not taking his coupon. Implosive is the cashier who remains quiet day after day and then finally shoots everyone in the store. You’re the cashier.

Dave Buznik: No, no, no. I’m the guy in the frozen food section dialin’ 911. I swear.

Check out this funny scene from the movie in the clip below.

Unfortunately, I suffer from implosive anger. I wish it were otherwise but it isn't. I don't deny the fact that I and others around me may suffer from my choice of keeping shit inside until I go off like fireworks in a portable toilet, but most of the time, I'll deny whatever is eating at me until the inevitable event occurs. I think a lot of people, if they were honest, would say the same. You want to avoid confrontations because they are unpleasant. In an individual's mind it may seem as if they're trying to give the person, thing or problem chance after chance to say the right thing or resolve itself but it is also a form of denial. It especially becomes clear when you want something to happen and, obviously, it isn't going to happen. Acceptance can be difficult.

Explosive anger can be bad, as well. You can't just go off on someone because of something they said. And you shouldn't punch a wall at the exact moment something negative occurs to you. There should, if humans were rational, be a real attempt on the part of the person feeling like they're "getting the shaft" or being insulted to restrain themselves from abrupt, extreme violent verbal or physical abuse.

Honestly, which one of those types would you say you have? Remember... When you are true to yourself with one thing or another in your life, it lifts yet another burden from your shoulders as you make your journey. I just made that up. Pretty good, huh? Not only profound but I somehow manage to stay humble, too. Amazing.

My friend said this last night, after watching Anger Management:

"Denial isn't just a river but it's a way of life for some people." Get the joke?... De Nile? (as in the Nile River)... and denial? Sure, you're likely not laughing until you piss yourself but I liked it. Hell, you might have heard it before. I don't know nor care but it's a true enough statement.

Well, curiosity got the best of me and I just looked it up. It's been said already. Sorry, Steve. lol.

Here's another quote, from the great philosopher, Aristotle:

“Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy."

Have you noticed, during the last ten years or so, that they keep building bigger and bigger cruise ships? Over three thousand passengers could fit on the cruise ship, Freedom of The Seas, we took last summer. After that, another cruise ship, Oasis of The Seas, was created. It's five times larger than the Titanic. It can hold 5,400 passengers and 2,145 staff members. And there will be more cruise ships coming, from what I've read, that will be even bigger, if they haven't been created and launched already. More lives on board. More lives at stake if something goes terribly wrong. The notion that plans to evacuate people are guaranteed to work simply isn't true. Things can and have gone awry on cruise ships.

The Carnival cruise ship, Carnival Splendor, had a fire in their engine room, last year, that shut down all the power, stranding over 4,000 passengers and staff members out in the middle of the sea. People endured three days and nights without hot food, cabin lighting and air conditioning. Their story could have ended a lot worse, of course. And in the future, with companies willing to raise the ante of Potential Life Loss VS. Rising Profit Margins on the continuous building of massive ships, one holding more people than the one before it, something horrendous will eventually happen. The odds for it are obvious.

There have been other cruise ship events in the past that were near disasters, by way of lives being almost lost. Take the MTS Oceanos, for example. Ten years ago, this cruise ship was sinking after an explosion was heard. Water rapidly rose up through the hull, generator room and beyond. The crew took off, leaving the passengers stranded. Very few were led to the lifeboats to safety. While the captain was one of the first to get off the ship, most of the passengers were left to fend for themselves. Luckily, the on board entertainers assisted the passengers and kept them alive. Click the link for part of that story.

There are other examples, other scenarios that have happened. Like everyone on board getting deathly sick from bacteria or one thing or another. I think that happened last year. I forget which cruise ship. I doubt it was the Love Boat. You can look it up, yourself.

The point is:

It's all for the purpose of making bigger profits, building these gigantic floating cities on the oceans. And all those people. Just think about it! Denying that something terrible will happen is easy and arrogant on the part of these cruise lines.

