New Awards and Predictions

Awhile back, blog author, Gary Phillip Pennick, of his blog, Klahanie, gave me and much more other worthy recipients two awards.  One is called the Fabulous Blog Ribbon Award and the other is the One Lovely Blog Award.  I'm finally getting around to giving him a proper thank you and doing a blog post about it.

Gary, himself, rightfully earned and received these two awards and gracefully bestowed them upon six other blog authors besides sweet lil' ol' me.  I would like to acknowledge his generosity by mentioning these awards and pass them along to other blogs I admire and have enjoyed:

1. Pickleope
2. Happyendings- Confessions of An Erotic Masseuse
3. DCRelief
4. The Angry Lurker
5. Angry Clown
6. Homeless in Seattle
7. In Search of a Russian Oligarch

Be sure to check out the great blogs above and tell them Kelly, of Psycho Carnival, sent ya!  Sure, they may be confused by this, but fuck it, do it, anyway... just because I said so.  

The rules that accompany these awards state that the recipients of the awards are "encouraged" to pass along or forward one or both awards to 7 other recipients.  You're also supposed to mention five fantastic moments in your life.  Well, as you know, probably by now, I'm not much of a follower of rules or polite etiquette of any type.  But I did want to pass along the awards to those I deem worthy of receiving them.  Those blogs and their authors don't need to feel obligated to relate five great moments in their life, unless they so desire to.  Nor are they obligated, at least in my opinion, to put the award(s) on their site or say who gave them the awards.  Gosh, it's not like I'm a glutton for ego-maniacal gratitude or something.  No way... no how.

Also:  Since my next post, I had already decided, was going to relate to things pertaining to me, more personally, and some of my unique opinions on different topics, I've decided to skip the "great moments" list at the time.

But I would like to share my predictions for the coming years of our existence as a species, in the absence of this list.  I know that the big ol' Mayan prediction and other predictions, foretelling the the chaos and/or substantial change in the human race for the date of December 21st, 2012 is kinda on the minds of people these days.  Personally, I think, on that date, we may see some people getting "all nutty" about that particular day since it has been so hyped up in the media, that they might just cause riots here and there, causing, in turn, some needless trouble and pain for people just trying to get on with their lives as if it were another day.  Which, it might turn out to be the case.  Just another day, I mean.

But here, before you, are my TRUE PREDICTIONS for what will absolutely happen in the years to come.  I'm providing you with these life altering predictions because I CARE A LOT.  Yep.  For sure.  Here ya go:

* Sometime in the near future, corporations and people around the world will endeavor to stop polluting this planet we inhabit.  The Arctic ice will cease melting.  Temperatures and climate will become stable.  Wars over fossil fuels, power and land will no longer continue.  Rainbows will appear out of nowhere and unicorns will dance among the children.  Strangers, holding hands, will suddenly burst into heartwarming songs and share an overwhelming feeling of peace and goodwill towards one another.  And the homeless will be welcomed everywhere and given shelter, loving care and food.  Not long, after these events occur, I will shit gold to share with each and every one of you.  It's true!  Just like everything else I said.  Yep.

* Movies will have involving and interesting plot lines.  Gone are the flicks that satiate a mindless public.  People will actually crave more original and fascinating entertainment than ever before.  Oh yeah, baby.

* Mitt Romney will become president of the United States.  The economy will drastically improve.  The middle class will be sustained and prosper.  People across the country will, simultaneously, eat healthier food. The elderly will be given better healthcare and respect. Education will become an all important issue, will be improved upon and every child will learn and grow to be a fine, upstanding citizen.  Animals, that were once on the endangered species list, will come back and flourish and multiply around the world.  The mentally challenged will suddenly take flight, using their arms as wings and delight us all with their colorful, enchanting antics by colliding into bridges and mountains.  Because of this spectacle, a few individuals will giggle until they fart.  But then...  A large hairy ape will descend from the heavens above and let loose with a powerful stream of piss that will shower the world with luminous, wondrous magic.  All true.  Every word.  Count on it!

* Old diseases like Cancer and Diabetes will be cured by researchers for big pharmaceutical companies because, after all, they care only about eliminating the diseases, altogether.  Never are they even slightly interested in making profits off of people like you and I by selling pills and such to treat the symptoms.  Heck no.  I'd say, in about a year, all those horrendous diseases that have been around for decades and centuries will be a thing of the past.  Nothing to worry about.  Just put your mind at ease and think of butterflies fluttering about the flowers of life.

* Racism and gender equality will be eagerly talked about.  Soon, everyone will be accepted for who they are and who they wish to copulate with and love.  Trees will learn sign language, too.

