Strange Ads and Products of Yesteryear

Fascinated with old advertisements and inventions of the last hundred years, I've been collecting these images and some of the stories behind them.  Prepared to be educated and thrilled with this post of posts.  Enjoy!

Sometime in the 1950's or 1960's (I can't be bothered with finding details or facts, of course), The Del Monte company came to a curious conclusion after testing a dozen women for three years in a locked room and with nearly no outside visitations except for the company's researchers.  While using cattle prods, scientists encouraged the women that stood along a moving conveyor belt of ketchup bottles, to open the containers of tomato-y goodness with their hands and fingers.

Surprised that women had the same incredible capability of a man to open a ketchup bottle time after time, researchers concluded after the intensive study, that women could open stuff.  The scientific community would never be the same again.

While opening a ketchup bottle, the typical woman will have an orgasm.

And they eat it until they orgasm.  A healthy and happy lifestyle- guaranteed.

Back in the 1920's, a team of doctors came up with an exciting new way to keep people fit and trim after the eating of their daily regiment of one large bucket of lard per person, followed by the entire cleanly cleaved head of a hog.  The idea was so simple that one doctor, in particular, whose name was Dr. Hugh Jass, was so ashamed that he didn't think of the miracle cure for obesity before, he decided to punish himself by hammering his penis to a tree.  This action by the good doctor quickly became a fad during the day and soon, every man was hammering their genitals to trees.  Of course, while engaging in this activity, it was quite common for men of that era to have an orgasm.  This is where we get the word sapling.  Remember that!

But getting back to the idea, this miraculous miracle cure, this amazing medical conception... Dr. Hugh Jass and his colleagues found that tape worms were the logical answer for those who were fat as hippos, dining on the bowels of baby dinosaurs and dragons.

Is that a cluster of crab louse I see on Mike's shoulder?  Oh no!  He may not be suitable for future dating.

Below you will see an advertisement for health rejuvenating cigarettes.  Cigarettes are packed with so many vitamins and required benefits for healthy lungs, that they will often be fought over in hospitals, fundraisers and convents.  As a bonus, this particular brand of cigarettes would give the customer a black eye as soon as they opened up a pack.  The company would generously ensure each pack came with a contraption that would propel or spring a jagged piece of lead directly at the consumer's eye for his or her pure pleasure and enjoyment.

My best bit as a ventriloquist is the part where I can smoke a cigarette and rape this freakish looking dummy in his tight wooden ass until he screams.  It really gets the crowd laughing every time.  I swear.  What's in it for me?  The satisfaction of providing quality entertainment for my audience and having a powerful, ball-draining orgasm.  Yes sir!  When I smoke, while fucking my dummy, I make sure I always finish with a bang and an emptied ballsack.

Lucky consumers were introduced to a a breakthrough medicinal tonic back in the days of spaceships and high tech laser surgery.  Of course, I'm talking about Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic.  Not only could it induce your body's natural nutrients, metabolism and secret turd maker to make oneself gain the mass of a wild boar, but it was absolutely tasteless and no one could resist buying large quantities of the tonic and slurping it down by the pint.

There were rumors, during it's heyday, that Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic might have mild side effects that would cause you to die immediately after drinking it.  Outraged by the company's false advertising of their product, a few protesters of that time claimed the Groves company of fraud, citing that their product would not cause their heads to blow up to ridiculously huge proportions and transform the rest of their bodies into that of a grotesque pig.

Angered, those protesters stripped off their clothing and set themselves ablaze with the fires of glory and strong objection until they were as just as crisp as bacon on a sunny Sunday morning.

This handsome young lad is wondering if someday a woman might be capable of opening a ketchup bottle.

Finally, the same kind and gentle folks who created vitamin packed wallpaper paste came up with this innovative contraption for the on-the-go rectal enthusiast.  It was just the device the world had been waiting for: The Tobacco Smoke Enema.

And speaking of things for the thoughtful consumer's anus, does anyone remember this invention that saved millions of lives?  Why, of course, I'm talking about The Rectorotor.  Imagine the wonderful sensation the health-minded consumer would get with this sharp, spikey thing driven deep inside their brown eye, only to pierce the colon and wrap the colon around the harsh metal triangular pointed head like overcooked spaghetti doused with tomato-y goodness!

Some consumers of the day gushed, "I get a soothing warm sensation when it goes completely though my internal organs!"