You might have heard the news about news reporters going into Egypt to report the violence and the protesting against President Mubarak. One female reporter, Lara Logan was raped and assaulted while there, trying to tell what was going on. While I commend her on wanting to get the truth out there to the rest of the world, since Mubarak was trying to keep the truth from getting out, by way of television and the Internet, I think she and her news crew were somehow denying to themselves that something horrendous could happen to them in the middle of that powder keg. Brave, but stupid. Denial of what will likely happen in a scenario like that is stupid, especially when it comes to your life possibly being snuffed out and your family paying the price, in the end, for your bravery/stupidity.

Oh, and hey, my fellow Americans, get a goddamn clue! The world hates the U.S. because we meddle into their business and their problems and their affairs so we can make a profit from their misery or whatever they got that we happen to want. Wars. Oil. Politics. Corporate greed. Government. All linked. When one country sets up military bases all over the world like they're the New Roman Empire, what kind of hostility do you think that will bring about from the rest of humanity?

We're a country full of fat, rich, obese people that let out cries of patriotism because we're given misinformation to instill that fucked up sense of patriotism. Delusional. A nation of fuckers in denial. Just keep giving us that paycheck and we'll keep performing our expected tricks for you . Continue to drill for oil in the water, in the national parks or wherever. Intrude on what's left of our privacy. Do whatever you want. We just want to be left alone and left dumber than a box of rocks. We can't be hassled or bothered by the truth of things.

And global warming is just a myth, of course. Sure. A lot of idiots were claiming that the harsh winter we had was proving global warming was just an alarmist piece of propaganda. Yes, in 49 of our 50 states we did have snow falling. True. This is and was a very extreme winter. I've done my fair share of complaining with good reason but the facts are the facts. The deniers have said, more or less, "Fuck what 95% of the scientists have as proof of global warming." Btw, would you care for an explanation of why our weather is becoming so extreme, hot and cold-wise, and that it is most certainly connected to climate change? Click here for that answer.

While we're on the subject, check out this informative little clip for a bit of good cheer.

Don't forget to continue to pump that poison in the air and keep the profits rolling and keep those corporation execs and bank CEOs in their mansions and their private jets. Don't worry. We'll just keep working and hiding our heads in the sand. No questions asked. Just deny that it is happening. We'll keep doing that until we've wiped out every last plant, tree, animal and pocket of clean, breathable air.

Then it's "Goodbye, Mr. Blue Sky!" You sow what you reap, fuckers!

I'm sure we're not the only ones to fall into the denial trap. The German citizenry were certainly suckered in by the Nazi party rhetoric during WW2. They made themselves believe it in the hopes that their economy would become repaired and they could live a better life. Of course, some threats, attacks and outright murders were committed to help persuade the folks. The Jewish people and more ethnic groups got to suffer for the German people's delusion and belief in that propaganda. Gas chambers. Concentration camps. Torture. Cruel medical experimentation. Denial mixed with inhumanity can bring forth catastrophic results.

I called my sister up, today, after she was finished plucking a couple turkeys she had in her pen of chickens and ducks. They all get along, in case you're wondering or making assumptions. She said she was going to make sausage out of the male because adding spices normally reserved for sausage masked some of the stronger taste of the male meat of the bird. The female turkey doesn't have that strong of a taste to them, she explained. I asked why was that. She said because the testosterone somehow permeates the meat of the males and gives them that slightly nastier flavor. Females don't have that kind of taste to them, according to her.

She went on to say that these big meat butchering companies treat their cattle and pigs and chickens like crap by feeding them in confined spaces and putting them through hell before they find their way into the supermarkets. As a result, the meat is slightly or more contaminated by these chemicals or hormones produced in the meat that causes them to have that strong, unsavory taste.

Japanese Kobe beef has a much better taste to it than American beef because they treat their cattle with tender loving care before they kill them, slice and dice 'em and serve their flesh on your plate. Mmm... I'm getting hungry. Let me give you a real nice massage, like they do in Japan, before I cut off your head, tear out your guts and divide your body parts among the masses. The cattle might being treated better at the time, but in the end, it's kind of a nasty little prank, is it not? All that tender loving care and then WHAM! They're meat for humans in the end, when only recently, they were being pampered.