* Cars, trucks, planes, ships and tricycles, even, will be powered by a completely unique form of endless, profitless energy.  Corporate and government scientists, after working diligently on creating this free energy that corporations won't care to profit from, will be shown gratitude by all the world's population because people will suddenly be grateful for the good things offered to them and will gleefully projectile vomit on these learned geniuses by way of reward for their years of long, hard work.  There will be such an atmosphere of absolute positivism, that leprechauns, minotaurs and Ewoks will erupt from the ground to spray forth load after creamy load of jism upon the people.  People will happily gobble it all up like hungry maggots and instantly become more strongererer and smarterererr and erererer.  Henceforth, this day of celebration will be officially known as Merry Spooge Day.

That's all I have for now.  So, once again, just put your mind at ease.  The human race will be just fine.  We're evolving into something great and wonderful.  Yes, indeed.  We're certainly not devolving into societies of war-mongering, hateful, polluting assholes who don't give a real shit about what we do to each other, the animals and the planet's atmosphere.  So... yeah.  Feel free to throw caution to the wind and smile, smile and smile some more.  Our future as a species is looking just fine and as promising as ever.

Have a dandy day, one and all!   

Paranormal Investigator and A Few of My Beliefs

I attended a lecture on a particular paranormal subject, at a library, almost a month ago.  That tells you about how much time, I've had, lately, to actually blog about something that interests me.  Most of the time, I have to deal with things in my life I'd rather not have to deal with- but that's reality for ya.  I pepper my reality with brief times of relief on Fartbook... er... Facebook, mostly, because commenting or posting on Facebook takes less time than doing a blog post.  To each his or her own.  :)

The lecture I went to was about ghost hunting and the woman giving the lecture belonged to an organization that has been around for a number of years and they have done a lot of investigations.  She seemed to know what she was talking about.  A large group of ordinary people had showed for the lecture and Q & A.

The lecture got me thinking about a lot of things that I experienced in my past.

I believe in ghosts and things that fall under the paranormal heading for a number of reasons.  I've talked about those reasons on this blog in the past but to those who are relatively new to this blog that I've been doing since 2007, my reasons, in no particular order are:

1- I've lived in a house that was haunted.  The entire family, our friends and even people we didn't know that well, saw and heard many unexplained incidents such as: chairs moving by themselves, laughter coming from our attic when no one was up there, the lights and TV going off and on, whispers of your name next to your ear while attempting to sleep, blood running down the walls, something pulling sheets off of a bed while you are attempting to sleep, black, smoke-like formations rushing past doorways, dolls' heads moving completely around by themselves, running footsteps being heard, coming up from the basement stairs up to the door leading to the hallway (when no one was there) and so on.

Some of this shit, that went on, I think I've purposefully forgotten, to avoid needless trauma.

If you've read this far without thinking me insane, wanting to mock me and everyone else who had to go through the shit we went through or wanting to debate me or point out how one or more things can easily be scientifically explained- then congratulations are in order for you.  Kudos!  It means you likely have an open mind.  Otherwise, if you're here to debate me or do any of the other things I mentioned above, feel free to move on to the next blog about how someone's kid and their latest "hysterical" antic that everyone is dying to know about.  Or something equally mundane.  I'm not interested and will not respond, as you would probably like, to anything contrary that you have to say.  I've heard it before and wasn't impressed.  We, meaning the dozens of us who went through the hell of living there or visiting there, know what we went through and tried "scientifically" explaining away everything that happened.  Didn't work.  End of story.

I might add... and I will...

The only thing more irritating and frustrating to me than an overzealous disbeliever in anything they can't see or explain is an overzealous Christian trying to push their faith down your throat.  Giving someone the benefit of a doubt is not the same as being gullible.  Either person who displays this type of behavior is showing their arrogance and close mindedness.  It's also a sign of someone who NEEDS to feed their ego to tear down one's ideas or beliefs with whatever well written malarkey that they can come up with.  Just because it is well written or that person has the last word- it does not make them right.   

2- My wife has spoken to the spirit of her deceased grandfather one night, while I was in bed and he gave her details about me that he couldn't have known, because he died three decades before I was even born.  I've had several relatives see and talk to dead relatives, whether they were on their deathbeds in homes or hospitals or when they were just standing around, not doing anything in particular.  Feelings of peace would usually accompany them while these incidents would happen.

3- I've also had some flashes or images come into my mind, while awake, of things that have happened.  Most of those things (images) were of trivial matters.  When these images would come into my mind, I would feel like I should remember them.  I don't know why that feeling would come over me but it did.  A month or two later and the image of the incident in my mind actually became a reality.