Safe enough for anyone between the ages of 15 to 95.

I'm gonna grind and churn my way into your heart and through your spinal column for deep relaxing relief.

And who can forget those children of yesteryear with over-sized, slightly deformed heads that got rid of pesky cockroaches and bedbugs by simply hitting a ball with a baseball bat.  Every time one of those little freakish fuckers hit the ball with a bat, a hundred cockroaches and bedbugs would perish in some part of the world.

There was a scientific explanation for this but I can't remember what it was.  Wait! Give me a minute and I'll extract it from my brilliant mind.  Ah yes... Women can open ketchup bottles.  So there you have it, my friends!

I'm gonna let this goddamn ball hit me right square in the fuckin' face because it makes me giggle until I piss myself.

Remember when squirrel lamps, made of actual squirrels, were all the rage back in the 40's and 50's?  Remember the fun you had trapping these lovable scoundrels from the rodent family in barb-wired covered cages?  You would first place a homeless person's dismembered hand in the cage for bait and before you could say, "I'm gonna nail my blood-engorged penis to a sapling next Tuesday," the squirrel would hurriedly scamper, cheerfully, into the cage and begin enjoying his meal of fresh, warm human meat.  Afterwards, the thoughtful consumer would thrust his sharpened sword into the cuddly squirrel's head, killing it and climaxing, simultaneously.

Indeed, those were the days!

Along with your instructions on how to properly end the life of the beloved squirrel, you would also receive bonus instructions, giving you step by step guidelines on how to lure hamsters to your asshole.

  

There's a certain satisfaction in going back in time and looking at all the wonderful advertisements and products we humans have produced.  It can truly give one a sense of wonder and appreciation of our specie's ingenuity.  Let us bow our heads now, in false prayer, giving thanks and asking Our Holy Sapling for guidance so that we may continue to find new ways to better our lives with ads and inventions such as the ones pictured and described above.  Amen.

Weeping Anus

Sometimes it happens when you least suspect it.  Or, if it has happened to you numerous times, you almost expect it.  It is a highly sensitive condition known as Weeping Anus.  And it can strike at the most aggravating or uncomfortable periods of your life.

Note: Weeping Anus is not to be confused with the mixed drink, Weeping Jesus.  

Yes, Kelly, you ask, "But how does one make a Weeping Jesus?"

Here is the recipe, my friends:

First, add a base of crushed ice to your glass, add 1 part absinthe, then gently add 1 part pear or peach schnapps and finally drip in a mere splash of grenadine.  That's it.  Simple and smooth.  :)  You're welcome.

Now, in order to make Jesus weep, that is also simple.  Just be yourself.

Jesus saw that the vibrator you were using has gone unwashed for months.  He worries over your hygiene.  Please, don't disappoint Jesus again.   

Sometimes, your anus will sweat (thus weep) when you haven't wiped well enough in the bathroom because you were in a big rush to go meet someone or you are late for a big meeting.  At the point, after wiping fecal matter from your rectum, you might think you got all the feces from your asshole, but just as if a naughty elf had planted gooseberries in your pants, you are surprised to find out that you didn't catch all of it with the first half dozen wipes.  Then, wouldn't you know it... that's when your butthole begins to get itchy and sweaty due to poop residue.

Weeping Anus Condition can also occur if you haven't washed your ass for a couple of days or if you emit a burst of gas that falls somewhere in the category of fart and shit.

This can be serious business if you're stuck in a seat at the opera house and you don't wish to get up because you're afraid you'll miss something really really exciting while you're gone.  You also might be at that big meeting with someone important and here you are, squirming in your seat, trying to get into a position where it is the least uncomfortable.

anus

Being on a date with that special someone is another fine example of a time when Weeping Anus just isn't an option that you can entertain.

If you have a chance to correct or try to remedy the situation of Weeping Anus, you should try to always to  keep a maxi pad close at hand or an adult diaper, in preparation for such an event.  In a pinch, ask for somebody's handkerchief or bandanna, close by, to borrow for the rest of the day, promising to bring it back to that person, the very next time you see them.  As an option, you may wash it before returning it.