My point is that there is denial with that aspect on how we treat our livestock and the connection with what we're putting into our bodies. Still, I'm not going to stop eating meat. I'll be honest. I like meat. If you and I were on a deserted island and there was no hope of rescue, I wouldn't turn your back! I'll make you my meal of choice if I feel desperate enough. Mmm... I hope there's a little garlic that's washed ashore, to go with your rib meat. Don't you deny me your flesh, now, friend. :-)

Denial comes in many forms, for the individual and groups and nations of people. What you, we or I choose to ignore and deny can and will likely, in the future, present a grave danger, if it hasn't already.

And, in conclusion, I say, "Have a pleasant afternoon and sunny tomorrows, everyone! Yipee!"

Caribbean Adventure: Stage Shows, A Belly Flop Contest and Coming Home

This is the last post about our Caribbean Cruise Adventure. Hope you liked the series.

In the middle of the week of our cruise, I came down with a fucking sinus infection from hell. My chest was congested with gallons of snot, I was running a fever and my throat was sore to the point of bleeding. Still, I carried on. I pushed through my physical woes and told my body to basically go fuck itself and that I was going to push forward, full snot ahead. I wasn't going to let a little thing like being sick as a dog get in the way of our good times.

One thing I did to take my mind off the mucous hacking, forehead splitting headaches and sweating like a crippled obese guy, covered in honey and surrounded by a village of starving Ethiopians, was to pop copious amounts of acetaminophen tablets and Valium into my gullet.

One night we went to a show on the boat that featured a comedian and an aerial acrobatic act. I had taken a Valium before going to the theater, which was bigger than I thought it would be. We take a seat in the very front row, an hour early.

After the hour passes, the curtains part and right away, a guy in tights is running wildly towards this bungee cord/rope thing hanging down from the ceiling and grabs the motherfucker like he just caught a crazed dragon by the tail. Meanwhile, there is his female partner, with a ton of eye make up and she's doing about a dozen flips, backwards, from one end of the stage to the other. The dude hanging on the cord is shouting something in a foreign language about this time and with the Valium pushing me into another dimension of reality, I'm not sure what to make of it. I thought I was hallucinating all of it.

With the sheer force of his run and his ability to shift his body just right, the acrobat takes the cord and rides it, flying around the entire interior circumference of the theater. Around he goes, feet going up, head going down. Now he's holding on with just his ankles. When he gets back to the stage he flips and lands back on his feet. This guy is a freaking monkey!

Before I can take a fuckin' breath, the dude runs quickly to the back of the stage and then runs even more quickly towards the bungee cord up in front. All eyes were on this crazy bastard. He clutches onto the cord and with only a shot glass worth of space to spare, he takes flight and barely misses the top of my wife's head and in that split second of witnessing him doing that, I'm thinking (A) If his foot hits the top of her head, he's going to goddamn scalp my wife and I'll never hear the end of it and (B) Wow! This is cool!

But I don't know which came first. With the Valium, who knows?

An hour of this entertaining show went by and the comedian that took the stage after the aerial act was funny but not as much as he thought he was and, in fairness, he did have a mind blowing act to follow.

During one of our days on the ship, we went to the pool deck and promptly learned it was a good idea to have sandals on your feet or you would suffer the blistering torment of the scalding hot cement floor around the pool area and the flesh-bubbling hot deck floor with the lounge chairs above the pools. I think I lost a pound of foot flesh during one of those days I forgot to wear shoes of some sort.

Anyway, on one of those days, they held a Belly Flop Contest. You could win either 1st, 2nd or 3rd prize based on how big a splash you could make with your portly flab pot of ugliness. You were also judged by the audience (the standing crowd) by the great technique you showed when leaping and slamming your bulging balloon of whale belly into the water.

Only six guys volunteered, even though the top prize was a thousand dollars. Not a bad reward, I thought, for thoroughly embarrassing yourself in front of a sizable crowd and having a huge red painful splotch on your belly from the hardcore impact of your overflowing gut meeting H2o.

It was all fun and games as one by one took their turns, making their crowd-pleasing splashes (not drowning anyone by the ensuing tidal waves) until one hairy old dude in a pair of loose swim trunks had his fifteen minutes of fame. He launched himself with all the dignity of coked up walrus and created a tremendous belly flop in the water. Everyone applauded.