The one "picture" that I got in my head was of something that I didn't even know about or what it was and had never seen a picture of it before- until I was older, in school.  It came to me when I was around four years old.  It was a picture of a nuclear bomb going off.  Bright mushroom cloud, everything being caught on fire, vaporized and so on.  The whole bit.  It was happening, I figured out later in life, in the same direction where a major city, about thirty miles away from where I live now, is located.  I'm 48 years old and it is an image in my mind as horrifying and clear as it was when I was four years old.

4- I used to read whole decks of cards.  Didn't matter which deck or where it came.  They weren't in any order. I didn't cheat by marking any sides or had cards that were bent.  I'd simply look at each face down card, say what it was, suit and number, turn it over and it would be what it said I knew it was going to be.  Then I'd re-shuffle the cards again, predict the cards, again, correctly and then, one day, I thought to myself, This is too weird and I stopped doing it, altogether.

5- There is another thing I've been involved in, paranormally speaking, but I'm not mentioning it because it would take too long to explain and I'm afraid I'd get a lot of backlash in comments that I'd rather not read because, well, I've heard it all before and sadly, most people are predictable.  :)  I'm not saying everyone is, but, if you've been around as long as I have, you already know the truth.  If you'd really and genuinely like to know what #5 is about, I'll tell you.

These days, I don't have any predictive imagery in my mind.  Nor do I attempt to predict cards or attempt transcendental meditation.  That last thing I just mentioned resulted in something that freaked me out a bit, not in a bad way, but I'm not going to go into it, either.

The paranormal investigator (one of many ghost hunters, so to speak,) brought all of her equipment, including dowsing rods, an EVP recorder, an EMF meter and a laptop computer showing orbs (spirits) she and others had videotaped during their investigations.  Later, she shared information about a tour through a place where people, in a nearby city, had reported experiencing spirits one way or another.  She didn't talk about the future tour much, in case you're wondering if she was there to make money off the local town folk.  She was there to demonstrate how the instruments worked, how her own personal experience as a child got her interested in the paranormal and answering any questions that people had about ghosts.

Many orbs ( or spirits)

She talked quite a bit about how her personal experience with spirits and how it told about and shown on TV, through reenactments.  The paranormal investigator was interviewed about the full apparition she saw of a little girl named Nora, sitting on the floor in a room, upstairs at her childhood home.

The woman also was there to investigate someone who had died at the library she was speaking at.  According to the dowsing rods and the EMF meter, something was definitely there and it was communicating what had happened when she died.  For one thing, she used to work in the same old building a long time ago and she was pregnant at the time.  Ever since my sister and her coworkers had been working at the library, they had heard talking, from out of nowhere and had seen things move (on their own?) while being employed at the library.  It wasn't a malicious spirit, obviously.  It just wanted to be acknowledged.

On her laptop computer, the investigator showed orbs, like I said and turned up the volume of strange, yet clear, disembodied voices.

There was a teenage girl, who worked at the library, who had an experience on a ghost hunting tour, a few months back, who was not associated with the investigator.  She told us about how she thought a spirit from the place she toured had come back home with her.  She said she could feel "him" touch her arms, at times, and how it felt cold or like being brushed by spider webs.  This spirit, she said, had also displayed non-malicious behavior toward her but the investigator advised her that she should explain to the spirit that he was dead and should move on to the other side.  Her family, who had also gone on the same tour, also heard voices "from out of nowhere" and felt things.

The other side, what happens after death, call it Heaven or what you will, is also something I happen to believe in for a great many number of personal reasons, NOT religious reasons.

The paranormal investigator seemed pretty genuine to me.  I had an open mind about it because of things I and others close to me have witnessed and experienced.  Btw, I'm quite open to any of your own experiences, concerning the paranormal in the comment section, or if you'd like, through email or Fartbook... er.. I mean Facebook.

Supposedly, I'm supposed to get a nice pair of dowsing rods from the link I already provided, as a gift, from my sister, for my birthday, October 3rd.  I'm not saying I completely believe in dowsing rods but they may be of some personal good to me.  I'm not saying anything beyond that.

Take care, everyone! 

Inclement Weather and Inclement People

I know.  It's like I'm only barely eking out one damned post a month.  Let's just say I've been keeping busy and worrying a lot about personal problems going on in my life and leave it at that.  But then, what else is new, eh?  Would I like to say things are semi-fine or halfway tolerable?  Yep.  I sure would.  You may think me a pessimist or call me an alarmist but, really, I honestly try to bring harmony in my little part of world only have it it crushed, pulverized and throw back in my face like a messy, sticky wad of pre-chewed Goobers.

This is going to have to be one of those times where I don't reveal what's happening in my personal life right now.  To recall it and write it in any kind of half-attempted detail here would only send me to the Community Mental Health Center.  Let's put it this way: I almost checked myself into such a place, yesterday and people who don't suffer from severe anxiety disorder or depression might have had the same thought cross their minds if they had gone through what I've gone through this week.  It's enough to make you (actually me) wish that The Grand Joke of Life that sometimes plagues the continuously unfortunate would just take a big ol' hammer, whack one in the head and get it over with.  Ha. Ha.  Gosh, I'm quite the kidder.  Let's just say that and move on, shall we?