I've also heard of people suffering from this condition as having to resort to picking up stray animals, like a chipmunk or Rottweiler or even a friend's pet to quickly wipe one's poop-juicy rectum.  Desperate times call for desperate measures and I'm certainly not one to judge.  There was one incident where I happen to be at a location where I could stick a small potato up my ass. Not for kicks, mind you, but because of the much dreaded Weeping Anus Condition.  Luckily, it kept "the gravy" from coming sputtering out, only to dribble down my inner thighs, but it made for long, uncomfortable standing in one spot at my wedding during the next hour.

You can just imagine the look on my face when I sneezed, suddenly, and the potato shot out my ass, tearing a hole in my tux pants and instantly smacked into my Aunt Wanda's forehead, knocking her out in a flash in the middle of the proceedings  

Hopefully, you will have soaked up most or all of the juices emanating from your irritated anus by using any of the objects mentioned above.  Warning: If you don't resolve this condition soon, a rash will likely develop and/or your underwear will be completely soaked in the dirty brown sweat from your stanky asshole.  You want to avoid this.

WEEPING ANUS- it's serious business

ALSO: Here are some helpful links that will help you deal with this condition:

Yahoo answers, WHY DOES THE INSIDE OF MY BUTTHOLE ITCH?

And here's the other one, HOW TO REDUCE A SWEATY BUTT 

On a side topic:

Would you like to know more about The Incredible Edible Anus?  Yes, there is a chocolate candy out there that can satisfy anyone's sweet tooth or desire for decadent chocolate. Click the link, please.

Together, we can combat Weeping Anus if we really put our best butt forward.  Just remember, before you go out your door to ask yourself 3 basic questions:

#1- Did I really wipe well enough so that I don't have an itchy and sweaty poophole before going to work, church or a session of fucking the shit out of that special someone in my life?

#2- Should I use more toilet paper to efficiently and thoroughly wipe my ass?  (Perhaps your anus has gotten bigger and you are in need of more tp to handle the situation and get it under control.)  No one needs or wants an uncontrollable anus.

#3- Would installing a bidet in my bathroom help in these matters to successfully cleanse my anus?  Note: Bidets are nice because they squirt warm water along the inside crack of your ass.  Some models have a pulsating stream of water, gently massaging your rectum, leaving you refreshed and climaxed.  MMMmmmm.  Oooohhh.

So there you have it, my friends.  I'm glad I could be of some ASSistance.  Ha ho.  Little joke there.  See what I did?  Yes, that was awesomely clever of me, I know.

In conclusion, go forth, spread the word of this embarrassing condition and help those in need whatever way you can.  Give that needy person a thick piece of bread (white or wheat, preferably) to soak up the sweat coming from their anus!  Sneakily take off your shirt and hand it to your suffering friend or complete stranger on the street and encourage them to push your shirt down into the back of their pants to absorb the butt sweat!  You could also sing a prayer to Jesus!  But don't mention the part where you broke that overused, hair-smothered dildo.  He might just facepalm and go on to help someone with a deadly disease.

And really, he can't be bothered to waste time with a deadly disease when he can end the deep emotional and physical suffering of Weeping Anus.

Great Day With Dad

My sister, brother-in-law and I took my dad to The American Watchmakers-Clockmakers Library and Museum in Harrison, OH. nearly a week ago.  It is not only a library that gives individuals and groups tours of the museum but it is also a school for future watchmakers and clockmakers.

My dad, who has suffered a series of mini strokes in the last few years, on top of being in the early stage of dementia, seems to be doing better these days.  This is not only great news for my sister, my cousin and I, who have taken care of him and endured many trials and errors, it is also good news for the assisted living staff at the place he currently lives in.  He still has trouble walking, but the new doctor he's going to now seems to be putting him on the right track, health-wise.  For one thing, she has taken him off some of his medication that was causing side effects inside him that was making matters worse.  Dad still has trouble walking because of the mini-strokes and because of this, my sister arranged to get him a mobile chair, recently, through his insurance.  Dad loves it.  He gets to go places he wasn't able to in the past.

Speaking of the past, I know I've complained quite a bit about dad's belligerent behavior and how it has affected my sister and I's lives but it seems he has finally calmed down and allowed us to help him without debate and angry protests about pretty much anything.

