Fortune Faded and A Threat From Granny

Fortune Faded is a cool song. You must now Play the equally cool video you see here in front of your eyeballs or I will be forced to make you lick a grandmother's camel toes.

If you're a Red Hot Chili Peppers fan, you've likely already heard this tune. If not, you'll like it anyway. Remember: If you don't play this video, then I will physically make you lick granny's wide open, maggot-infested, cobwebbed beaver.

Your choice.

SO WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT? Remember: I've got an old woman sitting by me, waiting impatiently for you to make the choice that should not be made so she can expose to you her wrinkled meat snatch in the box and get an enthusiastic licking from you, in return . No, you don't get to ask why I have an old naked geriatric sitting beside me. I don't know myself. She just magically appeared. And now she seems to be getting more frustrated than before. Honest.

5 QUESTIONS For One Crazy Brunette Chick

The third blogger to appear in my 5 QUESTIONS post series is a delicate little flower (NOT!) who goes by several names... One Crazy Brunette Chick. CB. Crazy Brunette. Ashley. No matter what you call her (And I'd be careful while doing that if I were you) you have to admit this woman is hysterical and easily speaks her mind. I admire her directness and telling ya how she feels. She's intelligent, beautiful and very funny. And she only had to buy me a decent cup of coffee to say that.*

*Just kidding on the coffee part, there. Don't kill me, Ashley! Oh shit!

The Crazy Brunette runs a most excellent blog by the name of.... wait for it.... One Crazy Brunette Chick. If you're not afraid to laugh your ass off at what CB says or read the word FUCK about a gazillion times, then I suggest you check her out. And by check her out, I mean her blog, you perverts. Why can't y'all be well mannered, respectable gentle-persons like me?

Ashley also co-authors a blog with The Wolf called Two Foul-Mouthed Fuckers, a hilarious, raunchy, back and forth, telling-it-like-it-is fest between the two of them.

In these posts, I will ask an established blogger 5 questions that may range from the downright silly to the depraved to the serious. It is up to the highlighted blogger of the particular post to answer the questionnaire however they want. Here's the Q & A I had with Crazy Brunette Chick. Enjoy!

* Have you ever been embarrassed when you have said "Fuck" out in public? If so, what was the occasion and circumstances? If not, have you ever flashed an old geezer just to give him a stroke?

Wait... Really? Like are you dicking me in the ass? Is this a real question? FUCK no I've never been embarrassed when I've said "Fuck" in public. That being said, I have mortified all of my friends, family and co-workers on SEVERAL occasions with my casual and over use of the word "Fuck". Eeeeh, they can suck my happy 'fuck' saying ass.

*Have you ever flashed an old geezer just to give him a stroke?

Why yes, yes I HAVE in face flashed SEVERAL old fucking assholes just to see if I could put them in the hospital. No, I don't flash old people. Surprisingly, I do not like to be the cause of fatal death to little old men.

Once when I was about 16, I was out washing my car in my parents yard (A 1982 Cutlass Supreme... Jealous? I would be too, if I were you!) Yes I was clothed, and wet and YES I happened to be bending over. There was a fucking pervy old guy staring so hard at my cleave that he missed the stop sign and hit a vehicle turning right onto my parents street... That's right, I've always been so fucking hot that I can stop traffic!

BUT, I must confess that in High School I had a serious inclination to flashing pretty much anybody and everybody. No, I shit you not... Truck drivers, school busses, random guys walking down the street... I was more often than not inclined to flash construction workers... they always seemed to be the most appreciative!

* How would you describe the perfect man, while using the same description of a steak? Rare? Tough? Use your own words.

Oooooh... I LOVE this question.

Thick (and YES I mean that in EVERY way you fucks are thinking), Tough and hard enough to take my shit and give it right back to me. Soft and pink in the middle (fuck, one of us has to have feelings!) and lastly he has to be willing to let me smear melted butter all over him and lick it off.

Kiss my ass fuckers, I like butter!

* After "accidentally" running over an annoying asshole, what would be your next step(s)?

I do nothing 'accidentally'. If I hit a dumbfuck asstard, I'd damn well have MEANT to take his ass out. (But you already knew that, and that's why you put quotations around it!) So after I took the son of a bitch out with the Escape, I'd smoke a cigarette, pop a few Xanex and call 'The Royal Family' to help me hide the fucking body.

* Describe the most awesome dream day you would love to have.

You know, I've never really thought about it. I guess it'd be jumping on a plane with my favorite hookers. Shooting over to Vegas, get dressed hotter than you can possibly imagine, and go slut it up in Sin City. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas... Right???

* Think quick. Act quick. Some escapee from an insane asylum is running toward you, with his arms straight out and with a booger on the end of his finger. He also happens to be wanking off, while running as fast as he can. Not only is he a talented multi-tasker that way but he's also singing, "What's Love Got To Do With It" while he heads right for you. What will you do?

Pull out my concealed .38 pistol and shoot that cocksucker right where he'd never be jerking off again. If you think I'm fucking around, I'm not. Daddy taught me to shoot when I was 7. I've only gotten better bitches. In other words... DO NOT FUCK with a Crazy, armed Brunette!

* Bonus question from The Wolf. He felt it was highly important that I ask this... Why do you smell like cabbage?

Wolf! You are an asshole!!!! Damnit, I DO NOT SMELL like cabbage dipshit! I smell like mother fucking sugar plums! We've been over this! I will kill you! I don't care if you are an ex-military bad-ass! I'm an armed and dangerous Crazy Brunette on the rag!

And on that delightfully, uplifting note, our Q & A ends here. Thank you, Ashley, for participating in 5 QUESTIONS.

Anyone with a blog and is a regular or even a semi-regular reader of Psycho Carnival can contact me at this email address- masterheathen@yahoo.com- if you wish to have fun with the gang and participate with our 5 Questions series. Anyone fitting the above description and is able to successfully answer my 5 QUESTIONS will be highlighted like the above blogger and links to their blog(s) will be presented.