Speaking of Goobers... Look!  There's Goober!  He's with Andy!  I wonder what tune Andy was playing?  It was probably something lighthearted and something that made sense.  Kind of like the opposite behavior of the people we have running around the world today.  Btw, Andy Griffith died not too long ago.  Don't ask me about Goober, though.  I don't know if he's down in the dirt and food for maggots or what. The last I heard, he joined a circus that was demon- owned that had crazed clown midgets and hell hounds running the show.   Hey, that reminds me of a story I wrote about a month ago!  How about that?  

But anyway...

I will say that the only reason I'm able to write this post is because the temperature has gone down to a nearly tolerable level in this part of the apartment and I rigged a gate, an old window screen, to be exact, to keep the new kitten from jumping around and eating my electrical wiring.  Plus, some of the problems that were taking hold of my sanity have quelled enough to a point where I can put a sentence together with my keyboard without foaming at the mouth and pissing my pants.

Damn.  People are getting are crazier by the day.  Every once in awhile, I'll create some crazy assed story  or comment on some crazy assed piece of news that's going on in the world but I tell you what, folks.  The true life stories that are going on these days put my own fictional or incredibly real tales to shame, or at the very least, seem lame by comparison.

The whack job that went into the Colorado Theater and shot 71 people, wearing a costume or something, while everyone was attempting to watch the new Batman flick is just one of many signs this country is plain nutty.  I would say he's inclement.  You never hear that word, describing insane or unfeeling people much, but I'd say it's time for a new word to describe cruel or apathetic people.  People use this word to describe the weather these days but I would cheerfully give up this word to be associated with this fucker.

Insanity and cruelty must be bliss- for this guy.  His creepy-as-fuck smile says a lot.    

Speaking of inclement weather... what's going on here?  Non-stop floods and rain in the United Kingdom and over here, in the U.S., we have severe droughts and non-stop 100 degree temperatures nearly every day.  In other parts of the world, they're having "opposite weather" of what they're supposed to be having this time of year, as well.  And it's all being dealt out in heavy doses, causing anguish upon almost everyone that I've interacted with or read about. It's like the weather is mimicking the world's fucked up economy, violent state and it's loony people.  Or it's the other way around.

And let's not forget the cannibal dude who ate the homeless man's face, either, awhile back.  This guy didn't even stop eating this poor man's face as he was being shot and told not to eat the victim's face.

You would think that maybe the guy on the right was...uh....  kinda nutty.  Nope, it's the guy on the left that eats human flesh.  Whatever you do, don't hunt for the picture on the net, provided you haven't seen it, already, of the homeless guy's "face" after the cannibal dude gobbled most of it up like a kid at the fair with a stick full of cotton candy.   Or a handful of Goobers.  That picture of the homeless guy, after the cannibals handiwork, had me close to puking.  And that, my friends, is pretty bad if you can make me sick.

Personally, I don't understand it all.  The fucked up economy, the crazy people, the inclement weather, thinly veiled wars that are actually about greed and power, the messed up priorities of politicians and inclement DICKtators around the world and everything else I'm leaving out- but I'm sure you've seen on the Internet, newspapers or TV- it's really oddly coincidental that it's happening in such a short span of time.

George Carlin was a very wise, witty and humorous comedian and author.  R.I.P.  He's one of my heroes, actually, along with Kurt Vonnegut.  They really understood human nature.  They weren't shy about speaking their minds and being honest and direct.  Those are characteristics I mentally applaud about people who unabashedly exhibit them.  I hold both of the mentioned authors, who were realists and humorists, in very high regard.  I'm rather proud to say I own all of George's albums and books and I can say that I own most of the masterpieces that Kurt Vonnegut penned during his life.

My point is, is that George said, more than once, "When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show.  When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."  Wow.  The more time passes during my own era, the more truer and relevant that becomes, George.  And it seems the rest of the world is trying to shake off the fleas (the humans) more so than usual with rampant floods, death-bearing heat, earthquakes and so on.



I truly feel for the victims of those who have been shot and killed in senseless shootings, wars and so on.  I also feel for those living in poverty, never knowing a life where food is plentiful and healthcare is there to benefit them.

I guess when there are people that still feel and aren't apathetic to those around them, there is still hope.  There are days when I try to hold tight to that idea.  Some days, it's harder to do that than others.  But let's all try!  And let's all try to be better human beings and feel something humane for our own species.  At this rate, I have to admit, it feels as though we're quickly spiraling down the drain of history. 