It has also been more pleasurable, recently, taking dad places, other than the ongoing doctor appointments we are accustomed to taking him to in the past and present.  We still have to take him to these important appointments- but now we have an opening- a bright spot, if you will, now, in all of our long suffering lives these past 6 years since Mom passed away.  That sorrowful story has been told, one way or another, so many times on this blog, but I'm going to refrain from getting into it.  I've grown weary talking about it, in truth.  And I'd rather look forward instead of back.  My family and I have all suffered enough.

This is a post of joy and discovery, after all.

The mechanical insides of a working clock.  Yeah, that's my reflection in the glass.

My dad, who was a Master Watchmaker for close to 30 years, before having to close his watch repair/jewelry store in 1982, was delighted that we took him to this Watchmaker/Clockmaker's Museum.  He got a big thrill out of it and it warmed our hearts to see him happy and interested in something again.  Our tour guides were very thorough when they explained where each watch and clock came from and how watchmaking and clockmaking began so long ago.

I might add that my grandfather was a Master Watchmaker, too, for forty odd years.  It is meticulous work, utilizing and moving tiny parts in a mechanical watch.  Sometimes, it may take a minute to fix a watch.  Other times, anywhere from a half hour to an hour.  You need an eye loop magnifier to see the parts, in fact.

After dad closed the store, he learned how to become a mailman, to support our family, and was a rural route mail carrier for 17 years.  I'm very proud of him for what he accomplished in his life and how he went from doing one thing he was comfortable with to something entirely alien to him, learning a new profession, altogether.   My dad was a strong father figure to us, only weakened in his later years by mini-strokes and dementia.  We love our father, through the tough times and the good.

This school, library and museum had many fascinating things within it.  Such as: Clocks from the 17th century.  Sundials from the year 600.  Slot machine clocks from the late 1800's. Ropes and candles, which acted as time keepers and more.  Not to mention a humongous pendulum and ball that sits in the middle of the museum. It is attached to a working mechanical clock tower that sits on top of the building.  All of the clocks and watches you see in the following pictures and video clips come from all over the world.

There are only four watchmaker/clockmaker institutes such as this one in the entire country.

It is my hope that you'll check out the pictures and video clips below.  Enlarge the pics to read about how each time keeping item worked.  The videos are short but interesting.

Rope clock- which would be placed between a person's toes.  It was lit and would slowly burn until it got to your toes.   Each knot would represent a certain amount of time that had passed. A rough way to tell time, I would imagine.  lol.

Regular sundial at the top and a sundial cannon time keeping item at the bottom.

As the candle wax melted, a little bell would drop and make a jingling sound, signifying that another hour passed by.  Created by the Chinese, long ago. 

Below are videos of our various tour guides explaining how some of the watches and clocks worked, where and when they were from and so on.  We also visited a classroom where an instructor/guide was giving my dad and the rest of the family some info on what the watchmaking class was working on and learning that day.  I sneakily videotaped the classroom with my new digital camera when the students and instructor weren't looking.  Aren't I the devious one?  Ha ha ha.

In conclusion, we had a wonderful day. A fantastic reprieve and excellent experience with dad. It was well worth going there not just for us, but for dad, especially. My sister thought of the idea and I am forever grateful to her.  I provided the transportation and I was the camera man that day.  :)

I will be posting the entire album of pictures and videos, taken here, on facebook, soon, if anyone is interested.  Have a great day!

The Holidays Are Over and The Joy of Putting Xmas Gifts Together

First of all, as if you can't tell by my latest posting, I survived Christmas Hell once again.  The one Christmas gathering my significant other and I hosted for her side of the family didn't cause me to flip out, fall down on my knees, sob openly and then get up, retrieve my flamethrower from under the bed, go back and set everyone on fire this time around.

I only had two instances where I had to leave a heavily populated room due to stress.  For me, a heavily populated room is anything over five or six people.  I feel like I'm trapped in a herd of insane, babbling bison in that situation.  I can't handle it.  One thing that sets me over the friggin' edge is when three people are talking to you at the same time about three extremely different topics.  My head is turning faster than a possessed girl in a 70's horror movie in order to focus and hear what each buffalo has to say.  For whatever reason, people have a tendency to pull this hilarious routine on me-  intentional or not.  Maybe they want me to pull out the flamethrower.  I must seem like someone who will calmly listen to the subject matter presented and, in turn, shoot wisdom out of every orifice for the talker's benefit or possibly cause the talker to laugh by spurting out an absurd or observational joke that may have something to do with what they're rambling about.