There's always one bad apple in the bunch, as they say, and in this case, two very large fat white buns and butt crack was in this bunch and were exposed as the old fat dude grabbed the ladder and pulled himself up. Unfortunately, his ill-fitted trunks did not come up with him and everyone was treated to a sight that likely made everyone want to skip their next meal at the buffet that night.

I think I heard the cries of children and maybe a few of the unborn.

Now this pic isn't of the dude who had the wardrobe malfunction during the belly flop contest but it sure looks like him. This wasn't even taken on our ship. I just needed this for my post. This guy looks like he's been stuck on a cruise ship for about a month, however. All you do is eat and eat till your stomach bloats while you're on the boat.

The host, the cruise director of our ship, made a joke about his crack and proceeded, after milking some laughs, to move on to the next contestant. The old fat dude ended up winning the bronze and received a Royal Caribbean hat and a lifetime of future therapy as his 3rd place award. Hurrah!

It's too bad we couldn't throw darts at him.

The last day on our ship was a lot of limb-breaking, mind-numbing fun as we woke up exhausted and struggled with our cumbersome luggage at five in the morning, going down decks and walking from checkpoint to checkpoint. With documents, customs forms and passports in hand, along with carrying heavy luggage, we somehow managed to get from security checkpoint to security checkpoint, then shuttle bus to airport -without any problem.

That is until we reached Orlando International Airport. It was at the airport security checkpoint that we had our biggest problem. When we tried to get our carry on bag through the x-ray scanner, while emptying our pockets into a plastic tray, the alarm went off and a security person took us off to the side. I was hoping she wasn't going to do a cavity search on me because she looked like she was "on the rag" and her pussy cramps were pissing her off, plenty.

She took our "suspicious" bag and rummaged through it. Meanwhile, both of us voiced our surprise at the sudden situation. The security woman said she was looking for a container that made the scanner go off for whatever reason. I asked her if it was a can of shaving cream or the little bottle of rubbing alcohol. I pulled the lighter out of my pocket, at one point and asked, "Could this have set it off?'

She said, "No." None of the above.

I thought, briefly, how much fun I could have by asking her it was the bomb in my underwear that was setting the alarm off. Then I realized how severe lack of sleep could alter your judgement on what was stupid and what wasn't.

Finally, after digging out numerous breakable souvenirs and an entire rumpled suit ensemble, she found the dangerous culprit. It wasn't a lighter, an aerosol spray can or flammable rubbing alcohol that had to be disposed of... It was suntan lotion. She said I couldn't take it on board the plane. I said that's okay and to just throw it away. The lighter and the other things were okay but not suntan lotion. I don't get it.

I was already nervous about showing all the right papers at the right points and getting home alright without complications so getting rid of a fucking bottle of suntan lotion meant nothing to me in light of my goal.

In closing, we were picked up by my wife's parents at the CVG Airport and eventually made it home after several stops. After dragging our souvenir booty and hernia-inducing luggage up our apartment steps, we both collapsed on the bed, face first. My cat immediately jumped up, pranced between us and lay on my back. I didn't have the energy to shake him off.

Looking back, we had a lot of wonderful, exciting experiences which will stay in our minds for the rests of our lives. I wouldn't trade any of them for hardly anything. I'm sure I've left some things out but I feel like I've mentioned all of the main events that happened. If I didn't write everything that happened with words, I think I covered it with the pictures that were taken.

Speaking of pictures, here are some miscellaneous photos that were taken on the ship, ocean or the islands we traveled to and from.

Cozumel, Mexico

Orlando International Airport trams and terminals

This Caribbean adventure we took was just the kind of relaxing, learning and fantastic event we needed in our lives. I'm glad we did it and we will always treasure the memories this trip provided us.

Links to all the posts (except this one), from beginning to the end, in this series:

Back From My Caribbean Adventure

First Day Nearly Killed Me

Enjoying The Beach in The Bahamas

Grand Cayman Islands

The Top Deck Action

Inside My Pirate Ship... Argh!

Swimming With The Dolphins in Cozumel, Mexico

I've got a buttload of more photos of our trip on Facebook, if you're hankering to see more. My next post will be about sex and chocolate pudding. Ahoy!