Peace of Mind and Lords of Acid- Out Comes the Evil

Wow. If you haven't heard their music before, you may want to try Lords of Acid, guys, out on your ears. Fucked up, yes. Sexed up, sure. But the beat is something easy to get into.  It's rave music and or techno music, if you feel the need to categorize it, but it's more than that.  I think if you get them, you like them.  Hell, if you're not persuaded by the steady rhythms, overall style and the catchy beat in the first place, I don't think you'll give them a shot.  If you wanna, read the rest of this post while listening to the song.  There is no real video to be watched.

Yeah, it's one of those kind.  Don't be put off.  No tears, please

I hope you all had a great weekend. I'll be seriously catching up on blog visiting and commenting the next few days. I've kinda been taking it easy and going to parks for tranquility and peace of mind- or maybe I've just taken a break to pick up the pieces of my mind.  Too much going on all at once again.  That was the anchor wearing me down.

And thanks to my cat, Victor, who can somehow type, has a certain command of the English language, while  carefully observing the Human Condition or "brain reformatting by certain systems and/or corporations, for filling in for me while I was away.  For that matter, hell, everyone else in the blogosphere is allowing or being forced by their animals out of their blog author chair and taking over.  Why not let the cat do it if he wants?  He can rant as well or write as well as the rest as the bloggers out there.

Did I mention the next post will be one where you can actually take walks with me, by movies I've recorded during these walks, that take you on  peaceful little journeys?  I will even be including a recipe I've created for Venison Stew.  You don't want to miss that!

Bambi is dandy in a hearty broth, I always say.

I farted twelve times in the park, this afternoon, while taking a walk.  Sometimes they came in three sputters.  True.  I felt it important enough to report for a status update on Facebook.  The people need to know.

Beats watching the clown car full of Republicans spill out and pull their crazy one liners on people these days.  What is it with these obvious numb nuts?  Santorum, Gingrich, Romney and so on.  Earlier you had really radical presidential hopefuls like gun-toting Perry and crazy-eyed Bachmann mouthing off inanities or you got these guys in the present.

Here's a few crazy Republican quotes, in case you haven't heard them, but I'm sure if have by now:

The problem isn't too little money in political campaigns, but not enough- Newt Gingerich

"I don't know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We've had an earthquake; we've had a hurricane. He said, 'Are you going to start listening to me here?' Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we've got to rein in the spending." –Rep. Michele Bachmann, suggesting at a presidential campaign event in Florida that the 2011 East Coast earthquake and hurricane was a message from God (Aug. 2011)

“Give the park police more ammo.” ~Newt Gingrich, responding to a  reporter who asked what to do about the homeless a few days after the police shot a homeless man in front of the White House.

"Corporations are people, my friend... of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People's pockets. Human beings, my friend." —GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney


"I would be saying to the Iranians, you either open up those [nuclear weapons] facilities, you begin to dismantle them and make them available to inspectors, or we will degrade those facilities through air strikes.
If we reach a point where I believe the only thing that will stop them from this program being realized and having a nuclear weapon – I will make a clear declaration to the Iranian government that you either open your facilities, you begin to dismantle this nuclear program, or we will dismantle it for you." - Rick Santorum

Vote for Rick Santorum if you're still living in the eighteenth century

Getting back to this song.  I mean that's more important than ego-maniacal clowns that are funded by all the money they can handle form corporations for favor returning purposes...  Having a song you just discovered and have taken a liking to it and trying to convince people to at least give it a try is a hard sell.  Since I'm not much of a salesman, I'm not going to bother.  And quite frankly, I'm tired of convincing people of even the simplest of opinions or absolute truths. Ya either like this tune or not.  Doesn't persuade me either way.  I will shake your virtual hand if you do give it a listen, though.  At least then, you've shown yourself to be open minded.

Good Christ on a crispy cracker, at least it's a start.

When I first listened to the song and found out it was, on the surface, about drug addiction, if you think about it for a minute, you could switch some of these words with material possessions and obsessions about all types of things out there and you could have a song about any addiction.  Addiction to being judgmental about most things and people.  Addiction to certain food or drink.  Addiction to nervous or destructive habits.  Addiction, in any form for any reason, to me, isn't that great. A few harmless compulsions, now and then, I can understand. A full blown addiction to anything is bad news and is almost always negatively life altering and can lead to loss of life, friends, family and more- including your sanity.

Speaking of further PEACE OF MIND...Good news!  My wife and I are working on plans to go to Hawaii later this year.  We'll be visiting all the main islands on a cruise ship.  During one part of the trip, we'll be passing by an active volcano.  That will be exciting.  So will the sight of the whales racing along side the ship. I hope the volcanic lava hits me full force in the face.  BLAMMO!  No sexually gratuitous jokes here, please.  You know what a delicate, moral flower I am.