You say you made a macaroni and cheese dish with less flavor than Styrofoam cups covering a decrepit whore's wrinkly worn down nipples?

Well, I can't wait to try to digest that dish you made for our supposedly joyous Christmas meal without spitting it out and blinding your baby with unappetizing chunks of what you jokingly refer to as food.

It's all a pretty picture I paint, I know.

Then someone else may talk about trains and fishing lures.  I will attempt interest while also fantasize about fucking Mila Kunis deep in her tiny, puckered asshole.

Ta-dah!

Here's a joke I made up for ya that's both absurd and observational.  Best of all, it's an easy one to remember.

Question: What's the difference between a monetarily wealthy kid on Christmas morning and a poor kid, that same day, that lives in a run down apartment with a bunch of relatives that are also poor?

Answer: The wealthy kid will likely probably not give too much of a shit about what he gets when he opens his gifts because he already has everything without asking.  He might grow up, feeling entitled.  Maybe not.   Now the poor kid is likely just grateful that he has a big family that loves him.  He may envy the rich kid every so often but he ultimately knows what is important and what's not.  Does he feel entitled?  Hell, he's just trying to survive.  Living his life is all the gift he needs.

Spoiled girl secretly enters the room at night, then carefully binds mother and father's limbs while they slumber peacefully, dreaming of new things to acquire and gingerly scoops parent's eyes out with a spoon because she didn't get that latest technological piece of shit that will go out of style in a couple weeks and no longer make her friends green with envy.  Later, after the merry mayhem and profuse bloodshed and disemboweling of daddy, she'll get her own reality show, thanks to the hyperventilating, over publicized rabid press coverage.  A happy ending that will certainly appeal to today's wonderfully sane society.

It's not so much a joke but it's something I think people should think about.  I think the poverty stricken people around the world think the wealthy in America suck for a lot of reasons.  It's not completely envy.  Maybe not at all.  You tell me.  I wonder if they believe we're arrogant and entitled, too, to a greater degree.

The wife and I overdid the gift giving to each other this year.  Made all the Christmas gift givings in the past look a might tame.  TV.  Camera.  Exercise machine for me.  I put that together that today.  Jewelry.  A cool graphics tablet thingamajiggy that allows you to draw with a pen while your drawing shows up on the PC monitor.  I forget what else.  Too excessive.  In a way, it gave me a bad case of "the guilts."  Perhaps I shall shed these feelings of guilt, layer by layer, by distributing free bars of soap to the hobos under the bridge.  Sorry.  That isn't right.

I really wish the lady would have come, shipped in a special container with this item, when I ordered it.  She could have made me some delicious mac and cheese.  Darn it.

But, at the moment, I'm feeling kinda vulnerable and anxious now that I've said what we got this festive holiday season.  Don't rob me!  I'm nuts.  Who knows what type of funny rascally rabbit I'll pull out of my hat?  For real. Fair warning, my friends.  Group hug?  No?

I've figured out how this thing goes with that thing, for the most part.  I'm learning how to do new stuff that's normally a little above my intelligence capabilities.  But I'm still one hell of a guy, after all.  There are still hook ups and procedures I don't quite understand.  But I'm going to make a real attempt at being patient with understanding things and more patient with people- this year and beyond.  I'll try working on that.  No more Mr. Flamethrower Guy.  Unless I'm provoked.  :-D

Side Note: So far the comments I've been getting about the exercise machine suggest that I got it as a gift from a family member.  This is not the case.  My wife and I purchased it and had it delivered to myself to help lower my blood sugar and high blood pressure counts and more.  Thank you and have a rip-roaring day, damn it.  

Beautiful Christmas Ornaments

Oh, what a treat!  You're all cordially invited to gaze upon this fine collection of whimsical, inspirational, aesthetically pleasing holiday treasures in this most excellent post at Psycho Carnival.  Behold!

Wouldn't this wonderful firefighter/merman hybrid decoration look fantastic on your tree this year?  If you can find his special taint button, he may just give you a good holiday hosing.

What a magnificent addition this bacon strip ornament would be on your tree this holiday season.  Nothing quite conveys the true meaning of Christmas like a lovingly crafted ornament such as this.  And I double dog dare you not to eat this appealing work of art while no one is looking.  Shhh.  I won't tell if you won't.