Now if that big meteor we're supposed to get, comes this December of this year and hits Earth, I wanna be right there.  Smack dab in the middle.  I'm not into lingering pain.  If I go hungry, because of closed roads or whatever, and can't find any animals or regular food to eat, I will cheerfully gnaw on your arm as you shake, shake, shake.  Instead of a Zombie Apocalypse for me, it will be a Low Blood Sugar Diabetic Apocalypse.  Sorry, in advance.  :(

Anyway, my thoughts on Doomsday 12/21/12 goes something like this:  I think a bunch of idiots (homo sapiens, ya know) are going to convince themselves- so well- that the end is on that exact date, no matter who has predicted whatever in the past for this particular day and will put things into motion (riots, bombs, all matter of mayhem) that might create needless hell for the rest of us trying to do something productive that day without interference.  

This music I just discovered, yet heard of but never listened to until now, from Lords of Acid, spews forth sweet, melodic beautiful acid that creates magical rainbows of love in the sky.  No lava, yet.

Lyrics to "Out Comes the Evil" by Lords of Acid

Half a pound of tuppany rice 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the melody goes 
Pop goes the weasel 

Half a pound of tuppany rice 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the melody goes 
Pop goes the weasel

Half a pound of heroin 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the story goes 
Out comes the evil

Feels so good, feels so bad [x2]

Half a pound of heroin 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the story goes 
Out comes the evil

Feels so good, feels so bad [x2]

Half a pound of heroin 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the story goes 
Out comes the evil

Feels so good, feels so bad [x4]

Half a pound of tuppany rice 
Half a pound of treacle 
That's the way the melody goes 
Pop goes the weasel

Believe it not, I'm calming down. All the problems I talked about in previous posts haven't gone completely away, of course but I'm not asking or expecting that. Just a little relief now and then. I promise that if I hula dance during the trip, I will put the picture of me doing that on the blog. I know. I can feel both your excitement and revulsion.

Behold My Power of Observation

Hello.  My name is Victor, the owner of the Human, Kelly.  The human slave (I lovingly refer to him)  gives me food, drink and shelter while I carefully observe his race who call themselves Human Beings.  I, on the other hand, have a more apt name for them.  They will always be DumbAsses to me- or any other living being, besides Humans, on this planet.

Hey Humans, while you're not polluting the planet, exploiting it's resources, killing each other and treating those who don't have much of this sad excuse of an outdated medium (you call money) for the exchange of goods with great disdain, as if they have less value than a pile of roach crap, could you do something useful- like helping each other out?  Ah, fuck it... just keep texting each other about the same old mundane crap.

You think the wilderness is full of terrors, viciousness and challenges for survival for us low level animals....  Try living within the Human Race.  They actually try to make it harder on themselves.  Increasingly so with every day and year that passes.  Here's a whip, Fucko!  Go flay yourself like you know you want it- real bad.  Do the whipping of your backs and minds with your head in the "sands of denial" or in the "sands of acknowledging what's wrong but you're going along with it because it's easier that way".  Yeah, that's the way you guys do it.

Then injure or destroy someone else.  Put on another good show.  Call it a war.  Kill people for gods and/or greed!

Your big old brains, that you're so impressed by, have conjured many new and exciting ways to hurt one another with each year.  Someone who is innocent- or not- can get a taste.  And by the way, it isn't any fun unless you're engaging in one or two bloody wars at the same time.  So I've seen from most of you.  And you think I am just lying around, sleeping, licking my crotch and chasing bugs.  Ah-Ha!  Can you not see the power in these glowing yellow eyes?

I've got some very predicatable news for you, Humans.  The rest of us seemingly less worthy animals- which you also treat with your varied obvious degrees of indifference, with the exception of a minority of you, can see you've been acting like imbeciles for so long, that now you flaunt it, flamboyantly, and accept stupidity from one another like it's the greatest sunset that's ever appeared out of God's Asshole.  (Newt, Romney, Santorum, Bachmann)  Those are just a few politician's names.  I haven't mentioned any names from any other categories, like from the wealthy elite,the indifferent majority, the spectacularly cruel... and so on.  Most of you Dumbasses, I find, in the end, are interchangeable.

I was reading what this man, Ralph Nader, said about your typical  Human greed for money among politicians, and when you get down to it, everyone else.  Literally or not, you Humans stick knives in each other's backs and allow pricks to rule over you while they tell the poor and the general public, in general, to go fuck themselves as you allow it to happen.  A good many have protested such behavior of the wealthy elite among you.  I have nothing but respect for them.

When you're done destroying what you can of the planet before you cause almost complete extinction of your own kind, I will cheerfully dine on your thigh as you quiver and blubber and begin to decay.  I will do it as you go through your death rattle- or even during your last words before taking your last breath.

My advice for you, as far as last words go, would go something like this-  "I did try to, at least, do a little something about all the corruption and did do one selfless act for another Human in my lifetime- or maybe not."  But hey,  if you did do something positive, Human, about the Human Condition or help someone or animal out, then BIG KUDOS goes to you.  I'd give you a hug but I'm too busy allowing Kelly to pet my coat of fur and then go into the kitchen for a treat made of ingredients that may be healthier than the slop they serve at these places DumbAsses, er, I mean, Humans, call fast food restaurants.  Maybe it's the equivalent.  Eh.  Who knows?  Where's my catnip?  This ranting is giving me a downer.  I need a buzz.

Speaking of slop, do you know that most Humans are ruled by their egos (slop) than their brains.  Imagine the mistakes that would be made by a race like that.  Yeah.  I mean...  How concerned are they with anything but themselves?  Catnip for thought.  

Like I said, there were/are a few of you who get it.  Here's one of them now.  His name was George Carlin. He wasn't just a extraordinarily funny Human.  He was an observer, who explained in detail, what was wrong with his race.  In the last six or seven years of life, especially, he painstakingly wrote books, put on comedy concerts and gave out words of wisdom that some got and some that didn't.  Pity to those who don't get it.  Pity to those that are close minded.

Here's your typical Human doing something more constructive than destroying his own home planet.  He's making a snot bubble.  Sure, he's no Rembrandt or Da Vinci but he may just be expressing a form of art  that no Humans have ever embraced before.  Humans are not exactly the open minded type when it comes to accepting change or differences in each other.  If you look closely, you can see that this guy has snot bubbles within snot bubbles.  I wish my hairballs looked that good.

I sincerely hope I'm inspiring you with the magic I'm creating out of my left nostril.

Here's another Human that gets it.  Bernie Sanders. Don't ya love it, when every so often, some Human speaks the truth?  Sometimes they have to have something dramatic happen to them during their lives or a sudden epiphany that helps them not be afraid to be open, honest and speak the truth without fear of repercussions from DumbAsses, er, I mean, Humans, of course.

Oh well.  Meanwhile, while you Humans go about your day, ignoring everything around you and perhaps creating chaos or being part of the problem, I'm just going to lay here and wait for the smoke to clear.  But, if I'm about to be wiped out, suddenly or I end up suffering an unpleasant existence because of your Human's Love for Self-Destructive Insanity, I can at least say I didn't have anything at all to do with it.

Here we see Humans sticking their faces up fake Humans' asses instead of up in their own, attempting to put the entire head in.  That way they can see no evil, hear no evil and be completely and blissfully ignorant of the world around them

It's Humans who are always at fault, in the end.  How many Human civilizations have passed, really, on this planet?  I wonder how many civilizations have passed due to their ignorance, cruelty and indifference.  I gotta say one thing for them...   Humans have that brilliant ability and natural ease where they can pass the responsibility of their negative actions on to whoever they deem fit or not accept it at all.  Yeah... Gee... I wonder what the end result of that attitude would be in the end?  Ah, well....

Have a great day, Humans!  Now pass me the catnip before your civilization's time is up!

I Believe Everything The Fortune Cookie Tells Me and So Should You

For the past six months or so, I've been collecting fortune cookie messages from the cookies I'm given at the Chinese restaurant I patronize every so often. I've decided to show you the ones I've received so far on this post. Some fortune cookie messages fall into the absolutely moronic category, while others offer semi-intelligent advice and then there are the absurd predictions which give me a chuckle now and then.

I've read various historical accounts in the past on how fortune cookies came into being and what seemed a little interesting about the topic at first, now seems bland as tepid water- or the flour, sugar and vanilla mixture that a typical fortune cookie is made of. Still, I found this absurd tidbit of info on Wikipedia.org and I thought it was worth mentioning here, if only to cause you to scratch your head in wonder.

'Although many people do not take the message in a fortune cookie as a serious oracular device many of them consider it part of the game that the entire cookie must be consumed in order for the fortune to come true. Variations on this idea include not eating the cookie if a fortune seems unlucky, eating the entire cookie as well as the fortune, eating the entire cookie before reading the fortune, or reading the fortune before any of the cookie is eaten. While some people believe the fortune will not come true if it is read aloud, or read at all, other people follow rules involving how the cookie is selected—including selecting a cookie with closed eyes, passing a cookie to another person at the table, or choosing the cookie that seems to be pointing directly at you.'

That's a lot of rules and procedures involving something that's made up without a lot of brain juice used and usually is vague and silly. But, with that said, they can be kind of fun at times, if you're in the right mind set and not too uptight to not enjoy the mild amusement of what they say.