Look, everyone!  Why... it's a graceful ballerina, enchanting one and all with the fluidity of her magical moves and oddly proportioned bosom.  If I were a betting gentleman, I would say those nipples could poke an eye out.  

If you're searching for something charming to hook onto your special tree this year, look no further.  These  extraordinarily delightful zombie gingerbread men will enthrall family member and friend alike.  You'll be the envy of the entire neighborhood, for certain.  And if you're not sure if that is authentic blood gushing from their heads and legs, cast those doubts away.  That's real blood- from fresh newborn kittens.  Merry Christmas.   

What an endearing character this jolly character is!  He has the kind of winsome smile that guarantees you and your loved ones won't have reason to fear that he will suddenly sprout a torso, arms and legs and crawl up the stairs, like a crazed spider, enter your bedroom and bite you repeatedly under the sheets, shredding your flesh with delightful abandon.  

It's certain you'll fall in love with this beautiful doll of an ornament.  Her name is Lil' Mandy MissyLimbs  Just look at the delicate features of her hands and feet.  Upon closer inspection, the happy faraway look in this little girl's eyes seems to be conveying a positive message of peace and goodwill to all during this glorious holiday season.  Note:  Please be careful NOT to barely touch Lil' Mandy's mid-section or her entrails will likely fall out as if they were blobs of rancid jello.  Seasons Greetings!

I'm not quite sure what to make of this fucking thing.  Happy Holidays!

If you're looking for pleasant, finely crafted ornaments that appeal to your  playful side, why not choose these two  wonderful works of art?  The first ornament is of a snowman showing off his caring, gentle nature by cheerfully carrying his lady friend to a house made of frosted donut balls.  The second ornament reveals a scene where a good Samaritan is happily assisting a being of snow with his slightly bent lower carrot.

What inspiring lessons we can learn from these adorable figures!  Both of these would make wonderful gifts for the elderly and/or religious in your family.

We, here, at Psycho Carnival, heartily and sincerely wish you and your loved ones the very merriest of a happy holiday season this year.  May your cheery red yule logs and festive bearded clams become hard and wet with the joy that these  decorations will bring you this Christmas.  Noel! 

Friendship Flea Market (Part 2)

This post is all about the largest flea market in Indiana. The Friendship Flea Market. Here, you can find all manner of things. Knives, buckskin chaps, hats made of animal carcasses, paintings, antiques, spices, neglected children, heatwave, flash flooding, sex toys, water bongs, clothes and everything in between. Hell... Don't even get me started on the freaks you'll bear witness to while you're there.

The weekend drink-til-you-die-while-dancing bonfire parties are awesome, as well. True fun! I've joined in for some really fucked up experiences during those big red barn dancing parties. Just don't bump into any rednecks and accidentally make them spill their beer or you're dead.

Look below and see many things! Enlarge the pic to see what I mean, Oh Ye, who has yet to understand the magical ability to left click a pic with your mouse to see the details of a photo . This scene is near the entrance to the flea market. The horse drawn carriage is a treat for your feet when you're tired of walking down the acres of cement lanes, separated only by a multitude of booths that sell everything. Of course, you'll have to endure smelling the many butt droppings of the horses up front but you can relax for a ten or fifteen minutes as the horses will take you from one end of town to the next.

There is a sign to the left of the horse and carriage that says BODY PIERCING. Can you imagine subjecting your body to one of these "professionals" at the flea market?

I have broken this series up into 3 parts in order for all of you to benefit from it's detailed awesomeness better. The first part to this series on Friendship Flea Market can be found here. It's the post I put up before this one. The famous National Muzzle Loading Shoot is going on nearby.

I have captions with some of the pictures here. Some of them are edu-mu-cational. Others, according to the blog author, are fairly humorous. You decide. Choose wisely or I shall have to pierce you with a rusty needle I found at one of the body piercing booths.

Yes, you can find many unusual things to eat at the flea market. Elk burger. Alligator meat. Buffalo burger. Deer jerky. They even have Sunburned, Neglected Children, created by low lifes, destined to be poorly edu-mu-cated and live off the government one way or another or live a life of crime. Unless we eat them first and save them the trouble.

Check out the captioned picture below. Luckily, some things you may eat here are quite tasty. But then there are the booths that will give you a complimentary stomach pump with every purchase over $10.

At this booth, the vendor will sell you chocolate-covered bacon and something called Sati-Babi.