For anyone wishing to learn more about the fascinating history of fortune cookies, click here.

For anyone wishing to see the fortune cookie messages I've collected thus far, look several paragraphs below. My own profound comments sit neatly beside each one (for your easy accessibility, because I care a lot) and are nestled comfortably between parentheses- much like when a baby bird with a broken wing is placed in a basket and covered by a little baby blanket to keep it warm. Ahhh. Isn't that sweet?

Without further ado or anymore annoyingly insipid metaphors, here's the fuckin' fortune cookie messages!

Alter ideas and you alter the world. (I tried this but all I got from the hairless monkeys was expressions of confusion or an angry mob of them, holding torches, pounding at my front door.)

Happiness is enjoying what you got. Never from what you want. (I got an itty bitty clump of belly button lint and what I want is world peace so... HA!)

A brave man is the one that is not afraid to admit his mistake. (I admit my mistakes all the time so I must be a goddamn hero. Feel free to worship at my feet, for yes, I am a god. You're welcome.)

Luck is coming your way. (That's pretty humorous, considering what's been going on, lately.)

Good health will be yours for a long time.You have a strong desire for a home and your family comes first. (I have extreme diabetes, high blood pressure, 80% deafness in one ear, equinus foot deformity, two and a half inch heel spurs and more- so that first sentence may not be quite accurate. Hmmm. It could be, just maybe, that the magical fortune cookie fairies accidentally let that one fall into the wrong hands- namely mine. The second sentence shows that the last statement I wrote is most likely true, at least partially. I've never wanted a home. I'd rather have an apartment. If shit breaks down, it's of zero expense to me and the landlord fixes or replaces it. Plus, no lawn to mow and no property taxes to worry about. I could list a dozen other reasons but I'm not going to bother. My family does come first, though. The magical fortune cookie fairies got that right. Gosh, they must really know their stuff.)

Your present plans are going to succeed. (My present plans at the moment entail going to the bathroom and having a pleasant bowel movement within the next few minutes. I predict SUCCESS.)

You have an unusually magnetic personality. (I was curious as to why the cars on the street and the cutlery inside the apartment have been smashing up against me. I don't mind it too much, really, except for the steak knife embedded in the middle of my chest. The car that pinned my legs up against the building, crushing them into paste, earlier, caused my usual jovial spirit to dampen slightly, as well.)

Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you. (If happiness is a cat that knocks over the garbage cans every so often to drag out three day old leftovers and a couple pounds worth of coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor and then proceeds to barf up a hairball and some cheese later on beside my bed- then yes, happiness is, indeed, resting just next to me, perfectly comfortable with his previous activities and accomplishments. And now, I'm petting him on the head- which he will likely perceive as a reward from me for all the good works he has performed today.)

You will make a fortune with your friend.Your dearest wish will come true. (Although this fortune may, by some miracle, happen in the future, I'm slightly suspicious in the reliability of this prediction. My dearest wish will come true? Hahaha... You better hope not. On perhaps a related or unrelated note... On one occasion, I asked a few close, personal friends, who knew me pretty well, what their reactions would be if I were suddenly in charge of the citizens in the world. Without missing a beat, they said, in unison, "I would kill myself." I had to laugh at that. I wasn't sure if I was exactly surprised by their response. Then I immediately began having hilarious fantasies of impaled bodies and deviant, sadistic sex orgies here and there- you know, the usual. I mean everyone has those thoughts, don't they?*)

*wink wink, nudge nudge

You are very expressive and positive in word, ct and feeling. (That's true. I am expressive. But then, aren't most of us? Well, unless they're an uptight, robotic type of hairless monkey. Positive in word? Nah, not really. Well, maybe sometimes. What the fuck is ct? And the last one is really "opening up a can of worms"-or words- for me, so I'll pass commenting on that one.)

Success won't taste so good without Failure as appetizers. (That could be true. But I think it depends on what you think, as an individual, what success is and what failures are. To me, being a success could be being the best parent, friend or spouse all your life. For some narrow minded, superficial folks, the word "failures" might mean having jobs that didn't pay you what you thought you deserved in substantial sums of money, without regarding the importance or the fact if those same jobs gave you a sense of fulfillment or contentedness while performing duties in your work.)

So there you have it, folks. I'm done. End of post. Kind of abrupt, eh? I know. I'm as deeply concerned about that as much as you. Move along now. There are others waiting in line behind you. That's it... There you go. Move on to the next profound, astute blog. I'm sure you'll be intellectually stimulated by all that you see, hear and read. On the way there, have a fortune cookie and a smile. Tune in next week where I discuss Mathematical Problems in Engineering With Contributions Containing Formulations and Results Relating To Applications or some shit like that.