Now for the first time in the history of the flea market, there was an acupuncture booth. No shit! When my wife and I saw it, we looked at one another, laughed and then talked about the legitimacy of a couple vendors with the certification and knowledge to be able to perform acupuncture on potential customers at a flea market. Then I took more pictures of the circus like atmosphere.

Turns out, there were some folks willing to take their chances.

The "pin guns" were what they were selling at the acupuncture booth. They were too expensive for my taste. sure, I did the demo, figuring my already fucked up body could be no worse for the wear with getting this done. Besides, I had always wanted to give acupuncture a shot. I'm not sure, exactly, if they were actually using needles in this gun that went "pow-pow-pow-pow" up and down your spine and your other body parts- like the top portion of your ass and shoulders- but it didn't feel bad, whatsoever. And yes, I know this isn't acupuncture in it's truest form but it's as close as I'll likely ever get to it. I just know that after a few minutes of Acupuncture Guy's wife doing her stuff on my back (Yeah, I know how that sounds), I did feel like my blood circulation improved and my walking became less of a pain. Seriously.

The last post of the series will be put on my photo blog, Pics for Kicks, sometime during the near future. I hope you enjoyed the second tour of the flea market and will come back again. If you don't, I know that you've been shot by a muzzle loader or ate too much Sati-Babi meat and died of food poisoning.

In conclusion, going to the big flea market is a unique, humorous and sometimes odd experience. We definitely try not to miss it when it comes once in the summer and once in the fall. You have to travel down some long, winding, crumbling roads to get to it but it's worth it just to check out the different people and items.

Friendship Flea Market (Part 1)

I will break this series up into 3 parts in order for all of you to benefit from it's detailed awesomeness better. There will be two posts about this event on this blog and the last post will be on my photo blog, Pics for Kicks, in the near future.

This is all about the Friendship Flea Market. A spectacle to behold! I went here several weeks ago and it was hot and fun. We go here twice a year for our bi-annual dose of all that is good that humanity has to offer.

You've heard me talk, a little, about our bi-annual tradition of going to the Friendship Flea Market, in search of odd and/or cool items or completely ridiculous stuff before in the past. I've also talked about the variety of rednecks, ugly fucks and freaks you'll encounter. But this time around, I'm going to go in depth, share a couple of interesting links and put up some captioned photos I took for you to be entertained by.

The following descriptions of the Friendship Flea Market come directly from their main website. Of course, some interesting data has also been added by yours truly. And no, by 'yours truly', I don't mean you can have lovable ol' me. I'm not cheap, unless you ladies suddenly drop to knees and start sucking like your life depends upon it. Which it might, if I have my gun handy dandy. Ha ha. What a wonderful, acceptable joke that was!

Seriously, I don't own a gun. Maybe.

Friendship Flea Market is not just a market, it is truly an event. The market features vendors of every sort, a variety of dining options, camping, and nightly bonfires with a live band. Admission is free and parking is only $3 per car. In the year 2011, the market celebrated it's 43rd year in Friendship, Indiana. Feel free to observe some of the patrons authentically dressed in buckskins, loincloths, and pioneer garb. Feel free, also, to witness sunburned babies, screaming in strollers, left alone by teenage redneck parents and the friendly tank topped people walking their Pit Bulls, dogs that will gladly chew off one of your legs, while you casually check out the 200 different varieties of salt at the spice booth.

Everything imaginable can be found at the flea market. Look for unlimited treasures including, furniture, knives, guns, sex toys, bongs, one hitters, porn movies, antiques, jewelry, clothes, crap that no one wants, rugs, toys, tools, electronics, lots of leather and related items to the more primitive. They even have books for sale for people that still read. Imagine that!

The flea market has 2 – 9 day shows every year in June and September, the same days as the National Muzzle Loading Rifle Association hold their Spring and Fall Shoot. You can hear the shoot going on nearby while you shop, eat, endure sunstroke and walk through endless aisles of assorted stuff. In fact, the shooting, which is going on maybe 1/8th of a mile down the road, will happen, abruptly, without warning and will sound so loud and close, you'll swear you've been shot at least a half dozen times during the course of a day's visit.

Now, what the heck do you suppose that Sugar Glider is thinking about all of this?

This is the first part of a series. Anther post about the Market will become available in the days ahead. Stay tuned!